Faiza has a big sword (dr_fangirl) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-03-09 21:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, faiza hussain (excalibur), gaila, montgomery scott |
he'd just spewed a whole lot of things that didn't matter compared to:
Who: Faiza, Gaila and Scotty
What: More robot stuff! Also smacking and unwanted relationship advice. Additionally; whats best about Star Wars
When: Day after this.
Where: Santa Ana. Repair shop.
Rating: PG-13, Language, star wars talk
Status: Complete
Faiza, overdue for a looksover of her car, pulled into Mad Monty's...Mad Monty's, really? Well he really is mad. She put the car in park and got out, "Scotty?" Hopfully he was elbow deep in her robot, which really did make parts of her rev up. If he was her type she'd be doomed.
That might be problematic, not that he would go pointing it out to everyone and their grandmum. Mister Engineer is putting the finishing touches of welding a plate helmet, so the head assembly was completed. He is wearing his welding goggles and was in mid-weld, but the moment he hears someone calling for him, he cut the torch off and flipped the lenses up, to see who it was. Also Mad Monty’s is not the actual name! The sign simply says REPAIRS in big red letters, and it’s a case of his equally insane mun who wanted to make it sound like a used car salesman commercial.
"Oh, Faiza. Brilliant. Tae what do I owe the pleasure, robo lass?" he asked, before turning his head to blow on the hot metal with a huffle and a puffle.
"Two reasons." She still had her labcoat on and it looked like it needed a desperate washing, "Car, and robot. Both of which are your areas of experise." Her eyes gleamed as she took in the robot. Three. Two. One. SQUEE!
With a profound cringe, Scotty almost dropped the torch and stared at her, like he imagined every dog, cat, and chipmunk would come running at any moment. After all, only animals could probably detect certain tones contained within that squee. Oh well, down to business!
"Right, well? Feel free tae look about, and I'll get started on the car," he said, putting his things away and getting things situated. "I'll need the keys."
She handed him the keys, then belatedly took off her coat and stuffed it into the trunk. She wore a sweater underneath, then made her way over to the robot, squeeing at a much lower volume. She hugged it.
Boot! It's the boot! Silly doctor, they're Americanizing you. Tsk.
Ok, he had to give a smile at that robot hug. Hopefully it didn't blow up. Yet. He was sure it would someday, but hopefully not until it had rolled its way up onto a top of other very pummeled robo foes, and sat there, triumphantly, with fire flying out of it's face.
Off to the car! Vroom! In it goes. Oil change, in progress!
Oh allah, they are! She put it in the boot then. Thank you Scotsman. She peered into the robot's face, trying to see where the fire would come out. Why she was getting excited about fire she'd never know. She decided the robot needed a name. She wasn't about to let Scotty name it, he'd call it something horrible like Bawkiller or Fire Flamey Death Bot. Maybe Uknighted Kingdom, or something like that. She winced at the vroom, then watched the oil change for a moment before inspecting the circuitry with the air of someone who didn't know the difference between a ram chip and a cpu.
What was wrong with BawKiller or Fire Flamey Death Bot? Those were both intimidating and robot sexy. If asked, Scotty would have said they's work. Face Eater or Sir Barbeque of the Order of Arse-kickery would be good too. Fine, maybe not Face Eater. After all, he'd have to give it metal teeth.
Too bad he couldn't comment because he's too busy with the out with the old oil right now, and working pretty quickly, like he could do this in his sleep.I read that as face sitter
Faiza did want intimidating and robot-sexy, but she had a different definition, clearly. Petting the bot like it was something a little more alive, she watched Scotty curiously, "How're things with your bird?"
You would read it that way, dude. NO, like eating FACES off, with big gnarly teeth! Blood, hanging eyeballs, gaping sinus cavity, that sort of thing! Eeesh.
From down where Scotty was working, he started looking around like 'wut?' with oogly eyes. Well, he wasn't about to get too into...things that aren't things, per se, but maybe could be, even though there was no interest in picking out window dressings. And look at him, with his sense of foresight! He had pressed his lips together while thinking that, so none of it was blurted out.
Well. When all else failed? It was better to brush things off with a joke.
"Birds?" he questioned, innocently, while watching the sludge pour on out. If he sneezed, that engine might freeze up. Good thing she finally brought it in. "Oh, biiiiiiiirds. Newp! I don't like pets. No parrots, parakeets, cockatoos, budgies, finches, doves, ravens, vultures, owls, eagles, hawks, or common robins allowed."
He bounced on his heels a little bit, clicked his tongue against the roof his mouth, and raised his eyebrows just a teeny bit. "I could dae with some nice roasted chicken, though. Mmm. Roasty chicken."That's fun too!
Faiza rolled her eyes, almost up into her hijab. He was clearly trying to change the subject, and as amusing as it was, she wanted no part of it. She walked over to the car, "The little red-headed thing, with the large breasts."
She knelt by the car and peered under it at him, "She really likes you, you know. It can't all be about machines."
He eyed her suspiciously for a moment, then wagged his hands around at her, scrunched up one eye, and stuck his tongue out. Like that pretty much summed up what he thought of the entire thing. Then his face reverted back to he norm, like he was just indifferently there, doing his work.
She's not going away, was she? To look back at the robot? No? A fleeting glance confirmed she wasn't backing away at all. Fine.
"Maybe not, but machinery is epic bloody wiiiiiiiinnage. Isnae this a wee bit personal?" And, you know, beyond the point a bit. Heh. "Gonnae offer me advice? Oooo. Sock it tae me."
Scotty took his fists out of his pockets, flapped them around like he was a squeeing girl, while bouncing in place a little bit.
"If you're attracted to her, tell her! Or are you bloody daft?" She pulled something over to sit on, having set herself as a relationship counselor of sorts. Even though it was none of her business.
She liked Scotty, "Girls can be forward too."
She leaned forward, "That bird has the hots for you. What're you doing about it?"
That stopped his sarcastic mimicry of girls squeeing and talking about boys, much like what he'd encountered when he was younger. Was she sitting down? Oh no. She just sat down. Scotty's eyes threatened to bug out. Oh no. Too late, they were. Because, really, he wasn't the type to just go shouting he'd already had this sorted out, kinda sorta maybe not really, from the mountaintops. It was private!
"No, I can't tell at the forward, at all. Is this a quiz? Is it multiple choice? Is there a thesis involved?"
Yes, she sat down. She'd even crossed her leg over her knee and rested her hands on her knee, "There might be a thirty page thesis involved."
She flashed him a grin, "So what're you doing about it? She was rather upset last I talked to her."
OH GAWWWWD, CASS HAD TALKED TO HER?!
"..........beg pardon?" asked Scotty, with a sharp tilt of his head, eyebrows raised up, and staring pointedly at Miss Relationship Councilor. NO, oh no, why'd he just think of the R word?! There was no R word! His entire face scrunched up. Bad bad bad! Then it was right back to the head tilt, the stare, and the eyebrows raising. "Whaaaaaaaaat?"
"When I left after fixing you up." She raised an eyebrow, smiling, "She seemed a bit jealous of me being around, and okay I was a little jealous of her being around. But she's helping you out and really, I'm rather surprised you haven't dragged her into whatever little man den you have. Though I suppose its rather romantic and sweet if you're waiting and you do seem to be more that sort of man rather than leap into bed like your friends."
If it was possible to convey the depth of what the fresh new fuckery was going on in his head, it was probably readable on his face. Indeed, for Scotty now had both hands on waist, his head jutted forward in the classic neo-neanderthal stance of someone who is ready to headbutt a wooly mamoth, and a smile like he was ready to pick up a Flintstone sized cartoon rib bone and pick his front teeth with it.
Speaking? Beyond him. Temporarily. Give him a few moments to digest, but feel free to keep talking, because he might come down out of his Scottish tree he's mentally climbed up into, so he can start flinging his own feces like an angry monkey.
"She's adorable though! I think you really do have a chance...Scotty...?" She got up, peering at him, "What is it, are you having a heart attack?!" She reached over and took his wrist, checking his pulse, "You're turning beet red! Sit down before you blow something!"
Nope, no chest pain. Though his blood pressure was reaching heights that might put it in orbit. His hand began to flap so that she couldn't check his pulse at all, utterly fouling it up, his entire face almost the same artificial color of maraschino cherries.
"I'M NAE HAVINAE HEART 'TACK!" he belted out suddenly, like he was trying to make someone hear him clearly, when they were all the way across a noisy football field. "YE'RE NOSY!"
"What?!" She let go of his wrist and planted her hands on her waist, "Then whats got up your arse? Is it that handsome chap? Did he hit on you? It seems like he'd hit on anyone." Faiza. Her gaydar doesn't function.
"KIRK?!" yelled Scotty, like he was floored by the entire situation. "He hits on everything with knockers!" And, yes, he did make the grab boobs motion with both hands, on his own chest. "Have ye gone MAD?"
"Not in the slightest! It can't be that other bloke! He seems so nice." She looked like she didn't understand what his major malfunction was. She moved her hands from her hips to cross in front of her, "Come off it, you git. Maybe if you talked about things more often you wouldn't blow up."
"Yew." And he pointed at her, nose scrunched up, eyes narrowed, and upper lip curled back so his teeth were bared. "Are not me shrink. Understood? Aye? GOOD. I dunnae have tae say shite all, if I dunnae want tae."
That done and said, he stood so he was straight backed, full height, and firmly folded both arms over his chest.
"If anything is dealt with, that'll be me own business. Naaaaaaoooow, I'm gonnae get back tae work!" And there he goes with that oil change.
Faiza squinted, then sat down again and glowered at him. She was effectively silenced by his diatribe, and searching for a response was using up any rational thought she otherwise would have had.
So for the moment, Scotty was #winning. But he wouldn't be #winning for long. There was the sound of barking in the distance.
Oh shite. His eyes threatened to fall right out of his skull. The timing of this could NOT be worse. Especially if he took one look at her and it was going to turn into Captain Obvious standing on the bow of the mighty Fail Boat as it sunk into the ocean, thousands of screaming people jumping overboard. No one was obeying the 'women and children first' rule, either. In fact, in his mind, there were probably a couple of midgets in his brain movie that were dressed like toddlers and having a fistfight, with cigars dangling out of their mouths.
Indeed. That's how hopeless it would be to probably cover up anything between them. Damn you, real life tests! He would've shaken a fist up in the air, if he thought it would help. Why did it have to try to derail and thwart him now, after a fine explosion that got her to shut up! Smug doctor lady, impending! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass chaos!
He is workin on that oil change so fast now, and with so much dedication, that it looks like he might have it done in the next thirty seconds.
Life was taking one great big crap on Scotty, wasn't it. He wasn't ready for the test, he hadn't studied, and the teacher was walking down the aisle carrying the scantrons and extra number two pencils and she ran out of pencils before she ever got to him.
The little terrier dashed into the garage, yapping up a storm and leaping over the porsche at Scotty, slobbering all over him.
Faiza watched in utter fascination. Where the dog (she refused to use his name) followed, that meant Cassie came after! She grinned, like ahah! And then pointed.
He could be normal. Furthermore, to hell with that teacher. He brought his OWN #2 pencils for those eejit scantron tests, which were too easy by the way. He could so do this. Right down to focusing his attention on the dog, and not giving Faiza the satisfaction of following her pointing with his gaze. At all.
"Yaaaaay! It's Pissy McGee!" cheered Scotty, as - since the dog had effectively pissed on him twice by this time, he had deemed it should be it's new name. He wasn't fond of Clitty either. So he was undermining. "Ye dinnae get yer baws chopped off either! Aww. Pity. Ye piss on me an' I'll dae it back tae yeeeeeew."
And so he turned his back to Faiza as he crouched down to give the dog a good scritching behind one of it's ears, peeked up at Cass as she neared, and gave her a secretive little wink of one eye. But that probably wasn't enough. He began minutely twitching his head while talking to the dog, and making crazy faces like rolling his eyes, moving his mouth like he was ready to blab on and on, and trying to make it known that any cats would be out of the proverbial bag unless they went to ninja school. Stat.
"Ohhh, yew gawts ye wee baws stiiiiiill, ye naughty naughty mutt...always gettin' ye nose intae things, I bet yeeeeew found some nice lassies at the dooogie park an' gave 'em a good sniffin' around at, didn't yeeeeeeeeew? Bet they got their knickers in a twist an' dinnae like it though...yew bein' all nosey," he was cooing, and one last little head twitch in Faiza's direction, like that was all code and Cass should be able to understand it, smart and lovely girl that she was. NOSY DOCTOR LADY SNIFFING AROUND. WARNING! WARNING! ROBOT FLAILY ARMS! DANGER!
The dog continued to slobber and lick and enjoy the attention. Scotty seemed crazier than usual and it made it fucking awesome for the dog. He could barely stay still, vibrating with yapping like he was about to hit warp ten.
Faiza laughed, then started to wonder if Scotty was having a seizure of some sort. She'd seen plenty and this could indicate some sort of neurological disorder. Usually you just had to stand and watch, and he didn't seem to be in any danger to himself or the dog just yet. Still, she made a mental note to find a way to get him checked out, for his own good.
What..the fuck? Cass stood in the doorway, carrying the latest set of programing and wearing sweats, something reasonable for working with machines.. She hadn't expected anyone there and now Scotty was acting all sorts of odd. Maybe he was afraid the dog would pee on him again. It had certainly interrupted their budding physical relationship, and in hindsight she was relieved.
That still didn't explain everything though. Her eyes darted from Faiza to Scotty, then back again. Quickly followed by them rolling around in their sockets. She gave Faiza a smile and walked over, "Getting your car checked out?"
Faiza nodded and smiled back, "Yes, though I suppose he'd rather... " Oh she couldn't say it. She didn't even know what she was doing.
She was being cute, Cass decided, kissing her cheek in greeting, and saying loud enough for Scotty to hear, "Oh I don't think he does."
Faiza looked at her like SHE was the one being daft now.
DID SHE NOT GET IT?! He had started to flap his hands around like two fish out of water, dying on the deck of a fishing boat. But nope, she just stared at him like he'd gone retardiated. Fantastic. He rolled HIS eyes now. She failed at code breaking and important alerts. Scotty decided that, even as he flapped both hands at the dog to make sure it was good and spazzed out, and stood back up again.
"Bugger shite fuck bag," he grumbled lots and started finishing up on the car. By their forces combined, they were going to turn into Captain Girl Power, and their favorite enemies to pick apart were anything that contained testosterone. "The moment ye both start talking about me as though I'm not here, is the moment I start lobbing wrenches across the garage at nothin' in particular."
But she had gotten it, her words to him had been her signal that she had! But he hadn't gotten it and that perturbed the ever living shit out of her. She squinted at him, lips thinning and the air seemed to chill just a tad.
Faiza could almost feel that chill, and decided to go inspect the robot. Mmmm. Hmm..interesting. Good welds, that!
Cass kicked a box at him, still seething.
"OOOCH! Wut was that fae?!" The box had made contact with him, right along the side of one leg, and it wasn't until he took another plainer look at her and swore it just got very chilly in California, that it became apparent. "Oh, right. That."
His eyes went >_> and he patted one end of his wrench into the other very open hand, like it was the lamest component in a makeshift drum set that didn't make much noise at all. Damn you, fail drum hand. Ooooops.
Regardless! Time to smooth things over! Quick, mighty brain, think!
"Sorry, I thought ye hadnae gotten it yet," he hiss whispered and shrugged sharply. "Ye weren't obvious with yer face language! Which, by the way, is like the poorer cousin of sign language. How was I tae know, an eyeroll is an eyeroll, like oh wuuuuutever..." The whatever had been spoken in a deep low voice, like he imagined a judge on the telly would sound like. Voice still down and looking like he was ready to just...bounce in place or something, he went back to hiss whispering, "I deennae knew!"
"I don't see what there's to hide," She hissed back, leaning over as if to inspect the car. "Nothing happened, thanks to a certain dog who shall remain nameless." A dog that whimpered because he knew he was in the dog house. Heh.
Cass glanced askance at Scotty, a ghost of a smile floating at the corner of her lips, "And since we're putting the brakes on." She straightened, "I'm going to go play with your robot."
"..." Well that was just like someone stuffed a rotten lemon in his mouth and forced him to suck on it. If the dog...hadn't...with the peeing of all over the place...and if they hadn't been on floor...arrow 1 points from dog A to persons B and C with a terminal piss velocity of so much urine per second...what just happened? He violently shook his head and kept hiss whispering, although this was pretty loud in comparison to before, "What?"
"What what?" She picked up her pack, and pointed at the bot, speaking as if talking to a child, "I am going over there to test my programming for your robot."
Faiza peered back at them, squinting a little. They're both daft. Both of them!
"But...wait, we....brakes? Hello, brakes?" He pointed down at the car like it could help him, somehow. He was hissing even more, trying his damnest for once to keep quiet. "You'd mentioned? Aye? I'd like tae point out, if I may, that we wouldn't have had brakes being applied..." And now he was flapping his arms and bouncing by bending his knees, like a loony bird taking flight. "...if Pissy McGee over there hadn't pissed on us both."
"And he saved us, Scotty!" She jabbed his side, "From making a huge mistake! Huge huge mistake! We've known each other what, a week? Not counting glaring across a bar. Repeatedly."
"We glared at eachother for how long, though? Off an' on, more or less, for longer than that. Complete accident of fate and chaos, that it happened the way it did, but that dunnae mean it was a MISTAKE!" Oops, right there, he'd raised his voice. He stopped bouncing and hoped it hadn't been as loud as he thought it had been, lowering his voice back down again. "Why are ye calling it a mistake? I mean, noooo rush or anything, aye, but I dinnae regret anything we did last night, it was fun an' fooling about a wee bit, no harm in it...it's not like I'd take it any further than that at this juncture."
He peeked around her head to see if Faiza was looking, while still whispering in a rushed and hushed way.
"Oh but that's just brilliant because ye're saved from me," he said, dryly, before clasping both hands together like he was praying at a televangelist revival meeting on public cable television. "Halle-fucking-lujah."
"Rushing would be a mistake. I always rush and its always a mistake so I'm not going to rush something that might not be a mistake!" Cass folded her arms, glowering at him. Why was this such a big deal? Why was he making it a big deal, if he made it a big deal, she'd make it a big deal and then she was gonna ruin it.
"I mean, you don't even know my full name!" She threw up her hands and stormed over to the robot!
"All right, aye, ye have a point, maybe. Perhaps. And maybe I would if ye would tell me anything at all!" He threw up his hands back at her, in the classic WHATSAMATTERYOU way. "What is it, then?"
Note: WHATSAMATTERYOU was, naturally, used most commonly on crowded roadways, as a classic response to being cut off by asshats or when you had your turn signal on for at least ten minutes, trying to change lanes. The precursor was that the palms of one's hands were suddenly and violently slapped down on the steering wheel. That was followed by the actual holding up of both hands, palms facing the driver and fingers held out flat and together, and the hands waved forward and back slightly. Like an Italian grandmother wondering why her genetic seed had spawned idiots, at a family reunion. It generally got the point across quite well.
Right now, it was doing wonders for Scotty, because it was either that, or he'd be taking his forehead to one of the walls of the garage and beating it to a bloody pulp against it. Hopefully until he passed out.
Cass glared at him, like WHATSAMATTERYOU was grandly insulting to her. She didn't drive, so she didn't really know the expression but she got the gist of it. She didn't want to just GIVE him her name. That was..she didn't tell anyone her name. That would mean he'd gotten under her skin and Cass? Couldn't have that. She just shook her head, like 'not yet.'
If Scotty twist tilted his head any more than he was, he was in danger of his neck snapping and being decapitated. Well, fine then. No more WHATSAMATTERYOU hands (for the time being). It's not like he's going to stop using that gesture, at any point in time. He used it tons while driving. Not that he had a car. And the ones he'd built before weren't exactly street legal.
But, fine. If she wanted to be that way? He could let it rest and he'd gotten his point whatever THAT was across. He glowered back at her and turned back to the car, finishing the job, with a vengence.
Deciding she didn't want to keep ruining it, Cass walked over to the robot to get to work. Uncomfortable, Faiza edged out of the way. She suspected her help had backfired somehow. Bugger.
Cass rattled and banged around inside the robot, attaching the wires and loading up the new programming. Bang! Crash!
Clank clank crrrrrrrrccccccccckkkkkkkkt CLUNK were the noises coming from off in Scotty's direction, though he had stopped short and listened.
"Did I hear a crashing noise? STOP BEATING ON SHITE, would ye?! What'd it ever dae tae ye!" A brief pause and he added, in much more normal speaking voice, "Is everything all right?"
"Its fine!" Cass shouted back at him, "I knocked a box over!" She nodded to Faiza, "Back out of the way a bit." She paused, "Oh yeah, no engine.." She looked crestfallen and Faiza, even more so.
Scotty had his mouth opened to yell already, "THERE'S NAE ENGINE!"
He's so helpful. And after-the-fact.
Both women turned and shouted back, "WE KNOW!!"
"Nae need tae yell. In fucking stereo, even," said Scotty, sullenly. He finished and did a final check over, but everything looked fine and ready to go. Done properly too! Of course. He wiped his hands off on a shop towel, and strode over to the two women, throwing the car keys to Faiza. "It has tae be an electric motor, after all. Cannae have petrol all over the place if it gets utterly wrecked. Propane's forgivable for it’s face and likely would frown down upon let me use napalm, like I wouldae wanted. The bastards."
"You can't even get Napalm, legally," Faiza retorted. She stroked the machine's metal body and then...nuzzled it. So pretty. So pretty. Her precious.
Cass snerked, "He could probably make it himself."
"Do I detect a hint of fondness in your voice, duck?"
"Nope. Hate him. He's a bastard and..whats the phrase you guys use?"
"Bugger off?"
"Yes, he can bugger off." Cass couldn't stop her smile.
"Oh heh heh he he heh HAR HAR," he fake laughed back at them. "I could make napalm. She's right. I’ve made worse...."
At that, though, Scotty eyes went suddenly shifty, and he clammed up. Preferring instead to tap a wrench he just snatched out of his back pocket, onto the robot. Diversion! Directing your attention here! Clank clank!
"Just need tae find something up tae spec, finish out the propane assembly for the flame thrower, throw it altogether, an' give it a nice seal an’ painting. Then she's ready for a test drive. Ahead of schedule, mind." He pointed at them both, eyes narrowed, shrewdly. "Soooo. Ye'd best recognize me superior powers." Hmph. Foo shoo.
Faiza squinted her eyes, then launched into a graphic and vivid description of the sort of injuries napalm can cause, including an intense description of the smell of burning human flesh. And then for bonus points she started into a description of what phosphorus burns were like.
Cass edged several feet away.
"Mixture of polystyrene and benzene, it's basically jellied petrol," Scotty said with a shrug. " But that's besides the point. I have the strangest urge tae eat blackened marshmallows. Mmm."
He patted his stomach and gave Faiza a shite eating smile.
Faiza snorted. At least one of them had a strong stomach and wasn't turning green. There was the sound of retching and she winced, rushing over to Cass and holding her hair, "I'm sorry, I got a little carried away."
"I'd say," Scotty berated, just a little bit. He'd been a bit sarcastic, but his mind had already stubbornly decided if he thought about burned marshmallows during her little speech, then he wouldn't have an aversion to food for the rest of the day. Nothing to do with having a strong stomach, just that he was stubbornly trying to outsmart her. Sure, also, he might've been in a tiff with Cass, but that didn't stop him from going over there and patting a hand very very lightly on her back every so often. He was, after all, an expert pub crawler. He'd dealt with his fair share of retching and puking. Look! He even comes prepared. He reached around with his other hand and pulled a saltine packet from a trouser pocket. He already had it ready and it wasn't even in powdered cracker form, yet. Great for settling upset stomachs!
"There, there, lass. Best just let it all hit the floor, if ye need tae."
"Good, the saltine will help." Faiza guided Cass to sit down and had her rest her head between her legs. She looked sheepish and guilty, "I wasn't trying to gross you lot out. I just get carried away sometimes. Burns are horrible horrible things, I'd rather deal with almost any other emergency."
For her part, Cass just prayed the nausea would go away, "Pleasestoptalkingaboutburns."
"Faiza, lass, ye're not making it better," Scotty was saying as he moved along with them, giving Faiza one of those stares where one eye was squinted up more than the other. Like eww, Faiza, eww. She really was nutters. But most doctors were, so - in that capacity - she probably fit right in with her coworkers. He knelt down next to Cass and peeked up at her, worriedly. Green around the gills. No good. While reminding himself to stay out of the line of fire, so to speak, he was also trying to think of a diversion to get her mind off things. Fast.
"I could tell ye that I think it's shite George Lucas changed Star Wars and made Darth Vader yell NOOOO like a bloody wee emo teenager, instead of simply shutting the fuckedy fuck up an' throwing the emperor over the edge as he'd done, before. An' that's why George Lucas should learn tae step away from the bloody keyboard an' editing software. He's ruining everything."
Cass let out a sort of hiccoughbelch laugh, then slapped a hand over her mouth. Even Faiza smiled at that.
"The bastard already fouled up the entire Han Solo dynamic," Scotty was saying, launching into a full rant, even as he was ripping into the packet and handing her a half of a saltine. "Here he was, this brilliant anti-hero, aye? And he goes an' fouls it up, because the bastard is on the run, and he should've shot first. Who is gonnae sit there an' wait for self defense? I certainly wouldn't. That's nutters. I'd shoot the arse first tae, but NUUUU...he changes it so that scrawny fucking frog lizard oogblah dooblah blethering Greedo shoots first an' he shoots second? THE FUCK, Lucas. THE FUCK. The entire point, was that Han was on the path of redemption, which dinnae become apparent he'd gone good because of the people around him, even if he did make dangerous choices, until the end of Empire. Carbonite. That stuff is the shite. I'd murder tae get me hands on some carbonite."
She took the saltine and nommed on it. She felt her stomach settle, no longer feeling like her stomach was ripping itself into knots. She nodded her head along, agreeing with him. She was more into Star Trek herself rwar Spock but Han Solo? Could do her any time.
Faiza jumped in, "You know we're not that far off from real cryogenic suspension? Not like carbonite but.. " She trailed off, "Do you have any idea how hot it was when he said..."
"I know," Cass quoted, grinning as color came back to her cheek. Both women? Shivered.
"Oh let's not ruin it with the romance angle. That was jus' put in there tae appeal tae girls, so they'd buy the action figures an' bump Han's face intae Leia's face, while making kissy noises." He stared at them both like they were being dumb and it was a totally peripheral thing, to the importance of:
a.) the first three films being superior.
b.) the change to Darth Vader was idiotic.
c.) they changed the ending with ghost Obi Wan and Yoda to have younger Anakin in it when old beat up Anakin was fine, because it made him want to put his foot through the screen.
d.) Han shot first. Everyone who thought otherwise? Could suck it.
e.) The other three prequel movies were a plague of near biblical proportions and should not have ever assaulted his eyeballs.
f.) ewoks were still slightly better than Jar-Jar bloody fucking Binks, but could still use a good punting.
He stared at Cass, and then at Faiza. He blinked a few times and then asked, in a very inquisitive way, "I said all that outloud, didnae I?"And it was best not to get him on Star Trek. Or, just avoid fandoms at all, in general, with him. The ones he was heavily into, that is. Thus ends your public service announcement.
Cass glanced at Faiza and then leaned away from Scotty like he'd just spewed a whole lot of things that didn't matter compared to:
a: ) Harrison Ford's ass.
b: ) Carrie Fisher's abs.
c: ) The above being smushed together and kissing.
d: ) Lando. Just yum.
e: ) X-Wings. She really liked X-wings
Faiza's thoughts were more in line with the amazing cybernetic technology and the dissonance between that and the other advanced medical devices and treatments that seemed to exist.
And Harrison Ford's ass.
Scotty looked at one and then the other. His eyelids fell to half-mast, and he said in the. flattest. voice. ever. - "Yer both thinking about Harrison Ford's arse, aren't ye."
This? He reminded himself, is why girls were dumb. Because they were perving on the romantic stuff and missed the SHEER IMPORTANCE of the ACTUAL STORY and TECH INVOLVED.
"Actually, I was thinking about bacta tanks," Faiza replied. The miracles that could do with burns.
Cass just eyedarted. She'd been thinking about Harrison Ford. In the Falcon. Naked.
Ok, so Faiza was off the hook, but he was quirking up one side of his mouth while peeking up at Cass, and then nodded. Yep, confirmed. Eyedarting. He shook his head at her and took her hand, placing the open cracker packet there.
"Pervert," he whispered, but he busted into a wide grin. She looked like she'd be okay. "Ye need anything else? Just want tae sit for a moment?"
"I'd like that. Just need a few moments. Thinking about those pants." She smirked at him, then kissed his cheek.
"AHAH!" Faiza pointed. "I SAW THAT!
"Aww, well I like yer cute almost hurl breath-..." he had been whispering back to her and hadn't thought anything of the kiss, until he nearly toppled back from the lady shriek! It was like watching someone stop, drop, and roll. "WHAT? Dunnae yell like that! What's gotten intae ye?!"
He sat on his rear, on the floor, and his eyes went >________>
"...you saw nothing," he said, with a mystic wave of one hand?
"Nothing? She planted a wet one on your cheek, you blighter!" Faiza folded her arms, but didn't look smug. She just smiled at them, "There's nothing wrong with attraction or acting on it."
Cass stared at her, then gestured at her head, "But you're.."
"Muslim? And you're Catholic, so bloody what. I'm not going to be as promiscuous as some people but I'm not going to judge. As long as they're being safe at any rate." She winked, then blanched, "Shite, I just got preachy again didn't I."
"You're not a virgin, are you."
Faiza blinked at the bluntness from the other woman, then shifted her eyes, "No, I'm not."
That seemed to satisfy Cass, and she didn't pursue it.
"Damn fail boat jedi mind trick shite," muttered Scotty, from where he sat. He turned over and started to crawl off to where he deemed it was safer, before anything embarrassing and too much information started being shared with the girl talk. Thus he would be sparred from having to listen to any of it. "I'll be over here, in the dark, hugging me knees tae me chest. Dunnae mind me." In a much smaller, higher pitched voice, he added, "Fetal position. Yaaaaaa~aaaaaay."
Faiza shot Scotty an annoyed look. She was trying to implant in Cass' brain that she needn't feel guilt for anything she may or may not do with Scotty and the arse was playing the immature twelve year old. She rubbed her face, "Please, at least use a johnny?"
Cass gave her a blank look.
"Oh right, you yanks call them rubbers."
Too late, he hadn't made it far enough. Down went his face, so his forehead was resting on the concrete. He just groaned and rolled over, slowly, like he was being pushed onto his side. Having no other safety measures in place against the horrible onslaught, he simply laid there. Like a dead raccoon.
Okay, maybe not so dead. He sat up, suddenly, giving Faiza a stare like he did not need the speech.
"I've got some," he said, just a little snappishly. "Shite. I'm not a total eejit dumb arse. I'm not daft! Is there anything else ye'd like tae tell us? Hm? Or would ye like tae treat us like we're both fifteen an' dunnae have a clue what tae deeeeeew, without a diagram?"
"Not in the slightest. Its not only the man's responsibility to have them!"
"Tch! Tch tch tch!" He held up both hands to stop her. LOUD NOISES. This means STOP. Do not continue. "I think that's enough intervention for one day. Hm? Hm. Cheers, thankie, please, for the love o' all that's gude an' holy, just stop. We're adults. I think I'd prefer just tae stumble through this...what~ever...without outside intervention. But...if Cassie wants that, then fine. Fair 'nuff. Have at it!"
There, all bases covered. Everybody's happy now!
Cass groaned, "Both of you shut up! There'll be no rubbers because there'll be no sex! No yet." Has hatched the brilliant plan of 'hold off on sex until she snaps', "I need to get back on the pill anyway."
"Okie dokey, then!" He was fine with that. Maybe. Because he just shot her a look like 'really?' for a couple of seconds, then reminded himself not to ruin things. If he knew, that would be an approved of plan. After all, they were both kind of proceeding with caution. Which was why he found himself pointing and nodding at Cass when she said that pill thing, like, yes, that, it was a great idea! Pill. Greatest invention. EVER. Infinity!
At least Scotty was getting up off his bum finally, so he could stand on his own two feet. He cleared his throat a little bit, then leaned down and kept his lips as still as possible, like he was trying practice his ventriloquist skills, "If ye want tae catch a nap, then the couch is at yer disposal."
Which is a first for Cass. Or Gaila for that matter, whichever set of memories you look at! Still, she shot a dirty look at him.
Faiza shook her head, and pointed at her car, "I should go. Before he kills me."
"Brilliant! Do that!" He waved at her, then twiddled his fingers like CHEERIOOOOOOOO TOODLES! LATERS HATERS! "I'll text ye when I get the motor an' things sorted. And the car should run better. Less odd ting ting noises. Bye bye!"
"Now what're ye looking at me like I'm all grotty for?" he was asking Cass, giving her a dirty look back. "Ye want the bed? Have at it. I'm not gonnae bother ye, just...maybe worried because ye got so ill. Is that normal?"
"Thank you," Faiza said sincerely. She got into the car and drove away, the porsche purring.
Scotty nodded and waved as Faiza left.
"You accepted that too easily," Cass retorted. She shook her head, "I'm fine, I just..her descriptions were too vivid." She made a face.
"What'd I accept tae easily?" he wondered aloud looking around like he missed something, somewhere. One arm circled her shoulders and he sat down next to her. "I can carry ye upstairs, if ye really want. An’ dunnae worry. If ye do make a mess, then I'm no stranger tae mopping up pavement pizza. That hit ye all of a sudden, though! First ye looked fine, an' then ye looked minty green in the face. Just a wee bit." He pinched his fingers to show her it was tiny, itsy bitsy, even.
"No sex? You didn't even argue over it!" She seemed fine now, like the moment had passed. Just don't mention the smell of burned flesh again and it'll stay that way! She got to her feet on her own, " I don't need to lay down!"
"Fine, then! Stubborn arse! And what'd ye expect me tae do? Throw a hysterical fit?" Sort of like he's doing waving a hand and an arm around, while he's talking. It's like it has a mind of it's own. Maybe it's controlled by invisible zombies with spasms in their nervous systems. "Ahh, oooo nuuuu, what will I deeew? I cannae have sex, she wants tae wait! Really. Because that was ME OWN PLAN from the beginning, I'm happy tae remind ye, and yew stole it!"
"Nae gew lay dooon!" Scotty snappily insisted, pointing upstairs!
She smacked him and then stormed upstairs. Then stormed downstairs and smacked him again, then stormed back upstairs.
True, he sat there like he was in shock during the first smacking. But it was when she came back downstairs and toward him again, that Scotty warning pointed at her like NO, BAD! DO NOT WANT! and got smacked again, staring at her with a dropped open jaw as she stormed off.
"...piss off, then," was the only thing he could think of saying, even if she was out of earshot. He set to work cleaning stuff up. Grawrr! Frustrating girl critters.