Violet Harmon likes the darkness. (takeeverything) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-07 21:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cassandra cain (blackbat), violet harmon |
Who: Violet and Cass.
What: Girltalk!
When: After Cass gets home from her injury.
Where: Casa del Cass and Laura and Jubilee
Rating: PG-13 for mentioning sex but not explicitly. Though still NSFW if your boss is right up over your shoulder.
Status: Complete!
Violet really liked Cass. She was smart and funny, and they understood each other’s terrible parent drama. So when she’d found out that Cass had taken a tumble (she hadn’t been watching, thank god), she’d gotten her some books on MP3, burned them to a CD, and brought them over to welcome her home. Granted, she had roommates, but still.
Since Jubilee had picked her up at the airport Sunday morning, Cass had basically been hanging around the condo, either lounging on the couch or in her room, which wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the fact that she couldn’t do anything on her own. Jubilee had to help her get dressed and undressed, which wasn’t as awkward as it sounded, because they’d seen each other in various states of undress during the Olympics and other gymnastics events where they’d shared a changing room.
Were it not for the fact that she was still on painkillers, Cass might have gone for a walk or something, but considering she was still a little loopy from the painkillers, that was probably not the best idea. So when Violet asked if she wanted company, she jumped at the chance to see her friend.
Violet bounced up the walk to knock at the door, having smoked in the car on the way over. She was feeling pretty optimistic about life all things considered - school was fine, she was admitted to UCI, Tate was doing a lot better, and even her dreams had evened out a bit. Sure, those were still disturbing, but at least they’d mellowed out a bit.
Ringing the bell, Violet waited for someone to let her in. She didn’t just want to barge in.
At the sound of the doorbell, Ginger leapt off the couch where he’d been sitting with Cass and ran to the door, “Shush you.” Cass said as she got up from the couch and headed to the door, “Who is it?” She was fairly certain that it was Violet, but considering the things she’d been hearing on Valarnet recently, it was wasn’t a bad idea to ask before opening the door.
“Violet, I brought you stuff to do.” Violet called out, smiling. She was glad cass was being careful. And she had brought stuff - CDs with books on tape on it, movies, some stupid magazines. Things Cass could do one handed.
Smiling, Cass opened the door while trying to keep Ginger from running out with her foot, “Careful of the puppy. This would be easier to do if I had two working arms.” Had Jubilee or Laura been home, she was sure that one of them would have kept the dog away from the door, but at the moment she was the only one home.
“Aww, lookit the baby.” Violet knelt down to scoop it into her arms, grinning. “Little girl or little boy?” She stood up, smiling as it kissed her, moving inside. “And how’re you feeling?”
“It’s a boy. His name is Ginger.” It would have been obvious by the dog’s coloring where how he got his name, “Jubilee and Janelle got him on Valentine’s Day.” After Laura moved in with Jubilee and Cass, she had told Cass that her real name was Laura, but she was still going by Janelle to everyone else. “Okay. It still hurts, even with the pain meds, but it’s not the kind of break you can set so it’s gonna hurt no matter what.” She had one of those slings with the band that also went around her shoulders and chest, which was what made it even more awkward than a regular sling.
“He’s gorgeous.” Violet gave the dog little kisses, grinning when his tail wagged. She set Ginger down, then winced when Cass talked about the break. “Do they know how long it’ll be until you start feeling better?”
Cass had closed the door while Violet was holding Ginger so the puppy ran back to the couch and resumed his spot from before she’d arrived, “These kind of breaks usually take up to twelve weeks, but the fact that I landed on the mats prevented it from being as bad as it could have been, so it might not take that long. I go back to the doctor this weekend.” She really hoped that the break healed fast so that she could get back to her normal routine, “Do you want a drink?”
“Holy shit, twelve weeks?” Violet’s eyes went wide. “Yeah, sure.” Vi hopped up to get them both a drink, knowing it would probably be hard for Cass to open the fridge, much less pour herself anything. “I’d go nuts. Be sure to let me know if you need anything, promise?”
Cass was glad that Violet had taken it upon herself to get the drinks, because she definitely would have had a difficult time doing it on her own, “Oh, I’m already going crazy and it’s only been two days.” She ran her free hand through her hair, draping it over her shoulder, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do for the next few weeks. I’ve never had an injury like this before.”
“And you probably can’t jog or anything. You could take walks?” Violet winced a little, knowing she wasn’t much help at this point. “Water or soda or what would you like to drink?” Vi swung her legs as she sat on the counter, smiling and chuckling when she could hear Ginger snoring.
“No jogging yet. That’d jostling things too much. I could go for walks, but once I’m not so loopy from the painkillers.” Cass smirked and went to get two glasses out, taking down one at a time, “Water, please.” At the sound of the snoring puppy, Cass laughed as well, “You must have tired him out.”
“Yeah, no stoned walking. It’d take you twenty minutes to get out of the driveway.” Violet went to get them ice water, smiling when she set the glass near Cass. “Eh, I think he just got overexcited. He burned all that energy wiggling to the door.” Vi grinned. “This is nice, do you get along with your roommates?”
Cass thanked Violet and took a sip of her water before nodding, “Yeah. Jubilee was on the Olympic team with me, so I’ve known her for awhile and then Janelle is really easy to get a long with.” She didn’t mention the part where Jubilee and Laura were sort of together, because that wasn’t really her thing to tell, “How’re things with you and Tate?”
“Oh, that’s a good thing. And we’re good, really good. He’s looking at getting his GED, and I got my early acceptance to UCI. It’s nice. It’s ... really coming together. And my parents don’t really care.” She didn’t know if they knew or not yet, but either way, Violet hadn’t heard much from them.
“That’s great.” Cass was happy for her friend and smiled, “I’ve been thinking about maybe enrolling in some classes somewhere in the fall.” She had decided after the trial that after the American Cup she was going to make a decision on what she was going to do as far as gymnastics was concerned and now it seemed that she was going to have plenty of time to spend contemplating that decision. “I just don’t know what I’d do.”
“I’ve always known what I wanted to do, I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t anymore.” Violet smiled at Cass. “You know, you’ve got huge balls. Doing what you've done in regard to your parents, and figuring out what you’re going to do with your life - that’s hard.”
Cass nodded, “I’ve always enjoyed gymnastics, but it’s not something you can do forever. I mean, most girls wind up retiring by my age.” She had always known that this wasn’t a forever career, it had been her father who had been the one pushing her to be the best, which was very similar to her father in her dreams. As she thought about the dreams, she became curious about what sort of dreams Violet had, “Can I ask you something?” She didn’t want to come right out and ask without making sure it was okay first.
“At least you know that. Some people seem to forget and push themselves too hard and then freak out when they can’t anymore.” Crossing her legs underneath herself, Violet nodded. “‘Course, what’s up?”
“Well, you’ve had dreams, right? Like the weird dreams that everyone on Valarnet seems to be having.” She hadn’t talked about her more recent dream with anyone but Jubilee, Logan and Laura, because they all got what it was like to have these really scary memories from their dream lives, but she needed to talk about it with someone else and she trusted Violet.
Vi looked at her hands. “Yeah. All the time. Why do you ask?”
“Why don’t we go in my room. I should probably be sitting down and it’s more comfortable in there.” If Cass was going to talk about this then she wanted to be someplace comfortable where she was more at ease. She wasn’t worried about Jubilee or Laura coming back and overhearing, because they both knew about the dreams, but she just didn’t want to be talking about it in the kitchen.
Violet nodded, following her into her bedroom and flopping down on the bottom of the bed. “In my dreams I’m dead. And Tate... he’s worse.” It felt good to tell someone, to get it off of her chest.
Once in the room, Cass managed to get situated on the bed, which was actually harder than you’d think with only one arm to help you move around with, but Cass managed it, “You’re dead? Like a ghost?” Cass’ had been bad, but she couldn’t imagine that. Not to mention, she knew that Jubilee had become a vampire in the waking world because of her dreams and wondered if Violet would suddenly become a ghost. “In mine, my dad trained me in all fighting styles and with weapons from an early age and I recently found out why.” She ran her hand through her hair again, biting her bottom lip for a moment, “He trained me to be a killer. He had me kill a man when I was eight.” The image of the bald man dying flashed in front of her eyes for a moment.
Vi nodded. “Yeah. I killed myself, and uh. Just didn’t realize it for a while.” She pulled her legs to her chest, then felt her jaw go slack. “Wait, your dad had you kill people? I’d tell Tate if you’d let me, it’d stop him from bitching so much about his parents.” Violet smiled a little, but it was the mirthless sort. The sort that knew just how shitty both of their dream situations were.
Cass nodded, “Just one man. He brought me with him to see this businessman and I leapt over the desk and practically tore his throat out with my bare hand.” The fact that her dream self had been capable of doing something like that at only eight years old still baffled her, “It’s what led to me getting hurt actually. When I hit the springboard and vaulted over the horse, I was suddenly back in the dream. It’s why I fell.”
“It would’ve fucked me up too.” Violet closed her eyes, trying not to remember the moment in the dreams when she realized that Tate was a spree killer, a mass murderer, that he’d killed so many people and then let a SWAT team kill him. Made them.
“I just don’t understand why it happened then. I’d practiced my vault all week after the dream and nothing happened. Then Saturday when I go to do it, BAM! I’m back there again.” She shrugged her shoulders, wincing slightly at the pain that shot through her collarbone. “I mean, it was probably from the stress, but it was just so random.”
“Maybe because someone was yelling at you at the time. I’m sure you’ve got a coach. Don’t shrug.” Vi smiled. “Sometimes when I shower I think about dying. Since that’s uh. Where I died.” She couldn’t totally sympathize, but she could enough.
“Yeah, maybe. I mean, I’ve been thinking that maybe this was supposed to happen. Like, maybe it’s the first step in figuring out what I should be doing with the rest of my life. Of course, I could have used a less painful sign.” If she could have, Cass would have reached across to Violet and hug her, “That must be awful.”
“God’s a douche if that’s how he tells you. He could’ve just tapped you on the shoulder.” Vi smiled, shrugging her own shoulders. “It’s honestly... I mean, I’m not dead. So it’s easy enough to shake off.” She’d tried to kill herself once, last year, but that was done and buried and gone.
“Tell me about it. And that’s good. I for one want you to stick around for awhile.” Cass smirked and leaned back against the pillows that had been propped up, “I can only imagine what else my dreams are gonna tell me. I ran away after I killed the guy. Don’t know how an eight year old survives on the streets alone.”
“No idea. Tate ... he killed a bunch of people. At his school. Then a SWAT team got him.” Violet sounded numb, blank. “He was a ghost when I fell in love with him. It’s why I killed myself. I was upset.”
“Oh my god.” Cass had no idea what to say about that, “That’s...it sounds like there’s a couple of us who have killed people in our dream lives.” It was crazy to think about. but true.
Violet nodded. “We lived in this house, he and I - “ Violet shook her head. “Yeah. It was pretty bad.”
Cass shook her head, wishing again that she could easily lean over and hug Violet, but she knew it would wind up hurting so she stayed where she was, “We should change the subject. Talk about something nice now after all that death talk.”
“What’s been going on with you besides the whole gymnastics thing and your parents? I don’t know any of the awesome juicy gossipy bullshit about you.” Violet grinned, teasingly waggling her eyebrows.
“There’s not really anything gossipy.” Of course even as Cass said it, her cheeks flushed slightly as she recalled the night she’d had her nightmare and Logan coming over to comfort her. “I mean nothing too big.” After all, it wasn’t as if her and Logan were dating. Now that would be juicy gossipy stuff.
Violet laughed. “Your mouth says no, but your cheeks say yes. Who is he? Or she, I dunno.”
She was really going to have to work on the whole, her face giving everything away thing, “Fine. His name is Logan. He’s on Valarnet too. He was a friend of Jubilee and Janelle’s and then Jubilee’s been trying to push us together sort of.” She playing with the edge of the blanket as she spoke, “He’s the one I went to the strip club with last month.” It was almost hard to believe that, that had been almost a month ago.
“You went to - wow, that sounds like an awesome first date.” It was hard to tell if Violet was kidding or not; her voice was so often deadpan that it could’ve gone one way or the other. “So you’re dating him?”
Cass shook her head, “No, we’re not dating. I don’t think a relationship is what he’s looking for.” She bit her lip for a moment, “But we did fool around a little. Jubilee called him to come over and comfort me after my nightmare once she’d gotten me to stop screaming.” Of course she wasn’t going to mention the fact that both Jubilee and Laura had already slept with Logan. That would probably just made the whole conversation even weirder.
“But you like him.” Vi blinked. “So what, you’re just friendzoning yourself?”
Cass couldn’t help but laugh and shook her head, “That’s the problem though, I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I wouldn’t even know what to do to try and get him to see me as more.” It was times like these that Cass wished that her father hadn’t been so overbearing when it came to boys and dating.
“Ask.” Violet shrugged. “I just sort of told Tate we were dating.” She grinned, remembering how they’d talked online, then hung out, then made out in his car, then she’d just told him they were dating. “Guys don’t get subtlety, at least the ones I know.”
“I’m not so sure that would work with Logan.” Logan wasn’t like most guys and she wasn’t stupid or naive to think that he wasn’t sleeping around with other women and she didn’t think that just because she told him that she liked him that it would stop. Jubilee had succeeded in a way, because Cass definitely had feelings for him and she wanted more of him.
“So you like him, but you’re not going to tell him because you think he’s going to fuck everyone in the world. ... why do you like him again?” Vi raised an eyebrow.
Cass groaned and covered her face with her free hand, which didn’t have the desired effect that both hands would have, “It’s all Jubilee’s fault really. And I’m pretty sure he knows that I like him. I mean, when we went to the strip club, I gave him a lap dance and like I said, we fooled around the other night.” Tipping her head back against the headboard, she stared up at the ceiling, cheeks flushing once again, “And now I can’t stop thinking about it, but I’m still a virgin and don’t know if I’m ready to go all the way, even if I really want to.” Not to mention there was a tiny part of her that worried that Logan would lose all interest in her if she didn’t have sex with him. Rationally, she knew that probably wasn’t true, but she still worried.
“Don’t. If all he wants is pussy, then if you give it to him, he’ll fuck off. Or do. Maybe it’d be better.” Violet sighed. “You deserve someone who loves you. Who makes the same lovesick face you’re making now when he thinks about you.” Vi narrowed her eyes. “I don’t like that he took you to a strip club on a first date. Let me guess. It wasn’t even a date.”
Lifting her head, she looked over at Violet. “I’m not sure. I don’t think so. I had asked him out before that, but he had some personal stuff come up and then I had my nightmare and now this. So, we haven’t technically had a real date. I would ask him again, but at the moment, I can’t exactly hop on the back of his bike or drive.” And somehow Cass couldn’t picture Logan driving her car. “Have you and Tate...had sex?” She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that, considering they lived together, but she wanted to ask anyway.
Violet nodded. “He was my first. He kept asking if I was okay the whole time.” She smiled to herself, cheeks a little pink. “I know he comes off as a jerk sometimes, but that’s just because he’s so blunt. But he’s really good at knowing me. If something hurts, or if I’m upset, or if he sees me shivering, he’ll turn the temperature up or down.”
A smile crossed Cass’ lips as Violet talked about Tate, “That’s too cute. I talked to him on the net the other day. He seemed nice enough to me.” Cass was glad that her friend had someone who cared about her like that, “Have you had other boyfriends?” Sometimes Cass felt like she was so behind when it came to boys.
“He’s ... outspoken when he dislikes someone.” Violet laughed, putting her hair behind her ears. “But I like it. He’s really honest.” Shifting her weight on the bed, Vi shook her head. “Nope. Tate was my second kiss, he’s my first boyfriend. I adore him, he’s so ... I don’t know, I really think he’s my soul mate. I guess after the dreams, that makes sense.”
“Well I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.” Cass sighed and leaned back again, “Now, I either have to get over Logan or do something about the way I feel.” Unfortunately, she didn’t think that getting over Logan was going to be easy and didn’t see it being the choice that would ultimately get made, “It just sucks that I keep thinking about the other night and at the moment I can’t...do anything about it.” If someone had told Cass a few months earlier that she would be sitting around talking to someone about sex and other things, she would have turned bright red and muttered something, but it was partly because of Logan that she had been able to loosen up and become a little more comfortable. Jubilee had helped as well, but it was mostly Logan.
“You can always take care of things yourself until you can work things out with Logan.” Violet held up her hand and waggled her fingers.
Cass laughed and shook her head, “That’s what I meant. I can’t...even moving my uninjured arm certain ways causes my collarbone to hurt.” As she said that, she realized that she’d just told Violet that she’d pretty much already tried to masterbate since she’d gotten hurt and she couldn’t help but flush ever so slightly.
“You could get a vibrator or something. They make some with longer handles, so you can just find a way to hold it that wouldn’t hurt so bad.” Vi was honest. Plus, she assumed that everyone masturbated.
“I don’t...I don’t even know where I’d get one,” Of course if she asked Jubilee, she was sure that her friend would get all giddy and offer to take her and then probably suggest something around Logan’s size and Cass would have to pray for a sinkhole to open up under her feet, “I mean, I know. Obviously. I don’t know where there are any sex stores, I mean.”
“There’s lots of stores.” Violet grabbed her phone and googled it. “Here.” Really, if there wasn’t something that couldn’t be answered by the internet, Vi didn’t want to know what it was.
Tentatively, Cass reached for the phone, glad that Violet was close enough that she didn’t have to reach too far. The store was actually fairly close, but Cass had never been to a place like that before and she didn’t know what to expect, “I guess if I can go to a strip club then I should be able to go to a sex store, right?” Making a mental note of the name of the store, she handed the phone back to Violet.
“Yup. Especially if you go during the day. It’s not too bad, I’m sure.” Vi grinned. “Was it a gross, seedy strip club? Don’t tell Tate, he’ll want me to go.”
Cass shook her head, “No, it was actually not too bad. Not like the ones you see in the movies.” If she were honest, she’d even think about going back if the opportunity ever arose. It certainly hadn’t been as bad as she’d been expecting, “Speaking of movies, why don’t we watch one.” Cass needed a break from talking about Logan and sex stores.
Vi nodded. “Here, I’ll sit in the chair so I don’t curl up on you and kick you or something by accident. You pick.” She squeezed Cass’ uninjured hand. “I’m glad you’re back.”