Emma Frost is tired of trying to be good (ice_queen) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-31 11:49:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, emma frost (white queen), nathan summers (cable), scott summers (cyclops) |
Who: Emma, Nate, and Scott Summers
What: Talking
When: 3/30
Where: Chez Summers
Rating: PG for language and one mention of potentially squicky sex
Status: complete
Nate had been worrying a lot, and wandering a lot, and basically doing all sorts of things while trying not to think about his tests and results, on which so much rested. He was nervous about getting into college and nervous about not getting in and he felt like his whole mind and body were shaky and somehow off kilter. This was not helping his depression and his feeling of not belonging anywhere.
Oh, he knew Scott and Emma cared for him, and wanted him here, but he also knew how he felt and the two had nothing to do with each other.
Today, after being out, he was in the front room staring out and away, not thinking a lot.
“Nate?” Scott came into the room, giving his son a worried look. He walked up and put his hands on his shoulders. “Is everything okay?”
Nate glanced back at his dad and smiled in a lopsided fashion. “Sure. As okay as ever, really. Still working things out, and now worrying some about the tests and what will happen next.” He nodded. “The results should come in the mail soon.”
Emma sat down next to Nate, stroking his hair. “You did fine, I’m sure.” She was also certain he would find the challenge of college to be stimulating, and hopefully his success there, if nothing else, would help him develop the central identity that would be some important to him.
"You studied hard and I know you did better than you think you did. We always do." The 'own worst critic' was a particularly Summers trait.
"Thank you, both of you. I am just having a freak out, I guess. “ His hands were shaking a little bit. He smiled at both of them.
Emma nodded. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to freak out. It’s been a very chaotic month for you.” She reached over to take one of Scott’s hands. “It’s been a big month for all of us.”
Scott smiled. Now is a good time?
I think a distraction might help Emma responded.
He nodded his head, and squeezed Emma’s hand. “Nate, we have something we need to tell you. You’re going to have a sibling.”
Nate blinked, stared, then laughed. He hugged Emma, then his dad, then Emma again. "When? At least all your practice is paying off!"
He was pleased. This was cool.
“Well I’m glad to know you’re happy about that, and that we haven’t scarred you too terribly.” Scott laughed and hugged Nate back. “We found out last weekend. You can thank Thor.”
Emma hugged Nate tight. “Practice. Pfft.” She did a little math in her head, which she didn’t realize was wrong. “November, I think.”
Nate snerked. “Nah, no scars. Someday, I’ll grow up and scar you with loud sex.” He nodded, smiling widely. “But not too soon.” He hmmed. “Hopefully not a Halloween kid.”
“Please not too soon.” Scott rubbed at his face. “I still have scars from walking in on you and Neena.” Just don’t tell Emma that Neena tapped BOTH father and son.
Emma made a face. “In any other household that would be a terrible thing to say.”
Nate chuckled. “I know. I’m working on better soundproofing.” He grinned at them. “Including thoughtproofing.”
“This house already has decent sound proofing.” Mostly. Scott smiled. “I’m glad we gave you the downstairs bedroom, at least.” It was the second biggest in the house and also had some cool factor to it, since it opened to the back yard.
“If you block out too much you might not know if there’s a fire.” Or an attack. “I’m getting better at not projecting, I hope.” The neighbors didn’t seem as happy as they’d been after Emma’s telepathy first kicked in, so her training was probably working.
“Maybe so, but, ah, yes.” He grinned “I do like the bedroom. Might make a few modifications to it, if no one minds.” He nodded. “I like the computer system. Think Kitty could help me improve it?”
“I think she’d enjoy that,” Scott assured him. He was pretty oblivious to any crushes his son might have.
Emma wasn’t, and just laughed. “I’m sure there will be a lot of changes to the house in the next year.” They were planning on renovating, after all, on top of everything else. Because they were insane.
Nate smiled at them both and opened his mouth to speak on it, then the doorbell rang. He was away like a shot. He skidded to a halt at the door, snatched it open, and grinned at the mailman. “Letters here for Nathan Summers?” “That’s me!” “Sign here.” “Yessir!” “There you go, kid.” The amused mailman handed over the thick letters, tipped his hat, then walked off and Nate closed the door.
“They’re here!”
Scott got to his feet, about as excited as Nate probably was. Maybe more excited. “Lets hear it!”
Emma was also standing, and moved to hold Scott’s hand. She hoped very hard for good news, and had faith that Nate had managed to score very well.
Nate striped the two letters out of their envelopes, for once being messy and dropping them to the floor. He read each one carefully, twice, then turned to them.
“I, Nathan Summers, and now a college freshman!” He whooped and leaped to hug pounce them both.
“You did it!” Scott picked up Nate and swung him around in circles, hugging tight!
Emma just smiled, watching Nate and Scott celebrate. “I knew you’d get in, Nate. Congratulations.” She waited for Scott to put Nate down, and hugged the boy tight. “You’re going to do so well.”
Nate flailed and then laughed, and hugged his father. He hugged Emma next and grinned at them both, eyes wide and breathing fast. This was incredible! He had made it! Holy crap! He was a college student! he was so doooomed.
“This means I start school again in June, for Summer courses! Holy cow! I have to go see the campus and arrange for financial aid and apply for scholarships and … holy cow!” He laughed. “This is awesome!!”
“We can take you down next weekend,” Scott suggested. His eyes were positively glistening behind his glasses. He was proud for his son. What father wouldn’t be?
“We’re supposed to be in Paris next weekend.” Emma noted. “The week afterward would be better, anyway, there will be more faculty on campus during the week.” She loved Nate, and wanted to take him to the college, but it made more sense to do it on a weekday.
Nate bounced, grinning. “Cool! And so that makes sense. uhm...I get to pick who watches me this week, right?” He grinned widely at them.
“...do you have a request?” Scott raised his eyebrows.
“Someone we know would be best, though God knows you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.” She would feel better if he wasn’t alone for the whole week.
“Elaine Mallory. She’s a friend, and my massage therapist. She has a girl, Corazon, who is a friend, too. She’s pretty cool.” Nate nodded. “And when she is busy, I can be studying college paperwork and going to hang out with other people, so I am not in her hair the whole time.”
He nodded, then paused. “And I was thinking, with you gone, I would take a crack at fielding the financial aid papers, needing to have those finished soon anyway. Not that I need them much since I have my shake fund.” He grinned.
Scott glanced at Emma, then back at Nate and nodded his head. “I don’t have a problem with this if they don’t.”
Emma shrugged. Ms. Mallory and her daughter came by while you were at work one day. She’s bound to be better than Logan. As funny as that idea was. “You should ask before you make any plans.”
“I can totally do that tonight.” He grinned at them. “Sometimes, I hang out with Corazon. So, do you mind if I ask if I can go over there tonight? That way I can ask them then, in person.” He looked from one to the other.
“Then i can make you breakfast in the morning.”
"I think we're being bribed." Scott's tone was amused. But if it made Nate happy (and helped him move past the future) he was all for it.
“I think we are.” Emma said with a laugh. “You can go if she’s okay with it, but I think we should take you out to celebrate before that. Is there anything you’d like to do?”
“We should go get steak! And seafood! And ice cream! We could do that tonight, right?” He smiled widely.
“Surf and Turf and then DQ?” Scott looked like he was mulling that over.
“We can fit it all in.” Emma laughed. “But you might not be hungry for dinner with Elaine and Corazon afterward.”
“I can go to dinner with them tomorrow! If they say it is cool to stay, that would be a cool way to start. So, Dinner with you guys tonight, I make breakfast in the morning for you, go wake up Neena, and make breakfast for her, and be bouncy and cheerful early there, and then see you off and head for Elaine and Corazon’s house.” He nodded, mapping things out.
“You’ve got it all settled. What do you need us for?” Scott’s tone was joking, and he hugged Nate again. “I’m so proud of you.”
Emma laughed. “You expected your son to not have a plan for everything? I’m shocked, Scott, shocked that you would have that expectation.”
“I need you because you are my family.” He nodded and hugged them both, snuggling in. “Never wont need you.”
If Scott was a man who easily cried, he would have then. Still, he started to tear up and get emotional. “I love you both.”
Emma hugged him back, smiling softly. “I love you both as well. I’m blessed to have two wonderful men in my life.” She kissed Nate’s forehead. “Is there anything we need to do before we go out for lunch?”
“I love you two, too.” Nate nodded firmly. Then he hmmed. “I don’t think so. I can send messages to Neena and call Elaine when we get home, and bounce all over the internet too.”
Then he paused. “Oh, I did have one idea. With college coming up and me thinking about working more... with the whole shake thing? And all... Uhm what do you two think of me getting emancipated? I have no problem with living under your rules, and I want to be around you both as long as I can, but... I also now have two separate occasions of remembering what it was like to live as an adult. I want to feel a little of that again.” He nodded.
Scott blinked. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, except that it kind of hurt. And by kind of, it hurt a whole lot. He couldn’t blame Nate. He wasn’t sure he could even deny that wish. He swallowed. “If that’s what you want.”
Emma took Scott’s hand again, seeing the hurt in his expression. “It might be a good idea for him to be autonomous.” Her tone was meant to be comforting. It was really more Scott’s decision than hers, she felt. “There will be a lot of things about college that may be harder if he needs to wait for our approval.”
Nate facepalmed. he could literally feel that feeling from his dad and his shoulders drooped. “Nevermind.” he waved a hand, wishing he could literally take it all back now.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not important.”
“No, Emma’s right. And it is important, Nate. You’re mentally an adult, I just have to accept that.” He smiled at Nate, locking the hurt up in that impenetrable black box where all the other things he had to hide from the world went. “I want you to be able to do whatever it is you need.”
Nate rubbed his face. " I don't know what to think anymore. Nothing is worth hurting either of you to me. " He had no idea what to do or how to get out of this moment.
Emma pressed her lips together. “You’re both so similar I can’t stand it sometimes. Okay, everybody sit down and get comfortable.” She wasn’t going to let miscommunications about things like this hurt her family. She knew how much things left unsaid could damage relationships. “We’ll go out for lunch after this, I think we are long past due for an actual conversation about everything that’s happened.
Scott got a look on his face not unlike someone told to take his medicine. Frankly, there were things he never wanted to think about again. “Okay.”
Nate blinked. “Okay. “ He sat down. “How do we start?” He was floundering, really. He didn’t know what to say or do.
Emma sat on the coffee table facing both of them. “We start by saying what we’re feeling at the moment. I’ll go first, then Scott, then you, Nate.” She took a deep breath. “I’m pleased that you got into college, Nate, and very excited for you. I am sorry that both of you were hurt by each other a moment ago, and frustrated that you both want to suppress your feelings rather than talk about them. I’m worried that if this becomes a pattern it will undermine our family.”
"I'm proud of you, Nate. For the hard work you put in. I've always thought you were nervous for no reason. You were a shoe in." Scott sighed, then continued. "I was hurt, because it felt like..." Scott searched for the word for a moment. "It felt like rejection."
Nate scrubbed his face and then nodded. “I’m happy about college and scared about it, and worried I’ll be lost in it. I also worry about you two. And I feel... I don’t want to be away from either of you and I don’t want to not be your son. I just feel a lot like I am not...” He flailed a little. “I feel old. I remember being seventeen, twice, and being nearly thirty, and through Cable, being hundreds of years old, and... no matter what, I can’t be just a kid.”
He flailed.
Emma listened, glad they were being honest. “Scott, do you think he’s rejecting you, or his childhood?” She’d focus on Nate in a moment.
“His childhood,” Scott replied. “And a little bit like he’s rejecting me. I know it’s irrational.”
“It’s okay to have irrational feelings.” Emma noted. “That’s how they work sometimes.” She turned toward Nate. “We’ve talked about your identity issues already in private. Would having autonomy help with those, or is it purely a convenience issue?” She was pretty certain what the answer would be, but maybe hearing it would help Scott.
Nate considered this, but answered quickly. “I think it would. but Heck if I know.” He sighed. “For me, I have been an adult now, twice, and even as a kid, I have been mostly controlling my own destiny. It’s as much a part of me as anything else is.” He rubbed his face again.
“Despite my physical age, I’m not ten. I try to help people, I work, really, I constantly practice meditation to keep from killing everyone on the planet, or dying, or something, and I generally feel... I feel like I am already an adult. “ He looked at Scott. “Dad, I love you and I have no intention of rejecting you. I’m proud to be your son. But I’ll never be a normal ten year old, raised a normal way.”
He nodded.
It was something that made Scott sad. He could accept it, but it would still make him sad. "..I know, Nate. Logically, I know. Emotionally, it's not as easy. Even though I watched you grow up...it's not as easy."
Emma let them talk, before gently asking Scott, “Can you accept it, even though it makes you upset? Even without the emancipation, college is going to give Nate a lot of adult challenges.” That was the real issue. There was nothing they could do about their regrets. It was an unfortunate situation. The only thing there was left to decide was what they would do about it all.
“I can accept it.” Scott smiled tightly. “It would be wrong me of not to. It doesn’t matter, he’s still my son. I’d accept him no matter what.”
Nate sat there, unsure what to say and looking between the two of them. he felt proud of both of them, and he loved them both very much right then. Somehow, life had gotten complicated, but they were still being awesome.
“I love you, both of you.”
Emma nodded. “Okay. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” She chuckled a little, relaxing again. “You both did very well, and I’m proud of you.”
"I feel like we just went through counseling, only without the dollhouse this time," Scott joked. "I love you both, too."
“You both rock. Just saying that. I love being part of your lives. I’ll always miss my mom, but being able to be near you two is a gift I will always be glad for.” Nate nodded.
“Alright, now that we have that settled, it’s time to go out for lunch, I think. I’ll call Mr. Dresden and have the paperwork drawn up today.”
Scott licked his lips and nodded. The more he thought about it, the better he felt about. It still hurt, but he could deal with it, in time.
Nate smiled and headed for his room to clean up. And maybe to headwall for a little while. “Meet you all back here in a few minutes after I clean up!”