"What are you waiting for?” Who: Helen & Nikola What: A talk When: February 24ish? Where: Her house Rating: Low Status: Complete!
Talking to Nikola again had made her realize how much she missed him. So she’d invited him over again, waiting for a time when she knew Varric would be out of the house. And then she’d invited him again.
She was still afraid of what he might think about her friendship with Nikola. Afraid if he knew they were spending time together, he would have more reason to be jealous. That he might trust her less than he thought he did.
Once was nice. Twice felt like coincidence. This was the third time that Nikola had shown up to visit with Helen, and Varric wasn’t there. He was now growing a bit suspicious. Helen obviously wanted to see him, but was she hiding him from her... man?
He knocked on the door then waited for her to let him in.
She smiled as she opened the door, greeting him with a soft, “I’m glad you could make it.”
He returned the smile. “Thank you. Varric isn’t here?” He asked, stepping through the doorway.
Her smile faded just a bit, and she looked almost…guilty. “He’s out. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”
“Oh.” Nikola wasn’t suspicious. Not yet. He gave her a smile. “All right. I’m looking forward to meeting him.” He said, then moved further into the place. “And Alice? Is she here?”
“I’m not certain he’s as keen to meet you.” Really, she hadn’t meant to say that. Not those words exactly. But her nerves had gotten the best of her.
“Alice is with him,” she answered softly, looking down at her shoes.
“No?” Nikola frowned. He was nervous about meeting Varric, sure. He was a little intimidated that the other man might take offense to what happened over Christmas. But that hadn’t been Nikola’s or Helen’s fault, really. Some fluke magical spell?
“...But I’m so lovable.”
"He felt betrayed. You're a tangible force to blame."
Perhaps she even blamed him, herself. Whatever had happened, she knew it hadn't been her doing. And she still isn't certain she believes in magic. Despite the evidence.
Nikola paused. “...are you sure that he’s all right with me coming over here?” He asked. Now this felt like... almost like cheating.
"Why wouldn't he be?" she asked, a little too quickly. "He knows we're friends."
“Does he?” Nikola asked, now not sure what to think. “Is there a reason he and I have never met?”
“Yes.” Again, she answered too quickly, a little louder than she intended. Then more softly, “I think it would be best if you didn’t.”
He blinked at her. “Why?”
"It's too soon." They belonged to separate parts of her life, and she preferred it stay that way.
Nikola frowned. “It’s been six weeks.” He said. “When isn’t it going to be too soon?” Now he was wondering if this was a healthy friendship for her.
"I don't know."
Nikola paused. “I don’t want you to lie to him about me.” Before she could speak, he added, “and not telling him that I’m coming to see you is as good as lying.”
She started to protest, but she didn't have a valid argument for that. Didn't mean she agreed.
"I know what I'm doing, Nikola."
“I don’t think you do.” Nikola said, frowning and shaking his head. “I’m not going to help you lie to your man, Helen.”
"Then it's fortunate I wasn't asking you to. This isn't your concern."
“No.” Nikola paused. “I don’t think I can come see you anymore. I don’t want to be part of this deception.”
She took a step backward, feeling as if she'd just been slapped. "You can't be serious."
“Until you’re ready to introduce me to your... to Varric... I don’t think this is a healthy friendship.” He said, taking his own step back. Though he didn’t feel as if he’d just been slapped.
"I'm not ready."
Nikola shook his head. “You know where to find me when you are.” He took another step, backward and out through the doorway. “I’ve already done enough to throw a wrench between you and Varric. I won’t be the final straw to break you two apart.”
“Why do you think I haven’t told him?” Her eyes were pleading. She needed him to understand. “I can’t lose him, Nikola.”
“You will lose him if you aren’t honest.” This coming from Nikola felt a little strange. But he meant it.
"And if that means losing you?"
“Who would you rather have?” He paused. “...if you play your cards right, you can have us both.”
“I already do.” At least she did until he’d decided he was walking out of her life again.
“No. You don’t.” Nikola said with a sigh. “All right, maybe you do. But for how long? Until Varric finds out you’ve been lying to him? Until I get sick of your games? No, you want to do this the proper way, Helen. No room for mistakes because a mistake could cost you severely.”
"This isn't a game." It was a little sharper than she'd intended. "It's my life, Nikola. My choice."
Her tone turned pleading again. "I'm not asking you to lie to him. I just need you to be here. Please."
"You don't really want that. "
She was fairly certain she did. "Perhaps you don't know me as well as you think you do."
“Maybe I don’t.” Nikola said, shaking his head. “I don’t know how you think you can get away with this. How he’s not going to find out on his own.”
“And if he does, I will handle it.”
“You think I want to be your secret?” He said, frowning a little. “You think I want to be the reason for the end of your relationship with Varric?”
“You aren’t going to be the reason our relationship ends.”
“You say that now,” Nikola said, growing exasperated. “But what happens when he finds out you’ve been lying to him about me?” He shook his head. “No. Call me when you’re ready to be honest with him. I’m not your secret.”
“I haven’t been lying to anyone.” Yes, she truly believed that. But she was growing tired of fighting. “What is it you expect of me?”
“I expect you to tell Varric the truth. That you and I are still friends. That there’s nothing for him to worry about. And if he doesn’t want us to be friends, then you have to decide for yourself what to do.”
“He isn’t going to tell me I can’t see you, Nikola,” she started softly, “He isn’t that cruel. He isn’t John.”
“Then tell him we’re still friends. What are you waiting for?”
“What if I push him away?”
“It won’t.”
She let the silence stretch long enough for it be uncomfortable, but finally, she nodded. “Stay. Please.”
Nikola sighed. He shook his head. “No. I can’t.” He finally made eye contact with her again. “I’ve got to get back to work.”
“Of course,” she offered softly, glancing down at her feet again, “Don’t let me keep you.”
“Take some time to think about what I said.” Nikola said, stepping backward once more. “And text me later.” He said, then gave her a nod and turned to head back to his car.