Eli likes puzzles. (dashdotdash) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-04-15 00:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, eli, sif |
Who: Eli and Sif.
What: Random meetings.
When: Sunday evening.
Where: The park.
Rating: PG.
Status: Complete!
Sif was in the park near her apartment, walking almost angrily. Enjolras was beyond her at this point, and it was hard to focus, being torn between real fear and close-to-blinding fury. To prefer that world? To be perfectly fine with fucking fugue states as long as it sent him back there? She didn’t understand it, and it made her even angrier, which made her feel worse. Her anger wasn’t helping. So she was trying to burn it off with a walk. So far, the effects were limited.
Eli was sitting in the park, quietly meditating in the grass. It had been a habit she’d gotten into when she’d grown disarmingly angry with her parents when they’d moved her around yet another time. She’d find a quiet place with growing things, lay in the grass, and simply let her body reach outward. It was a bit like being a supernatural being; she could feel wind beneath bird wings, smell foxes hunting their prey, she could hear ladybugs stepping on leaves.
She could also hear the angry steps of a woman walking toward her. Opening one eye, then the other, almost lazily, Eli sat up, her long hair streaming down her back, loose.
Sif had barely noticed the girl, but when she sat up, it made her stop and jump. She might have made a squeak of sorts. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb you.” Honestly, there could have been a Frost Giant in the grass and she might not have noticed.
“It is fine.” Eli’s curious accent and low voice sounded amused. “I think it is I who am disturbing you.”
The amusement bothered her, but she did her best to not be offended. She probably did look silly. “I should calm down,” Sif managed. “Had to get out of my house.”
Sitting up very straight, Eli crossed her legs in front of her, their paleness a stark contrast with the green grass. “Who or what has angered you so?” Without Logan’s shop as a distraction, Eli found that this woman would make for company.
She was a little odd - definitely not from here - but what the hell. “A friend of mine’s being impossible.” Sif shook her head. She didn’t want to dump all her problems on a stranger. But damn if it wasn’t hard to keep cool. It wasn’t that he was being impossible, even; he was being impossible with his own life and his own sanity.
“Friends are harder than lovers, I think. Because there is always the ability to leave romantic relationships. Somehow, friends are harder to leave.” Eli curled her legs under her to the side, smiling at the other woman. But it was a sweet smile, not condescending.
“Even when they’re hellbent on killing themselves.” What the hell. Sif came over and plopped down on the grass. She just needed to ... not be around anyone who knew about this.
That made Eli wince. “Some people do not have as strong of a self preservation instinct as others.” Eli winced, bowing her head. “You have my apologies.”
Something about this girl just made her talk. “Have you ever had Dreams?” Capitalized. She’d bet yes, but then again, they didn’t know how the dreams worked.
Eli nodded. “Yes.” She smiled, but this time it was to bare her teeth, the little fangs that emerged and then disappeared. “It is ... changing me slowly. I’m scared of them, but I can’t prevent them, so I must learn to adapt. It is part of why I was meditating.”
Sif couldn’t help but stare. Okay, clearly she had dreamed. Holy shit. “You want me to leave you be? I’m not ... scared, just ... I don’t know, I don’t want to interfere.”
“It’s fine, really. Company is nice.” Eli wasn’t usually an earnest person, but she was honest, and she really did need more friends. “That’s the lovely thing about meditation. I can do it again.”
“I guess that’s true. I’ve never had much time for it. Maybe I should.” Sif smiled a little bit. “I’m Sif, by the way.”
“Eli.” The younger girl extended her hand for Sif to shake, grinning. It was a genuine, pleased smile. “Do you go to school here? I hope to soon.”
“I just graduated from grad school about six months ago.” She shook Eli’s hand. “Let me guess. Sweden?” She could place the accent now; there was definitely Norse or Swedish in it. “You might be able to guess my family’s Norse.”
“I was born in Stockholm, but my father was with the military, we moved around quite a bit.” It was why her accent was strange - it had hints of Swedish but was punctuated with bits of German and French.
“Ah, that’s it.” Sif nodded. “I’m not trying to be all creepy, just I can tell the accent. My parents are first gen, so.” She smiled a little. “I was born here but my parents are both from the Oslo suburbs.”
“Norsk!” Eli’s eyes lit up. “I always wanted to learn Norwegian. Do you speak it?”
“Pretty well.” Sif said in that language, chuckling as the girl’s eyes went wide. She really was pretty. “Only the one dialect, though.”
“I should study it. I speak Swedish, French, Spanish, and English, but I’ve been looking for another language to learn.” They were like puzzles as well - once you knew the grammar rules, they went easier.
“Wow. No offense, but that’s a lot of languages for your age.” She’d said she wasn’t in college yet, and four languages by sixteen or seventeen was pretty impressive. “I’ve only got Norwegian and English, and I’m almost thirty.”
“Well, I lived in each of those places for a substantial period of time. Immersion is the best way to learn a language.” Eli smiled sheepishly, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
“Still, that’s pretty cool.” Sif trailed off after a while, still feeling like she was going to throw up from so much anger. On a whim, she asked, “This may sound stupid, but could you teach me how to meditate? It might help me.”
“Of course. I like to try while I’m laying down.” Eli sprawled back out, and closed her eyes. “Now close your eyes. Some people think meditation is focusing on nothing. That is, at first, impossible. Instead, focus on your breath. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, then out for four. Focus on this. Slow. Steady. Listen to the cicadas.”
She’d never been one to be paranoid about dirt. Sif laid back in the grass as well, obediently closing her eyes and trying to comply. The repetition did seem to be helping, at least in the short term. The bugs were loud, but other than that, she was starting to feel more mellow.
“Continue to breathe slowly and deeply. When you find your mind starting to stray toward negative thoughts, focus on counting your breaths. Soon you’ll find your body getting used to things, wanting to relax.” Eli had felt this herself; her body got angry at being so stressed.
She tried her best, with limited success. It wasn’t hard to push the anger away, surprisingly, but then the fear crept in. Sif tried to get it back, and she was sort of successful, but only sort of. “Maybe I’ll get better at it,” she murmured, but she tried to be quiet.
Eli turned her head to look at her. “You are upset,” she murmured. “What is wrong?”
“I have a friend I’m really worried about, but he won’t listen to anyone who wants to help him.” Basically. Sif shook her head.
“Then you cannot help him yet. At least, not in the way you want. But I am sure your presence is a comfort.” Eli smiled to herself as she thought about how her Papa, her Athelstan had helped her with moving to the US.
“Or an inconvenience.” Sif couldn’t help the bitterness. “His Dreams are of being a student leader during the French revolutionary era. And he’d rather be there than here. And he sometimes dissociates to that time. And thinks it’s no big fucking deal.”
“How can you convince someone who does not wish to be convinced? He’s an immovable force right now.” Eli did feel badly for this woman, but she knew that when someone was set in their ways, sometimes you had to step aside.
She knew this Eli was probably right, but dammit, still. “How can I stand there and let him wind up in a nuthouse?” Sif answered, hoping she didn’t sound angry at Eli. “How can I stand there and let him write off this entire world?”
“That is what love is,” Eli murmured. She closed her eyes again. “Going to hell not for someone, but with them.”
“I can’t do it. It may make me the world’s worst friend, but I can’t do it.” Sif went quiet with her again, trying to at least calm down to the point where she didn’t suddenly feel like crying again. Counting the breaths, focusing on mundane crap really was a help; maybe it would actually calm her down as she got better at it.
Quietly, Eli moved to stroke the woman’s hair, petting it gently and singing a lullabye from her youth.
“
She was able to sort of understand; Norwegian and Swedish were kissing cousins in terms of languages, and as much as she hated to admit it, it brought a tear to her eye. Sif kept counting the breaths as best she could, and eventually she felt okay to reply. “That’s ... pretty.”
“The lyrics, they’re awful,” Eli giggled. Roughly translated, they were:
“But I am glad I can help you.”
“I understood a little. But it’s okay. I just have to manage somehow.” Sif shrugged. “I was just thinking that I actually might practice this. If I’m going to deal with this asshole, I’ll need all the inner peace I can get.”
Eli smiled. “If you like, I could yell at him.”
Sif laughed. “I’m not thinking he’ll listen to anyone. Except our one friend who enables him. You had much experience with men who won’t listen yet?”
“Besides the man here that I consider my father, no.” Eli went a bit pink. She almost felt guilty; Athelstan was a wonderful listener.
“Well, that’s a good thing, though.” Sif smiled a little, amused at the blush. “I mean, I hope that your father gets a clue, but it sure seems like you’ve got someone else who’s better at it. Judging from your face.” Hopefully just a little teasing wouldn’t be rude.
“Papa isn’t really my father by biology, but since my birth father gave me up, I conscripted Logan.” Eli grinned impishly, looking for a moment like the sixteen-year-old girl she should’ve been instead of the old soul she was.
“But yes, Athelstan is a good listener.”
“Interesting name.” That wasn’t code, it really was interesting. “I’m glad that you have somebody. But what do you mean by conscripting this Logan?” You didn’t tend to ‘choose’ your father.
“I started to feel like he was like my papa. So I told him so, and now I call him Papa.” Eli shrugged. “It is simple. I told him he was, so he is now.”
Sif laughed. “That doesn’t actually work with everyone you meet. This guy must have been fond of you from the beginning.”
“Probably. Papa has a soft heart, even though he likes to pretend he does not.” Eli grinned, pulling out her phone to show Sif the picture she’d snapped of Logan working on a bike, flipping her off with one of his claws.
Sif looked at it, and both blinked and laughed; that grumpy-looking cuss was a softy? And he had what looked like claws? This fucking place, honestly. “You better not say that around him.”
“I do.” Eli smiled brightly. “He should know the truth. What kind of father would raise his daughter to lie?”
“I guess that’s true.” Not that this guy had raised Eli. Sif raised an eyebrow despite herself; she didn’t know how far this guy was okay with the relationship.
“Do not worry, he has taken to calling me his daughter.” Eli smiled. “I picked well, no?”
“Has he?” Sif laughed, relieved. “Well, that’s good. I didn’t mean to be weird, just you have to admit that’s kind of unusual. I’m glad it’s working out for you. My parents live upstate.” She missed them sometimes.
“Are you close to them?” Eli smiled. “Perhaps you should go see them sometime.”
“Not as close as I used to be. But maybe seeing them would do me some good.” Just getting out of the situation for a little while, getting some distance might help. Honestly, she was just so damn tired.
Eli nodded. “Fresh eyes will never hurt you.” She pulled her knees to her chest and smiled to herself. “Sometimes that’s why I come out here.”
“Oh yeah?” Sif smiled a little bit. “It’s a good spot to come to.” She shook her head. “I should probably get out of here. Leave you be.” But it had been good that she’d met this Eli. She might just take her advice.
“You do not have to if you do not wish to. I have enjoyed your company, Sif.” Eli smiled brightly, standing up and dusting off her dress.
“Well, you’re nice to say so. I’m actually grateful for the breath of fresh air. And maybe I’ll talk to my parents about going up to see them.” Sif smiled a little. “But it’s getting later, so we both should probably head inside.”
Eli’s day was just starting, but she wouldn’t burden the woman with that right away. Reaching out to shake her hand, she smiled to herself. Eli thought she’d made a new friend.