InsaneJournal

...She’s so overwhelmed. She’s so angry.
Who: Obi-Wan and Faiza
What: Obi-Wan can feel Kitty’s pain too sharply, Faiza comforts
When: Sunday Night
Where: Obi’s House residence
Status: Complete
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Grief stuff/discussion of plane crash


Inevitably, the news program came to an end, replaced by a rerun of some idiotic sitcom that had been in syndication since the late nineties. The transition was jarring and filled Obi-Wan with enough disgust to finally turn the box off. The static hissed and faded.

He sat on the floor for a while longer in silence, while the three puppies nipped at the hem of his t-shirt. He absentmindedly pet their warm, fuzzy heads. They pressed their wet noses against his fingers and offered their master kisses of consolation. They knew something was wrong, even if they couldn’t understand the depth of human emotion Obi-Wan was experiencing.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he finally peeled himself from the floor and walked back to the kitchen. He picked up the shattered glass from the floor and put a kettle on the stove. The inside of his chest felt cold and hollow, his heart felt broken.

Faiza had driven quickly, and in silence. She didn’t want to hear the news. She wanted to reflect, and pray, for the dead and the living left behind. Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel. It had all been so beautiful and she was angry that it had ended like this.

By the time she’d knocked on the door to Obi’s residence, she’d worked through most of her own emotions, and had been left with sympathy, and grief. She’d liked Xi’an, quite a bit.

Aside from Obi-Wan and the dogs, the house was empty, and he was dressed as he would have been with the house to himself: pajama pants and a white t-shirt; essentially, he was dressed for bed. He had no idea where Loras and Margaery were. They all kept fluctuating schedules.

But the house felt very empty. Everything seemed to echo, even his bare feet on the tile. Obi-Wan opened the door, eager for the warmth Faiza would bring with her, even though he could sense her grief on the other side of the wood.

She wrapped her arms around him, almost immediately, pressing her lips against his face and kissing him softly. Faiza gave him all the strength she had in her.

For a little while, they stayed like that, embracing in the open doorway, like a sculpture of grief. Obi-Wan buried his face in her hair and breathed deep the familiar warm scent of curry.

When they pulled apart, he closed the door. His eyes were a little red, but he was still composed. He scratched the back of his neck. “I put on tea,” he said, like it was something he was supposed to do in a situation like this. He didn’t know what else to do.

“Tea will help calm you,” Faiza said. She took his hand and closed the door, then led him into his own kitchen. She sat him down so she could handle the tea from there. He was closer to Kitty and her family, and the empathy was only making it worse for him. Faiza wanted to do whatever she could.

The emotions of some of the passengers and their loved ones had faded, but Kitty’s remained strong. Obi-Wan sat at the table and sighed, rubbing his temples. “...She’s so overwhelmed, Faiza,” he murmured. “She’s so angry.”

“Wouldn’t you? Lose everything like that on your honeymoon. My god I hope it happened on the seventeenth and not the sixteenth...” It was a small, silly concern, but anniversaries could have heavy meanings in years down the road.

Obi-Wan lifted his head. "But Kitty seeks revenge when she's angry. She goes looking for a fight. And I can't help--" He paused, hesitant to continue, but he had to trust Faiza was ready to hear it. "...But think of Anakin."

“Just who could she even seek revenge against?” Faiza asked, setting the tea down. “It was a tragedy, but we don’t know enough to place blame.”

He pulled his mug close and let the stream warm him. For a while, he was quiet again, and his eyes grew distant. "That's what scares me most."

“I don’t understand?” She reached over and put her hand over his. “What do you think she’d do?”

"Kitty's powers are very strong, and her determination is stronger," he said, rubbing Faiza's fingers. "If there's someone at fault... she's not above bringing them to justice herself. At least..." He lifted his mug and sighed. "...I don't know. I'm frightened for her."

Disquieted, Faiza took a seat and wrapped her hands around her mug. “She seems like such a nice, cheerful girl. Very helpful. I can’t believe that there’s this potential for a demon inside of her.”

He took a sip of tea and blinked his red-tinged eyes. "Kitty has an extraordinary capacity for love, almost superhuman... but there's a flipside to that."

"Strong love can lead to strong hurt?" Faiza thought she understood, a little bit. "Or maybe she just feels too much?"

"She feels everything and then some," he said with a grim chuckle. He sympathized with Kitty. They both felt things sharply, but they were frequently at odds regarding what constituted an appropriate reaction. Obi-Wan shook his head. “And strong love can lead to strong anger. Rage.” He massaged his chest where it seemed to hurt.

“We’ll need to show her another way.” Faiza scooted her chair around the table and wrapped her arms around his shoulder. She rubbed at his back and gave him a nuzzle. “That she doesn’t have to lose herself in her rage.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes closed as he gave himself permission to enjoy Faiza’s touch, but waves of Kitty’s sadness and anger still swept over him. He felt a little like he was under some kind of attack. He felt the loss of Xi’an as though he’d lost Faiza.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the feeling, wincing. If he concentrated on his breath, he could just manage to stay calm. Losing Dani had been terrible, but this was worse. With a shudder, Obi-Wan coughed, trying to release some of tension without crying, but he felt every bit like someone who had just lost their wife.

Faiza could only imagine through the hazy memory of losing her own parents. This was brutal, and terrible, and it filled her heart with sadness. She made little shhing sounds, wanting to comfort him. Wanting to pull him back to the here and now.

Obi-Wan turned toward her, pressing his face close to where he could feel Faiza’s heartbeat. His arm circled her waist, holding tight. His lips found her collarbone and kissed it. He knew opening to love meant opening to utter devastation. He knew this, he believed with every fiber of his being that it was what man was made for. And yet... now, in the face of what he was experiencing through Kitty, Obi-Wan found himself questioning if it was worth it.

He blinked his vacant eyes and held tight to the woman he loved.

Putting a hand on his face, Faiza turned it until their eyes met. “Look at me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don’t wallow in this. It won’t help you and it won’t help her. It might only make things worse through some sort of … feedback loop, because that’s how these things happen.” She smiled warmly. “Feel for her, but don’t fall for her.”

He couldn’t help but think of Anakin. Obi-Wan knew he would always be haunted by what he knew had been his failure in part. No doubt he saw helping Kitty as some means to atonement. But Faiza was right. The cycle had to be interrupted, or else he chanced falling, too. The Dark Side felt dangerously close.

Obi-Wan worked his jaw, trying to get some moisture back into his mouth, and nodded. “Sometimes it hits me so strongly that I can’t separate my feelings from the mess it creates. I haven’t learned how to do that yet.” His voice was low, weary. “Because right now, it feels like I’m reeling from losing Xi’an, like Kitty would be.” He reached up and touched Faiza’s face, trusting she would understand what that equated to, because he didn’t care to say it aloud.

She nodded, her eyes tearing up. She couldn’t even promise that he wouldn’t lose her. She didn’t want to risk lying to him. But she could tell him that she loved him. “I love you. I don’t plan on going anywhere, except perhaps on holiday and then you’d be coming with me.”

A smile tugged a bit at his lips. More importantly, it touched his eyes, bringing them back to life, despite the cold that lingered in his chest. Obi-Wan tilted his head up and kissed her. But he felt like he had one foot on either side of a chasm and that a step in any direction was dangerous.

His expression became serious again. He brushed his fingers along Faiza’s jaw. “I know we could say there’s always a risk, but you know it’s different for me. My life will probably never be safe, and who knows where your powers will take you. Are you sure we aren’t being incredibly foolish?” As if he could stop loving her now, but he was only going to love her more as time went on. And the pain of loss would grow exponentially.

Faiza laughed. It was soft, and gentle, and she gave him a look that spoke volumes. “Of course we’re being foolish. But millions of people act foolish every day and they’re happy for it.”

His gaze melted into hers, his shoulders finally giving up some of their tension. A little corner of Obi-Wan’s heart quietly suggested that he propose then and there. Who knew if they even had five minutes left?

For now, he kissed Faiza, and tried to reassure himself that he had all the time in the world. And if it was only five minutes, then that was a gift, too. But in case they had a little more time... “Stay here tonight.” He wasn’t even thinking of sex. He just wanted to hold on to her.

“You’d have to make me leave,” she whispered, slipping into his lap and his arms, and giving all of herself to recharge him.