hunter_tonks (hunter_tonks) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-30 20:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, nymphadora tonks, remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: Tonks, Sirius and Remus
Where: A coffee shop
What: Meddling and meeting
When: Saturday afternoon
Warnings/Rating: Mentions of prison time, crime and swearing
Status Complete
Tonks was a strange bundle of nerves and excitement all at once as she arrived at the coffee shop she had told both Remus and Sirius to meet her at. She was sure all they really needed to do was talk to each other but in order to do that they needed a little helping hand. And that was where she came in. Remus felt too guilty to make the first move and Sirius was too stubborn. So it was left to her.
She knew it wouldn’t be easy and she was fully expecting complaints and accusations from each of them, no doubt loud and vocal ones from her cousin. But she could handle it. Besides as long as they actually let each other talk and listened to what was said she just knew that it would be worth it. At least that was what she kept telling herself.
Taking a seat she waited for one of them to arrive, not really sure who she should hope for first.
Sirius was actually a little early for once, instead of his usual habit of being late. He'd managed to get his old motorcycle out of storage so he'd have a way of getting around until he settled on a car he liked. After yanking off the helmet and raking his fingers through his mussed, semi spiked hair, he walked inside and looked around.
Sure enough, Nymphie was already there waiting for him. "Next time I vote we do something other than coffee." He sat down on the chair opposite her and set the helmet on the floor. "Let's do Downtown Disney. I haven't been there and I've heard there's lots of shops and food places."
Remus hadn’t seen Tonks in about a month. Not since she’d come over after the last full moon after his dream. His dream where he’d been bit and woken up with scars. Scars that still adorned his shoulder. By now it was quite obvious that they weren’t going to go away. However, Remus was now less concerned with the scars and more worried about when his Lycanthropy would bleed over into the waking world. The Full Moon had just passed with no incidents so he was able to rest easier for the time being. Well, he hadn’t turned into a Werewolf at least, but he had woken up Thursday morning to the scent of burned coffee. Burned coffee from the apartment two doors down. Yes, Remus’ sense of smell had become stronger overnight.
And it was because of this heightened sense of smell that he picked up on Tonks’ scent almost immediately as well as a vaguely familiar scent just before he stepped into the coffee shop. Upon seeing Sirius, Remus realized why the scent was familiar and he stopped dead just inside the shop.
Tonks smiled and nodded in agreement, “Downtown Disney it is” she agreed before teasing, “After all I guess I shouldn’t really get you all hyped up on caffeine”
Glancing up she caught sight of Remus in the doorway to the cafe, he was standing stock still and staring at them. Damn. She didn’t want him to run away, not before she’d had a chance to even explain. Realising it was now or never she looked at Sirius, “Please don’t be angry with me” she requested before slipping from her chair to move to Remus and bring him over to the table.
“What’s wrong with me being hyped up on caffeine? Can’t be that much worse than you or me hyped up on sugar,” he replied with a laugh. And speaking of caffeine, he really should order a coffee. But before he could even flag down a waitress or go up to get one, Tonks was on her feet and moving away.
“Be angry for what?” he asked, turning his head to follow her. And that was when Sirius quickly figured out what she was talking about. His expression immediately darkened and he leaned down to reach for his helmet. It figured this was some kind of a set up... after all, last time she’d picked him up for coffee. And she had kept making comments about Remus while they were talking.
How could Remus not have realized what was going on? Oh that’s right, he’d been too worried about the prospect of becoming a Werewolf on the Full Moon to possibly think that Tonks could have an ulterior motive for inviting him for coffee. He had told her not to let Sirius find out that she knew about their past relationship, but it seemed that she had decided to meddle instead.
As Tonks came towards him, he took a step back, “I can’t...” He wanted to. He wanted to talk to Sirius, to explain, more than anything else, but he didn’t think he could deal with it if Sirius brushed him off in person. It was one thing for him to do it over the internet, but in person was different; not that he didn’t deserve it.
As she moved away she could feel his anger as he must have noticed Remus, putting two and two together wouldn’t take either of them long so she had to work quickly.
“Remus, please” she said softly, reaching out to put her hand on his arm, “Don’t go” she glanced back at Sirius and saw he was already picking up his helmet. So far this wasn’t working out entirely like she had planned, but she was nothing if not resourceful. Knowing she’d pay for it later she pulled her wand from her back pocket discretely and whispered a spell to keep Sirius’ feet and the helmet where they were, as if stuck with glue.
Tugging on Remus’ arm she urged him to where her cousin was, probably looking incredibly pissed off but she refused to meet his gaze right then.
"What the fuck?" Sirius blurted out when he couldn't pick up the helmet. Worse still, he couldn't even move his damn feet. His head whipped up and he glared at Tonks, barely managing to notice she had that wand thing out again.
"NYMPHADORA TONKS!" he roared, angrily slumping down in the chair (since he couldn't exactly leave). "Undo it! Now! I don't know how you did it, but undo it now!"
Other people in the shop were starting to take notice of them and Remus brought one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as Tonks led him to the table, “He’s not going to listen. I asked you not to do something like this.” Remus was aware of magic, considering he’d had the dreams about Hogwarts and James and Lily had kept him informed about some parts of their dreams even before he’d come back to California in December, but Remus hadn’t realized that Tonks was had dreams about the same place. Until now that is.
Tonks winced as he yelled out her full name, "I'm sure I don't know what you mean" she called back. She was less concerned about the people staring "Carry on" she told everyone, "Nothing to see here" and amazingly they did slowly start to go about their business.
"I'm sorry Remus but something had to be done" she told him, "And even, well, even if you both end up hating me its worth the risk. You're both too important to me not to try"
Upon reaching the table she gestured that Remus should sit, "I want you both to talk to each other" she informed them.
“Unstick me from the floor first,” Sirius grumbled through tightly clenched teeth. “I promise I won’t leave... yet. But I swear if you keep me glued down like this, then you’re going to really regret it. Why the hell are you even doing this anyways? That bastard hasn’t spoken to me in years, so I don’t see why that needs to change now!”
Remus hesitated before taking a seat despite the fact that this clearly wasn’t going to work. He knew that she meant well, but Sirius was just as stubborn as ever and he had a feeling that if Tonks lifted whatever spell she had on him then he was going to leave without a word, “Tonks, I’m not going to hate you, but this clearly isn’t going to work the way you want it to.” It pained Remus to say that, especially when he wanted nothing more than for Sirius to listen to him, but if anyone knew just how stubborn Sirius was, it was Remus.
Tonks had no intentions of releasing the spell yet, she knew her cousin was as stubborn as she was - probably more so. And she wanted this to work, in fact she’d give anything for them to, at least, be friends again. “Whether I keep you stuck or not you’re going to be pissed at me so for now you can stay that way” she told Sirius, let’s face it no matter how this turned out and even if he calmed down he’d still find some sort of way to get her back.
“I’m doing this because I love both of you and I hate seeing what’s become of a good friendship. I don’t want to lose either of you because you can’t be in a room together” she told him, “Please Sirius, just listen to him, please” she implored her voice only slightly wavering.
Sirius nearly growled in frustration as he folded his arms across his chest. “There’s nothing to listen to! He’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me or have anything to do with me! It’s ancient history, Tonks. Remus has had plenty of time to open that mouth of his to say something.”
Sirius turned his attention over to Remus and glared furiously at him. “Or maybe he could’ve written another fucking letter,” he added bitterly.
And suddenly Remus was twenty one again and they were having just another one of their usual arguments. However, that last one had been different. Sighing, Remus ran a hand through his hair, "Sirius, I was upset. We had a fight and instead of talking about it you went out and broke into a car. And not just any car, but our friend's car." To this day, Remus still didn't understand why Sirius had chosen Peter's car. "I should have come to see you, but I was upset. I never...It didn't mean that I stopped..." It should have been easy to say, he'd never stopped loving Sirius, but he found that sitting there, staring into those eyes that he'd looked into hundreds of times before, he was afraid to say it for fear of how Sirius would respond.
Tonks had been about to jump to Remus’ defence and ask her cousin to listen once again when Remus spoke. So she stayed quiet, hoping they’d start communicating. She’d linger long enough to make sure before slipping away, the sticking spell would wear off in ten minutes or so anyway. As long as she’d gotten it right, which she was sure she had.
Focusing on the men in front of her she held her breath waiting for Sirius’ response, it had been clear to her Remus was going to say he’d never stopped loving him and she’d hate to see him hurt by Sirius’ response.
"You were upset?" Sirius repeated, eyes narrowing as his temper flared again. "You were UPSET?!? One letter, Remus. For all these years, you sent one fucking letter! What was your excuse after a few months? After a year? For the entire time I was locked up? And then even after I got out, nothing!"
It was probably a good thing that Sirius couldn't pick up his helmet because he was really tempted to hit Remus over the head with it! "Do you know what it did mean Remus? It meant he was right... He was actually right. So pardon me if I don't buy the excuses. You had plenty of time to stop being host about the damn fight. But me? I had plenty of time in prison to get very upset about a lot of things."
Remus’s eyes shut as Sirius’ tempered flared once again and he listened to him before speaking again, “Sirius, I have regretted that letter every single day since I sent it. I should have gone to see you. To talk to you. I should have waited for you, but I was a coward. I handled the situation poorly and I’ve felt horrible about it ever since.” Remus had dwelt on his actions practically everyday since and he had never stopped loving Sirius.
When Sirius spoke again, Remus frowned, brows knitting together, “He who? Sirius, what are you talking about?” Sirius had accused Remus of quite a few things during that last argument, but Remus had figured that it was Sirius’ way of preparing himself for the worst. However, now Remus was extremely curious as to what exactly had led Sirius to accuse Remus of things that weren’t true in the slightest. Sitting up straighter, Remus watched Sirius intently, “Who was right and about what exactly?”
Tonks, having realised they most likely were actually going to talk and listen now, started to move slowly towards the door. They didn’t need her to witness and hear the rest of their conversation, it was private between them and she had played her part.
“Peter Pettigrew!” How could Remus just sit there and pretend that he had no idea what he was talking about? “He told me everything, Remus. I know we’d had our fair share of problems, but I never imagined that he could’ve been so right about everything. Peter always had a knack when we were in school for hearing things and getting information. And he told me exactly what had been happening.”
Sirius tried moving his foot, but they were still stuck to the floor. And now with Tonks sneaking out the door, he was definitely going to get her later. “And if you’ve felt so horrible about it, then why didn’t you do something to change that? Twelve years, Remus! Twelve years in prison!”
Peter? That made absolutely no sense at all. Why would Peter have told Sirius things about him that weren’t true? “Sirius, you’re going to have to help me here, because I don’t understand. Why would Peter tell you things that weren’t even remotely true? I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I never cheated on you. I would never cheat on you.” He didn’t know if Sirius was too angry to notice just how shocked and surprised Remus was by this revelation. “Whatever Peter told you, it wasn’t true.”
Remus ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his seat as he recalled that time and what had been going on, “My god, it was Peter who told me I was better off without you and that if I stuck by you then I’d only be hindering myself.” How could Remus have been so stupid? He’d never thought that one of their closest friends would turn against them. The question was, why? Why would Peter have done this and did James have even the slightest inkling?
“I know what he told you,” Sirius added. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Why do you think I broke into the fat little bastard’s car that night? I went looking for him, Remus. Despite the argument, I figured out that some of what he had said were lies and I went to confront him. I lost my temper, smashed out the window on his car, and he called the cops. I wanted to kill him... I really did. But then that letter, and you never came to see me, or answered the few letters I sent at first... I started thinking he was right. You weren’t with me because you loved me. You dropped me at the first sign of trouble, your life was looking up, and you never looked back.”
Remus wanted, more than anything, to reach across the table and take Sirius’ hand, but he laced his fingers together in front of him, “I never got any letters, Sirius. I stayed with James and Lily for a few weeks after...I couldn’t be in the apartment for awhile.” Remus couldn’t believe how stupid they’d both been to listen to Peter, “Sirius, I never stopped loving you. I didn’t come to see you, because I didn’t think you’d want to see me after the letter, but you have to believe me when I say that I have regretted it everyday since.”
"You never got..." No, of course Remus wouldn't have gotten them if he'd moved. And Sirius had never thought to give letters to James for delivery to anyone else. "Remus..." He frowned and scratched just behind his ears as he tried to figure out what to say. "I don't know, okay? It's been a long time and the last thing I wanted to do by moving back here was to have to deal with what happened 14 years ago. You say you never stopped loving me, but right now I've got a hard time believing that."
Remus knew that he deserved that. He deserved it for listening to Peter. For not realizing that Peter, who they had thought was their friend, had been trying to split them up. His best guess was that he had been jealous of James & Lily and Sirius & Remus and had figured Sirius and Remus were the easier target. Their personalities had always clashed, but somehow they had worked, but all Peter had to do was prey on their insecurities and he had succeeded.
“I don’t blame you,” Remus’ hazel eyes dropped to the table top, his heart feeling like it was in a vice. This was almost worse than being accused of cheating or that he was only using Sirius, because now there were fourteen years worth of ‘what ifs’. This could have been so different if they hadn’t listened to Peter. “It’s the truth though.” He brought his gaze back up to meet Sirius’. “I might have been an idiotic fool, but I never stopped loving you.” Remus had never been able to hide his emotions and now was no exception; he could understand why Sirius would have trouble believing him, but the sadness, regret and love that he felt at the moment couldn’t be denied.
He looked so pitiful at the moment that Sirius was half tempted to get up and hug his the other man. A part of him truly wanted to believe what Remus was telling him. But then there were the 14 years of grief and loss that Sirius had endured, all the while believing that Remus had abandoned him. "It might be the truth, but it's going to take time," he finally said.
Sirius shifted in his chair, not even realizing that his feet had come unstuck. "Remus, I've had a lot of time to think about what happened. The past can't be changed and too much time has passed to just try and pick up where things ended. If what you're saying it true and not just because of regret, you'll have to prove it."
Remus had been about ready accept the fact that he had ruined everything by listening to Peter when Sirius spoke again, “I understand. And I will.” If there was even a shred of a chance that they could salvage what Remus had thought was over then he’d do whatever it took to show Sirius that he still loved him. He had spent so many years wondering what it would be like if he ever got the chance to really talk to Sirius again and while it had been emotionally exhausting, it had been worth it.
He will? Sirius arched an eyebrow at the comment, but managed to show a little self control instead of making a snarky remark. DId he even want to give this another try? Yes, Remus had been one of his closest friends. But now he wasn’t even sure what to call them. Sirius knew deep down in his heart that back when this had all happened, he had truly been in love with the man. But 14 years was a long time... and people changed. Plus, it wasn’t like Sirius had been sitting around pining for him... there’d been more than a few men and women since then.
He sighed and began softly tapping the toe of his boot against the floor as he tried to decide what to do. “Alright... I guess we just start by trying to be friends again. And then we can go from there?” he offered.
Remus had also been with other people over the last couple of years, but it had never been serious and rarely progressed beyond a first date. Remus nodded in agreement to what Sirius said, “That’s fair.” After what had been found out today, Remus was going to be wondering, for awhile, what exactly Peter was doing now. It had been quite some time since Remus had spoken to Peter, mainly keeping in touch with James and Lily while he’d been teaching on the East Coast and he wondered if James had spoken to him to him recently.
“Okay... well... good.” Sirius nodded and scratched his cheek. He shifted his his chair and arched an eyebrow as he finally realized that his feet were unstuck. He leaned over to grab his helmet and picked it up with no difficulties. “I’m going to get going. We can talk later or something. Okay?”
Remus nodded and also got to his feet. Part of him wanted to ask Sirius to stay, but he was also rather emotionally exhausted after the afternoon that they had just had, “It was nice to see you, Sirius.” It had been years since they had seen one another and Remus knew that prison couldn’t have been easy on him, but as far as he was concerned, Sirius was just as good looking as he had always been. Of course, he wasn’t about to say that outloud. Not this time. Perhaps he’d get the chance to say it another time, but right now the only thing that mattered was that they had made some sort of progress.
Sirius just nodded, but there was a faint hint of a smile as he pulled on his helmet. Before he left though, he pulled a business card out of the inner pocket of his jacket and set it down on the table in front of Remus. “My number,” he said, his voice muffled from inside the helmet. He lifted his hand a gave a small wave, turned, and left the coffee shop.