Cadence (princesscadence) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-02-10 11:28:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, kurt wagner (nightcrawler), princess cadance |
He was just afraid there might be some awkwardness.
Who: Kurt and Cadence
When: Saturday, 2/2 (or to you Brits in the audience, 2/2)
Where: Restaurant
What: Talking!
Rating: Medium
Status: Complete
Kurt had dressed up for the brunch date, sort of. A nice sweater, slacks and shoes. It wasn’t a super dressy up type date, but he wanted to look nice for her. He was just afraid there might be some awkwardness.
Or her dad might shoot him.
Luckily for Kurt, Cadence hadn't told her father about him. So when he came to the door to pick her up, the Taco King wasn't there with his shot gun. Cadence was wearing a springtime dress and sandals, even though it was early February. She came to the door herself, opened it, and gave him a smile. She felt awkward and embarrassed, but she was genuinely glad to see him.
"Hi." She said, softly.
“Hey...” He thought she looked divine, and took her hand to kiss it after she entered. “You look beautiful... I hope you’re hungry, I vanted to try this new place I found.”
“Thank you.” Cadence said. She was blushing deeply, and gave his hand a squeeze after he kissed it. “All right. Are you driving?” She asked. She’d taken two showers a day since their night together. Not because she felt dirty, but because of the fear. It was hard to explain.
“I’m driving, yes.” He preferred it now, to walking. Not because he was scared about being jumped. After some of his dreams, part of him almost wanted to be, so he could get some payback, as crazy as it sounded.
Cadence liked his car. Her car was newer, probably faster, probably had better gas mileage, but his car was born of his own hard work. Hers was a gift from Daddy. His felt more real. More intimate. She followed him to his car and climbed in.
He stole a quick kiss as she got into the car, then started it up and drove them to the cafe. He enjoyed his time with her, and just being this close in a car was making his blood rush. He took her hand, just needing to touch her.
The quick kiss made her blush deeply. Funny how they’d done so much, and yet she was still blushing at his little displays of affection. She pulled her belt on then took hold of his hand and laced her fingers through his, holding it with both of her own. “What’s the new place?”
“A little Thai place that I’ve been vanting to try ever since I drove past it.” He grinned cheerfully, enjoying the hand holding as they drove.
Cadence nodded. “I love Thai.” She said. “Love peanuts.” She added, giving him a smile. Though, she didn’t want to distract him too much from driving, remembering well what happened last time.
They made it to the restaurant safely, and Kurt parked. He shut the engine down and turned to look at her, and almost shy smile on his face. Shy, and adoring.
Cadence turned to face him, still holding his hand gently in both of her own. “I just... I want you to know that... I had a really wonderful time the other night.” She said, then cleared her throat. She was a little terrified that... well, she was terrified about a lot of things.
"I vas a little vorried," He admitted, squeezing her hand a little too tight. "It vas amazing but I know it vas your first time and everything....gott I sound like I'm sixteen."
Cadence didn’t really know what that meant. She shifted in her chair, still holding tightly to his hand with both of her own. “Do you?” She asked, a shy smile crossing her features. “I mean... it was amazing?”
"It was amazing." He leaned in, kissing her softly. He wanted a better place to discuss their feelings.
Cadence returned his kiss. There was nothing wrong with sitting in the car, talking about feelings. It was private, and they were together. She didn’t mind it. Her free hand lifted up to cup his cheek, letting her forehead rest against his. “I think it was, too.” She said, softly.
"You're beautiful, and I love you," Kurt said, before he could stop himself. He didn't want to stop himself. It felt right.
Cadence blinked up at him. It caught her completely off guard, and she had no idea how to respond. Wasn’t it too early for things like that? Too soon? Then again, she’d given herself to him--given him a gift that was precious, something she would never have back. And she loved him, too. She knew she did.
But she just sat there for a moment, staring at him, dumbfounded.
Kurt smiled nervously, then kissed her cheek. "Come on. I'm starving."
“No, wait.” Cadence said, holding his hand with both of hers again, and keeping him there with her in the car. “...I love you, too.” She said, softly. “I just... thought it was too soon to say it.”
"So did I," Kurt replied. He squeezed her hand and then leaned in and kissed her. "And maybe it is too early, but I can't deny vhat I feel."
Cadence nodded once, returned his kiss, then nodded again. Her heart was thundering with fear and joy. "I can hardly believe this is happening. I mean you're so... And I'm so..."
“You’re so vonderful,” he concluded for her, raising his eyebrows and grinning. “Vonderful, and beautiful, sexy and perfect.”
"Crazy. You're absolutely crazy," she responded, teasing, then leaned in to kiss him again. Properly this time.
He chuckled into the kiss, then quickly forgot where they were. When he came up for air, his face was flushed. “Crazy is good. Ja?”
"Very good," Cadence replied. She was pink lipped, breathing elevated, and grinning. She'd forgotten where they were and what they were doing, all except for the kissing.
"Ve should eat..." he was hungry for her now, but could control himself. Right? Right. He got out of the car, and got the door for her.
Cadence took a moment after he left the car to compose herself, then let him help her out. She took his hand and didn't release it until they were seated at their table in the restaurant.
He beamed at her as they sat, his stomach doing little butterfly flips. He still didn’t think he deserved her, but he was working on that. He needed a much better, less stressful job, for starters. “Vhat vould you like?”
Cadence perused the menu for a moment, then shrugged. "Pad Thai?" She said, glancing at him over her menu. "Extra tofu. And a Thai iced tea. What about you?"
Kurt ordered something with some meat in it. He didn’t mind tofu, but he worked hard enough to crave the real stuff. He sat back after ordering, and took Cadence’s hand again. “Vhat have you been up to since we made love I last saw you?”
"Trying to pay attention in school," Cadence replied. She gave a sheepish grin. "It's been hard."
He laughed. his nervous suddenly vaporizing. He felt much better, in general and about them. “Ja, I know. I keep thinking about you. It vas bad before, it’s vorse now.”
She had more than just him to worry about. But knowing how he felt really helped. "Hopefully things will calm down now?" She asked, playfully. But she didn't think it would. In truth, she thought now that it would be worse.
“Nein.” He shook his head, then lifted her hand in both of his. “I’m not sure I vant it to. I haven’t felt this vay about someone in a long time. I’m not sure it’s...” He searched for the vords. “It’s different. A good sort of different.” He didn’t want her to think he was trying to compare loves.
She'd never loved anyone before. Not like this. It sure was different, sure was new. But she liked it. She wasn't hungry for food in her nerves and emotion, but knew she'd need the energy later. "I've never felt anything like this before."
“It’s vonderful, isn’t it, liebchen?” He decided to find a better subject than dead girlfriends. “I vant to take you some place special soon.”
"Where? " she asked, perking up at that thought. She was still smiling, leaning forward over the table a little.
“I’ll tell you vhen I figure it out.” His eyes were twinkling in amusement and mischief. He may already have it figured out and just wanted to keep it a secret.
"Awww, now you're teasing me," Cadence responded, though she didn't sound to upset about it.
“I tease because I love!”
Cadence went scarlet. She knew it was true. She gave his hand a squeeze, still holding it across the table, then released it as the waitress brought out their food. “You’ve got me all excited, I don’t know what to do with myself,” she said, lifting her chopsticks to dig into her meal. It smelled amazing.
“You could take care of yourself like you said you did in the tub,” Kurt said, spearing his meal with his own chopsticks, all casual like. “Vhile I vatched.”
One of Cadence’s chopsticks went skittering to the floor. She was blushing furiously as she bent down to pick it up. The waitress came out and insisted in broken English to get Cadence a new pair, making her blush even further. She wouldn’t meet Kurt’s eyes, and by the time the waitress came back with more chopsticks, Cadence was nearly crimson.
“...I... um... is that...” She didn’t have the words so she took a large gulp from her tea instead. It wasn’t entirely out of the question, it was just... new.
She was adorable, the more she blushed and stammered, and Kurt was watching her with the stupidest grin on his face. "Vould you rather I helped?"
Cadence gave an embarrassed laugh, glancing around. She was still really shy about all of that, really pink around her neck and cheeks. She shook her head a bit and set down her glass of iced tea. “...you’re naughty.” She said, and as much as it embarrassed her, she loved it.
“You make me naughty, mien liebchen.” He grinned broadly, reaching over to touch her chin and stroke his fingers across her lip.
Cadence smiled up at him. “I’m sorry. I hate to drive you to sin.” She said it playfully, teasingly, though there was a part of it that was true. She was still struggling with all of this.
"You haven't driven me anything, except a little nuts!" Kurt laughed, and pulled his hand back. He tried to smile reassuringly, his eyes gleaming with affection and desire.
“My father says I’m good at that. I make him crazy all the time.” Cadence sat up a little when his hand withdrew, and then started in on her food. She was dying for some delicious tofu.
“This is a different kind of crazy, I hope.” Laughing, he dug back into his meal, and was incapable of conversation for several minutes.
“Very, very different.” Cadence assured him, then continued eating her food. It was a lot of food, so she only ate half. The rest she packed away in a doggy bag and leaned back in her chair.
“Gutt...” the German man patted his belly as he sat back, and studied her from across the table. He looked so incredibly content, and happy. Who cares that they were rushing headlong into things?
“Are you going to take me home now?” Cadence asked, giving him a smile. He looked... perfect. Everything about him was absolutely perfect.
"Is that..vhat you vant?" Kurt straightened his shoulders, smiling nervously again. "I love you, but I don't vant you to feel like you have to do anything."
“No. I want to stay with you.” It was Saturday, she didn’t have anywhere to be until tomorrow morning. “...I have church in the morning, and the Superbowl is tomorrow. You have to come meet my dad.”
“Of course.” He got to his feet, pulling out his wallet so he could pay. “You’re going to church?” The question wasn’t meant to be a statement on anything, only that he was curious.
“Yeah... it’s tradition on Superbowl Sunday.” Cadence said, sounding hesitant, or slightly irritated. She felt strange about going to church, but the whole family was going and she was keeping up appearances for them. She climbed to her feet as well and pushed her chair in.
Kurt came over, putting his arm around her and kissing her cheek. He could sense she was irritated, but he didn't know what to do about it. So he tried to offer her comfort, the best way he could.
Cadence took a moment to wrap her arms down and around his waist, bury her face in his chest and sigh. She didn’t care who was watching. She soaked up all the comfort he had to offer happily and unashamedly. “Take me home. To your home.” Neither of her homes were private in the slightest.
“Ja...” Swallowing his nerves, Kurt led her outside, and back to the car. He could sense she was still having some sort of crisis. He decided to take her home, and hold her, at least.
She walked with him back out to the car and settled in. It wasn't a long ride back to his place, but she held his hand the whole way, all in shock over what had just transpired.
Once they were inside, Kurt went to the fridge. “Vater? Soda? Beer?” He was thirsty, and thought she could use something to drink. Maybe something to relax.He didn’t want to give her anything harder than a beer, though.
“Water’s fine.” Cadence said, moving to sit down on his sofa. She wrapped her arms around her knees and stared off into space for a few minutes, letting everything wash over her. She had so much thinking to do! Sorting through her emotions wasn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world right now.
Kurt disappeared into his kitchen, getting them some water. He also picked up a few snacks and brought them in a bowl, sitting next to her on the sofa. He watched her for a moment, then put a hand on her knee. “You vant to talk about it?”
“I don’t know.” Cadence said, softly. She turned to look at him. There was such affection in her gaze, such warmth. She smiled and lifted her hand to rest on top of his on her knee. “Maybe.”
“Then lets talk about it. I’ll start. I love you, Cadence. It’s scary and vonderful and fast and I just don’t care. I vant this, vith you.”
“I love you, too,” Cadence said, softly. “It’s not you, it’s just... I didn’t think this was going to happen. I never imagined that things would work this way. I always thought I’d fall in love over time, get engaged, go cake tasting, try on wedding dresses, then give myself to my husband on my wedding night. With God as part of our marriage.” She confessed, feeling a bit shy, a bit silly.
“This is definitely not how I imagined... this.”
He nodded his head in understanding, and measured his words very carefully. "Even vhen I vas at my most devout, I never considered sex a sin. It vas a joyous, vonderful part of a relationship, and something shared between lovers and God. God is supposed to be, after all, love, and vhat harm is there in loving someone, vhen it is consensual like this?"
And he'd always been a little bit of a lady's man, especially after Amanda's death. Seeking something he had lost, as it were.
Cadence nodded. “I don’t know if I consider it a sin. I mean, that’s what we’re taught, right? Loosely, in my church, anyway. There are a lot of my friends who are active... and it’s just like you said. An expression of love.” She paused. “But it’s... it’s something I only get to give once. Got to give once.” She corrected herself. She didn’t have it anymore to give. She’d already given it to him. “I never expected... I mean, I’m glad that we did,” she thought she was, anyway, “I just... I dunno. I guess I always thought it would be more...romantic?”
"Perhaps.. I ..tried, as best I could. Or maybe now ve can be romantic, vithout vorrying about the pain or the awkwardness. Ve can just enjoy each other." And he didn't have to feel guilty about getting off when she was having such problems!
Cadence nodded. She leaned over to rest her head against his shoulder. “All right. Now we’ve got that awkward and painful experience out of the way,” she said, completely bluntly and honestly, “you can sweep me off my feet for the next time.”
Kurt smiled. "Of course. I have a plan, you see. On how to sweep you off you feet." For the first time he wished he was more like his dreams. He could literally sweep her up and carry her across just about anything, to just about anywhere.
“You do, do you?” Cadence asked, sitting up a little and looking into his eyes. That idea made her rather excited.
“Mm. I do.” Kurt pulled her more against him, and rained kisses onto her face. “A dashing, daring plan.” Which involved carrying her into the bedroom, which he’d already filled with some candles. He’d even gotten rosepetals for the bed.
Carne grinned at the kisses, her arms wrapping up and around him. "Are you going to tell me this plan?" She asked, then gave a tiny laugh as he swept her up into his arms and carried her off to the bedroom. She glanced around and blushed furiously. "You sure did have a plan. You were expecting I'd come home with you?"
“Hoping.” He grinned at her and set her down on the bed, then took a step back to look at her. “Beautiful.”
Cadence was still blushing deeply at his attentions. She toe’d her shoes off and let them drop to the floor, then flopped back against the pillows. “Hoping?” She asked. “I think you assumed.”
Kurt put a hand on his chest. “You vound me, Cadence. I assumed nothing.” He kneeled on the bed and grinned at her. “Flowers and candles are no guarantee, after all.”
“No.” Cadence responded, giving him a small smile. “No guarantee.” She reached one hand out to him. “I appreciate the romance, though.” She said, still rather red.
Kurt took Cadence’s hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss her palm. Then he nuzzled it with his cheek, and whispered. “I do love you.”
Cadence’s stomach gave a gentle twist in the best way ever. She beamed at him, bringing her hand to cup his cheek. “I love you, too.” She could hardly believe it. “Come here.” She drew him in against her, pulling his face toward her so she could kiss him.
Kurt smiled into the kiss, shifting onto his side so he could put his arms around her, and kiss her more deeply while pressing close.
Her arms wrapped down and around him as she kissed him lazily, but with as much emotion as she could manage to put into one kiss.
A little laugh might have bubbled up, and Kurt let it come as he kissed her back, matching emotion for emotion, and trying to dampen his passion.
Cadence grinned against his lips. She pulled back just a little. “What?” She asked, questioning the laugh.
"I like it vhen you're enthusiastic. Its very hot." Kurt Nuzzled her and tried to kiss her again. He wanted to feel her, body and soul.
Cadence gave a little chuckle, then met his kiss. How could she not? She lifted one hand to rest against his neck, then it slipped back and her fingers tangled in his hair. Her other arm was sorta pinned underneath her on the bed as she laid on her side.
Suddenly, Kurt rolled them, pulling Cadence on top of him as he deepened the kiss, hands rubbing passionately up and down her back, and squeezing at her butt. He even growled playfully.
Cadence gave a muffled sound of surprise as he rolled her on top of him. Her hair cascaded down around their faces in dark curls, and she brought her knees to rest on either side of his body, holding herself up above him on one arm. She felt the kisses grow more hungry, more passionate.
Kurt cupped Cadence's face, gazing into her eyes, before he ran his fingers into her hair. She was so beautiful, so perfect. He felt momentary guilty, before he kissed her again, hungry and passionate and needy.
As she returned his hungry, needy kisses, she found her mind wandering to thoughts about sex. It'd hurt last time, and she'd read that the more they did it, the better it would be. But was she ready for that? For this? She was still so confused about it all. She pulled her mouth away from his for a moment, eyes still closed.
“Nn? Cadence?” Kurt’s voice was soft, concerned, and a little bit strained. It felt like the mood had suddenly shifted and he didn’t know why.
Cadence shifted her weight, pulling back just a little to look up into his eyes. “Sorry, Kurt, I just...” She wasn’t sure how to put what she was feeling into words.
He shifted onto one of his hips, and brushed at her cheek with the back of his hand. He said nothing, and waited.
“I’m still not sure about all of this.” She said, softly. Bad choice of words, really, as she meant sex, and not love. She was absolutely sure about her love for him, and confident in his for her. It was just the sex stuff that she had conflicting emotions about.
“..Ja?” Kurt furrowed his brow, trying not to feel as hurt as he did. It was hard to tell if she meant the sex, or the love. Or both. He’d always viewed them as the same side of the coin. Or rather, as complementary to each other. He’d discovered, with Cadence, this incredible need to hold her close.
Cadence was sure that she could love him without the sex. Though, she … hadn’t, really. Had she loved him before they fell into bed together? Possibly. Probably. But now she was having doubts. Not about him, just about sex. And God.
She closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean... I just... It’s really hard to give up things that have been hammered into your head for so many years. Things I’ve been indoctrinated to believe.”
“I know.” He reached up to cup her cheek, a little relieved now. It could be all right. A little frustrating for awhile, but all right. “But I think that...you should follow your heart, and vhat it vants.”
“I should. I just feel so guilty,” Cadence confessed, closing her eyes. She looked pained, and torn. This was all so new to her, and she’d just had her world turned upside down. It was hard for her to focus on anything.
Kurt looked sad, his eyes downcast. “I never vanted you to feel guilty, liebchen. I only vanted...” He felt selfish, and very much a cad. He slipped out of the bed, fixing his clothing as he went.
Cadence flopped down onto her back on the bed, feeling absolutely rotten. She hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty. Wasn’t it bad enough that she was feeling it? A huge sigh escaped her. “I’m so sorry, Kurt. I wanted it. I wanted you. I still do, I just...” And she cursed in Spanish. “Please don’t be mad at me. I think I just need a little time.”
“I’m not mad at you.” He turned to smile, putting a hand on her arm. “A little put out, perhaps, but I’m not going to blame you. Not for something that maybe ve veren’t ready for.”
“I think you were ready for it,” Cadence tried to joke with him, giving him a tentative smile. “I just don’t know if I was. Or, I am. I know I was at the time.”
He nodded at her. “I hope it’s not because it was uncomfortable...”
“No.” Cadence said, reaching for his hand with hers. She took it and laced their fingers together, holding it in her lap with both hands. “It was beautiful. And it hurt, but that’s okay. Just means I’m normal. I hope we didn’t... make too much of a mess.” She’d read that there was a mess involved with first times, but had been far too out of it to realize if there had been one.
“I’m just... still struggling with my faith.”
“That’s the hardest part,” Kurt admitted. “But the thing I learned early on, vas that certain concepts are outdated, in this modern vorld. Faith is about charity, and helping people, and finding peace vith yourself. It’s not about repression, and oppression.”
“I don’t really feel like I’ve been repressed or oppressed,” Cadence said, trying to explain herself. “I feel like this...” She motioned between them, meaning the sex they’d shared, “is a distraction. From my charity work, from my school life, from everything. Not that I mind, I just... I’ve never had to deal with it before.” She paused. “And, well, I’ve always been taught that a sin is that which comes between me and God. Since you and I had sex,” she went rather pink at those words, “I haven’t been thinking about God at all. I’ve only been thinking about you.”
Maybe she was obsessed. The one thing she didn’t realize was that she hadn’t been thinking about God even before they had sex. She’d been really mad at God because of Luis, and was avoiding all God-related thoughts and activities, anyway.
"Vere you thinking about God before ve had sex?" Kurt asked, though he was mostly wondering out loud. "And sex doesn't have to be a distraction. It's something that can compliment your life."
“I don’t... no. No, I wasn’t. At least, I was trying not to. I was so angry.” A lot of that anger had started to fade. Perhaps it was being replaced with love.
“Are you angry now?” He sat down, pulling her over and into his arms.
“I’m too tired to be angry.” Cadence said, melting into his embrace.
“I love you.” He said, and laughed softly.
She found that her insides twisted pleasantly whenever he said those words. "I love you, too."