Julian wants some light for the darkness. (theshadowman) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-11 23:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, anastasia romanova, julian |
Who: Julian and Anya.
What: Flowers.
When: Friday afternoon (3/8).
Where: The hospital, a coffee shop.
Rating: R.
Trigger Warnings: Veiled mentions of physical abuse and IV drug use.
Status: Complete!
Julian had gotten a bouquet of orchids before he went to the hospital to visit Anya. He’d called to find out when her shift ended, and he figured he’d wait at the nurse’s station for her to check back in and hang up her scrubs.
He’d gotten dressed up a bit, he’d actually attempted to tame his hair, and he was grinning from ear to ear as he walked to wait for her.
Anya had changed back into street clothes, tired and in a bad mood after a long and crabby day. She was looking forward to going home and curling up with a movie, but the lady at the nurse’s station said someone was waiting for her. Furrowing her brow, she turned and headed down to the main entrance. The first person she saw there was Julian, and she laughed, smiling. Hopefully Doctor Wilson wasn’t around.
She went over to him, suddenly happier. “Hello, my dear. I didn’t expect you here.”
Julian smiled when he saw her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her cheek. “I wanted to see you. It’s been way too long.” He handed her the bouquet, feeling a bit shy since they were at her place of work.
Anya blushed, but she liked that he’d thought of it. She kissed him on the mouth, going for it, though she didn’t press. “It has been ages; I’m so sorry!” She blushed harder at the flowers, but it was happy. “You are very kind.”
“Well, you work here, and I was sort of getting used to the new job, so ... yeah.” He looked a little sheepish, but he was pleased with her reaction to the flowers. “Do you have time to come have a cup of coffee?”
“Yes! I am now at liberty.” Anya smiled, leaning on him. “I was frightened when I heard what happened.” She’d worried about him, but hadn’t wanted to nag by calling all the time.
“I was too. I don’t think he was serious, but still. I’m not exactly ... a fighter. It means that I’m sort of scared when people threaten to kill me.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her temple. “But I found another job. I think it’ll be okay.”
“Did you? You must tell me about it.” Anya nodded, not quite wanting to let go of him. “I did care. But I think perhaps you would find me clingy if I had called worrying at all times.” She smiled a little. “Are you pleased with the new job?” She started leading him out the door; there was a coffee place that served real coffee across the street.
“I’d have liked it. I don’t mind clingy if it’s you.” He smiled, walking with her while holding her hand. “I don’t hate it? I manage a whole club now. It’s a lot like what I did before, but I have more authority, and I don’t travel as much. So it’s better.”
“You manage the place?” Anya raised an eyebrow. “What is this meaning you have to do? I’m glad for lack of travel.” He’d probably get more sleep, regardless of what he had to do. “Maybe now you work reasonable hours?” Though she, on second thought, was working crazy hours. “I will not have to live in fear of awakening an angry beast with a telephone.”
“I’m not an angry beast!” Julian laughed delightedly, pausing their walking to kiss her deeply. “It means I order the alcohol, book the DJs, really, just all of the paperwork and such that makes a night club go. I work the same hours, but no travelling, and less dealing with customers. I love it.”
Mm. Anya was really getting used to being kissed like that. She still blushed, but it made her happy. “It is maybe good that you deal with customers less. Customers in night clubs are often drunk and hate the word ‘no.’”
“Exactly. So I’ll just hire really huge bouncers, and if I have to, call the police. Makes my job so much easier.” Julian smiled, kissing her temple. “I’m looking forward to figuring out how to promote things without my usual means.”
“Your usual means?” Anya opened the door for him as they got to the coffeehouse.
“When I was promoting, I had to hand out flyers and flirt and just call everyone I knew.” Julian wrinkled his nose.
“That would be very awkward.” Basically bothering all of one’s friends on a daily or weekly basis? No thank you. Anya shook her head. “I am just so glad you will be safer.” She smiled. “I just got you out of my hospital; I do not wish to see you there again unless you are to collect me!”
“I hated it for a reason.” He smiled, stroking her cheek gently. “I’m glad I’ll be safer too. I promise, no hospital visits unless I’m coming to get you or bring you food.”
“I hope you can keep this promise.” Anya poked his nose, wanting him to laugh. She headed into line; like pretty much everyone else in the medical profession, she was starting to live on coffee.
“I hope I can as well.” Julian smiled, sticking out his tongue when she poked his nose. He liked coffee too, but was glad that Anya had ducked the bullet when it came to smoking.
She ordered black coffee, turning and letting Julian order before taking out her money. “I shall handle it.” Anya held up a hand, wagging her finger jokingly in his face. “No argument!”
He held up his palms, grinning. “I didn’t argue!” He ordered a chai latte, smiling and kissing her cheek. “I know better than to argue with you.”
“You make me sound like a harridan.” Anya laughed, paying for their coffees. The barista grinned, directing them to the end of the counter. Anya wrapped her arm around him again as they walked there. “I know it’s silly but I enjoy touching you.” He even smelled nice.
“A what?” Julian blinked, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. He liked that even the barista could tell they were together. “It doesn’t sound silly, I enjoy touching you too.” He stroked her hair, sighing happily. “Mm, you smell nice, too.”
“A harpy. And I smell like antiseptic.” Anya laughed. ‘Today was a day of spending most of my time in surgeries assisting.” When she said assisting, she usually meant fetching and carrying things; she obviously wasn’t qualified to do any cutting.
“Still smell good. Did you like surgery? I know you have to pick a specialty in doctor...ing.” Julian sometimes envied Anya’s sense of direction and drive. He was flirting with the idea of going to university to get a degree in history, but he wasn’t sure he’d be any good at it.
“I do like it. I work mostly under Doctor McCoy” - bad choice of words, Anya - “but lately I have also done work with Doctor Wilson lately, who is in oncology. He works with the cancer patients. It is difficult, but interesting. And I think maybe I help their pain.” Her coffee came up and she nodded a thank you, taking it from the counter.
“I’m sure you do. I think having someone who’s sympathetic would help out a lot.” He smiled, running his fingers through her hair. “Doctor McCoy’s the one you have a crush on, right?”
Instant flame red, plus awkwardness. Yay! “I would not say crush.” Anya hedged, looking up at him. “The word my friend teach me is hero worship.” Yes, she thought he was handsome, but she had a good head on her shoulders, and an attractive guy on her arm. “You are handsomer.” It was even the truth; Julian was more elegant, and it felt somehow that there were hidden depths below the surface.
“I was mostly teasing. I had a crush on my high school science teacher the same way. Which was really ironic, it was chemistry, and I hate chemistry. It’s just math in science clothing.” Julian wrinkled his nose.
“I have to take it, and yet I find it hard to see why. Maybe for the medicines? They should not mix in some ways.” Once they got their coffee, they walked over to a booth in the back. Anya slid in next to him, leaning on his shoulder. “I am glad you are not jealous. If I wished to be seeing Doctor McCoy, I would have worn revealing clothes and surprised him in his office.” She hoped Julian laughed at the joke.
“Probably for the pharmacology aspect, yeah.” Julian knew about that from his druggie days. Mix two downers and you OD’d easier, mix a downer and a little upper and you felt the high without side effects. Shaking off the memory, he wrapped an arm around her waist. “I’m not jealous. You’re the most honest girl I've ever met. If you say you like me, I trust that.”
Anya kissed his cheek. “I do. I like you very much; you are patient with my English and you make me smile. And you are very handsome.” She smiled shyly.
“There’s nothing to be patient with when it comes to your English. And you’re beautiful.” He smiled, turning her head to kiss her mouth.
She just felt appreciated when she was with Julian. And frankly safer, even though she knew he wasn’t much of a fighter. “How is your sister?” She asked after he let up.
“She’s good, she’s good. Still job hunting.” He sipped his latte, smiling brightly at her. “I am too, honestly. I don’t want to make my life on the club circuit, you know?”
Anya nodded, looking up at him. “You had said maybe you go back to school. Is this still so?” He’d seemed so excited about it on their first date.
“I’m still thinking about it.” Julian smiled. He just often felt like he wasn’t smart enough.
She nodded. “I would think it a good idea if you want better job, but I mean, your life is yours to use.” Anya smiled right back, leaning on him. “I somewhat think you deserve better. More sleeping and less danger.”
Julian smiled, kissing her. “I’d like more sleeping and less danger, yeah. Maybe I can go to school while I work.”
“That is maybe a good idea.” Anya nodded, but she was curious about something. “Will you be angered if I ask you something perhaps personal?” He seemed so used to that life.
“Of course not.” Julian kissed her hand, smiling to himself. “Ask away.”
“Did you have a difficult time as a child?” She was quiet about it, but she had to ask. “I just ... you appear to be so used to the late hours and the danger and things which are not usual.” It had to start somewhere. Someone who was used to living on the margins got used to it.
Julian just looked at his hands and chuckled. “It’s that obvious, huh.”
“It is to those who study such things. But you are no case study.” Anya stuck out her chin a little. “I just notice. You deserve better.”
“Abby and I aren’t close to our parents. We only have each other. She hates them, but I had to learn to forgive them.” He idly played with his straw wrapper, remembering what he told himself so often - his parents were just human.
She didn’t press. She’d just wanted to know why he seemed so used to the shadows. Anya smiled a little. “It is your affair,” she said. “You deserve, though, to be happy within the light, if you want it.”
He smiled and kissed her lightly. “It’s the goal. You help. Your nickname’s sunshine, you’re so bright.”
“My nickname actually is shvibzik, remember?” Anya laughed. “It means imp. Devil.” She winked, wanting to tease. “Perhaps you have simply never seen this side of me.” She caught herself wondering if he would.
“Oh, you can be both.” He grinned, booping her on the nose. “You play pranks to make people laugh, right? See? Sunshine.” Julian grinned, booping her again, only this time with a finger full of whipped cream.
Anya squeaked, laughing. She made a silly face, trying to lick it off her nose even though she wouldn’t. She sort of felt like she just needed to make Julian laugh. And she could be good at that, but hopefully he wouldn’t just see her as a friend.
She tried to flirt a little bit. “You are sexier when you smile.” She meant it, just still felt kind of shy.
He couldn’t help but laugh. “You know, I don’t think anyone’s ever called me that period.” He blushed brightly, ducking his hair so the long strands fell into his eyes.
She brushed them away. “I meant it.” Anya shook her head, looking up at him, closing her eyes, smiling. “I do not love you, it’s been not long enough time, but you are sweet and have a good heart. And a nice body.” She blushed when she said that, but the truth seemed to be working.
He laughed at that again too. “Why Miss Anya! If you keep speaking this way, people will think you’re fond of me.” He cupped her cheeks and kissed her firmly, knowing they were in public and not entirely caring.
Mm. She didn’t care either. Not even when someone cleared their throat loudly behind them. Though she did look up at him with a barely suppressed giggle when he let her go. “I hope that was no doctor.” She wasn’t sure whether it would be funny or embarrassing if Doctor McCoy heard she had been seen kissing in public.
“Even if he was, I won’t hold it against them.” Julian laughed. He wouldn’t care if Doctor McCoy heard about him kissing. They were allowed.
“You will get me talked about.” Anya teased. Something made her ask. “What have you to do after this? Must you work?”
“It’s a weeknight, no, I’m fine.” Julian smiled. “Why do you ask?”
“You should come home with me.” Anya blurted. She was bright red, but she didn’t take it back. Even if they didn’t get up to anything, she wanted to take time and cuddle with him.
Julian smiled. “All right. We can watch a movie or something.” He didn’t take it to mean anything besides what she’d literally said. Relationships with people worked best when he didn’t assume. Therapy and rehab had helped him learn that.
“I would like that.” Anya felt relieved; she could wait for more romantic things, though she might kiss him a fair amount. She just wanted to curl up with him and be comfortable when they had time. She’d started to wonder how much time they had left. After everything that had been going on, she wasn’t entirely sure her mother would not demand her return to Russia.
He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her. He worried sometimes too that the girl he adored would have to disappear back into a country he’d never been, that her feet would carry her somewhere he could not follow. “Come on, you can even pick out the movie.”
She chuckled. “All right; I promise to pick something in English.” She breathed in his unusual scent; he always smelt of some strange cologne or aftershave, but also there was a smell of maleness that she couldn’t quite explain. It made her feel safe.
They got up, and she held his hand as they headed for the exit. “I am sorry to suddenly be gloomy. Just things have been so strange lately, and I have not seen you.” It wasn’t a judgment, just a statement of fact.
“I know, I’m sorry. I think the strangeness didn’t help contribute to the not seeing each other.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, picking her up for a moment and kissing her. “Let me make it up to you?”
“Is nothing to make up.” Anya protested, but giggled when he picked her up. “It was not said in anger, just as a fact. It is good you were safe.” Still, she sighed at being close to him. “I assume you stayed with your sister.” She couldn’t have gone over there anyway; she was fairly sure that his sister would not be kind in person. This was her baby brother.
“I did.” Abby hadn’t taken her eyes off him for days after the whole death threat thing. Julian kissed Anya’s neck as they walked outside to his car. “She’s kind of my sister and my mom at the same time. She took care of me growing up.”
“I’m glad you had each other.” She shifted her bag over the other shoulder. “Mama sheltered my sisters and I very strongly, by comparison. But I think your sister is protecting of you very well.” She wasn’t sure if she just felt wary, or if the woman had actually given off any kind of signals, but she wasn’t optimistic about meeting his sister. She just wanted to relax with him for now.
He smiled. “We used to take the worst beatings for each other. If our parents were mad at her, I’d step up. And vice versa.” He’d never told anyone but his therapist and his sponsor about that before.
She kissed him right there in the parking lot, leaning against his car. Anya wrapped her arms around him, sighing. She’d never been beaten, but she’d never really experienced all that much, either. “Come on, моя котёнок. I will take you home.”
“Thank you, дорогой.” He grinned, kissing her lightly. He was working on Russian and had started with terms of endearment.
It made Anya’s face light up a little. “Well done!” She smiled up at him. “It’s sweet of you to learn.” Even any little bit at all was very thoughtful. “I shall reward you.” Oh, god, that sounded horrible, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to take it back.
“I like you. A lot. And it’s beautiful. I like languages. I’m having fun reading about your history, too. Not just the juicy bits, I sort of started waaaaay at the beginning.” He kissed her nose before hopping into the car.
She got into the car with him, smiling still. “I’m glad,” Anya said warmly. “The beginning is frankly very dull, though! There are many religious wars and fights between the princes. Ivan the Terrible begins to be the interesting part of it all.” He started the car and she squeaked faintly; not having expected the noise.
“But I like starting at the beginning.” He grinned when she jumped, leaning over to kiss her. “Sorry. Baby’s loud.”
“Monstrosity.” She was only kidding; it was a nice car, but still. “It is not far from here; you can turn to the right out of the parking lot.”
“Got it.” Julian liked his car; it was old and beat up and looked like someone had taken a few shots at it, but he’d faithfully maintained it for many years and it had gotten him through getting sober. He reached over to take Anya’s hand, squeezing lightly.
She returned it, feeling a little more relaxed. The drive was indeed short, and soon Julian was pulling into her parking lot. Anya did notice one car missing. “My landlady is out, thankfully.” Vera Efimovna would not have been angry, but she might have stopped them to ask questions, and it would have been really awkward. “No mother hen in the way.”
“Moms usually like me. I think it’s because I look like I need to eat.” He parked in a visitor’s spot, getting out and taking her hand. “This is a cute complex, actually.”
“I like it. It is almost all Russian people.” Anya leaned on him again as they walked up the outside stairs. “I am up here on the first floor, and there are only two others with me. It is most quiet.”
“That’s got to be comforting.” He kissed the top of her head, letting her lead the way to her flat.
“It is.” Sometimes it did feel like her hometown; it was small and had Russians yelling at each other across balconies. Anya got to her door, unlocking it and beckoning him inside. She’d cleaned the other night, so she had piles of books, but that was about all. It was clean enough to be seen.
Julian wouldn’t have cared if it was dirty. He smiled when he got inside. “This suits you. It’s pretty much how I imagined it.” He beamed at her, reaching out to hug her. “Anya? I ... is it too soon to tell you I really care about you?” Hearing so much Russian reminded him that someday, she might have to go back.
She hadn’t expected that, so when he said it, Anya bit her lip. “... Not if you feel this way,” she finally said. “I like you. You make me feel safe.”
“I don’t want you to go back,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.
Anya had to work not to swear in Russian, even under her breath, because he’d said it so sincerely and plainly, and he’d almost made her cry. “I don’t believe I will have to, not before the end of the school year.” Any longer than that, she’d deal with. “I don’t think Mama will have heard of the strangeness in this county. But I worry.”
He nodded, tipping her head up so he could kiss her. “Is it awful of me if I wish they’d come over here so you could stay? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make you feel badly over things you can’t control.” He ran his fingers up and down her arms. “We were going to watch a movie, let’s pick one out.”
Not just yet. Anya wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back, deeply and firmly. Now that they were at her flat, she felt a little safer doing it. She didn’t necessarily even want to go much further; she just felt like she could tell him she liked him that way. One of her hands rested on his jaw, while the other arm was curled around his neck.
Julian always felt glad that he was sober, but being with Anya brought it into clarity. He never thought he’d have managed to be with her if he was still using. He never would’ve been able to be interesting with her, he never would've been able to keep up with her. Falling for her was something he’d loved doing, still loved doing, and he sighed as he pulled her closer.
This was nice. This was perfect. Anya sighed happily as she shifted, though as she turned her head, her nose smacked against his, and she let go with a yelp. “I’m sorry!” It was more amusing than anything, but still.
He laughed. “It’s fine. I healed up really fast. This gorgeous nurse fixed me up really well.”
She was still blushing, but smiling. “You flatter so.” She liked it, though. She felt good when she was with him, plain and simple. Hopefully it would continue.