katniss everdeen is a survivor (unwillingmartyr) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-02-18 15:28:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, katniss everdeen, pansy malfoy |
Is there anything else you want? Handcuffs? Lube?
Who: Pansy and Katniss
When: Recent!
Where: Pansy’s place
What: Talking about the DNA results
Rating: Low
Status: Complete
Katniss arrived at Pansy’s place and knocked on the door, then fidgeted a little nervously. She was worried about her friend. This was..actually a new thing for her. Worrying about friends. In the dream there’d been Gale, and Madge, but that was about it. She hadn’t even realized that Madge had been her friend until she’d given her that Mockingjay pin.
Pansy was home by herself. She assumed that Draco was at Zuko’s, and Peter was at work, or something. She didn’t mind being home alone, though. It gave her time to think and reflect. She had a lot of thinking and reflecting to do. Her classes were going well, and she’d just started working with John Jones, doing private investigating work. But now there was this other thing, this big, black cloud hanging over her head.
The television was on in the other room, playing whatever was on the Sci-Fi channel. Pansy came to the door and pulled it open, looking tired but happy to see her friend. “Katniss, come in.”
“Hey.” She hugged her friend tightly, and then stepped inside. “You okay? Do you need anything?” She tried to imagine the way she’d feel if she thought that Prim wasn’t actually her sister. It hurt.
Pansy took solace in the idea that she and Draco had decided they were siblings, no matter what their blood said. So what if she was adopted? They were still raised together. Still grew up as brother and sister. Pansy was never going to let that go. And she didn’t treat him any differently. Though, now her dreams made a whole lot more sense.
“No. I’m fine. Come on in. Do you want a beer? I was putting off drinking in case I had to drive anywhere.”
“..I’m sixteen,” Katniss pointed out. “..hell with it, okay, I’ll take a beer.”
Pansy shrugged. “I’m nineteen.” She felt a lot older sometimes. She sure had enough experience... more than some twenty-somethings had. She moved into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers, then popped the tops off with her magnet bottle opener and stuck it back on the fridge.
“I need one with the week I’ve been having. Okay, I need like, eight.” Or twelve.
Katniss took a sip of the beer and made a face. “Okay, talk. I’m here to listen. For once my life isn’t being totally crap so I can actually be a good friend!”
Pansy chuckled softly and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs with her beer. “So... Draco’s not my brother.”
“That’s a relief, isn’t it? Or is it not a relief? I’m not actually sure.” She came over, wrapping her arms around Pansy, anyway!
Pansy returned the hug. She really needed it. It was nice to know that someone outside of Peter and Draco cared. “It is. Though, it’s a really sad one.” She responded, nodding. “It means... well, it means I’ve been lied to my whole life. But it also means that I finally know the truth.”
"That's horrible. What are you going to do?" Katniss took another sip of her beer, rubbing at Pansy’s back.
“I’m going to find them. My birth parents.” Pansy said, shaking her head. “I need to know why they gave me up. What they were thinking.”
“If you want any help...I’m really good at tracking game.” How that translated to the real world was anyone’s guess, and she giggled.
Pansy gave a little chuckle, too. “Thanks, Kat. I’m sure you’ll be the first I’ll call.” She moved around into the living room to sit down on the sofa. “I just... I don’t know why I was given up. Why my parents never mentioned it. What if it was something shameful?”
“An affair? Are you sure that both of your parents aren’t your parents?” Katniss sat down, crossing her legs and sitting back as she spoke. “That’s … crazy.”
“No, they said something about alleles, how Draco and I don’t share any in common. Neither Narcissa nor Lucius are my parents.” She paused, wondering if Lucius and Narcissa knew that. Had they done a DNA test before? Were they lying to her about all of it? Was it some sort of implantation problem? Was her mother treated for infertility?
"Do either of you know if either of you are actually their kids?" Katniss asked. This whole thing sounded like a soap opera.
“There’s no doubt in my mind that Draco is Lucius and Narcissa’s son. He looks so much like them. He takes after them. But I’m... well, I always thought I was a black sheep. Turns out I’m the neighbor’s dog, wearing a sheep suit.”
“I can’t believe they never told you,” She replied, her eyes wide in shock. “Do you think it’s a secret? I mean..your mom always seemed to really care about appearances.”
“I’m sure it is. I haven’t talked to them about it.” Pansy said, shaking her head a bit. “I dunno, for some reason I don’t want them to know that I know.” Fear of retaliation, maybe? But how would they retaliate? “At least, not until I know who my birth mother was. Is.”
“Then what? God, I’ve wished I had a different mom, but I don’t think I ever actually meant it, you know?”
“I know.” Pansy hadn’t really meant it, either. It felt like a slap in the face to both of her parents--to Narcissa and Lucius--to even imagine that she might not be actually theirs. And now she found out that she wasn’t. It was a slap in the face to her, too, that she’d been lied to for so long.
“I’m worried about Draco.” She added, softly. “What he must be going through.”
“You’re both going through it,” Katniss pointed out. “And it’s horrible and it sucks.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it.” Pansy said, then lifted her bottle for a deep pull of beer. On the one hand she felt like she had to know. On the other she was feeling guilty for what she’d just put her family through.
“Don’t be guilty. You had a right to know. You HAVE a right to know. You’re still family. That’s important, even if you’re not related.”
“Draco and I will always be brother and sister. He’s my best friend in the world. We’ve been through thick and thin together, and nothing will tear us apart. I’m pretty angry at my parents--at Lucius and Narcissa--though.” Pansy said, leaning back a bit and setting the bottle aside. Getting drunk wasn’t the answer. Not really, anyway.
“Make you feel better about your dreams, yeah?” Katniss sipped at her beer, watching her friend. “What are you going to do about them?”
“Oh, yeah.” Pansy said, nodding. “Much better. I had these weird feelings. It was gross.” She shook her head a bit. “I can understand why someone would be in love with Draco. He’s awesome. But in the dreams he’s a douchebag.” She said.
“I don’t know. Probably nothing, really. They’re just dreams, right?” She added, then reached for her beer again.
Katniss knew what it was like to kill someone. ‘they’re just dreams’ wasn’t much comfort in that. She’d been thinking a lot about Rue lately, too. “Probably nothing.”
Pansy nodded. “I’m sorry, I should be asking how you are. How are things with Peeta? I want to hear everything.” She felt like she’d been so self-involved lately she hadn’t even asked Katniss how the other girl was doing.
“Things with Peeta are...things. I think I just need to grow some balls. He’s way better than I deserve but..after the dreams...” She played with her hair. “After the dreams I’m torn. On the one hand I want to not like him because I’m stubborn. On the other hand I like him.”
Pansy gave a laugh. It was nice thinking about someone else’s problems for a moment. “I don’t blame you for being torn. I totally get it.” She said, then set her empty beer bottle down. “... but really, if you like him you should go for it. Chase him down and jump on him. Don’t let him go.”
“Jump on him? Just like that?” Katniss stared at her. “Is that what you did to Peter?”
“Well... not exactly.” Pansy said. “Pete and I... we took a long time. Longer than I normally take with guys, actually.” Maybe that’s why things worked out so well between them? She had no idea. “But if you really like him, just... you don’t have to like, jump into bed with him. Just let him know how you feel.”
“I’ve been dancing around him for months. And in our dreams I’m...well I’m a real bitch. But I know when I kissed him those times it....well here, there was something. There, it was more like ...this one time that I felt something.”
“Honestly, Katniss, you have nothing on me. I’m the queen of the bitches in my dreams.” Pansy said, shaking her head. “In your dreams you were leading him on, and here you’re not. It’s because we’re all better here than we are in our dreams.” At least, that’s what she kept telling herself. She was better. Draco was better. Her Aunt Bellatrix had to be better.
“What if I’m leading him on? What if I can’t go through with it?” Katniss was scared of doing that to him. Of closing off her feelings, and her emotions and shutting him out completely.
Pansy shook her head. “There’s no guarantees on that one, hunny. You have to decide if it’s worth the risk.”
“Uhm,” Katniss said. “Can I borrow some condoms?”
A laugh escaped her, and she nodded. “Of course.” Pansy climbed up from her spot on the sofa and moved to her bedroom to get some from her stash. “Is there anything else you want? Handcuffs? Lube?”
"Do I need those?!" Her eyes widened with alarm, and maybe a little interest. She tried to imagine Peeta and squirmed.
Pansy laughed. It was a good-natured laugh, but a loud and bright one nonetheless. She dug out some condoms and came out of her bedroom, shaking her head. “No, you don’t need those. Honestly, for your first time, just go with this. Are you on the pill?”
“Can’t afford it,” Katniss admitted. “Hence the condoms. How bad is this going to hurt?”
“Eh... have something strong to drink before hand. You, not him. And don’t expect to get off the first time. Almost never happens. He could get you off before or after, but probably won’t happen during.”
“Oh. Can’t say I get much chance to do that to myself. Between mom and Prim and work there’s hardly any time. I never get... horny.”
“Well, this’ll be a nice change for you.” Pansy said, holding the condoms out to her friend. “And the pill is actually cheaper, if you get it through planned parenthood. I think it’s only ten bucks a month? Anyway, I can get it for you, if you need or want. I’ve got enough Target gift cards to last me like, a thousand years.”
She laughed, and hugged her friend. “As long as my mom and Prim don’t find out? Yeah, I might have to take you up on that. The last thing I could afford is another mouth to feed!”
“Seriously. I don’t think I’d be ready for something like that for... oh, God.” The thought of Pansy with a baby? Ridiculous. She couldn’t keep houseplants alive. “So, yeah. I’ll just get you the same kind I get. Not a problem.”
“Thank you. I may not actually need them but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” And she really, really didn’t. Be lost, perhaps. Her mind. Lost her mind. If the dreams kept coming she probably would.
“Pssh.” Pansy said, then reached over and gently slugged her friend in the shoulder. Playfully and gently. “You’d be fine. You’re strong. Stronger than you look.” It was true, though, both ways. Pansy reached over and looped an arm around Katniss’ shoulder, and tugged her in for another hug. “But the feeling’s mutual, Hun.”
“You’re like a sister to me,” Katniss said, quietly and suddenly, though there was force behind her words. For Katniss, they were serious words indeed.
Pansy nodded, still hugging the other girl tightly against her. “I know. You are, too.”