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Julian wants some light for the darkness. (theshadowman) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-04-17 01:13:00

Who: Julian and Anya.
What: Finally getting his runes examined.
When: Wednesday afternoon.
Where: Anya's flat.
Rating: PG.
Status: Complete!



Anya had told Julian to bring his bone chips, or whatever they were, over to her. She was at home today, but she had a microscope there. They wouldn’t need anything else, not for bones. She wasn’t entirely sure what he was on about, or where he’d gotten them, but she could do her best to help.

Julian brought the pale box that he suspected was made of bone as well, carrying it in a bag that he had over his shoulder. His white-blond hair was even more of a shambles than usual, a sure sign that he wasn’t sleeping very well. But he was dressed immaculately, and he ignored a few women glancing his way. After a moment, he found himself wishing he could just slip into the shadows.

And then he did.

It was a subtle thing, something he didn’t immediately notice, but when he looked down, he suddenly noticed that he was blending into the shadows. He was moving more quickly too, dancing from shadow to shadow, almost as if he were made of them. It was strange - moving from building to building without striding far, and passing through walls like they were vapor.

That was how he ended up inside Anya’s apartment, in a shadow near her television. He had to focus, scrunching up his face to make himself visible again. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

She didn’t notice that anything was amiss until she heard the murmured “I’m sorry.” Then she saw the outline, and shrieked.

Wincing, Julian held his hands out to her, palms up, and felt himself blur into the shadows again. “I can’t really - I’m not good at controlling it yet.”

She stopped when she heard the voice, still unsure. “Julian?” Anya looked around, only just able to notice a form in the corner. “Julian, what in God’s name is going on?” She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but at the same time, it was frightening, to see this. Or not see it.

Figuring that if he just chose to walk into the light, he’d be visible, he took a step forward. “I don’t know, it just started when I walked over here - “ He broke off with a gasp, biting his lower lip. He felt awful for scaring her, and felt awful for being one step closer to what he was in his dreams.

He was more visible. Though he didn’t look corporeal; he looked almost like a ghost, only vaguely there. She swallowed, looking up at him, feeling lost. “Hiding in shadow? Are you ... ” She trailed off, reaching out to touch him.

“I’m not a ghost.” As he smiled, he wanted to be seen more, and so he was. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his head into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”

Anya pulled him close, fighting back a sob; she didn’t want to cry and scare him right now. He felt corporeal, thank God; she ran her fingers down his arms before stroking his hair. “It was just a fright,” she told him, fighting to keep her voice from wavering. “Just a fright.”

“I’m still me,” he murmured, half to console himself. The fingerbones were suddenly forgotten. They were unimportant compared to losing her.

“Promise?” Anya kissed him, once, again; it was more to convince herself. She knew what this place was capable of.

He nodded. “I promise. Hell, look at my hands.” He held them up; they were shaking. He was just as terrified as she was.

Hell. Anya shook her head. “Oh, no. Don’t be afraid.” She took his hands in hers, kissing him again. “Why is this happening? Is it dreams?”

“I think so. In my dreams, I call myself the Shadow Man. For uh. Obvious reasons.” He laughed to himself, shaking his head. “I think the bones are from the dreams too. Well, I know they are. It’s not like I’d have them otherwise.” He half hoped Anya would get something nice from his dreams, like a tiara or something. Something nice, but something to help prove that he wasn’t crazy.

“Oh, the bones. Yes, I remember you spoke of them.” Anya tried to calm down, to be professional, but she didn’t want to let him go right now. She smiled almost shyly. “I don’t mean to smother. But ... you are still here with me.” She kissed his free hand.

“I’ll always be here with you. Just, apparently I can get around a lot faster now.” He ran his fingers through her hair, closing his eyes. “I don’t scare you too much, do I?”

“When I can see or hear you coming, you do not frighten me at all.” Anya had to focus to speak decent English. She smiled. “I trust you, Yulenka. You wouldn’t hurt me. I just have to know it is you!”

“I’d hurt anything that hurt you,” Julian murmured. He closed his eyes, glad he was nothing like the man in his dreams was; he’d have forced Anya to feel comfortable. Which this waking Julian knew was ridiculous.

Professional could wait a bit longer; Anya wrapped her arms around his neck. She needed to be held, and kissed and be close. She sighed against his lips, one hand resting against his jaw.

He ran his hands over her back, soothing her with his touch. In his broken Russian, he murmured that he loved her. It was true; he just wanted her to be okay with him.

Eventually, she was calmer. Anya looked up at him and smiled, beeping the end of his nose. “Come now,” she said. “Let me try and tell you what I can from these bones.” It might shed some light on things for him. Anything that helped him no longer be scared was all right with her.

He moved to sit down by her, pulling the box out of his backpack. “They’re runes, actually, carved into what I suspect are bones. If they’re human bones, then they’re from my dreams. If they’re anything else, someone’s playing a prank on me.”

Anya took the box, though she couldn’t hide a faint shiver. Perhaps she was being fanciful, but it seemed as though they had a bad energy. “I can tell you if they are bone,” she said. “I have a good microscope here.”

“I know what they’re for, I just wanted to know what they’re made of.” They looked like the long bone from a finger (Julian didn’t know the name, but somehow inherently knew that was what they were), each carved with one letter from the elder Futhark. An old alphabet - the oldest known - but each letter meant something.

He knew it like he knew his own breath.

Anya nodded. “Come into my bedroom.” She wanted him to smile. “I did not think the first time you come in my bedroom would be for this.”

“Me either. I always assumed I’d just stumble into it while looking for the bathroom.” Julian was lousy at directions.

“You are a fool.” Anya said affectionately. She just hoped he would stay corporeal.

She turned on the light, going to get her microscope from the closet. “Let me look at these, so we can put them away again.” It was a creepy feeling, holding the box, even.

He held it out to her, biting his lower lip. Each of the runic carvings was stained with what he was fairly sure was animal blood, over and over, so they’d taken on a dark, nearly black appearance.

Anya couldn’t help being repulsed. She shook her head, reaching for a pair of gloves before handling the damned things. She wasn’t so certain they weren’t damned.

Once she had them on, she took one of the things and focused it under the microscope. Immediately she knew it was porous, and judging by the flecks of other metals. “They’re bone.” Anya nodded, focusing closer. “Very old bone.” That at least was anatomy 101.

He nodded to himself. “I thought it might be.” Sighing, he wished that the damn thing was in the box, away from Anya.

Then it was. He eeped loudly.

Anya jumped as the thing was suddenly gone. She thought she’d dropped it, but then she heard him eep. “What? What has happened?”

“I think I made it disappear?” He pinched his nose. “Please tell me you woke up this morning and had a tiara.” Or a brother with hemophilia. Something.

“Not yet.” Anya almost sounded angry at herself. “I have dreamed of so many things. But nothing has appeared yet. I think I am unusual in this way.” She looked at the box. “Could you maybe please get rid of it?” Especially if he could just ... move places.

Huh. Maybe he could. He closed his eyes, willing it back to his apartment, under the bed. He didn’t want to open his eyes, but he murmured to himself. “Is it gone yet?”

“It’s gone.” Anya couldn’t help but feel trepidation, but also relief. “It’s left.” She wrapped her arms around him again. “Is it safe with your sister? Is she safe?”

“It’s not inherently evil, despite all of its gloom,” he murmured. He knew it inherently. It was meant for divination, it was meant for guidance. ... creepy, creepy guidance.

“Please don’t bring it to me again, unless you are needing to.” Anya rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. It frightens me.”

“I wouldn’t. Promise.” He stroked her hair, breathing deeply. “I frighten myself in the dreams, you know. I’m a monster in them. But I’m not here. I just don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I hate the dreams.” Anya said softly. “All they do is to cause suffering.” For everyone she’d talked to.

“Mine remind me that I’m a good person. That I can overcome.” He tipped her head up gently, holding her chin by thumb and forefinger. “That I care about you.”

Anya sighed. “I very much care for you. I want you safe.” She kissed him again, this time deeper. But she stopped herself; if he had powers, what was to stop him from ... beguiling her or something like that?

He sighed contentedly when she kissed him, but blinked when she pulled away. “What?”

She had to be honest, as uncomfortable as it would make them both. “How do you know you cannot ... use tricks of the mind? To pull me close?” Anya felt tears welling up in her eyes. “if I love you, it should be because I love you. Oh, Чёрт возьмйи в англиьскйи!” Damn her stupid English!

“Even in the dreams, I can’t do that. I can make illusionary worlds, but I can’t influence other people’s minds. Speak into them, yes. Change them, no. It’s why I torture Jenny in the dreams. This ... girl that dream Me was mad for. I try to force her to love me, which is foolish. That’s not possible.” He sighed, moving to sit down.

She sat with him, trying not to sniffle. “I’m sorry.” Anya pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I should trust more. Just you must understand how it looks to me.”

“I do. Trust me, I do.” He’d have given anything to not have them. “Anya, I’d do anything to not hurt you.”

She did wrap her arms back around him, risking it, kissing him back as if to pour that worry into it. At that point she wanted to touch him as much as she could.

His arms went around her, slight but strong, and he smiled to himself. “If I could do some sort of beguilement, I’d have done it now so you aren’t worried. Which you are. So I didn’t.”

“This is a point.” Anya smiled faintly, still curled up against him. “You will have to contend with my requests to have you spend the night more often, though.” She just wanted him safe.

“Oh no. Whatever shall I do,” he deadpanned, pulling her closer.

“I don’t want that your sister be angry, though.” Anya burrowed.

“She can live with it. She knows I have a girlfriend.” Julian kissed her forehead, smiling to himself. “You’re sweet, you know that?”

“I try.” Anya shrugged. “and you are, too.” Sweet and kind and charming. She couldn’t help but be scared that something would change that.