InsaneJournal

"AGHHGHH!!!"
Who: Scotty, Gaila, Varric
What: Aftermath of bus adventures! Someone is very allergic to cats. Very, very allergic. Lulz ensue. Also, clearance obtained to get samples for future pheromone suppressant shots!
When: Yesterday, evening-ish, after the bus shenanigans.
Rating: PG13, language. Puffy balloon face. Green foot gets sneezed on.
Status: Complete!



Finally, Scotty made it back home, and dragged himself into the garage, with a red itchy face, bloodshot eyes, sniffly nose, sneezing, and still rubbing his side where that taser had glanced at him. At least he'd had a small while in mid-combat to contemplate the state of not being able to travel without using the bus or a cab? All done while he was waiting for the taser buzz to wear off, and trying to breathe without feeling like his lungs were itching as much as his face and eyes were. Car. They really needed one. Sooner, rather than later. The irony of not having a vehicle was not lost on him, at all.

He didn't stop to go back to work on the sub. Oh no. In fact, he didn't even call out to see if Gaila was home. He merely weaved his way up the stairs - even though nothing was in his way - went directly into the bathroom, and began splashing cold water on his face in the sink. If he had an inhaler, he would've used that, but he doesn't even have one. Because he usually doesn't go around, getting thrown into cat ladies or cat lady’s cats. She probably had cat hair on their clothes, and what sort of cat lady goes about toting around their cat, while ON A BUS. It hadn't even been in a carrier, but you know what? Even if it had been in a cat carrier, who does that? Why would they do that? WHY?

It hadn't been in a carrier, because that was how Alice rolled.

Gaila looked up from the tv.

"Scotty?" Did he just...look like hell? He looked like hell. "What the hell happened to you?" She came over and leaned against the doorframe.

"...which part?" he asked, before he violently sneezed once, twice, and three times. And the began itching with clawing fingers, around his eyes. While going "Nnngnghhhhh!!!" a lot.

".....What the hell? Do you need to go to the doctor? I'm calling McCoy!" Wait, McCoy was death!doctor, "I'm calling Moira!"

"Nuuuu! Allergies, that's all! Cat! And I got tased," he managed to wheeze-say, taking that bloody tissue out of a pocket and flushing it down the toilet like ‘eww’, as well as emptying out said pockets so his phone wasn't going to get wet. There was only so long he could stave off the need to itch, and he began rubbing his bloodshot eyes with both tightly clenched fists. He even started to throw his clothes off, and went to dive into the shower. Only he didn't take everything off, as he only made it to the shirt being thrown aside, and he leaned into the shower to give his face a cold water blast.

Blurble. That is the only sound he can make. The blurble.

It was so kind of him to casually mention the tasing, somewhere in there. Like it was a minor footnote.

"Tased?! Who tased you, bro!?" Gaila stared at him, "And where'd you get a cat?!"

Did she just call him bro? He actually snerked in mid-blurble! Then he held up one finger in the uno momento gesture, because the water slightly lessened the itch.

She couldn't help it?

He thinks it's funny.

"Do you need me to get you an lotion?!"

"Buh?" Scotty waved one hand around in the general direction of the towels, after he got the water shut off. Followed by several more sneezes, and a wheezle.

She handed him some calamine lotion, "Here, use this!"

He nodded, poured a handful of it into one hand, and slapped himself in the face with it, in a massive facepalm. Followed by a hand smear. Because that is apparently how engineers think medicines work. Slap it on and then it’s back to work.

"...watch your eyes!" She smacked his hand!

Toooo late.

Scotty flailed and made a AHHH noise, then moved in the general direction of where he thought the towels were, because he could not see.

Gaila forcefully grabbed Scotty, moved him back under the shower, "RINSE! RINSE EYES! RINSE!!"

"Okay, okayokayokay! TURN ON WATER, AYE?"

Water? TURNED ON LIKE WHOA!

His face? WAS IN THE WATER LIKE MOAR WHOA!

Oops, the water was too hot.

Oops, his face got burnerated.

"AGHHGHH!!!"

Gaila flailed and turned the water down, "OMIGODIMSOSORRY!"

He was still not in ENOUGH PAIN to even ask to have a medical anyone called. Because that's dumb. And his cousin had better things to do, than come running there, to laugh at him. Then again, 'enough pain' for him is somewhere along the lines of losing a limb, or maybe if there was some large screwdriver sticking out of his skull. Or if he was covered in radioactive waste that was eating off over 75% of his body at an alarming rate. Oh, THEN Scotty would be saying it was time to get HIMSELF to a doctor.

Right now? Not a chance.

He's just going to flail a lot and make odd noises. Of ouchness. And sound like he's swallowed gravel.

Scott Summers would like to refer Scotty to army doctors. They have the same mindset.

Scotty has no idea who this Scott person is, but he'd wonder why he was interjecting. Just sayin'! Well, besides the fact that he suspects it's that prick from the X-Men comics now, thanks to having the sheer weirdness of hanging out with Kitty Pryde.

"Omigod...." Gaila turned the water off and brushed at his eyes, "What the hell, we really should get you to a doctor!"

Mr. Red Angry Balloon Face turned his angry red balloon face - now with singed hives - toward her, and puffily blinked at her with beady bloodshot pea eyes, making a 'huu?' noise like he didn't know why she'd say that.

She grabbed his hand and started dragging him downstairs.

Well it's not like he can protest much, because he can't see where they were going. Until, that was, he guessed he was being taken down the stairs, and he sat his rear down on them, to avoid being dragged anywhere that involved hospitals, needles, medicines, and bleedy bits.

"Neeeeeew!" he protested in a high pitched wheezy. Hells no, he won't go!

"YES!" Gaila got behind him and PUSHED with her FOOT!

If there was anything to grab hold of, with clawlike finger grip, Scotty was trying to grab ahold of it right then. He was definitely not going to make it easy. So much so that he gave up on sitting down and simply laid, sprawled out, upon the steps, grabbing hold of them in a death grip.

Since she was already taking him to a doctor, she tried to roll him down the stairs.

"...thehellyedoin'?!" he coughed out all at once, then sneezed on her foot.

"EW!"! She started hopping around in a circle trying to shake it off her foot!

He rolled down one more step and laid there, at the bottom, with both arms held up over his head in a \o/ style victory cheer. He then grabbed hold of the railing bar, with both hands.

Wiping her foot on his favorite shirt, Gaila came back stairs and tried to pry his fingers off of the railing!

"...m'fwiiiiiiiine," he tried to say, though he was doing duck lips and it wasn't even on purpose for a funny photograph on the internet.

It was so funny that Gaila paused long enough to take a picture, then she got the plasma torch, cut through the railing, and started to drag him towards the door. She called Varric. They needed a car.

Scotty was still clutching onto the railing with both hands, while being dragged. He was trying to figure out why it felt like he was moving, when he was still holding onto the railing. Mostly because all he could see what a watery blur.

Maybe if he'd rinsed his face off directly after the bus incident, it would've helped more. But he hadn't. He’d hauled balls to get home away from the crazy lab people. Silly men with their not taking care of themselves, properly.

Hanging up, Gaila tried to get him outside. Varric would be by soon!

Well now it just sounded like outside, and Scotty's head was turning two and fro while he puckered up his mouth into a confused 'o' shape, and tried to figure out why he heard traffic...NO SHE HADN'T. He made a MMMPH noise and threw the railing a whole three inches as he realized she had cut through it. Cheater!

He also began flailing and saying something indecipherable, while waving one hand up and around. It was in the general direction of the doorway and he began making a key twisty motion, to let her know to lock up, please!

"I'll get it locked as soon as Varric gets here!"

She looked up as their friend drove up, and flagged him down. Varric took a look at Scotty, and shook his head, "You look like a pufferfish, Tinker. Do we need to cut a hole in your neck so you can breathe? Irish, help me get him into the car."

Gaila nodded and with some effort, they got him into the car. She locked up the shop and away they went!

Scotty more or less sat there looking like...yes, a pufferfish. He is squinting warily at them both, wondering what place of torture and terror they are going to take him to. Or maybe he wasn't squinting. It was hard to tell.

Either way? Cats. Bad. Always had been, always would be.

Varric drove them to a clinic. It was close, and if it wasn't an emergency then they wouldn't be taking up space in the E.R.. And if it was, they'd be directed there!

As they got closer, Varric peered at Scotty in the mirror, then took a left instead of a right. Tinker needed to go to the E.R., this was starting to get worrisome!

He'd say NUUU but any sane human being would say YESSS.

Since when was Scotty sane?

If they hadn’t gone to the E.R. then everyone in a clinic would stare at them funny, like Y U HERE? GO TO E.R., DUMBASSES!

Hi ho, hi ho? Off to the emergency room, they go?

The nurses wheeled Scotty off, leaving Varric and Gaila in the waiting room. To wait.

Horror. Pain. Terror. The E.R., Scotty was convinced, smelled like a crypt sprayed down with lysol.

And while lysol was ok, it was the crypt part where dead people were, that kind of made him flail a little as he was wheeled off.

Varric looked at Gaila, "What did you do to him?"

"I did nothing! There was a cat apparently."

"Remind me not to piss off that cat."

And there was epi-pens and antihistamines and being told not to itch his face. Fun times.

Scotty itched it anyway, covertly.

And was probably given an inhaler, which he should've had in case of cat based emergencies anyway. As well as another epi-pen.

A nurse threatened to strap him down.

He told her to get bent. It was only cat allergies. And then he insisted he was done and ready to go home. Kthanxbai.

Gaila glomped onto him when he came out, "You had me so worried!"

At least by then, he no longer resembled a angry red balloon faced man. And he wasn't entirely a sneezy, hive-ridden, swollen, beady-bloodshot-eyed mess. He was only partially so! On the recovering end of it, at least!

"I told ye that I was allergic tae cats," he was saying, trying to sound reassuring and give her a pat on the back. It was good to be able to talk with relative clarity, again! "I just didnae say how allergic I was. Whatever. It's fine. I'll need tae weld the railing back together, now."

"Tinker, this is 'you could die' allergic," Varric said. "We need to know these things."

"Naaah, I've squeaked through worse, I'll have ye both know. Like that time there was three of the bloody things that pounced me, an' I was six years old, an' me mum blew in me mouth while me sis bounced a foot on me chest, an' I lived through that, perfectly fine." He gave them both a thumbs up!

Gaila nodded, "I need to know these things!" She stared at him, "YOU NEARLY DIED!"

"I told ye that I was allergic!"

"THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN ALLERGIC YOU ASS!"

"But I'm nae allergic tae anything else!"

Like that somehow makes it better.

"That doesn't make it better." Varric helped him into the car, "Christ, Tinker. You had me worried. I don't usually worry."

"It wouldae passed," Scotty insisted, like his opinion was not budging. And please make no mention of him needing assistance to get into the car. "I'm fine now, see? I have a sticky pen an' a inhaler, an' a bill bein' sent in the mail for the whole fine mess."

"The nurse said you almost died!" Gaila was flailing. THERE IS FLAILING GOING ON HERE!

"That nurse was over-exaggerating. I didnae hear anything of the sort." Scotty sat in the car, like everything was right as rain, and the whole situation was well behind them.

Varric glanced at Gaila and shrugged, "Lets get you home."

"Sounds good." Scotty was trying to admirably hide the fact that he was worn the hell out by that point, even if the day had been...one of those unplanned adventures that he probably could've lived without. Oh well. It kept the blood pumping at least.

And he got to throw a wrench at some guy's head, which was awesome!!! It was almost as exciting as fistfights breaking out on the Enterprise’s bridge!

Varric sped them home, "Lets get Tinker into a bed. He looked worn out."

And out of the car they go, when they made it back home again. Up the steps they go, and he even comes equipped with added support on either side of him, courtesy of Gaila and Varric.

"I dinnae!" Protessstaaaaatiooooooon. "I feel fine. I could run a marathon."

Varric and Gaila let go of Scotty at the same time.

And down he went. Luckily he was close enough to grab onto a wall before he met the ground, and glare at them. Because now he could see where he was glaring.

Gaila folded her arms, "Go ahead. Run that marathon, baby."

"I will. Later. I'm gettin' around tae it." A pause and he tipped his chin up, defiantly. "Later, after I've eaten an' refueled meself. Rehydrated. Slept."

He was meanwhile using the wall as a guidance system so he could go directly to the couch, and lay there, for the next...infinity.

Varric bounced past him, effortlessly. He got some pink glasses, a bottle of scotch, and a bag of chips. He tossed the chips to Scotty, and plopped into a chair with a bottle. Gaila, meanwhile, had returned to helping her crazy man.

"Yay, crisps," Scotty was saying while he tried to get the bag of chips open. It was like trying to watch a kitten wrestle with a bowling ball and get it to move. He eventually just let the bag drop on the floor and laid on the couch, one arm hanging off the edge of it, making a little pawing motion every so often. The will was strong, but the body was weak and unable to continue. Too much snu snu.

Only not, but he would've rather it had been snu snu, and not feline related.

Pussy was involved, either way.

Gaila picked up the chips and opened them, then dropped them on his chest, "Here. Pathetic devil."

"Marathon," he reminded her, and managed to finally get one chip in his mouth, so he could chew on it. Then he didn't touch them again. Only laid there. Motionless except for his mouth. "Cheers for the ride, Varric. I keep remindin' meself tae get...something...tae drive."

"You're not running any marathons for a while, hon." Gaila sat down on the coffee table to stare at him worriedly.

Varric waved a hand, "Its not a problem, Tinker. But that's probably a good idea."

"Och, this' nothin'," he waved his...fingers...back at them both, and attempted to slowly explain the cause and effect of the whole situation. "It's probably just a combination o' red bull, lack o' sleep, and bein' shoved face first intae a cat by some bad guy...who was huntin' doon an escaped lab worker...whom I happened tae run intae on the bus. Which also resulted in the tasing. An' likely didnae help matters. Oh well."

"Tasing?" Varric looked sharply at him, "You're a magnet for weird crap. Remember the Rei cosplayer?"

"Aye, it's thanks tae her...him...it, that I dinnae go tae cons anymore. Ye know, yer rumor about crabs spread, when it was supposed tae be syphilis," Scotty was barely able to provide the needed emphasis there. "Crabs isnae victorian-esque Jules Verne soundin', an' syphilis is...so ye fail at steampunk."

Varric rolled his eyes, "I'll take this bottle as payment."

"Aww, the whole thing?" Scotty grinned back at him. "It's yers. Ye dinnae have tae go now, do ye? After all..minute ye do, I'm goin' tae get told aff."

Gaila just waved a hand at him, "Do you need me to get you anything, Scotty?"

"No, I'm all right. Thank yeeeeeew," he said, and listlessly waved one hand at her. He was already feeling quite a bit better, all things considering. Just that things like that, tended to leave a slightly wasted feeling afterward.

Varric chuckled, "I think I'll let her tell you off. Because you deserve it, Tinker. Putting us through that."

"Nooo, that's okay. I didnae need tae hear it. I repent."

Gaila grabbed Varric by the shirt and hauled him to his feet, then started pushing him towards the stairs, "That's great, enjoy your scotch. You'll probably be able to hear me down the street anyway."

Varric laughed, "I'm going, I'm going!"

"Nuuuu," Scotty faintly said like a man in anguish, clinging onto a ledge for dear life. His hand was flapping around like he was trying to hold it out and catch onto Varric's hand, to be dragged up over the edge of that cliff to safety.

Alas, Scotty went off that cliff as Varric was pushed down stairs and out the door! Gaila stormed back up, pointed at Scotty, and shouted, "YOU!"

"What'd I deeew?" he asked, trying to force his body to pass through the couch, much like what he'd been trying to explain to Kitty the other day.

It wasn't working.

"Allergic to cats! I thought you meant like..sneezing. Stuffed up.. Not anaphylactic shock!"

"I usually dinnae have me face shoved intae them. It was a weeeee bit unexpected."

Or down toward them. Or nearby them. Whatever! He avoided cats other than to shoo them off, like they had the plague, anyway.

For him, they probably had the plague.

He thinks they do. This is the same guy that went 'hey let's put the dog into the transporter!' to prove a point, so he's not very pet oriented. Except for tribbles. And even those just sit there, trill softly, and make babies. Except for the genetically engineered ones, and then they just sit there and trill a lot, and provide a subtle calming effect on angry Scotsmen that are stuck on ice cubes in outer space.

"I don't care! I need to know when something can KILL you!" Gaila flailed at him, "What if it was a food allergy?!"

"I dinnae have a food allergy. I've eaten everything 'round abouts, in front of ye."

"I know but..." She threw up her hands.

He laid there and watched her green hands fluttering around like the wings of a tropical parrot about to take off. Or a really pretty leafy green plant thing, blowing in a very strong breeze.

"...eh?" That's all he managed to get out, because he was too busy watching her hands.

"Any other allergies? To anything? Bee stings? Dogs? Platypuses?"

He shook his head to all of it. "Not that I'm aware of. I told ye. Cats."

"When you're feeling better you're getting a full battery of tests." She started chewing her nails, "We both are. Just in case. So we know what to look out for."

"What's wrong with ye? That's silly. It was cats. The whole time it's been cats," he said, staring at her like she'd gone all sorts of odd. Though, now that he was thinking on it, and in the interest of being honest, he did choose this moment to speak up about something. "There...actually is something...that I wanted tae talk tae you about."

"Nope, making an appointment!"

"Uhh, that's really not necessary. I did need tae talk tae ye about something else though...or maybe this is a really bad time tae try that."

She rolled her eyes at him, "Okay, talk." She'd make the appointment later.

"Well, all right, then? If yer certain." He was watching her carefully, to see if he needed to begin choosing his words better, or to keep an argument from breaking out. "Ye know, the green...yer skin...an' that someday you could have a wee bit of a problem. With...the pheromones. Aye?"

"..yeah? It hasn't started, so you shouldn't be worried." She folded her arms stubbornly.

This didn't look good or promising. He almost hit the brakes entirely, but decided to take a chance and keep going.

"Well, maybe we shouldnae wait until it does start, Gaila. Because ye might not be able tae tell, an' by then it might be tae late for me. Aye? Aye. So, I was wonderin'...if I made some arrangements tae get started, quietly, on a suppression shot...if ye'd be willing tae provide the samples they need, tae help make a shot for you? I mean, it is yer choice, but it might be...a good preventative measure tae not wait until it does kick in...just tae try tae see if anything can be made available."

Now he was just going to pull out that inhaler and take one small puff on it, and hold his breath, waiting for a response. Mostly because his voice sounded like he’d been gargling broken glass and getting all that out had required breath he hadn’t yet attained full capacity for.

"Trust me," She replied, softly. "I'll know exactly when it starts. I remember enough to know the signs." Her face lit up and she smirked, "I'll provide samples if you'll come with me for allergy tests."

He made a face but slowly nodded and exhaled. She even got a thumbs up like that? Was a deal. If she was going to get samples taken, the least he could do is get poked to see what makes him itch.

Gaila's smirk turned into a grin, "Deal."

"Thank you," he whispered and looked profoundly grateful...and relieved.

She watched him for a moment, then looked away, worrying her lower lip. She knelt and scritched Porthos who only gave a token growl.

"Sorry I didnae tell ye about the cat thing bein' this bad," he added after he'd taken a moment to think on the whole day's events a little more. "Honestly, hadnae had that happen tae that extent, since I was..." He just held a hand out to show how tall he was, and then that hand went flopping back down because he was feeling lazy. "I think I forgot how bad it was, tae be honest. An' I ran quite a ways here, which likely didnae help matters."

"Dumbass..." She hugged Porthos to herself, in part out of all the worry collapsing in on itself and in part over having reminded herself of just how much she knew that she could never, ever tell him.

He was noticing, because she didn't hug the dog that much, really. And the dog might start growling at her again.

"Gaila? Are ye all right? I didnae mean tae worry ye like that. I'm sorry, really."

Letting go of Porthos, Gaila stood and smiled brightly at him, "I'm fine. Now. Just never, ever do that again!"

He laid there, staring up at her. It was the sort of stare that made it seem like she was growing horns out of her forehead. Or maybe that she had some strange alien script written all over her face, and he was trying to figure out how to decipher it.

"Aye. Sure. I'll never do that again. Promise."

She wasn't fine. She was worried out of her wits for him, "You better!"

"I will. So. Is there anything that I should know, before I find oot later?" he asked, thinking it was better to ask, and maybe he would try to stop staring at her as intently as he was. "Because, ye know, it's okay tae tell me. Offer's open?"

Gaila shook her head, wiping her eyes, "Was just so..terrified..." She flopped to her knees and hugged the dog again.

"Gaila. The dog's goin' tae bite ye if ye keep that up. It's okay tae hug ontae me instead, if ye'd like," he said, put as gently as he could, and pretty sure that he'd either really rattled her cage, or there was something else going on. Maybe about the pheromone shot that she wasn't saying. Just...something.

She let go of the dog again, and crawled over. She really was rattled. Exceptionally so. Of course she'd also yelled at him to eat healthier so he wouldn't die young on her. This might be a thing.

Of course he wouldn't die young. He'd die middle aged! He held out one arm to her and smiled, waving to her that if she drew close enough? It was cuddle times.

She crawled onto the couch with him. Because it was indeed cuddle times, and she was going to cuddle the ever loving STUFFING out of him.

He would've went \o/ and said 'yay!' at the cuddle stuffing being smushed out of him, but it didn't seem an appropriate time for cheering, for once. He simply put both arms around her and smushed himself against her as much as he could. And that was that.