InsaneJournal

come take a look, give me the hook, or the ovation...
Who:Courfeyrac, his NPC parents
When: Wednesday Morning
What: Courf has a phonecall from home and deals with some stuff
Status: Complete
Warnings/Triggers: Some emotional abuse stuff is pretty heavy in here so read at your own risk.

There were a lot of perks, usually, to having settled so far on the other coast that you were separated, really separated from your family. Courfeyrac was perfectly convinced of that a good several days out of the year, and had been since he’d managed to get away from his parents three years ago. Of course, there were also the moments when the perks all faded away, like the way his phone rang early Wednesday morning displaying his parents’ number.



Like, super early Wednesday, before he even had to think about rolling out of bed because nobody but Enjolras got up when it was DARK outside. Timezones aside, he was pretty convinced they did it to be asses at him in some sort of twisted punishment for moving so far away. He turned over on his side, putting the phone on mute until he woke up again, a couple hours later, to the ringing of the apartment phone.

The nineteenth century bits that he’d been getting in his dreams, where there was a distinct lack of phones available, was really, really appealing right now. Checking his phone, he noticed a ton of messages they must have left and groaned. Nobody was going to let up until he gave in and spoke to them, were they?

“...Fuck.” He settled on, starting for the phone, almost tripping on Cherie in the process. “Hey, Love.” he told the kitten, bending down to scoop her up, because he’d probably need something to focus on while he dealt with whatever this conversation held. Either way, it wasn’t going to be easy, he decided, finally nabbing the phone and tossing himself at the couch, purring kitten in his arms as he hit the answer button. It kept his hands from clenching anyway as he took a second, and a couple breaths, then realized that, his parents on the other end? Were NOT going to be happy about the pausing, even less after trying to get ahold of him all morning.

“....Hi?” He finally managed, his gut clenching up a little as he willed himself not to freak out here. He didn’t even know what they wanted, it might not be a problem. It might be something entirely mundane and normal, or some crisis that had nothing to do with him. Of course if it was that, he’d probably have to fly out there and deal with them, and there was no way he was doing that.

“Well, really, it’s about time you picked up. We’ve been trying to reach you all morning.” His mother answered, her voice still pretty shrill, even though he was pretty sure she was trying to be amusing here. At least that was the usual joking tone she was sliding into now.

Good. She wasn’t pissed. That would make it that much easier to just get through this conversation. There was the part of Courfeyrac that really wanted to just hang up, come up with some excuse and go back to bed, or something. He didn’t even know why he was still putting up with this, but he also knew that he HAD to do it if that made sense.

“It’s like...” his eyes still adjusting, Courfeyrac took a minute to glance at one of the clock, “...ten here. You know.” He tried to pass it off with a little laugh. “Time difference.”

“So you weren’t planning on going to class today?” His father came on now, and Courfeyrac found himself twitching again, a little more violently. He wasn’t pissed yet, but that didn’t mean that if he didn’t end up being really careful here, it was going to happen. Yeah, it wasn’t like he wasn’t an adult, but he also was an adult that didn’t have a job or a clue how to get one, so he was a financially dependent adult here and had to be really careful here.

There were a lot of ways the conversation could go too. He could point out the truth, that he wasn’t on campus Wednesdays, but that was going to spark more of a question about what he was doing with the rest of his life, and if he really insisted on his worthless major, why wasn’t he at least auditioning, like the last conversation they’d had about this around Christmas and why he wasn’t coming home on break. Of course, they also probably just thought that he was being typically lazy, which was also not great so...

“Andre?” His mother prompted. “Are you still there, dear?”

Yeah, he was still there, and he couldn’t think and he should come up with something better than that, something they’d believe...

“Class got cancelled.” he settled on lying. “the professor got uh...” his mind cast around for something really quickly. “Trichinosis. So I’m around for longer today. “ he added, forcing his voice to sound bright and happy. “You know, kind of a nice break before the rest of my fun filled schedule.” Okay, so that little bit of sarcasm swept in there anyway, and even as he was doing it? He could have kicked himself. THAT was not going to end up going over at all.

And then, yeah, that was his mother, sighing. “Do you HAVE to be so negative? You know, your life isn’t so bad. Lounging around Los Angeles while we shell out thousands of dollars, supporting a major that you’re never going to succeed in, darting around from girl to girl and never settling down.”

“You’re twenty one today, and completely unstable.” His father chimed in, and he, at least, was less with the emotional manipulation and closer to yelling, or at least, the kind of lecture he might give one of his employees who he was having to fire for his own good. “We only wanted to wish you a good day, check that your head’s on straight and you’re still not running around like some immature teenager...”

“I’m twenty one tomorrow. It’s the twentieth today, right?” He added quickly, suddenly not exactly sure. Maybe Courfeyrac had lost track of the time himself. It was probably possible. He’d had a LOT on his mind lately, not the least of all them.

“Is your roommate away again? I know how you rely on him for things like that.” The implication there being that he couldn’t handle anything like that on his own. “No, it IS the twentieth of course. IS your birthday tomorrow? Well, then, this is early. You’ll probably be in no condition by this time tomorrow to talk to us as it is, huh?” His dad was actually laughing now, like that was something funny. “Well, have your fun, but remember you DO need to start thinking about growing up. When you graduate and come back home next year, I can probably start you as an intern. We’ll find a way to make up for your grades SOMEHOW.” Implying it was going to be a hardship in that sigh and Courfeyrac felt himself cringing. Not that he was sharing anything with these people, it was probably his fault here for letting them assume the worst, but it was easier than the prying that would have been happening otherwise.

“You know I’m going to stay here a while.” He answered. “Not that it’s not a great opportunity or whatever, but I’ve got a life here now. My friends, and I’ve been on a couple call backs.” He actually hadn’t, but again, you didn’t say that to your parents.

“You said the same at Christmas and you’ve still gotten nowhere. We don’t want you to end up on the street draining someone else’s resources. Look, at some point, you’ve got to wake UP from the dream.” Courfeyrac heard him slamming something in the distance, probably his hand down on a table or something, and even here, he jumped a little at the noise, and that deep, shaky breath he took was audible.

“Are you going into one of your fits again?” his mother was back on and completely disdainful. “How have you survived this long if everything terrifies you? They might be fine with your overdramatics at college, but once you’re out in the real world. Really, have you considered getting over it? You’re never going to have a life this way and really will end up depending on us forever. You know, your sisters all manage to be successful and yet here you are. Still disappointing. I don’t know how we went wrong but someday someone’s going to have a LOT of bullshit to sift through if you ever manage to convince her to think you’re worth it.”

“Someone already has.” He muttered, and once Courfeyrac had really started, found he couldn’t STOP. “Someone who loves me a damned site more than I could ever hope from you. His name is Jehan, and he’s there for when you have never been, and he’s amazing and beautiful and makes me WANT to live for once. The way you never have. And someday, we’re getting married and going to have a life and even if I’m never getting PAID for what I do, it isn’t going to matter for once. He doesn’t put conditions on... “

“You know, what? No, I’m through.”

And then, before he could control it, really, the same way things had been going all week, Courfeyrac found himself singing, better than he ever had before:

I am what I am
I am my own special creation.
So come take a look,
Give me the hook or the ovation.

It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,
My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.

Life's not worth a damn,
'Til you can say, "Hey world, I am what I am."

I am what I am,
I don't want praise, I don't want pity.
I bang my own drum,
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty.

And so what, if I love each feather and each spangle,
Why not try to see things from a diff'rent angle?

Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud
I am what I am!

I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses.
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces.

There's one life, and there's no return and no deposit;
One life, so it's time to open up your closet.
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say,
"Hey world, I am what I am!"

And then, and only then, did he hang up.