Montgomery Scott is a miracle worker (warp_speed) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-12 22:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, james kirk, montgomery scott |
"I'm desperate, I need your manly touch."
Who: Kirk, Scotty
What: Not asked for relationship advice. Yes, really.
When: Yesterday
Where: Mad Monty's! I guess the faux advertisement name stuck! xD
Rating: PG-13, Language
Status: Complete
Ring ring, banana phone! Kirk had decided to call!
Scotty answered the phone after the second ring, and sounded less yay and more bleh than he did that morning. "...Hello. Right. I mean, hello?"
"Scotty?" Kirk's voice came over the phone loud and clear, "You okay?"
"...uhm...hm....let me get back tae ye on that," Scotty diplomatically replied, after a very thoughtful pause. After all, it might be nice to have Kirk's brand of innate craziness as a distraction. Speaking of, he even tried cracking a half-hearted joke. "So, ye called. Did ye miss me an' need another cuddle?"
"I'm desperate, I need your manly touch." There was definitely something up, but he couldn't place what it was. Scotty sounded absolutely mopey.
Well, that does tend to happen to everyone, now and again. It was really impossible to be happy 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days out of the year. Even happy people dip into a funk, they just tend to get out of it quicker. Sometimes. He was trying to claw his way out, as it was.
"Aye, my touch is pretty manly," confessed Scotty, as if it was an undeniable truth, no matter what the circumstances. "But I hardly think that's why ye phoned me up. Is there something ye need?"
Kirk could tell. There was crawling and digging and he wondered if he could pull him out with a strong hand, or some friendly words.
"Doesn't matter. Talk, I'll listen."
"...uhh?" Scotty took the phone and stared at it, blinking a few times, and held it up to his ear again like maybe it was a bomb and it might explode at any second. "That's all right, really. I think on this side of the pond, people here tend tae...advertise everything...a bit more than we do. So that's all right, nothing wrong with it but it’s not really me style. Did ye need help with the project?"
"Don't need help with the project, not yet." Kirk was quick to assure him, "I'm going to be out later. Hot date, so don't wait up." He grinned, at no one in particular, "But are you sure everything is all right? Its not girl trouble is it?"
A lightbulb went on over Kirk's head. He eyed it, then hit the wall switch a few times until all the lights had come on in his bathroom. He did have to shave after all.
But it was girl trouble. It had to be.
Wasn't it that girls sat around and blabbed on their phones to their girlfriends if they were having troubles with their significant others, and guys didn't do that? Because, in his mind, that's how it should work. Maybe things were different here. And maybe he shouldn't be leaning away from the phone and eyeing it like it's going to overheat and start melting.
"Uhh...out where? Out here?" he asked, making sure. Not that he had any plans. Which he didn't. His schedule was now very much free and clear. Not that he was jumping for joy over it or anything. It wasn't cluttered before, anyway.
Kirk loved women. He loved women so very very much.Everyone should love women (or men if that was their preference) frequently and with great enthusiasm. He intended to tonight, himself!
"Out with a hot Indian chick, that's where." The man seemed drawn to the more "exotic" women.
"Oh, well...that sounds rather nice. I'm sure ye gonnae have a fine time, lad," Scotty was saying, though he probably sounded a bit more distant. Oh, right, he was going to be meaning to ask around, might as well start now. "I dunnae know if it's right tae ask for a favor, but...ye wouldnae happen tae have an extra computer laying about, by any chance?"
"Laptop, notebook," he was adding, as an afterthought, as well as to clarify.
"An extra computer?" The man looked around his apartment, which was in a controlled state of chaos, "I might have an old monster in the closet. The kind with a CRT the size of my grandfather's buick and twice as heavy."
It would probably power on. Most likely. With some help, "Girlfriend take your laptop in the divorce?"
"Get aff! She wasnae my girlfriend tae begin with!" Oops. That flew right out of his mouth and it wasn't even set on stun, it was just set on kill. He had to reel that all back in again, or try to, and knew he’d fail miserably. At the very least, he probably sounded like he'd downgraded on the cranky storm scale from a hurricane to a tropical storm still capable of generating high winds and surf, "I might have told her tae take it with her, as it was. And if it's that big and heavy then ye can keep it. Ugh. Probably best, as ye dunnae seem the sort tae sit around on computers. Or it's full of porn."
"I have a laptop, so I don't use it anymore. And all my porn was moved to an external drive three years ago." So he could have more space for strategy games and shoot-em-ups, of course. He started to lather up, putting Scotty on speaker, "So you dumped her? No offense man, but are you really in a position to be doing any sort of dumping?" He laughed, "Joking."
What with the incredibly dry and somewhat abrasive fake laugh he was getting over the phone, it was apparent that Scotty got the joke but just didn't feel like yucking it up at the moment.
And now he also knew that Kirk kept his porn on an external drive. THAT had been a joke. Now it had simply turned into TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Scotty put his own phone on speaker and scrubbed both hands over his face, showing no signs of stopping for the next thirty seconds, at least.
"Look. Get drunk, build some random shit, get it out of your system, then talk to her." He shaved while talking, "Yes, I really do know sometimes you need to talk to a woman instead of be all sexy fun times with them. Shocking, isn't it."
He added, as an afterthought, "And tap that ass ASAP."
"Oh, and I'm being offered advice on lasses from the greatest player the universe's probably known. That's rich. I dunnae know where she lives, and really, it's probably for the best. Well, maybe not for the best," Scotty reluctantly admitted and he was trying to remain reasonable, first and foremost. "I mean, there goes our potential programmer. You'll have tae find us another one."
"I know where she lives. I looked her up in the phonebook." And Kirk helpfully gave the man Cass's address, "I'm not going to let this get in the way of our mission, Mr. Scott!" There was authority in his voice, though from where it came from was anyone's guess, "Make things up with her."
'...uhh...sir...aye, but...I cannae just go over there an' talk with the lass when I just told her tae get bent, more or less, an'...I mean, not tae get in the way of the mission...why'd I just call you sir?" He shook his head abruptly and, even if they weren't on speakerphone, Scotty was holding up both hands, palms out, as though ready to bat away any verbal barrage in danger of smacking him in the brain. He was speaking slowly, and concisely, in the hopes that maybe he could at least fathom some small part of what shot through that mess that must be Jim Kirk's brain. "What's more, WHY were you looking up her address?"
Indeed, he's being very careful with his wording right now, Scotty is. Like he's talking to a totally retardiated person.
"I like the sound of that. People need to call me sir, more often." He finished one side of his face and moved to the other, "I was curious. And I wanted to know where to send her a few things that might help. Computer parts, software, things of that nature. I'm not without money of my own you know. I can't buy everyone new computers but I can sure as hell chip in."
"Right. Well, that's very kind, actually, and...dunnae get used tae me calling you sir, just...I dunnae think she wants tae see me. Maybe ye can just send the things tae her and put a number cruncher in touch with her...well...not touch...ye know...communication, aye, that, and she can program and...there, look? I've solved the problem."
He smiled! Because he's brilliant, in a very strange backward way. Sometimes. Fine, only when it comes to machinery and such. But that still has to count for something.
Machinery did count for something, but Kirk would have none of it, "You two will need to get along if we want to avoid anyone shooting themselves en route."
Ta-da! Face done, nice and baby smooth. He cleaned up and headed into his bedroom to find something to wear, "So you'll need to talk, anyway."
"But I thought it was just going tae be the three of us, tae the moon." Was throwing up a protest even working? It didn't seem like it was. Or it didn't feel like it was, either. Damn it. Middle ground, and a thrown in delay, for time management? "I'll think on it. For the next...week."
"Mars, don't forget about Mars!" Kirk was amiable on a compromise, "Think about it for the next...several hours." The protests weren't really working. He didn't even really know why he was bothering, except as far as he was concerned a happy engineer was a productive engineer, "I ordered that ale." There. He'd settled on bribes.
"Mars. Right. Oh, is it the bismark stuff?" he asked, and it sounded almost wistful, because there were few things from home (beyond Scotch Whisky) that were nice to have now and then. And that was one of the things he hadn't had in long while. Well, he supposed he could go over there and just talk things out like one future coworker to another, and keep things on a professional level. "Give me the address again, and this time I'll write it down. Nae promises! I'll see what I can do."
"Sink the Bismark, right?" Kirk did better than that, he txt'd Scotty the address, "There, you can add it to your phone book and if you have a picture of her assign that." It seemed to be the best solution he can think of, "See that you do whatever."
"Aye, that's the one and...you're really very serious about this." Scotty sounded utterly sober about the whole thing, even as he was doing the very thing he was told to do. With an eyeroll of course. He wasn't exactly in control of his little corner of expertise, so maybe there was some strange amount of sense that Kirk was making all of a sudden. Or maybe it was just that he was easily paid off in beer. "Done. I suppose maybe it wouldnae hurt tae call, either. Maybe I should do that. Any ways? Have a nice time with the...Indian lass, was it?"
"Trust me, Scotty. You want to drop in unannounced first, women love that." He grinned, "Oh I intend to. I'm taking her to a place where we can see the stars."
Somehow Scotty didn't seem to think that was the best advice. After all, why should he trust this guy? It's not like he hadn't heard all about how he was thrown out in the street by some girl who lived by Sulu and then had his stuff thrown out in the street. Then again, over the phone might mean getting hung up on, and that's if he was able to get a call through, if she even had her phone on.
"Oh, that's brilliant. Aye, I see what ye mean, there." He began to nod, like yes, very good point. "And the stars. Nice touch. Well, try not tae get your belongings thrown at your skull or retreating arse, this time. And...I suppose maybe I'd best get started heading over tae Cass'. Good luck?"
"This isn't anything serious." Comfy jeans, yes. That would do, "So I don''t think I need to worry about anything being thrown at me."
"Being honest, here, but ye take things seriously? Really." It was the utterly sarcastic response, even as he was grabbing a light jacket and a hat, putting them on, so he could hurry out, before the hour grew too late. The day was waning!
"I'd be willing tae bet that you might have a long trail of thrown belongings, wherever you've gone by now." A steadying sigh and he patted his pockets, to make sure he had what he needed. "Well, then. I'm aff!"
Kirk was quiet for a moment, "I have before." Then he added, with an extra bit of cheer, "Good luck!"
"...ahh, well...umm...good luck tae ye, also," Scotty murmured, a little taken back by Kirk's little admission there. He hadn't thought he could SOUND serious, because even talking about the lunar and Mars stuff, he'd more or less sounded like an overgrown kid who was planning a raid on a candy factory. Odd. He shrugged and hovered his thumb over the screen to end the call. "I'll let ye know how it turned out. G'bye."
"Later!" And Kirk? Hung up first.
With a sigh, Scotty decided it was maybe nigh time to move his arse. Off he went to lock up and head over to Cassie's.