InsaneJournal

WHO: Renly Baratheon anf Loras Tyrell
WHAT: Randomly running into one another for awkward discussions
WHEN: Backdated to Tuesday, December 18th. Afternoon
WHERE: The mall
RATING: A for Angst
STATUS: Complete

Renly hadn’t heard back from Loras since his initial post and he didn’t exactly blame him. If he were in Loras’ shoes, he wouldn’t want to talk to him either. As far as Loras knew, Renly was a giant git who ran off after Loras had told him that they had been in love in a dream he’d had as well as about him dying. So, why would Loras want to sit around while Renly tried to explain what had really happened? How was he to know that Renly wasn’t simply making it all up in an attempt to make himself not look so bad? Renly was just surprised that Loras had even taken the time to respond to Renly’s post in the first place. He could have simply passed over it and ignored any attempt Renly made to get in touch with him, but instead he’d responded and even though it had only been one word each time, those two words said everything. He was mad and Renly didn’t blame him. While Renly wanted nothing more than to explain how Stannis had come and taken him home after their father had died and how he hadn’t been able to call, he didn’t want to seem like a stalker, so he had decided to give Loras some time before he tried to contact him.

Knowing that if he sat at home, he’d just do exactly the opposite of what he’d decided, Renly headed out and even though he didn’t really need to do any Christmas shopping and knew that going to the mall was probably mad at this time of year, he headed there anyway, deciding that it was better than wandering the beach in the misty rain or sitting in a coffee shop.

The mall was a stupid idea any time of year, but especially during Christmas. Hoards of people, most of them women, hurried and shoved their way through the shops and little kiosks. They paused to look at something pretty, oohing and ahhing in that annoying way that women who hadn’t actually thought a gift through beforehand did. For his part, Loras knew what he was after and he’d gotten everything in record time. This wasn’t going to be the last place he’d pick up Christmas presents, but it had been the first and he was ready to leave.

The sliding doors to the men’s department of Dillard’s parted, but Loras’ bag got snagged between them. As he was deep in annoyance today at Renly’s sudden and quite miraculous return, Loras’ mood was foul to say the very least. He still needed to decorate the tree with Obi-Wan, his heterosexual life partner, and he was certain that he’d be singing his own version of Christmas carols while doing so. Something along the lines of decking a certain pair of balls with bows of his fist.

Of course, it would happen that just as he wrenched his shopping bag from the doors, he stumbled backwards and straight into someone. “Oof!” Surprisingly enough, he held on to his bags.

Renly was approaching the doors when he saw someone get their bag stuck and he was about to ask if they needed help when he recognized Loras. While he still should have asked if the younger man needed help, Renly froze. He had gone over, in his head, all the things he had wanted to say to Loras for months, but now that he actually saw him, he couldn’t recall a single thing. He watched Loras struggle for a moment or two before the bag finally came free and Loras practically fell into him. Renly’s arms automatically went around him to steady him even as the air was knocked out of his lungs. He knew that he should say something, but he was still a little shocked to have run into Loras quite like this after he’d already decided that he was going to give him time before seeking him out again.

After a moment or two, Renly finally found his breath and his voice, “Looks like the mall didn’t want you to leave.” It was stupid and Renly knew that, but it was the first thing that came to mind. “Are you alright?” That was even stupider, but no one had ever accused Renly Baratheon or being good with words in an awkward situation.

Over the loudspeakers, some MIDI instrumental of a song that Loras barely recognized from the 1980s played. The doors parted again for another shopper who maneuvered her way around them, swinging her bags in expert finesse all without pausing in her conversation on her blue tooth. Loras saw it all in a blur, like things that were happening in another dimension and the only thing that existed in Loras’ was the man who’d caught him.

Loras could scarcely move for a few moments while Renly’s soft tendrils touched against his temple in careless waves. Renly spoke to him as if he’d never been away, or worse, like they’d never met. He thought perhaps he was mistaken, that this wasn’t Renly at all, only some doppleganger he’d heard of over the net. If it wasn’t Renly, it didn’t matter to Loras. The man sounded like Renly and looked like him and that was enough for Loras.

With a pained sound, he wrenched himself from Renly’s grasp. “Let go of me!” he cried at him, feeling tears prick at his eyes. How dare Renly stand there that way, speaking in his kind way to him. It made everything hurt so much more.

While the closeness had been nice while it lasted, Renly wasn’t the least bit surprised when Loras pushed away from him, but he couldn’t let him get away, “Loras, wait. We need to talk.” Every fiber in his being wanted to reach out and grab his arm, but considering how upset Loras looked, he didn’t think it was a good idea, “I have to explain what happened.” People walked passed them, both going in and out of the mall, not giving either of them a second glance except for a small group of teenage girls who giggled as they walked past, but as far as Renly was concerned, Loras was the only person there. Loras was the only person who mattered right now. “Please. Just give me ten minutes. Ten minutes is all I ask,” Brown eyes pleaded with Loras, hoping that if there was still part of him that cared for him, that he’d give Renly a chance.

Loras could have laughed. The gawl Renly was showing was beyond even what Loras might have done. Then again, Loras wouldn’t have left without a word.
Abruptly, the Knight of Flowers grabbed Renly by the wrist with his free hand walked outside where there was at least air around them so he could breathe. He pressed the man forcefully against the wall, the bags in his hand dropping to the cement. “I thought you were dead!” he shouted, not caring who heard him. “Do you have any idea what that’s like?!”

Those tears that had been threatening to fall suddenly began to. Loras released Renly, his King, his noble stag, only to wipe them from his own warm cheeks with the heel of his hand. “You have two minutes,” he managed.

Renly was surprised when Loras grabbed his wrist and even more surprised when he was pushed up against the wall, but he should have expected what Loras said next. Considering what he’d told him just before Renly left, he couldn’t blame him for thinking that. As Renly watched the tears fall from Loras’ eyes, he once again wanted to reach out to him, but Loras said he had two minutes, so he had to talk fast. “Right. Two minutes.” There was so much for him to tell and so little time.

“My father died. My father died and my older brother came here to take me home. He wouldn’t take no for an answer,” Renly took a step away from the wall, running one hand through his hair as he thought back to the last few months, “My father never wanted me to leave England. He wanted me to be just like him and my brothers, but I didn’t want that. I wanted something different so I came here. Stannis made me come back with him. He made me leave everything here. Even after I got back there, I had no way to contact you, as much as I wanted to, and even if I could have, they had me watched.” That was one he had to leave; he was an adult and couldn’t just sit around while his every move was watched, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to take me back again. Loras, I’m so sorry. You don’t know how much I wish I could have told you what happened.” Sighing, Renly watched Loras, unsure whether or not the other would believe him, but hoping that he would.

Loras could only listen, nonplussed. Every dubious word from Renly’s mouth only angered Loras that much more. It wasn’t that he wasn’t sorry for Renly’s father having died, or how difficult his life was, but Loras selfishly couldn’t shake that Renly had left him.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” he snapped. “Tries to take you back?!”

What did that even mean? Loras fairly gaped at Renly. He ached, his entire body ached for Renly to just shut him up. Loras didn’t care if some photographer snuck a picture. Everyone knew now, but for Renly’s sake, Loras could do nothing.

“There wasn’t any time. He took me home that night.” Renly took a small step forward, his fingers curling into fists in an attempt to prevent himself from reaching out for Loras like he really wanted to, “If he did it once, he’ll do it again,” It made no sense to Renly why Robert or Stannis would want him back home, especially since it was so obvious that they hated one another and would do anything to be in charge of the company, but Renly suspected that as long as he wasn’t under their watchful eye, they were worried about what he might do. Worried that he would upstage them somehow. It was all extremely ridiculous and petty, but if there was one thing most Baratheon’s were it was melodramatic. “Loras, you have to believe that I didn’t want to leave. Sure, the things you told me freaked me out a little, but they wouldn’t have caused me to leave. I know it was only two weeks, but I was falling for you. You were all I could think about while I was in England. I came back here to find you and explain what happened.” Sighing, Renly stared into Loras’ eyes for a moment or two before finally deciding that he was tired of playing it safe.

Stepping forward, he closed the space between them, cupping Loras’ cheek with one hand and leaned in, capturing Loras’ lips with his own. After all, he had often heard that actions speak louder than words.

If there was one thing Renly had never been, it was a liar. The wind had caught the man’s hair and gently tousled it against his neck. Loras had no other choice but to believe his words, no matter how angry he was with him. All he could do was think about the armour that was still in his closet and Renly’s lifeless body in his arms and how none of it was real here.

Here, there was only Renly, standing there like the king Loras knew he was, honest and brave enough to come back and face Loras. Having Renly stare at him that way fairly shook Loras, sending a deep shiver marching up the length of his spine. He couldn’t back away, he could do nothing more than whimper and reciprocate, his fist balling strands of Renly’s hair in it. The action was possessive and bordered on desperate.

Pained to do so, Loras pulled away as quickly as he’d started to return it. His chest was moving up and down with heavy breaths. He couldn’t explain why he did what he did next, only that he was still angry and he wanted badly to get back at Renly. He collected his bags with hands he forced to stop shaking. Then he stood just inches from Renly and mustered up the first words that came to mind.

“I have to go,” he said, his lips turning to a thin line when he lied. “I have to go decorate a tree with my boyfriend.” He didn’t look at Renly’s face, he couldn’t. He just left the man he loved standing there. It should have felt good, but the lie felt more like a sickness. The nausea was back, churning and telling him that he’d done wrong and to what purpose? None whatever. The Knight of Flowers had always had to lie. Why not to Renly as well? Because Renly...oh, Renly was the only one he could ever be himself around, save for his sister. Loras would later apologize, but for now, he was only sorry that he’d chosen this day to shop for presents.

There was nothing that Loras could have said that would have stung more than that. The one word, boyfriend, hurt more than if Loras had slapped him and all Renly could do was stare at him, feeling stupid. It wasn’t as if he’d expected Loras to pine after him, but it wasn’t until the realization actually set in, did he realize just how much he had secretly hoped that he would have. Of course he hadn’t expected any sort of rom-con reunion, but he also hadn’t fully prepared himself for the possibility that Loras was seeing someone else. “Oh. Right.” Running a hand through his windswept hair, Renly took a step back, dropping his gaze to the ground. He needed to leave, but the feeling of Loras’ mouth on his still lingered and leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew that he had to. “I...Thank you. For hearing me out, that is.” Renly lifted his gaze, meeting Loras’ for only a moment before he turned and headed back to his car.