Judy Martin (boston_bitch) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-13 23:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, oliver queen (green arrow), roy harper (red arrow) ii, sister jude martin, thea queen |
Who: Judy Martin, Roy Harper, Thea and Oliver Queen
Where: Oliver's apartment
What: Hilarity!
When: 3/10
Warnings/Rating: R for drug use, language, and Ollie being Ollie
Status: Complete
Jude had been planning to meet Oliver at his place before going out to dinner. She parked in the garage and rang the bell, hoping Oliver was home, even though she was early. The buzzer sounded, and she spoke into it. “Hello? Oliver?”
Ollie wasn’t around at the moment, no. He was still over in the office, going over a couple things he’d absolutely had to get finished with the bank, but luckily, there were PEOPLE home at least. “Oh hey, that’ll be Judy.” Thea noted, looking up from a set of math problems that Roy, who had had come over for reasons still unknown to her, had been trying, and failing, to walk her through.
“What, the hot cougar?” Roy sounded impressed. “Huh. She seemed kind of awesome online. And it’s not like we’re getting anywhere here. Sorry, I kind of slept through the last couple months of high school.”
“Yeah, I guessed.” Thea shrugged, tossing the study guide aside and went to buzz Judy in. “Hey!” she called. “Ollie’s not home yet, but come on up. I’ve got ROY here.” She added, like it was some kind of threat or treat. It would be hard to tell which.
Well, this would be interesting, at least. Judy laughed. “Okay.” She opened the door and headed inside when it buzzed, taking the elevator up. They hadn’t been planning on anything too fancy, so she was just wearing jeans and a v-neck.
She knocked at the door, curious as to what the kid might say. She’d apparently appropriately schooled him on the internet, but it had been a good day. She could handle being snarked at. And all she had to do to keep Thea in line was allude to the fact that she and Oliver had gone at it in his Lexus the other day. The upholstery hadn’t even suffered overmuch.
Hey, she was getting to know the lay of the land here. That was a bonus for everybody involved here. Roy was the one who got the door, and gave her a once over and a little wave. “Ollie’s possibly insane girlfriend. Hey. I’m Roy.“ he added, pretty unnecessarily since who else was the ginger guy likely to be. And the one person in the room she hadn’t met and all. “He’s finishing up some argument with the bank about how much of a check they’ll cash or something, I don’t even know. But it shouldn’t be long.”
It took work not to reply with ‘Oliver’s possibly insane godson’ - that would have been too rude even for her. “Good to meet you, Roy. How are you doing, Thea?” They both looked fairly relaxed. Thea had had some interesting times lately, she knew, but she wasn’t about to give Thea a lecture or something; at least not until they were alone. “Thanks for letting me up; I planned for too much traffic.”
Roy would have laughed hysterically at that. Hey, he knew perfectly well that he was possibly insane. He’d gotten kicked out of anger management classes for beating up a guy in a wheelchair with his stump after all. God, he was glad he was past that stage and had an arm again. Not that it had made him that much less crazy but hey.
“Not bad.” Thea considered. “Well, not great either, but...” But she’d been the one who’d fucked up so she deserved what she was dealing with right now, she’d accepted that. The weird and freaky part had been Ollie being vaguely sympathetic about it all. Disappointed but sympathetic. It’d been bizarre. “Hey, you never know out here, right? “ She was kind of glad she didn’t have anything to drive here, considering. “You want anything while you wait?” The kitchen was kind of un-navigable currently, but mostly that was because of the various pots Ollie had left sitting around in various stages of...She didn’t even know. It probably also didn’t help that there was something vaguely suspicious going on in there. Something that had NOT been her idea.
A tiny baggie rested on the counter there. And inside it, well...
Judy saw it only after she’d kicked off her shoes. She laughed, though. It would have been the height of hypocrisy to deliver the no-drugs-no-drinking lecture. “Whose weed? And are there brownie fixings?” Given how much pot Oliver had smoked in his life, she couldn’t entirely be sure it wasn’t his.
She did eye the kitchen a little warily, though. “You weren’t kidding about his cooking, were you, Thea?” Last time she’d alluded to it.
Roy snickered at this part. “Ours. Technically mine.” since it didn’t look like she was going to freak out, he might as well be honest here. “The weekend I have had. THE THINGS THAT I HAVE SEEN.” he added, looking as if he were someone who had witnessed a great trial and emerged at the other end sadder, wiser, and traumatized for life. “Figured I’d show Thea Ollie’s recipe while I had it around.” he added, the picture of virtue here. “Have to share things with my favorite aunt.”
Thea snorted and nudged Roy in the shoulder. “So that’s a yeah on the brownie stuff.” she told Judy with a grin. “He saw BIRTH a couple days ago. I think he’s traumatized for LIFE.”
Judy had to laugh, and laugh long. “I think I met one of the girls who had the baby online. She was really happy ... but yeah, I’ve seen birth. It’s not pleasant.” For a twentysomething kid who didn’t seem interested in knocking up any women, she figured it had been terrifying.
To business, though. “Tell me you layer the weed into the mix, by the way. Some people just slop it on top and that just tastes bad.”
“Really?” Roy looked intrigued at the idea. “No steeping it in the butter beforehand?” That was the way he’d learned how to do it, so he was blinking. “Yours sounds a whole lot better than Ollie’s actually.” and it wasn’t like he’d been one to swap recipes after all. “His involves a whole lot of weird steps like THAT.” Layering? Amazing. Color Roy intrigued.
Judy raised an eyebrow. “That sounds kind of gross, honestly. The way we always made them back in the day was to chop it up and just add it into the bowl before the last mix.” You added butter, yeah, but to the regular brownie mix. “You won’t taste the pot, but most people don’t want to anyway.” She couldn’t help but grin. “I went to a lot of concerts in the seventies. You learn the good stuff.” She’d never done anything stronger than pot, but she’d smoked a lot of pot.
Something did occur to her. “Are either of you on probation for drugs?” She’d help if it wouldn’t be getting in trouble with the law. That would probably bug her.
“Nope.” Thea had only done the legal stuff. Not legal to HER but since nobody had pressed charges, well, no one actually KNEW about it beyond the therapist she’d talked to at the ranch, Ollie, Rarity and Roy because he’d been there. ...Okay, and probably most of the valarnet had guessed but none of the cops had. So there was THAT.
“And I’m good.” Roy answered, since well, his probation wasn’t for drugs, and as far as he could tell, his probation mostly hinged on staying out of insanity inducing situations, and being in therapy. So... “Care to show us?” He grinned.
Goddamnit. “If Oliver breaks up with me I am going to find you little bastards.” Judy was only half teasing, but she nodded. “Is there a baking pan we could use that isn’t full of chili misfires or something else I don’t think I should touch?”
“Probably.” Thea moved into the kitchen to rummage in a cupboard, coming up with a clean bowl and a pan that had never, to her knowledge been used for the chilli massacres. “He needs to just not cook.” she added, sadly.
“Yeeah...” Roy shook his head. “I think the chilli’s gotten worse. He USED to make other food. Sometimes. “ That said? He was definitely into this idea. “And Deal. If he’s upset by this. He’ll probably think it’s funny.” Probably. Thea was involved so MAYBE not, but he could deal.
“Hopefully!” Judy was already looking for brownie mix, and managed to find it in the cabinet. “Aha. Okay. I’m not much of a cook, but this shouldn’t be hard.” She could follow friggin’ directions, at least.
Most of it was easy, obviously, but after she had all but a few ingredients in the bowl, she picked up the bag of pot. “This is the part you should watch.” She dumped the bag out onto the cutting board. Lining it up, she began to chop it finely, almost like lettuce or another vegetable. She kept the important parts intact, but they were still small enough to be chewed. “This way, it just gets mixed in with the fudge. All of the THC, none of the shitty taste.”
Thea leaned over intently watching as she chopped, and taking mental notes. This was going to lead to some really interesting college study groups in her future, she decided, and Roy? Seemed to be getting the same impression.
“Yeah.” he found himself agreeing. “Ollie’s brownies always go too sweet to compensate. It’s sort of nasty after a while.” He didn’t take his eyes off of this part at all that was for sure.
Which was probably why neither of them noticed the door opening or heard Ollie walking in. There were better things going on here, clearly.
“The brownies actually have to be good, or nobody’ll fucking eat them.” Judy chuckled, taking the cutting board and sweeping the chopped herb into the bowl. “You let it mix now, along with adding the milk. Stir it really well, because then it almost becomes part of it. The only way this would taste gross is if you chomped down on a bud, and that’s not likely. So you - oh!”
She’d happened to look up and see her boyfriend walk in the door; it was a good thing she only dropped the bowl onto the counter instead of the floor - talk about a waste of what looked like good weed.
‘Chomped down on a bud? What the HELL?’ Ollie took the next few steps toward the kitchen space, raising an eyebrow as he glanced at all of them. Chocolate. Mixing... “Oh my god. You’re teaching them pot brownies?” He asked Judy, torn between being appalled and laughing hilariously.
“And you haven’t even used my recipe?” That was the part that settled it as Ollie shrugged and perched on a counter, joining them. Why the hell not, right?
“You steep perfectly good weed in butter, apparently.” Judy shot back amiably, once she worked out he wouldn’t be furious. “They swore they weren’t on probation for drugs, and it’s not like we’re going anywhere. I figured I could show them how to make good ones, since I was a little early.” She’d started to mix up the batter again while she was talking. Once it got to a consistency that looked okay, she moved to put it in the pan. “These apparently cook pretty fast. So we’ll see how it is.”
“Nope. nobody’s on a DRUG probation.” Ollie was giving Roy an amused, exasperated glance like ‘seriously?’ but he wasn’t going to stop him either if he really wanted to. And as far as Thea and addiction went? Pot wasn’t in the same category as, well, anything. Thea could stand to get hooked and be stoned most of the time. It’d probably make everybody in their lives a whole lot happier. “And yeah, of course I do.” He added, watching her. “You mean you DON’T?”
“Of course not. Then you still taste the weed, and you have to dump a ton of sugar in to make it not horrible.” Judy chuckled. She turned around to put the baking pan in the stove, setting the timer. “I told Thea once that if I’m still here around your birthday, we’re getting you cooking lessons.” But her eyes were fond, and she really was a little afraid that he’d be angry with her.
“Oh come ON.” Ollie was laughing and turned to give Judy a kiss, even with the kids there, because he didn’t care about traumatizing them by now. “It’s not THAT bad, really. Sure, the chilli sometimes gets forgotten but...I still make a really amazing variant with tofu and ginger.”
Not helping very much here, Ollie.
That helped her relax a little, and she grinned into the kiss. “A Texas senator I worked with used to say that even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while.” Judy teased. She leaned into him, going to pick up the mixing bowl and spoons and all that. “You think there’s sink space for this? Or is there a dishwasher to load?” Okay, she wasn’t trying to make Oliver look bad, but still, she wasn’t about to leave dirty dishes in someone else’s sink.
“I’ve got sink space.” Ollie had left a side of it cleared out for when he started dumping out the old attempts at various things he’d had sitting in the fridge for the last week. “Let me grab the soap.” He added, reaching over to throw some in the bowl so they could fill it up, making sure that the two of them touched as much as possible in the process, and not JUST to mess with Roy and Thea’s heads.
“Oh God.” Thea’s head hit the counter with a thunk “I didn’t need to see this.”
The more he touched her, the more relaxed she felt; Judy grabbed the sponge and started to wash the bowl, lightly hip bumping him. “Maybe we can do this stuff so Thea doesn’t have to. She’s your sister, not your kitchen wench, after all.” Besides, it would pass the time. The brownies would only take ten minutes or so.
“I get that I don’t even live here.” Roy said watching as it looked like they were actually going to do that. “But uh. Occasionally I eat in this kitchen. Just, you know, keep that in mind?” He asked, at which point Ollie flicked soap suds at him, and he headed out.
Thea gave Judy a grateful smile at that. She HAD been playing kitchen wench for a while now, and with Ollie? That shit got old pretty fast. “I knew I liked you for a reason.” She commented, following Roy back out to escape the whatever erotic cleaning they’d manage in ten minutes.
Ollie snickered, watching them go and actually went ahead to attack some of the other dishes that were waiting there. “You make cleaning a LOT more fun.”
She couldn’t entirely stop herself; before she dove into the cleaning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I didn’t know if you’d be pissed.” Jude smiled a little. “Just, Roy was doing it all wrong.” She didn’t really think bonding with those two, even a little, was a bad idea. “And even though Thea fucked up that poor kid, the right punishment probably isn’t making her clean your chili-encrusted pans.”
“Roy was probably doing it the way *I* do it.” Ollie protested. “That’s not WRONG really. ...I didn’t think it was.” He added, since he was probably about to be schooled by someone who had more experience than his random athlete experiments over the years. Not that he thought Judy went around drugged all the time but.
“Hey, they’re both over eighteen. They can get stoned if they want to.” He said, shrugging. “Well, pot anyway. And Thea...Yeah. I feel sorry for the kid involved. He’s had a lot of shit go down but...it’s not the thing of thing she’s going to GET right now. She’s kind of...” He wasn’t sure what word to use here exactly. “Self absorbed I guess. Not that she doesn’t want to help people or anything but the whole empathy trait’s not all there yet.” It’d taken him a while too, somewhere in college, to really apply THAT.
“It isn’t wrong ... just I got taught a way that needs less sugar.” Judy chuckled as she washed. “I’ll tell you, I felt like ripping her a new one, but stopped myself. It’s not my place.” She sometimes felt a little protective of the kid, but firstly, she wasn’t really a kid, and she wasn’t her kid. For all she knew, Oliver would get tired of her in a few months. “And I do remember being a self-absorbed little bitch when I was her age.” She had to laugh. “I think it’s something you grow out of.”
“God knows, I did.” Ollie winced, remembering some of his fantastic young adult fuck ups. “I’m not talking the ‘I’m such a horrible person before the dreams’ angst either. Just a general ‘wow, what a little shithead I was before I could legally drink’ observation.” He smirked as he scrubbed at some of the chilli stain he’d left behind in one of the pots. And nothing happened. Oh gross.
Judy watched, shaking her head. “I don’t think just soap will get that out. You may have to go invest in cleaners and steel wool.” She laughed. “God, Oliver. And honestly, I think all the best people were little assholes when they were kids. Maybe it bodes well for Thea’s future.”
“Thea brought some home that night of the movie fiasco.” Ollie said. “But I think it’s kind of...dead now.” He shook his head at the pot miserably. “I might actually have to replace this. Damn. I wonder if Williams Sonoma has a frequent shopper club. “ He sighed mournfully.
“Yeah that’s true. And well. She can get over it now.” With him, yeah. Considering what he’d gotten out of Thea’s actual parents, Thea herself when she let her guard down, and the way they’d been perfectly happy to sign the paperwork back before she’d turned eighteen though, maybe he could see WHY she was kind of a mess.
Kind of.
“At least she has someone who gives a flying shit about her.” Judy shrugged, picking up one of the pots that didn’t look so ... crusted. “Roy, too.” She managed to clean off most of the grime on that pot, and a few more before the oven timer went off. “Hey, there they are. Let’s see if they taste like they’ve got chocolate in them.”
“Awesome.” Ollie grabbed a pair of mitts, yeah, he actually owned them, and they were actually themed, ridiculously enough, to chickens, not that anything else in the kitchen was, as he tugged them out. “They’ll be okay I think. Eventually. Are we supposed to poke these with a toothpick or...”
“Probably. Or a fork will do.” Judy grabbed one, sticking it in. “Looks good to me. Thea? Roy?” She raised her voice. “I promise it’s safe, and the brownies are ready.”
“You’re sure about that?” Roy’s voice echoed, then he took a peek around and waved Thea in too. “Oh thank god. I don’t want to see anything that makes me think about, well PREGNANCY AND BIRTH for a long time. Including romances that involve women.” Because he at least couldn’t physically have a kid and neither could Zev. THAT was still perfectly safe.
Behind him, Thea snickered. “Geez,that really did a number on you didn’t it? Yeah, I think this boy NEEDS to relax.”
“Women are allowed to fuck and get knocked up.” Judy couldn’t resist. “I’m not about to be knocked up, but nobody’s going to stop me from jumping Oliver in the backseat of his car if I feel like it.” She smiled almost sweetly at Oliver, and yet it wasn’t quite that sweet.
She ignored any groaning, just sliced the brownies. “Give ‘em a shot.”
Roy whimpered, sinking onto one of the stools, head in his hands, at that. Just noo. God. At least she wasn’t going to get knocked up but still. STILL. Look, it was worrying, right now, okay?
“Poor thing. Can’t even think about enjoying the brownies.” Ollie smirked at Judy as he grabbed a couple, pressing one into Roy’s hand along the way. “Seriously. I’ve still got that condom endorsement from three years ago going so I”m rolling in the things.” Which probably was more information than any of them wanted to know.
Thea shrieked a little, like she’d seen a spider or something, but she wasn’t exactly backing away either. There were stoner brownies here. That priority kinda won out.
That was news to Judy as well, so she couldn’t entirely stop the laughing. “That explains so much. I didn’t know if you just thought you were hot shit.” Well, of course, he was, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. They’d never fit his ego in the room.
She took one of the brownies, figuring she’d go for a shot. She took a bite, nodding slowly. “Tastes good to me. I don’t taste that bitterness.”
“Of course I think I’m hot shit, what guy doesn’t?” Ollie asked her, grinning. “And they send so many that it’d be a shame to waste them before they expire, right?” He smirked. And Thea looked torn between laughing and being horrified. His work here was done.
And with that, Ollie bit into one of the brownies. “Oh wow, “ He chewed thoughtfully for a minute. “Yeah, definitely not there. That’s perfect.” This was part of why he loved her.
“Thea? Roy? What do you two think?” Judy couldn’t help but grin. “It might take just a little longer to kick in because it’s so fine, but you’ll feel it.” Usually when you smoked it, it was fairly immediate, but it might be a few minutes, she knew.
She leaned on Oliver in the meantime, maybe slipping her hand into his back pocket.
Thea had sort of started to notice stuff, but then, she was a first timer so that was probably to be expected. And she was a little giggly about it, really. “So far, so good. I don’t really taste like...anything.” But she was feeling kind of floaty and amazing. “It’s nice though. “ she added, sort of dreamilly. Yeah, she could get to like this.
“So much blood.” Roy was still whimpering a little, but he’d also consumed some brownie by now so the effects should start up PRETTY soon. “These are pretty amazing though. I like them better this way.”
“I win.” Judy couldn’t help the fist-pump. She giggled a little, though, and blinked. “That was quicker than I thought. It starts with being a little floaty, at least for me. You get kind of mellow, Thea.” She leaned on Oliver again, feeling - well, she had to admit - snuggly.
Ollie draped an arm around Judy, a dazed sort of smile crossing his face. “This is niiice.” he drawled. “Like...really nice.” Was that a little purr he was letting out? Yeah, it kinda was. ...Oh dear.
Roy, for his part, was starting to get this animated look in his eyes now as he tried to focus on something, failed to, and tried again in quick order. Uh... Oh dear.
Okay, it was impossible not to laugh hysterically at the dopey look on Oliver’s face. “Does it only take one brownie to get you this fucked up?” Judy managed between giggles. She jokingly scratched behind his ear, given he was purring like a cat. She squinted at Roy, brow furrowing. “What are you doing?”
“Thinking about things.” Roy said vaguely, slow smile spreading across his face the more the drugs took effect. “Do you know, I don’t think anyone’s actually calculated the airspeed velocity of a swallow? Even WITH Monty Python making it a thing for years. We should try it.” he told Ollie. “Like bring it up at the next meeting.”
...Uh...okay then, Roy.
“Could you shoot faster than it?” Judy blinked at him owlishly. “I bet swallows are pretty fast. Do you know?” She turned back toward Oliver. “You know a lot about that kind of thing. Or where’s Thea?” The idea of Thea vanishing was somehow very funny, and she couldn’t quit laughing.
“Maaybe?” Roy suggested, uncertainly as he pondered, his eyes really wide and completely dilated. “Barton could. “ Not that he was currently SPEAKING to Clint but he was pretty sure he still could manage that. “I’m not sure if I can though. You’d need like a motorized superflight arrow.” Then he looked to Ollie.
“THERE’S a superhero arrow you can make! Motorized. It’ll be perfect for team arrow stuff!”
“What the hell is team arrow?” Thea wondered, managing to contain her own level of amused spaced outness for the moment. “Is that like what you two do alone together on the nights I’m in class?” She started giggling at the thought. “Do you like, I don’t know. FLETCH or something?” The idea was HILARIOUS somehow. “And I’m here! I think?” she asked Judy, uncertainly as she stared at her hand. “Like *I* see me.”
Judy just assumed it was Oliver’s stupid little name for his archery practices. Roy, Clint and himself. She was still giggling. “I see you now! I didn’t see you before. You were somewhere.” She gestured with one hand, which only made her giggle harder. “You better not be invisible all the time. Oliver would need to put a bell on you.” And that was just too much to think of without giggling so hard she snorted.
That set Ollie off, because wow, that was hysterical. “Cowbell.” He proclaimed, through the laughing. “And Team Arrow’s a...is a thing. A secret thing.” He added, very importantly. He almost added, but not quite, that he was a damned superhero and it was HIS team and stuff. It was occurring to him anyway, but the bell thing? Too funny.
“A secret thing with ARROWS.” Roy added. “That he won’t let me on. Because of I don’t know why. I think Team Arrow reeeallly means sitting around making the arrows and playing with them.” Snerk. “Because this guy.” Ollie got a one armed hug from Roy while he got another brownie with the other hand. “He does this stuff. It’s a Ollie thing. It’s all secretive. Unless he’s like a Mason. I don’t know.” He glanced at Judy. “What are YOUR feelings on the masons?”
Hmm?
“A secret thing?” Judy made a face. “Let me guess. It’s boys only. It’s always boys only, but that went out when I was in high school.” She took another brownie, purring at the chocolate. Maybe a little exaggeratedly. She snuggled up on Oliver from the other side, closing her eyes, still smiling, still giggling a little. “You would have a fucking forge. If anyone would.”
“Not boys only, no.” Ollie assured her. “More of a Ollies only at the moment. I’d take openings though.” He shrugged a little. “You know. When the time feels right and all.” he added, stretching out comfortably. “Right now though, yeah pretty much. Well, I don’t have a FORGE but that’d be awesome. Nah, I should get a cave.”
A BatArrow cave. Clearly.
“Uh huh.” Thea rolled her eyes, and wow. Rolling her eyes felt kind of awesome. “Wow. You can feel EVERYTHING MOVE.” She proclaimed, waving her hand in front of her face at the same time. “This is the coolest thing EVER.”
“Openings.” Judy couldn’t help herself, and snickered. It occurred to her to tell the girl, “Thea, the one thing is that pot can make you horny. Some people, it makes them close down, and some people, it makes them want to screw everything.” She laughed again, watching Roy twitch. “Some people it makes twitchy and stare at the wall!”
“Mmm really now?” Thea was interested and still moving her fingers around, transfixed by them. Sure, she was listening, but, yeah. Not really FOCUSING or anything. “It’s probably a good idea I don’t think I’m horny right now. Cause like, I know I messed with your head, Ollie, when you didn’t know we were related and flirted with you for the hell of it, but yeah. That’s just, wrong or something. Just say no to queencest or something.”
Ollie snickered at the comment. not even bothering to be appalled. “That’s wild really. That it does SO much I mean. Pot’s like...truly the drug that keeps on giving. And it’s so amazing on top of that too. Cause it’s all...green. And canadian maple leafy. You think Canadians are stoners?”
“You know who stoners ARE?” Roy asked, still twitchy. “Hufflepuffs. It’s kinda in the name and they live RIGHT next to the kitchen and like...things. “ He burst out laughing then. “Getting stoned at Hogwarts though. Man that has to be FUCKED UP.”
It was starting to hurt her back, laughing this hard. Judy smirked, still giggling. “What is that Hufflepuff shit? Are they Canadian? Or green? Or both?” She blinked. “Holy shit, green Canadians. That’d be so weird.”
“Omigod.” Ollie practically flung himself on top of Judy to give her a kiss. “You are like my favorite person, seriously. And ever. Green Canadians.” He shook his head. “Everybody knows they’re secretly polar bears. And polar bears aren’t green. But that’d be kind of great.”
“Mmph!” Judy laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Well, it would be weird! But yeah, I guess they are polar bears.” That made more sense, honestly. “But seriously, what’s a Hufflepuff?” She rested a hand on his chest, sighing contentedly at the muscle. God, he was ripped. Maybe she didn’t care what a Hufflepuff was.
“Like Harry Potter shit.” Ollie said, waving an imaginary wand in the air. “They’re wizards. The kind of lame wizards in the series really. Like they’re nice people and all but...” He shook his head. “Yeeeah. They’re also really chill though so I guess that’s good. Like, I’d get high with a Hufflepuff. They’re really good at plants.”
“You need to like show the movie to her sometime.” Thea suggested. “I mean not right now cause I’d get all depressed and shit. We should do something fun instead. Cause this sorta would be made better with some kind of game. Like, I don’t know really...”
“Oh My GOD.” Roy leapt up onto a chair as she said that and pointed at the kitchen floor. “THE FLOOR IS LAVA!”
Judy burst out laughing, but as she looked down, she got the message. “Get up on an island!” She went over to jump on a kitchen chair, looking around with only half-mock terror.
“Oh my GOD NO.” Ollie flailed and jumped to the thankfully low island lining the kitchen that spaced out it and the living room. “DON’T DROWN, THEA!” He shouted.
Thea scrambled up onto her chair, flailing as she did so. “Oh my god, oh my god. We’re all gonna die!” she called, pretty deadpan actually. Okay, yeah. This? Hilarious.
“It’s not hot, though.” Judy shook her head, looking mystified. “It should be hot.” She got off the kitchen chair, but as she did, she started to jump. “Ah! Oh! Ah!” She didn’t, for some reason, want to touch the floor. “There!” She jumped over to the sofa, landing on it on her knees.
“Niiice!” Ollie applauded, and he was, by this point, doing a little bit of building jumping. Not a lot and, okay, most of it involved more practice jumping from Barton’s sheds over at the range, which he didn’t know about at all, Ollie didn’t think, or from rooftops on the same sets of buildings that consisted of maybe a ten foot drop at MOST. He wasn’t BATMAN after all. Either way? He totally approved of that jump. “I think you should get points.” He commented, glancing for somewhere HE could jump to and settling, for whatever reason, on leaping to one of the stools lining the island.
And then, hey. They had wheels. He could PROBABLY propel himself across the room if he stretched out and didn’t let anything touch the floor.
Judy held up her arms, cheering. “Not too bad, Robin Hood!” She looked up at Roy, who still seemed twitchy. “Are you just going to sit there until the lava eats you? You might have to move, boy.”
“It’s rising?” Roy glanced down at the lava, frowned, and started looking for somewhere to reach. He PROBABLY could get to the stupid ottoman in the middle of the room if he took a bit of a running leap. He tucked himself into a ball, leapt up...and crashed into the lava.
“Noooo!”
“He’s down! We can’t save you now!” Thea shouted, pointing. “Can I have your stuff?”
Judy couldn’t help but laugh. She flopped onto the couch, hands to her face, giggling helplessly. “Roy, don’t give up!” But she hid her face in the pillow, curling up into a ball, giggling. “Oliver, I have to save him!”
She was thinking, despite the look on her face. Before anyone could shout at her, she jumped onto the carpet, though she wound up just lying on her back, laughing.
“I invoke the pirates code!” Ollie cried, as horrible as that was to do but...THE FLOOR WAS LAVA. They would understand. Really. Some things you didn’t NEED to be a superhero for, right? He was hoping right. “EVERYONE THAT STAYS BEHIND GETS LEFT BEHIND.” He added, tugging himself off the wheely chair and trying to stand up on it, which wasn’t probably the BEST idea ever but he was attempting it anyway. His legs were dangling as he tried to steady himself though.
“Oh my God.” Thea had managed, at this point, to land herself on one of the living room chairs. “That’s really really low. Just...seriously. You’re like the worst boyfriend EVER or something.” And clearly, she had to be the one to figure out a revenge plan for the sake of the others. Or well. There were pillows.
“Floatation devices!” she called, reaching for pillows to throw at Judy and Roy. “YOU STILL CAN SURVIVE IF YOU GET ON THE FLOATS!”
“Ow.” Judy got smacked in the face with the pillow. But she managed to grab it. “Oliver, you son of a bitch!” she yelled, clinging to the pillow, still laughing. “I’ve been betrayed! Don’t fall on your head, but I totally hope you fall off that thing!”
“Me too.” Roy scrambled around, trying to grab his pillow and repeatedly flailing around instead, always just quite missing it. “Death to the traitor!” He added, looking around for some kind of weapon he could use against Ollie. It was only right now. Honor. And uh...things.
“Traitor!” Jude managed to stretch up toward the sofa again, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Oliver, standing on the chair. “Teach you to leave me behind!”
“Get him!” Thea tossed another pillow at Ollie’s head, and Ollie, already flaily as he was, sidestepped quickly, tripping, but then righting himself, sort of. His LEG was in the ‘lava’ but not all of him.
“It BURNS.” Ollie proclaimed, and really, he was laughing so much he could barely breathe so that was sort of true. Sort of.
Thea pumped a fist triumphant in the air and then, wow. The spinning thing was happening again and she was sliding. Sort of. “Noooo!”
“Hold on for dear life, Thea!” Judy threw Roy’s pillow at Oliver, watching him flail. “Come here, you bastard!” But she was laughing too, lying on her back and laughing so hard tears poured from her eyes. This felt good. She felt like things were going to be okay, despite all indications to the contrary. “You are so not getting any sex later for this!”
This felt really good. Even with that threat. Ollie hadn’t been THIS relaxed in a very VERY long time. He was flailing and flailing and Roy, stealthy as he could be, which, considering how stoned he was, wasn’t very, had “swum” his way over toward him. “Lava shark alert!” he called, yanking at Ollie’s leg.
Something like a cackle escaped Judy. “I’ll miss him, but he betrayed me first! Pull him down!”
“Pull him down!” Thea leapt over to Ollie’s precarious position, or tried to, falling, but landing near enough to Roy that she could help. And she started yanking with him. Sure, Ollie weighed a little bit more than they did, but COMBINED...
...It was starting to work. Ollie flailed around, trying to escape, but, well, he was ‘sinking’ anyway. It’d be nice to really sink into something warm and thick sometime. Like warm pudding or something. Oh my god pudding. Pudding would be kind of good right now.
Pretty soon, all of them were lying on their backs, in the “lava”, laughing like idiots. Or at least that was what Judy thought was going on. It might just have been her. “Can we stay here?” she managed between giggles. She willed herself to stop laughing, if only because it was beginning to hurt. “I don’t think it’s lava anymore. It isn’t hot.”
“It’s comfortable.” Roy stretched out experimentally, his head landing on one of the “rafts”. “I like it. And I really like the ceiling.” He said, staring up at it. “it’s like...all white and stuff. It makes you think. About the illuminati.” He added. “You KNOW about that, right?”
“Uh...” Ollie blinked at that. “is this like that law school admissions essay declaring your intent to be a hermit crab lawyer Wrex told me about? Or is it actually a thing?”
“Hmmmmmmmmm.” Roy appeared lost in thought, considering the answer to that. “They have a base in New Mexico.” he added as an afterthought. “Also Denver.”
“Really?” Judy craned her neck over. “How would you know unless you are one?” She narrowed her eyes. She heard Thea make a noise over above her head, and she laughed, but managed to stifle some of it. “I have no idea when you’ll come down. Takes me a while.” Thea would probably still mind if she took Oliver to bed when she was home, though. Maybe the car.
The car worked. Ollie would be definitely okay with the car. It had great shock absorption after all, so nothing could really wreck things. And the seats were easily wiped down. He was glad he’d gone for the leather option really. He’d sorta LOVE stoned sex. It would probably be the best thing ever. Usually him being stoned resulted in him curling up and going to sleep somewhere with nothing else. So a change would be good.
“I don’t think I’m an illuminati.” Roy considered. “I’m a CLONE, sure, an angry angry clone but not an alien. That’s...whoever Superboy is in the dreams.” He nodded firmly.
“Superboy? Like Superman?” Judy sat up, brow furrowed. “You still didn’t say how you know. I think you are one. You can be a clone and an Illuminati.” She turned to Oliver. “I shouldn’t give you any sex ‘cause you’re a traitor, but I kind of want to get laid. You have to get up.”
“Yeah, he’s like...an angry alien clone of him or something.” Roy said. “Superman’s kinda awesome in the dreams. Or like, he’s got the rep I don’t know. Something.” he said, grinning. “And Superboy? Mostly he’s an angrier clone than I am. And can punch things and has pets. They all live in a cave with him. And this green martian girl.” He shrugged. “The rest of us have places to go or whatever and I ran away from the superhero junior club because I was pissed at Ollie. Go figure. I’d know if I was an alien though I think. I mean like...alien blood would show up, right? Are humans illuminati or just in on their schemes again? ”
“Yeah, that’d never happen at all, Roy.” Ollie shook his head. “You running away cause you’re all pissed at me.” He snickered. “I’m kind of the most awesome superhero there. Well, there’s a guy like the Batman one we had running around here for a while over the summer and he’s AMAZING. Like, I wanna BE Batman, you know? Either the one from the dreams or here. I’m just awesome cause I get to shoot arrows. Shooting arrows is the BEST. Well, besides sex.” He rolled over on his side to grin at Judy. “I think getting laid would be the ABSOLUTE best thing ever. I mean using my FAVORITE arrow and all.”
“EWWW!” Thea shrieked at that. “That’s so... Eww...”
“How is anyone angrier than you?” Judy still looked confused. But it turned into guffawing laughter when Oliver grinned like that. She heard Thea scream, and really, what else could Judy do but roll on top of Oliver and lean down to kiss him hard? Making out in front of Thea was not possible to pass up. Just for a minute. Just to be silly. Just to show him that Jesus, even stoned he was fucking irresistible.
“Oh my god oh my god, my EYES!” Thea shrieked, covering them. At which point, Ollie started moaning loudly and making more obvious makeout sounds that sounded more like a Zevran video than real life. What could he say? He was THAT big brother, yeah.
“Well it IS in dream world.” Roy suggested. “Maybe my brain just replaces me as the default angry one for a... Oh Jesus GET A ROOM. I’M TRAUMATIZED. You’re not supposed to see your dad thing making out with someone.”
Judy let up, if only because it was getting hard to breathe between kissing and laughing. “Can we leave them alone?” She asked Oliver, still with her hands on his chest, almost wheezing. He was being gorgeous, but God only knew what Thea and Roy might do. Or, hell, maybe they’d just lie there and whimper.
“We SHOULD leave them alone.” Ollie agreed, slipping an arm around Judy as he only half pulled himself up. “Let’s see. They’d end up HEARING everything so... We could go somewhere else. The office is over in another building way at the other end of the complex or I’d say there. But...I don’t wanna walk that faaarrr.”
He was whining now. And sticking out his lower lip. Aww?
“Fucking puppy eyes. It’s not fair.” Jude visibly melted. She did hit him, though, smacking him on the arm. “You leave me in the lava and then you give me puppy eyes and you’re still going to get laid, and I hate you.” But she struggled to her feet. “The car’s closer. You better walk that far or Thea will probably barf on you.”
“Yeah and barf is definitely not conducive to being sexy.” Ollie agreed, pushing himself up and reaching for her hand. “Shall I pull you from the lava and spirit you away to the carriage of love then?” he offered, batting his eyes theatrically because he could.
“Now I’m going to barf.” But she was laughing again, leaning on Oliver to walk toward the door. She did stop, though. “Thea, drink water and go to sleep and you’ll come down. God, that’s good weed.” She didn’t want to be responsible for the girl freaking out; she did think of that much.
She did also call, “Roy, maybe get Zev to take you home, cause sex is really really good when you’re high. Really good. Unless one of you can’t get it up.” Yet more giggles.
“That sounds pretty amazing.” Roy was rushing for his phone to send out a text. Hell, stoned sex sounded pretty great to him. “And I can like, make sure Auntie gets water and stuff before Zev gets here.” Then he paused a second, blinking at them both for one long moment.
“Have nice sex!”
Jude just laughed as she half dragged Oliver out the door.