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Jefferson (lookingforgrace) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-03-01 11:18:00

"I meant it."
WHO: Jefferson and Alice, with Grace interjecting
WHAT: Setting the record straight
WHEN: After this conversation
WHERE: Jefferson's house
RATING: All Ages.
STATUS: Complete



Jefferson’s heart was thudding in his throat when he read that Alice was coming over. He hadn’t even intended to be so honest with her, and yet he didn’t regret it. He did love her. If love meant that you felt safe with the person, that you thought them beautiful and kind. She’d always been there for them and he felt … well, loved.

Grace had been running around the house, just happy that she didn’t have to ever leave it. This was her house now. With Papa and Miss Alice and Miss Lulu and Uncle Oliver and her school friends. And she got to be the flower girl in a real wedding!

When she got to the study, though, she saw that Papa looked scared. He was kind of stuck in one place. “Papa?” Grace asked, cocking her head. “Everything’s fine, right?”

Jefferson blinked, turning around, pulling her gently into his arms. “Fine,” he repeated, smiling. “I’m just a little nervous. Miss Alice is coming over and we have to talk about something important. But it’s good, not bad.” Hopefully.

Alice had stopped by a florist to get a bouquet of flowers for Grace, cheerful sunflowers that she thought would make a good housewarming present for the little girl. She’d been in the clothes she so often wore when she was off of work - a pair of beat up Chucks, jeans, and a t-shirt. Ringing the bell, she swore she could feel her heart beating in her throat.

Grace looked up from Papa’s arms at the sound of the bell. “Can I get it? I want to see Miss Alice.” She loved Miss Alice. She was like her big sister. Except Papa liked her. He might even want to smooch her, but hopefully not. Grownups still had cooties.

Jefferson smiled, nodding his permission, and Grace took off down the stairs. She undid the locks and yanked the door open, grinning when she saw her babysitter. “Hi!” Grace glomped her, throwing her arms around Alice’s waist. “Did you hear, Miss Alice? Did Papa tell you? I get to stay here!”

Her heart swelled up when she saw Grace, kneeling down on the porch to hug her and kiss her forehead. “He did tell me! It’s why I got you these,” she grinned, handing Gracie the bouquet. “It’s what you do when someone gets a new home, you get them something nice.” Alice picked the girl up, hugging her tightly and moving with her into the house. “You know what we should do one day after school? Get some stuff to decorate your room.”

She hadn’t looked inside to see if Jefferson was around, too busy hugging Grace.

Grace took them, beaming so hard her face hurt. “Thank you!” She eeped when Alice picked her up, laughing as she was carried a few steps back into the house. “Ooh, yes please, I want a real room, with my stuff in it!”

As she chattered, Jefferson appeared at the top of the stairs. He felt stupid, nervous and twitchy, but he did realize one thing that helped: he felt the exact same way he’d felt when he’d asked Caroline to marry him.

He wasn’t going to ask Alice to marry him, but knowing what the feeling was gave him confidence. “Alice?”

Standing, Alice smiled when she saw Jefferson. “Hey, buster.” Her tone was fond, and she felt butterflies starting to riot in her stomach.

Jefferson smiled, coming down the stairs and pulling her into a hug in one fluid motion. She was small and thin and he sighed against her shoulder. “Alice.” His eyes closed, and slowly, the terror dissipated. One of his hands rested in her hair, and he hoped she never moved.

Alice’s arms went around his neck, pulling him closer and tiptoeing up contentedly to kiss his cheek. “I’m so proud of both of you,” she murmured. And she was; it was no small thing to be a family.

“Nothing to be proud of; I did what I had to.” Jefferson’s hand was still in her hair, just quietly running through it. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” She’d been strength enough for both of them.

Grace had been in the kitchen, but when she heard Papa’s voice, she looked back out into the main hallway. When she saw him hug Miss Alice, she couldn’t help but make a yucky face. “I’ll be in my room, Papa,” she called. “Don’t get any cooties.”

“Oh, nonsense, you’d have done just fine without me.” Alice smiled, stroking the downy hair at the back of his neck. She couldn’t help giggling at Gracie’s comment, leaning back to look up at him. “It’s okay, I had my cootie jabs.”

“Okay, I guess.” Grace still looked unconvinced, but she disappeared.

Jefferson had to laugh. “She’s very smart.” And more tactful than he’d thought possible for an eleven year old girl. He looked back down at Alice. “I’m … I’m very glad you’re here, you know.” Obvious, maybe, but it needed to be said.

Alice just pressed her lips lightly to Jefferson’s, as she’d wanted to ever since the night they’d met. She didn’t kiss him hard, letting him determine if he wanted more or not. She couldn’t help smiling.

He didn’t freeze or turn away, for which he was proud of himself, but he couldn’t quite push it, either. He did pull Alice closer, though, and he smiled just as much. She was so patient with him; really, he felt incredibly lucky more than anything.

“See? You’re not cootie-fied.” Alice couldn’t help but laugh, looking up at him. “Thank you.”

At the same time that she said thank you, he said “I’m sorry.” Jefferson laughed. “I was just thinking, my dear, you’ve been so patient with me, I just … I give what I can.” He cupped her cheek with one hand, smiling gently, almost cautiously.

“And I was thinking that I feel blessed that you like me at all.” She closed her eyes as he touched her cheek, smiling to herself. “You’re a remarkable man, Jefferson. I’m just glad you’re in my life. Gracie too.”

“She’s amazing.” Jefferson said, resting his forehead against hers. “You have that in common.”

Alice grinned, closing her eyes. “You must be so happy. Oh, is she going to change her last name?” She liked the idea of Gracie sleeping in her room, feeling secure and safe.

“Yes.” Jefferson coughed a little, feeling his throat well up a little. “Yes, that was one of the first things she said to me. That she wanted to be a Chapelier like me.”

Her own eyes welled with tears. “That girl is ... I’m just lucky to even know her, much less spend time with her every day.”

He laughed, clearing his throat again. “She’s not perfect. She’s had nightmares and given me sass, and I’m sure there’ll be more. But she’s my daughter.” And Alice was his … what?

“Nobody’s perfect, Jefferson. Just wait until she’s a teenager. And she’ll test you, she’ll push you away sometimes to see if you give up.” Alice knew teenage girls, if only because she had been one.

“It’s true.” Jefferson nodded, chuckling in spite of himself. “Is it horribly silly if I say I’m almost looking forward to it?” It meant he’d still have family. He looked down at her, shifting his arms to tentatively rest his hands on her back. “Do you think it would be strange or wrong to bring her to see Caroline?” They didn’t entirely know who her mother was.

“Nope. Not silly at all. You’re her papa, it means that you’re still there and she’s still happy.” Alice grinned at him, liking the closeness. But her tears started anew at the mention of Caroline. “Oh, buster, that’s a great idea. That’s not wrong or strange at all. I think it’s sweet.”

It mattered that Alice was behind the idea. “I just want her to know all about me.” The good, the bad and the ugly, as long as it was appropriate. Jefferson smiled at her almost shyly. “The same goes for you, come to think of it.”

“She’ll love you all the more because of it.” Alice smiled, squeezing Jefferson’s hand. “Just like me.”

“Is that so?” Jefferson smiled, still not letting her go. “I think any kind of relationship mandates as close to total honesty as possible. Romantic, platonic, familial. Gracie knows things about me, but there are some things that if she asks, I’ll tell her.” And he’d tell her more when she was older.

She wouldn’t have let go of him for all the world. “That’s so. You love her, you always will, and I want you to always love her. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re incapable of liking me.” Love wasn’t a finite resource.

“I know. I think I’ve always known that. It’s just a question of really getting it through your head.” Jefferson smiled. “Maybe all along I just needed to go and have a talk with her.” He’d spent time up at Caroline’s grave, but he’d been too devastated to do much more than weep. This time it would be different.

“I think she sees you all the time. You don’t have to go there to talk with her, buster. I talk to Mom constantly.” Alice smiled, kissing him on the cheek before tiptoeing back down. “Fancy a cup of tea?”

Jefferson swallowed, nodding, but before he let her hand go, he kissed her again. He didn’t press it, and he didn’t even breathe for fear of being awkward, but he wanted to kiss her once, on his own terms.

Alice smiled into the kiss. She felt happier than she had in some time, just light and airy. It made her feel like she was floating as she walked to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Jefferson laughed, watching her. “Should I tell Grace it’s safe to come down?” He teased gently.

“I think so. We can explain that cooties go away as one ages.” Alice hummed as she got out things to make cookies.

Jefferson bounded up the stairs to Grace’s room, sticking his head in. “Grace, it’s safe to come down. Alice said so.”

Grace had been reading on her bed, and sat up. “Okay. I thought you guys could maybe smooch or something and get it over with. It’s gross, Papa.” She got up after marking her book. “Is she going to come and stay with us?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “No, dear, she stays with Uncle Oliver.”

Grace followed him downstairs, walking into the kitchen. “Hi, Miss Alice. Why do you have to stay with Uncle Oliver? I wish you could stay here.”

“Well, Uncle Oliver takes a lot of looking after.” Alice grinned at Grace, nodding at the stool next to her. “Hop up, and you can help me make sugar cookies for you and your papa. Celebrations need cookies, don’t you think?”

“Is it ‘cause he’s a boy?” Grace asked before hopping up on the stool bit by bit. “Papa looks after me, but I think he needs looking after too. I think it’s because he’s a boy.”

Jefferson couldn’t help but laugh. “Where is that coming from?”

“That’s what matron said,” Grace answered, looking back at her father. “Boys needed more looking after.”

Alice laughed, kissing Grace on the top of the head. “That’s exactly why. Oliver still hasn’t outgrown that stage where he wants to climb on everything, either.” She sighed. “I come home sometimes and he’s standing on the sofa.” Well, not so much since his accident, but still.

“Why are boys so silly?” Grace shook her head. “I don’t mean you, Papa, you’re a man.” She looked up at Alice with a grin. “I don’t know how to make cookies.”

“Cookies are pretty easy. Do you know how to measure things? And I think boys are silly because they grow slower.” Alice handed Gracie a measuring cup. “Can you hold that for me and let me know when I get to the line that says two cups?”

Grace nodded, taking the measuring cup. Jefferson watched, just in case, still smiling. “No offense taken, ladies. What’s your favorite kind of cookie, Grace?”

“I like sugar or peanut butter.” Grace smiled. It kind of made her happy that Papa wanted to know. She kept her eyes on the measuring cup, though, and eventually said “Stop.”

Alice stopped, looking at the measurement and nodding. “Exactly two cups, perfect. Can you pour that into the yellow bowl for me?” Alice was going slowly, letting Grace do most of the actual work under her supervision.

Grace did so carefully, watching as it all landed. “I’ve never done this before.” She couldn’t help but feel kind of geeky happy. Other kids made cookies with their moms or dads. Now she could too.

“Well, we can do it as often as you want now. Well. Maybe not that often, you’ll get sick of cookies. One cup of sugar now.” Alice pointed out the one cup line, smiling back at Jefferson before pouring it in.

Grace picked up the sugar and did her best to pour it exactly on the line. But as it was almost there, her wrist slipped, and the cup was soon overflowing. “Nuts.”

“It’s okay.” Jefferson came over, going in a nearby drawer. “You can just spoon it back into the bag. Here, dear.” He handed her a tablespoon, thinking it might come in handy later anyway.

Alice smiled. “I do that all the time.” She hugged Grace, kissing her on the forehead and helping her spoon the sugar back into the bag. “Messes can always be wiped up.”

Grace nodded, though she still felt a little weird. She didn’t like making mistakes. “I think I got it all,” she said, smiling a little.

Jefferson felt the need to hug her, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “It looks fine, Gracie. What’s next?”

Soon the cookies were in the oven, and Alice cuddled Grace. “You were awesome for your first time, you know. Not a speck of flour in your hair. I think there’s some in mine.” There was actually a blotch on her cheek, but she didn’t notice.

“Your cheek, actually.” Jefferson couldn’t resist, brushing it off himself, smiling.

Grace looked at her father, then at Miss Alice. “Why do you smile like you’re sick?” she asked Alice. “Are you okay?” She didn’t look completely normal, and Grace snuggled back onto Alice, just in case.

Alice’s blush crept up her cheeks and up onto her ears. “Because I love your papa,” she admitted. “Lovesick smiles kind of look like you have an oogy tummy sometimes.”

Grace made a grossed out face. “You don’t throw up, do you?”

“No,” Jefferson laughed, though he was blushing, too. “It’s more like … it’s more like nerves. When you’re scared, but in a good way, because you know something will be wonderful if you get over your fear. Like riding a roller coaster or something.”

“I’ve never ridden a roller coaster.” Grace shook her head.

“Well, we’ll have to fix that. We should go to Disneyland.” Alice nibbled on a cookie, smiling to herself. “I’ve never been there, but I’ve always wanted to.”

Jefferson wasn’t sold on the idea. But he’d do his best to swallow his nerves for his daughter’s sake. “We’ll certainly have to take you on a roller coaster,” he told Grace, smiling. “That’s something you shouldn’t miss.” He looked over at Alice. “Have you ever been on a roller coaster, either?”

“I’ve been on coasters, yeah. Six Flags and stuff.” She reached out to twine her fingers with Jefferson, smiling to herself. “We could try going on an off day? I’m not super fond of crowds myself.” Alice and Jefferson had that much in common.

That made him feel better, and Grace would have the same experience. “If possible, that would be better.”

“Maybe Uncle Oliver could come?” Grace piped up.

“Maybe.” Jefferson chuckled, though he wasn’t sure Oliver would be able to handle all that walking. “Maybe you and Miss Alice can ask him.” It amused him that Grace had taken such a shine to Alice’s almost-brother, given how awkward things had been between him and Jefferson for a while.

“We could ask him. I know his leg still hurts sometimes - he had to have surgery on it, he got hurt in a car accident, but I think he’d try for you. He likes you a whole bunch,” Alice beamed. She nuzzled into Grace, kissing her cheek. “You are the best kid ever.”

Grace laughed. “I just like Uncle Oliver.” And she liked hugs, burrowing into Alice. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I think so, eventually.” Jefferson told his daughter, resting a hand on her shoulder. “It might take some time, but he lights up when he sees you.” Oliver had been utterly charmed by Grace; it hadn’t taken a fool to see it.

“He is, yup. You know, maybe someday we should go visit him and make him cookies.” Alice smiled sheepishly at Jefferson. It was cute that Gracie had a crush on Oliver.

Jefferson nodded, chuckling. “I’m sure that would please him.” He just felt lucky to have the women he loved with him.