Cameron can appreciate art (tin_miss) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-02-20 11:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cameron phillips, john connor |
Play music for me?
Who: Cameron and John
What: Cameron wakes up with a chip for a brain and tries to kill John. She begs John to pull it out.
When: 2/19
Where: Connor Household
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: It’s kinda like removing a CPU from a computer, only with blood, feels and tears
It came to Cameron in the night, jerking her awake as though she was coming back from a reboot. Her sensors came online, then her eyesight, a HUD giving her readings of her bedroom. A sub-routine kicked in and panic flooded through her. The girl who’d been Cameron was still in there. She just thought in a different manner.
She still felt and that was the most horrible part of all.
But she could be wrong about that. As she scrambled out of her bedroom and ripped the door off the hinges, another sub-routine overrode the first. She came to a stop, the programs conflicting.
Kill John Connor. Love John Connor. Kill John Connor. Love John Connor.
John had been laying on his bed texting Glimmer when he heard the door, Cameron’s door, breaking. Leaving his phone on his bedside table he picked up the bat by his door and stepping into the hallway.
“Cam?” he asked relieved when he saw her standing there, though still confused, “What happened?”
She turned to look at him, an eerie glow in her eyes. Her face was etched in fear, and her voice shook. “John. Run, John. I’m changing.”
Target acquired.
Cameron dug her hands into her hair. She turned, and lunged, hand outstretched for John’s throat.
John knew that glow, recognised it from his dreams and while he wished he didn’t, it was only the instincts that came from those dreams which stopped her getting hold of him.
“Cam stop” he called over his shoulder even as he runs down the stairs, having no idea what he was going to do, “This isn’t you, not here”
She said nothing, jumping over the railing to crash into a table below. She picked up a shattered leg like a spear and flung it at John, before giving chase. She came up short and stopped. "I love you, John.”
Cameron felt she had to say that, just then. To focus on those emotions and force the termination protocol into the background. She still didn’t trust herself.
John dodged but felt his arm get caught by the table leg as she threw it with precision.
He looked at her somewhat warily, "I love you too Cam" he told her, " Its gonna be okay" he said with more confidence than he felt.
“You don’t love me,” she said, shaking her head. “Not the way I love you. Here and there, it’s all the same. She straightened, tilting her head as she initiated another program to battle the termination protocol. Cameron was worried that she didn’t have what she needed to fight it, and Sarah wasn’t here to help either of them. She missed Sarah.
Right now John missed Sarah too, she'd know what to do, she always knew what to do.
He looked at Cameron, his sister or close enough and he couldnt lie to her, not even now. "I know and I'm sorry but we can still work this out" he told her.
She looked at him, sadly. She understood, and she'd always understood, but that didn't make it hurt any less. For John's sake, and Glimmer's, she knew what had to be done. "I'm sorry John. I need you to do something for me."
John nodded, "Of course" he told her, knowing he'd hurt her, though it hadn't been his intention, "anything" he promised. His thoughts no where close to hers.
She stepped into the kitchen, pulling out a drawer. She palmed a screw driver and a scalpel. The Connor household had the oddest combination of items. She stepped past him, and headed to the basement. Code ran through her mind. The music of her cello, the beauty of a dancer, whether god existed.
As long as John would be okay, she reasons, there might be a god.
John followed, his concern increasing as she collected the interesting assortment of items and headed to the basement.
“What are we doing Cam?” he asked, trying to keep the near panic from his voice, “There’s nothing down here”
She turned to face him, holding the items out. “I can’t trust myself, John. There’s so much code and half of it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t want to hurt you. Or anyone else. I don’t have a … I’m not human any more.”
“No” John said immediately, “That’s ridiculous, of course you’re human. Cam we’re not in the dreams, this is real. You are real” Okay she may have tried to hurt him but he couldn’t take a screwdriver to her brain for gods sake.
Cam moved with inhuman speed. She wrapped her arms around John, hugging him as she pressed her lips to his, kissing him.
When she broke the kiss, she was crying. "Please. Until you can fix me. Remove my chip."
John was taken by surprise by her kiss and as such had no chance to react before she was pulling away, looking at her sad tear stained face he wrapped her in his arms and hugged her close. “I can’t...Cam...please don’t...” he couldn’t attack her with a bloody screwdriver, this was the real world. She wasn’t a robot, she couldn’t be not really, could she?
She took the scalpel. She reached towards the back of her head and started to cut into her scalp. "You have to, John. I trust you. You have to."
John placed his hand over hers, before moving her to the chair that had been placed down there amongst empty boxes and other rubbish. Bending down he looked at her, “Are you sure?” he asked her, his voice wavering, “We could deal with this I know we could, I still need you Cameron” It was as close to emotional blackmail as you could get but John didn’t really care about that right now.
She shuddered, moving her hand to touch whatever part of him was nearest. “I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t. Let me sleep John. I can’t hurt you when I sleep.” Cameron looked up at him, her eyes pleading.
He took her hand in his and looked down for what felt like the longest moment before looking up into those pleading eyes. He nodded jerkily, standing to place the scalpel at the point he knew from his dreams.
It was like his worst nightmare come true when he pulled the skin back to reveal the metal underneath. He felt sick to his stomach and was moving on autopilot as he started to remove the protective seal.
It was the strangest feeling as the seal opened. To Cameron, it felt intimate. She closed her eyes. She didn’t want John to have to look into hers, open and empty. She didn’t want him to see the light go out. It was a subtle, but powerful difference from the dreams. Cameron understood the power of looking into the soul.
“Play music for me?” She asked. “Sometimes?”
John put the screwdriver and scalpel down and picked up the pliers. He took a deep breath before pressing a kiss to her forehead, “Everyday Cam” he said softly, “And I’ll find a way to bring you back, I promise”
Cameron’s voice was a whisper, but she felt calm, and not scared. She believed him, that he’d find a way to bring her back, without risking him or anyone else. She trusted him to take care of her. “I’m sorry, John.”
"None of this is your fault" he told her, "you hold no blame for any of this"
He put the pliers in place whispering, "I love you" before removing the chip.
Cameron grew very still, like dead weight instead of a living, loving thing. Her eyes were closed, a hint of a smile on her face. If robots dreamed of electric sheep, hers might very well be pleasant.
John looked at the chip is his hands and then down at Cameron tempted for a minute to replace it but knowing he couldn't do that to her.
He sank to his knees next to the chair resting his hand over hers before giving in to the grief he felt and sobbing. He stayed like that for a long time.