InsaneJournal

Who: Violet, Tate
What: A little New Years sneaking in through the window and making plans.
When: around New Yearish!
Where: Vi's house
Rating: PG13 - mention of canon-setting spree shooting (no in-depth details), language.
Status: Complete!




It was dark out when Tate finally made it to Violet’s house. They’d hung out a few times since he left home, but school and therapy had gotten in the way of spending a ton of time together. That’s why he was outside, a black hoodie on and a backpack on his back with most of his worldly belongings that he could carry contained within. He began throwing really tiny pebbles at Vi’s window, hoping she’d hear him and open up.

She wasn’t asleep anyway. She was reading a book - one for pleasure, not for stupid school, for once - and she heard the pinging almost immediately. Moving to the window, she opened it up, grinning down. “Tate?” She whispered it quietly enough where he probably wouldn’t hear, just so she wouldn’t seem crazy if it was a bird or something.

"Yeah. Hi." Tate waved to her with a big grin of his own. The freedom of being out of his mom's freakin' house was really liberating. He felt like one of a few weights had been lifted off his back. The dreams were a whole other matter. "You busy?"

“Come on,” she waved him up. She grinned at him, shaking her head. “Get up here, it’s still freezing.” It wasn’t snowing anymore, but the nights were still chilly.

It only took a few fleeting moments before Tate was climbing up through the window. She didn't need to tell him twice about how cold it was. He had spent most of the time jogging over there, but when he was standing around, the cold started to sink in really fast. At least that time he had spent on the track team hadn't been totally wasted.

Once he was in, he put one arm around her waist and gave her a deep, long kiss, like they hadn't seen each other in months, instead of days. "I missed you."

She grinned at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging him close to her as he kissed her. “I missed you more, god.” She couldn’t help but jump up a little, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Dealing with my family was driving me crazy.” Violet had already locked her bedroom door against her parents’ silence; now that the holidays were over, their annual obligation was fulfilled.

"I bet. They stop giving you shit about school? I mean, if they had to actually talk to you on a daily basis, it might kill them." Tate held her in place, a smile on his face as he stared into her eyes. "Only thing that matters is that you're happy, Violet. That's all. I'm happy for you."

“Oh, yeah, it’s fine. CalState’s got a good pre-med program.” She ran her fingers through his hair, grinning up at him. “You look … at peace. Happy. It’s good.” He’d always sort of looked haunted when he lived with his mother.

That's because his dad ditched and left him with a cocksucker. Thanks dad.

He was damn glad to get out of there. He'd be damn happy when he blackmailed the shit out of her to not turn her into the authorities about how she treated Addie sometimes, and threatened that if he talked to Addie and found out it ever happened again, he really would carry out with the threat. After all, he was being a good, responsible son, getting mental health help and taking his meds every day, and not killing anyone. So pay up and STFU, mom!

He just wasn't saying that part to Violet, until later. She'd probably wonder how it was that he was getting such a decent apartment without having a job yet.

"I am. I feel better. I mean, the meds have some shitty side-effects but...it's worth it, I guess. It's been a good week too, so I had lots of time to think." He still looked a little haunted, but not as much as before. In fact, he grinned at her, nuzzling his cheek against her hand for a moment. "How have you been besides the big college shocker, future Doctor Harmon? Any more bad dreams?"

She shook her head. “Same as the old ones. I’m starting to think maybe they’re warnings, you know?” Violet wrapped her arms around Tate, tucking his hair behind his ears. “What side effects?”

"Uhh. sleepiness, nausea, can't get it up too well. Those kind of side effects." He shrugged a shoulder, still holding her there, against him. "I think you're right. That's why I dropped out. I had some fucked up dream I went on a shooting spree. I told the shrink about it. No more first person shooter games. Upped my meds. Boring shit like that. I don't want to do that stuff anyway. That's why I dropped out."

Since he could see himself doing that, all too easily. It wasn't worth losing Violet over and Tate knew that dropping out was another load off, and he could probably go to college where people weren't quite as petty anyway.

“I’m sure I can try to help with the not getting it up.” She wrapped her arms tighter around him. “You’re smart enough where you could get a GED without studying. School’s hell for smart people. It’s the dumbasses that’ll never get anywhere that like it, I think.”

"Didn't have too much of a prob when you visited, last time," was Tate's reply, as he kissed his way over her face, the face that he loved so much and that he dreamed about, so often. But when she said that, he stopped and made a face, like he wasn't so sure about her glowing review. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, I'll pass that stupid GED bullshit and high school was a total shit-fest. But I think you're the smart one."

“I know you think I’m smarter than you, but you’re smart in ways that count. Sure, I can do trig, but you’re … living through shit that I couldn’t.” She closed her eyes, kissing him contentedly and nuzzling closer to him. “I’m just so glad you’re here. You know you can come here whenever you want.”

It was the sort of kiss that Tate felt like he could drink in and become utterly absorbed into. It was so good, that he didn't even reply right away. His lips met hers all over again, lingering for what seemed like an eternity before he tipped his head back to get a good look at her.

"I think you're the only person who really understands me, Violet. I just want to do something that matters...but that isn't going to hurt anyone either. And I'm happy I'm here with you. Let's spend new year's together. And then you can come over to my place. My mom's paying for it."

In spades.

“She is? How’s she handling everything?” Violet took his hand and dragged him back over to her bed so they could lay down. “She’s paying for your apartment? That’s … bigger than I expected that bitch to be.”

"She's not handling it. She's paying for it, because I'm making her pay for it. It's not like she wants to but...hell, I guilt tripped her into it, and then told her I was going to call social services on her if she locks my sister in a closet again. She does stupid shit like that. All they need to do is ask Addie and she'd say yes, and mom knows it."

The minute they hit the bed, he gathered her up into his arms. He didn't want to look her in the eyes when he said what he said next, but Violet deserved to know. His therapist already did, but he kind of...had to break out of the pathological liar mold sometime, and now was as good as ever.

"I'm not going to school anymore, because I had some messed up dream, where I went through my high school, shooting kids. It was fucked up and not cool. I don't even really know why I did it. Not entirely. I mean I knew what I was doing but...forget that. I don't want to risk doing that again and hurting people. That's all."

And the cat was out of the bag. Tate was very cut and dry about saying it, almost like he was talking about what color the walls were in Vi's room. He didn't look at her, even then.

“I know,” Violet murmured. “I know what you do in the dreams. You do them in my dreams too. In my dreams you’re … not alive.” She closed her eyes. “They shot you after you … not you you. Dream you. Killed all those kids.” She swallowed. “I think that’s why I … not because of what Beth said. I’d just dreamed it.”

"Heh, that's funny," was Tate's mirthless response, after he let it sink in. "I guess we didn't want to tell each other. I can't even say you should've told me. I didn't want to tell you about it, either."

He watched her in silence for a full minute, before he moved to kiss her forehead and let the tips of his fingers slip through her hair as he lightly combed it back away from her face.

"I'm sorry. It was almost like someone else did it. But they didn't. It was me. I know life sucks and I'd kick anyone's ass if they hurt you but....yeah, that was way, way, way overboard."

“It’s not you. I figured that out. It’s just not. I’m not holding you responsible for your mistakes in your dreams here. That’d be like yelling at me for something I dream about that’s not going to happen.” She leaned heavily against him, realizing her metaphor had sucked, but hoping Tate got the gist. “It’s not my Tate. Won’t ever be. You’re alive, too. That helps.”

"I'm still a lot like that other me, though. You know, that don't you, Violet?" His voice was nothing more than a raw whisper, but he felt the words as he said them, almost like he was pleading with her, knowing she understood but still wanting to explain. "I could have made those mistakes here. Like with that Beth chick. I wanted her to die. Seriously, one of those high school bitches who everyone would be better off, if they'd drop dead. Shit, half the school would throw a fucking party. But I killed...I mean, in my dreams I did...so many people. I died. And now I'm here and I'm not dead and...how is half of Orange County not in a straightjacket by now?"

He half-laughed at the thought, because it was a little funny. But only a little bit.

The rest of it was really disturbing.

“I have no idea,” she laughed. “But you’re not. You’re only a little like that Tate because everyone feels things like that, Tate. We just don’t do anything about it.” She moved to sit in his lap, cupping his cheeks and forcing him to meet his eyes. “What, you don’t think I don’t fantasize about eviscerating my parents on a daily basis?”

"I guess so. I didn't know you thought about that, but even I'm like...hey, they're not even worth it."

Or that's what he thought when he was staring back at her, unable to look away. It wasn't worth it. Only she was worth anything. He kind of liked her dad, but that wasn't like her dad here, or her mom either. They were worse.

"You're the only thing that matters in this entire hopeless goddamn world," he said. "You don't need to kill them, because we're getting out of here. Together."

“We’ll always be together, Tate. Always.” She held up her hand where they’d sworn their blood oath, where a thin, faint pink line was still visible. “I promised, and even though I pussied out for a little bit, I mean it.” She kissed him again, wondering how he’d react to the scars she had on her stomach from those couple of days they had apart.

He took hold of her hand with his own as the kiss continued, and it was the same hand where he had a matching line across the palm. As for how he'd react? It was the same way he'd react to everything else about her. They were a part of her and he loved all of her, even the parts that were scars. He was an open book right now, more than he'd been in the dreams.

He felt the same way with Violet, like in all the world, they were made for eachother. And there was nowhere else he wanted to be and no one else he wanted to be with, when at midnight on New Years Eve.

She couldn’t help but sigh, moving closer. She just felt complete around Tate, like there was some terrible crevasse in her heart that he filled. Metaphorically. She liked sex a lot, liked that Tate was her first and would be her last if she had her way. But she liked more than anything just being with him and talking.

“I still don’t see why I can’t live with you,” she murmured. As long as she went to school, her parents would never know.

Sex? It was fantastic. Even with the meds. But talking to her and knowing she got what he was saying and where he was coming from? That made everything better.

"I wanted to, like...you know what? Fuck it. Come live with me in whatever shithole I move into." He didn't want to be without her either, the thought of that, right now, was making it seem unbearable and lonely. And he'd felt like that enough in his dreams, every night, that he didn't want to live through it, in the here and now. "It's not even going to be a blip on your parent's radar, is it."

“Really?” Violet’s eyes lit up and she shook her head. “No, it won’t. Honestly, I haven’t seen them in three days. Sometimes I forget they live here.” She couldn’t help but bounce a little at just the idea of falling asleep in Tate’s arms and waking up next to him every day. “I can make sure you eat.”

He wasn't even going to protest. Well, not that much. The whole idea of living with Violet and not having their parents being asshats was the most awesome thing ever. He smiled to see her excited about it, and because he had done something to make her happy. Something they could share. Something they would have, together.

"I eat. I eat a bunch of crap but I eat. We'll probably be living off ramen and mac and cheese for a while. I don't care. Still worth it."

“Please, my parents expect me to eat all their food. I’ll just start taking some, and honestly, they tell me to use the card for food more. Really, I think they like to pretend they’re good parents.” She rolled her eyes. They’d be fine with her eating out more on their dime. College practice.

Violet squealed happily, pinning Tate to the bed and kissing him harder than she’d ever dared to do before.