Remus Lupin (answertoten) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-26 20:03:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, frodo baggins, remus lupin |
Who: Remus Lupin and Frodo Baggins
What: A random meeting and discussing recent events
When: Tuesday, March 26th. Evening
Where: A Pub in Irvine
Rating: PG more than likely
Status: Complete
First Remus had dreamt that he was a werewolf in the dream world and now Sirius was back in town and wanted nothing to do with Remus; not that he blamed him of course. It had been years now and Remus still felt like the world’s biggest asshole for the way he’d broken up with Sirius and as much as he wanted to explain to the other man his reasons behind it, Sirius didn’t want to see him. Tonks had told him not to give up hope, but he had given up hope a long time ago, so now Remus would just have to resign himself to the fact that him and Sirius would never be friends again. Or anything else.
It was these recent events that had brought Remus to the bar that evening. Remus didn’t frequent bars that often, but with the impending Full Moon and the uncertainty that came with it coupled with Sirius’ return, Remus needed a drink or two and didn’t want to do it alone in his apartment. Drinking along in a bar was a little less pathetic.
The reasons Frodo Baggins had for drinking out of the house that evening were just about as complicated. His mood was certainly at an all time low, which seemed very wrong considering everything he’d recently survived and everything good that was on the horizon. Smeagol was dead, he and Merrill were finally safe, and soon the baby would arrive.
But Frodo felt no relief. He had moments of joy, but no real peace. Even if Smeagol was out of the picture, the Ring was not. What new trouble would it bring to his door? And of course there was the very reasonable anxieties of impending fatherhood on top of it all. But he didn’t want his wife to know how worried he was or that he needed a drink to settle his nerves on his way home from work every day. He didn’t like keeping secrets from her, but since the false labor he didn’t want to add to her stress.
He felt... rather helpless at the moment.
Remus didn’t normally drink very much, which was why after an hour he was still on the beer he’d ordered upon arriving. Of course the fact that he was so preoccupied with the various thoughts floating around in his head that despite needing a drink, Remus had barely touched it. He didn’t know what he was going to do about Sirius, because if he decided to actually stay in California then they were bound to run into one another at some point and get togethers with James and Lily were bound to be awkward from now on if they were both present. And what would make everything even more awkward was if he eventually began transforming like in his dreams. He had no clue what he was going to do then.
Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair then took a swig from his bottle.
Frodo took a seat at the bar very close to where Remus was without noticing him right way. It was nothing out of the ordinary for the obvious to go unnoticed by him, but his vision was especially tunnel-like this evening. He ordered a cheap beer on tap and took several glances around him while it was being pulled before he realized by whom he was sitting.
“Romulus? No. Remus! Hello.” He was surprised and pleasantly so, admittedly. He forgot his troubles for a moment. “From the bookshop!”
Remus hadn’t expected to meet anyone familiar faces in the bar that evening, but upon seeing Frodo, Remus smiled and nodded, “Yes, hello, Frodo. How’re you this evening?” He might have been a bit stressed, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be cordial. He might not have expected to run into anyway, but truth be told, Frodo’s presence would actually help him not to dwell on the reasons he’d come in tonight.
Immediately, Frodo considered shifting over a few seats and settling in next to Remus. After all, drinking with someone was better than drinking alone, but he thought it might give it a few minutes, before he assumed too much.
“I am... alright,” he replied with a tilt of his head. There was no completely disguising how he felt. “I have been better. Yourself?”
Remus thought about that question for a moment before replying, “Alright as well.” He didn’t want to unload his problems on Frodo, because it was obvious that the other man had some troubles of his own at the moment, “Nothing that a drink can’t fix.” He held his up slightly then took another sip, “Did you read that book?”
Frodo turned his eyes to watch as his beer was placed in front of him. He pulled it to the edge of the bar. “I am about halfway through it...” He paused there. It was a white lie. He had gotten about ten pages in before throwing the book in his side-table drawer. Frodo could only read his uncle’s name so many times before his the chill it brought on set his teeth to chattering.
“It’s been busy, with the baby on the way...”
Remus nodded, “How far along is she?” He couldn’t recall whether or not Frodo had mentioned that when they had met the last time. Remus contemplated moving over as well so that they weren’t talking over an empty stool, but he waited. “Do you know whether or not you’re having a boy or girl?”
"A boy," Frodo replied. There was a smile that accompanied the words, but it didn't quite meet Frodo's eyes. "A son. In less than two months."
“Congratulations,” Remus smiled, although he did notice how Frodo’s smile wasn’t as big as, say James’ had been when they’d found out about Harry or Charlie. Remus recognized that sort of smile, because he himself often wore that same smile. “I don’t mean to intrude, but is everything alright?” Normally he wouldn’t have asked, but considering the way Frodo had acted in the book stop and now here, he felt an urge to make sure that the other man was alright.
Frodo looked into the white froth of his drink like it was some kind of crystal ball, but one that held no real answers. He teetered a bit on his stool and finally made the shift to the seat beside Remus. “To tell you the truth... I am absolutely terrified,” he said in a low voice. “If I told you what I had been through in the past weeks, you might not believe me.”
“You may be surprised.” Remus could only imagine what Frodo would think if he told him that in his dream world, not only was he a Wizard, but he was also a Werewolf and chances were he would eventually acquire the abilities of both in the waking world, “Does it have to do with the baby or something else entirely?”
Frodo pressed his lips together, eyes bright eyes flashing. Even the thought of what had happened to Merrill still caused his heart to pound. “My wife’s life was threatened by... this madman former employee...” He cleared his throat. “Of mine. Someone who used to work for me.”
Remus frowned as Frodo spoke, “That’s horrible. Is she alright? Did they catch him?” It reminded Remus of Lily’s early labor because of Bellatrix and the things that had happened since because of Sirius’ cousin.
Frodo took a long pull of his beer. His hand shook as he set the glass back down on the bar. “They did catch him...” he said with a curt nod, recalling the scene and Smeagol’s violent demise. “And everything is fine... but...” He sighed. “It will take a long time to move past it, I am afraid.”
Remus nodded as he listened to Frodo, "That's completely understandable. I'm sure it was a traumatic experience for both of you in different ways." Remus couldn't imagine what it'd be like to be terrorized in that way by someone. Bellatrix might have caused Lily's early labor and sent those marks into the sky, but as far as he knew, she hadn't done anything to anyone. "Have you....I don't mean to be too forward, but have you given any thought into talking to someone? A professional."
Frodo clenched his jaw. He’d talked to too many professionals in his lifetime, doctors and police. At length, and after another generous sip from his glass, he shook his head. “What’s troubling you, if you don’t mind my asking.”
Remus didn’t fault Frodo for wanting a change of subject and considering how straightforward the other man had been with him, Remus thought it only right that he should tell Frodo something as well, “An old...acquaintance is back in town. We haven’t seen one another in quite a few years and...well, it didn’t end well the last time we saw one another.” Remus had no way of knowing what sort of opinion Frodo had on same sex relations, so he wasn’t about to mention what sort of acquaintance Sirius had been. Remus had never been good at hiding his emotions though and if Frodo was paying attention it was likely that he would notice that Remus seemed far more upset than if Sirius was just any other acquaintance.
The older man did have a habit of missing cues like this, or at least being very slow to realize them. But Remus’s description of the situation was rather clear. ...Things not ending well. That was a phrase typically reserved to describe failed relationships.
Frodo nodded. “So she’s come back into your life and now everything’s a up in the air, when you’d hoped it was settled, is that it?”
Remus could have simply agreed and let it rest there, but he felt a need a correct Frodo, “It’s a he actually. And I’m fairly certain he wants nothing to do with me.” Remus wished that things were settled, but the way he’d broken up with Sirius had been far from settled. Remus’ gaze dropped to the bottle in front of him.
Frodo’s mouth formed a silent Oh.... He processed the new information and thought for a moment. “Well, okay. He. Is it that you’re not sure you don’t want anything to do with him?” Truth be told, he didn’t often find himself talking about men with other men. Never, actually. He hoped he wouldn’t say anything stupid.
Remus sighed, grateful that Frodo’s response didn’t appear disgusted and he brought his attention back to the other man, “If nothing else, I want to be able to explain the reasoning behind my actions.” Remus wanted to explain why he’d written the letter instead of going to talk to Sirius after he’d been arrested, but Sirius didn’t appear to want to talk. “I...he was arrested and instead of going to talk to him, I wrote him a letter.” James, Lily and most recently Tonks were the only people that knew about this. It wasn’t his proudest moment, but he felt that he could trust Frodo, which was why he told him.
Frodo hmm’ed, pressing his lips together. He felt that the reason why the other man was arrested was an important detail. “Could you tell me why he was in jail? Or is that too much?”
For the longest time, Remus had understood exactly what had possessed Sirius to do what he did and even now he wasn’t certain he understood, “We had an argument one evening and he went out.” He knew that he didn’t necessarily have to add that bit, but he did anyway, “He broke into a friend’s car, damaged some others and resisted arrest.” He had known there was something off between Sirius and Peter for a while back then, but he’d never truly understood what.
Frodo tilted his head. So it had been a serious and not-so-serious offence. More important, he gathered, was the argument that preceded it. And the sort of man the other was. He didn’t think Remus was the sort to be gratuitously vindictive. “Did the letter explain why you wouldn’t visit?”
Remus shook his head, “No. At the time, I was studying to become a teacher and I told him that I needed to focus on my schooling. I was....I was mostly upset at how he’d chosen to deal with our argument. We’d had some problems at the time, but I was trying to work them out and he was being incredibly stubborn.”
If that was the case, then Frodo was of the opinion that Remus had acted wisely, although he didn’t want to underthink the issue just because he couldn’t directly compare it to his own experiences. “Well, you were protecting yourself, you were protecting your heart.”
“That’s how I felt at the time,” Remus said, voice lowering slightly as he spoke again, “But I never stopped loving him,” Remus had gone on dates with other people since, men and women alike, but they had never progressed past that first date. He’d always been too hung up on Sirius and regretted the way he’d handled things, “I’m sure this was the last thing you were expecting to hear tonight though.”
“Well, I don’t know... I mean, I didn’t... I didn’t assume.” Frodo cleared his throat. “I think you know what I mean. Honestly, I’m not sure how qualified I am to give advice on this sort of thing. I didn’t really date before I met my wife -- I sort of pictured myself alone -- but I don’t think you did anything wrong by not going to the jail. He’s the one who got himself in there. He shouldn’t blame you. You were put in a very awkward circumstance.”
Remus nodded, “I know. It’s been a very difficult thing to live with. We were all extremely close during school; him, myself and three of our other friends.” Many times Remus had wished that he could turn back time to those days before everything had fallen apart. “I just know that I need to find a way to get him to speak to me so I can explain in person. After that...I simply want him to understand.” Deep down, Remus just didn’t want Sirius to hate him.
If Remus hadn’t already written a letter, Frodo would have suggest that. He sighed and sipped his beer. “Well... if you wanted to continue your relationship, I would say you should go all out. Do something he can’t look away from. But... if you aren’t sure...”
It was almost similar to what Tonks had said when he’d first told her about their past relationship. Remus had never been one for big displays, so he wasn’t even sure what he’d do, but he had a feeling that if he asked Tonks she would figure out something to do, but at the same time, he didn’t want Sirius to know that she knew. “I’m simply not sure if he’ll listen no matter what I do.”
“Then maybe you have to let him go,” Frodo said with a sad shrug. He felt bad saying it, even if it was the way he truly felt. Remus was a nice person, a caring person. He’d taken pity on a on Frodo when he was still a stranger. His former boyfriend or flame or whathaveyou didn’t sound to be the kind to do that at all. At the very least, it sounded like they might not be a good match.
That was definitely different than what Tonks had told him he should do, but he appreciated that Frodo was being honest, “I still have quite a lot to think about. He’s only been back in town a few weeks. We haven’t seen one another in years. I figured that no matter what, I’d give him some time to settle in before I try to contact him again.” No matter what happened between him and Sirius, the conversation they needed to have wasn’t going to be an easy one.
Frodo lift his beer to finish it, but then set it down again. “Do you know why he came back here?” It did seem worthy of questioning, to be gone for years and suddenly return to a place where you’d been arrested and you ostracized your friends, unless there was an aim to make amends. Or cause more trouble.
Remus shook his head, "He still has family out here and our friend James. They were always quite close." That was probably an understatement, considering James and Sirius always thought of themselves more as brothers than best friends. "I would assume it has to mostly do with those two factors." He certainly hadn't come back for Remus.
There is a saying a problem shared is a problem halved. For his own part, Frodo did feel that some weight had been lifted from his shoulders. At least, it had done him some good to talk about things, rather than white-knuckle it.
Frodo sighed. “I wish I could help you more. I really do.”
“It has helped to simply talk about it with someone who isn’t quite as close to the situation as our other friends are,” Remus said, smiling then finished off his beer, “I also hope things work out for you as well, Frodo.”
At this, Frodo nodded sadly. He understood all too well. Talking to Merrill about his fears was too risky until the baby came and he felt cut off from his closest confidant.
He pushed away his empty pint glass and stepped down from the stool. He patted Remus's shoulder and reached for his wallet to pay. The money he dropped on the bar was enough for both drinks. "At least let me get this one."
Remus hadn’t expected that, but he wasn’t going to argue, “Thank you. Perhaps we’ll see one another around again soon. On second thought,” Remus took a pen out of his pocket and scrawled his number down on a napkin, “If you ever need or want to talk again, don’t hesitate to contact me.”
Folding the napkin and placing it in his pocket, he nodded. It seemed the two of them had officially become friends with that gesture. He gave Remus’s shoulder another pat. “Yes, next time we’ll make sure we meet on purpose.”