Who: Gaz and Zach Where: Her house What: Zach, frightened by the actions of his friend, races to find out if she is okay... When: After this set of texts Warnings/Rating: R for mentions of nakedness, self-harm, and self-mutilation. Status Complete
Zach was freaking out, now, and he ran from his apartment, and up the stairs, unwilling to wait for the elevator. He’d only had a half day at work and suddenly, everything was falling apart. God, why now?
He skidded to a halt by his car, checking for replies from Gaz and swearing when he got none. Man, he was really dreading things now. With spinning wheels, he zoomed out of the parking lot and shot into traffic, barely sliding in past two very startled drivers in their cars.
His Delorean was used to his normal driving and he had never done what he was about to do. He flicked a switch on his dash and watched as two separate panels popped up. The first had a small screen that went live as he programed in Gaz’s number, and it started to search for her G.P.S.. The second was labeled simply ‘Overdrive, do not push.” and had a single purple button. As soon as he got away from the normal part of town, he slapped the button and the car suddenly jumped forward, the speedometer zooming past sixty in a few seconds as he dodged other cars.
His heart was hammering, his eyesight felt gray and yet sharp, and his mind seemed utter chaos, unable to think, except for one dim and far away thought as pain and worry and shortness of breath hit him.
Man, I am really glad I played all those driving games.
She hadn’t really done anything. She’d just wanted to take a nap, but found herself unable to sleep. So she’d taken an Ambien. That hadn’t helped, so she’d taken another. And soon she’d found herself taking half the bottle, washing it all down with the sticky-sweet port that she kept by her bed for when she woke up in the middle of the night.
Her skin was pale in the gloom of her apartment, the dimly lit air swimming with particles of dust. Across from her bed, she’d finally finished the mural she’d been working on for forever. It was a mindscape, what she saw when she closed her eyes. From straight on, it looked like a mountain with glacial waterfalls easing their way down, crashing at the rocks below.
From the side, it was a different story. Gaz had used a trick of perspective and her painting skills to paint all of her nightmares. Women being flayed by satyr-looking monsters. Decapitated heads in every tree. And her own form at the top of the mountain, nude, ready to jump onto the sharp, dagger-like outcropping of stone at the bottom.
Groggily, she clung to her phone, pulling it close, focusing on her breath. She’d just accidentally drank too much, she was just sleepy. Fuck. The front door was unlocked. Oh well.
Zach screeched the car to a halt in front of Gaz's house, then ran from his car. If his car got stolen, too fucking bad. He slid to a halt and knocked on her door, hard. “Gaz? Gaz! Are you there? It’s me, Zach?” And of course, tried the door...
...which opened slowly, unlocked.
“Shit. Gaz?” He called it into her house, not wanting to enter, just in case, but if she didn’t answer? He would.
Fuck. Zach. She made a drowsy whimpering noise, crawling from her bed to her floor where she could at least wiggle into her robe. “G’way,” she slurred.
He almost entered then and then shook his head. “No.. I won’t go away. You worried me. You stopped answering texts and... I’m worried.” He swallowed and then took one step inside. “If you don’t want to see me, that’s fine, but please, don’t be alone. No one who is hurting should be.” He hated that he had somehow hurt her, or so it felt, but becoming happy, and getting a girlfriend.
He rubbed his face.
He took a second tentative step in.
“Don’t look at me like this.” She felt the pleasant hum of all of the Ambien and the drink wearing off, and she pushed herself up a little bit, arms shaking. “I’m fine.” She pulled the robe tightly around her, something that suddenly felt like a Herculean task. “I’m always hurting, and I’m always alone. I’m used to that.”
Zach paused. “Why not? You’re my friend. And why? Do you think I wouldn’t care? Damn it. Let me help. I don’t know if I can do a damn thing, but at least let me try. You’ve helped me be a better man and not give up when I thought I was alone and without hope. Without you, I never would have gotten my degree and I wouldn’t be on my way to a second one.”
He spoke impassionedly and for once without a single stutter.
He didn’t go in any further but he didn’t leave either.
There was silence for a few moments. Gaz had managed to get to her feet, her skin more ashen and pale than it had ever looked. She trusted that she’d live; she hadn’t even been trying to kill herself, she was far too arrogant for that.
“I’m fine,” she murmured, weakly walking out to the main room. But when she saw Zach, something in her twisted, some long dormant part of her she’d thought dead. Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them. “I’m so happy you’re happy,” she murmured. “But I’m okay. Really. I just fell asleep.”
Zach moved to her now that she was talking to him, and there and he hugged the hell out of her. He saw her eyes and the tears and he heard her voice and hugged her hard. “OKay. Sorry I freaked out and was all stalked and came over -- and actually, no, I’m not sorry, but I am sorry if I bothered you.”
He stepped back a little and waggled a finger at her. A part of him he wasn’t even aware of reared it’s head. “Fell asleep or not young lady, you scared the shit out of me. You made me worry about you. Talking about hurting yourself then vanishing?” He made a strangled noise and grumbled at her, half glaring. “From now on, if you have trouble, you f-fucking talk to m-me.” He stuttered to a stop and sighed. But then he finished.
“Or I will come out here and beat your a-ass.”
Pause. And a huge purple blush bloomed on his face.
“And not in a n-nice w-way.”
That made Gaz smile. She bit her lower lip and shook her head, wiping her eyes. “I don’t want you to think that I’m like, pissed that you’re with someone else. I’m happy about it, and I have no right to be mad anyway. I’m glad you’re happy. You’ve been stuttering less, and you’re all ... you’re starting to see yourself how I see you.” Gaz hated dumping her emotions out like this, but she was on a roll. “I’ve been hurting myself since I was fourteen. It’s habit now. Get home from school, have a smoke, stub it out on my leg to make myself feel ... something. Anything.”
And that was why she liked Zach. He made her feel. Around him, the numbness gave away to warmth, to light, and she felt safe in a way she hadn’t felt since she was very young. “And I promise. I wasn’t trying to - “ Her voice was still a bit slurred with sleep, with drink, and her legs gave way. She pitched forward against him, giggling. “I just overestimated my tolerance. Fucking Ambien.”
“Thank you, Gaz It means a lot coming from you. You believed in me when no one else did. Thanks.” He smiled shyly.“I don’t really understand the hurting thing. You said to feel something. It helps? I--- ”
He was confused but damn it, he didn’t know what she felt in that head of hers and he couldn’t know why hurting was okay, but damn it he would try. He nodded as he listened. He caught her, and smiled softly. “Silly butt. Next time, let me prescribe for you. I know the best non-overdose painkillers and sleep enhancers in existence, I have to, with my stupid condition.”
Next he demonstrated that he was far stronger than he looked and he lifted her in his arms, if she did not fight him. “Well, if you are going to fall over, best we put you back to bed, and let you get some sleep.”
He carried her toward her bedroom.
Eeping a little when he picked her up, Gaz moved to curl under the covers as soon as she was able. She took off her robe once she was under the blankets, tossing it to the floor. An intricate latticework of circular scars made its way up her arm. Ever the artist, she even hurt herself in patterns.
“Like my mural?” She couldn’t help but grin.
He smiled softly and knelt by the bed, then nodded. “It is beautiful, but then you are too, and so is your art.” He grinned lopsidedly. “Sometime when you are not dying of sleepiness, I would like to hear more. If you are willing. But you know, no pressure.” He nodded.
Then Zach grinned at her, his cheeks bright red. “Ah, nice burn pattern down there, too.” He waved a hand in the direction of her waist and below, his blush intensifying. He was worried, but trying not to be dark or oppressive about it.
She’d known he wouldn’t judge her, and turning to face him, she moved to kiss his cheek. It was possibly the most tender thing she’d ever done, the most gentle she’d ever been with another human. “Thank you,” she murmured, rolling over. “I’m not gonna die, promise. I’ll probably sleep for a week, but no dying.”
He blushed deeply, then smiled a little. “Mind if I check in on you? I’d be a bothersome idiot otherwise.” he gently stroked her hair before rising.
He’d let her sleep.
Her eyes closed. “You can have the key to my apartment if you want it. Give you anything you wanted.” Pulling a pillow closer, Gaz closed her eyes, hoping that Zach would ignore the slash marks on her throat, something she’d done when she was sixteen.
“Good night, Gaz. See you on the flip side, my friend.” He saw them, but he thought he would save his questions for another day. He swallowed and turned to go.
He managed to locked her door, then let himself out of a back window and shut it securely. And then he headed for home