Cameron can appreciate art (tin_miss) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-12-07 16:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cameron phillips, john connor |
"Don't look! Don't look you'll see you can't see you'll hate me if you see!"
Who: Cameron and John Connor
What: John investigates Cameron's screams
When: Last night
Where: The Connor Household
Status: complete
Rating: R
Warnings: Kind of squicky for injuries
Cameron’s hand was made of metal. Her skin was in the sink, and there was blood, and she was screaming, because her nightmare had come true. She wasn’t human. She threw open the medicine cabinet, looking for....
She tried to stop screaming, instead whimpering pathetically at the pain (why does she feel pain?). She had to do something before she killed John, or someone else.
John briefly wondered what had woke him before he realised Cameron was screaming somewhere in the house. Throwing back the covers he jumped out of bed and raced towards the sounds which had now become quieter. Entering the bathroom he took in the sight of Cameron and blood in the sink before grabbing a towel and moving forward to wrap it around her arm.
“Cameron, what the hell are you doing?” he asked confused but more awake than he had been.
Cameron yanked her hand away from him. Her voice was racked with sobs, and there was a brief, eerie blue glow in her eyes that faded quickly. She sounded hysterical. "Don't look! Don't look you'll see you can't see you'll hate me if you see!"
But it was probably too late by then. The metal gleamed in the light of the bathroom.
John did see, the metal that was so familiar to him in his dreams was now there in front of him. His confusion was now mingled with concern and just a bit of fear. What was going on? They were just supposed to be dreams.
He caught Cameron by the elbow and held on as he used his other hand to wrap her hand, temporarily hiding the metal from view. “I don’t hate you” he told her softly, as he pulled her towards him, “We’ll work this out okay? Together”
She didn't understand how he could be so calm. She wasn't human. She was a machine who's programming meant she had to kill. "This isn't supposed to be real, I'm not supposed to be like this. I have a soul John! I love, machines can't love!" She had her music too. Her music that she played with soul. How could she ever play again? She looked at her towel covered hand, and her voice shook. "How can it be okay?"
John had to be calm because his mom wasn’t here and Derek wasn’t here and if he actually started thinking about what this meant he would freak so he was forcing himself to be calm. Freaking out wouldn’t help Cameron and she was upset enough as it was, understandably.
“You’re not a machine, Cam. And it’ll be okay because you do have a soul, you love and you are loved” John told her, placing his hand on her cheek and making her look at him.
She was shaking and a little dizzy from the blood loss. That actually made her laugh a little hysterically. "I'm dizzy, John. It hurts and I'm dizzy." Forced to look at him, she searched his eyes, her own bloodshot and puffy. She was still herself. Still her. Still Cameron, John's Cameron and Sarah's Cameron. Her shaking didn't stop but started to calm a little bit. "What are we going to do?"
John grabbed some supplies from the bathroom cabinet, thank god his mum insisted on having so much first aid stuff around, and put his arm around Cameron’s waist to support her. “First we’re going to sit you down and see to your arm” he told her, if she needed to go to the hospital he had no idea how they were going to explain it all but they’d cross that bridge when they got to it.
For now he had to sit her down and make sure she didn’t faint or anything. That would not be good. “Come on, slowly now” he said as he led her into her room, which was the closest to the bathroom.
She let him lead her to her room, and she sat down on the edge of the bed. She was shaking even more now, mostly from shock. She was in shock?
"John..John do I have a pulse?" She looked at him, concern on her face, and also another emotion there. She was too distraught to hide how he made her feel, right now. She let out a strained little laugh. She could see how he could save the world.
John ran his hand down her uninjured arm and felt for her pulse, smiling at her softly, “There it is, I can feel it here” he told her before focusing his attention to her other hand. He supported her hand with his own while he used the other one to gently peel back the towel to get a closer look at the damage.
Much of her skin around her wrist had been torn off, as well as that of her thumb, and parts of several fingers. Cold steel glinted, slick with blood.
Cameron sighed on relief at having a pulse. She could feel her heart pounding, but her ribs felt wrong, too solid.
She couldn't wrap her mind around how this was working, but at least her panic was subsiding. The pain was returning, along with an itching sensation.
As soon as he saw her hand he knew this wasn’t something he could fix on his own. “Cam, we’re gonna have to find some kind of doctor to help you. You’ve lost a lot of blood and this...this needs dressing and cleaning properly. I don’t wanna risk some kind of infection” His mom had warned him countless times about how dangerous infection could be.
He also didn’t want to cause her more pain by doing something wrong, she was obviously beginning to feel it now she was calming down and he hated the thought of her suffering.
"No, no..." Cameron shook her head, tears trailing down her cheeks again. "No doctors, no. How do we explain this, how?! If it's like the dreams it'll heal, it will. We just have to stop the bleeding!"
“Okay, okay” John said quickly before she started to worry herself again, “I’ll do what I can, I just...it’s going to hurt Cam, no matter how much I want it not to” he told her wiping the tears from her face. He’d do what he could and work on finding somebody discrete later. Hopefully he’d be able to convince her when she had rested and calmed down a bit.
"I know..." She nodded her head at him, trying to will her body to stop feeling, willing the pain to go away. But she couldn't turn off her pain receptors, like she could in her dreams. She couldn't...Cameron filed away that she had pain receptors in her dreams to think about later.
"I trust you, John. I love you." She hoped that didn't sound too weird, but she was too dizzy by now to care.
John nodded, “I love you too” he told her reassuringly before he steeled himself to begin working on her hand. He needed to get it cleaned and wrapped so that, hopefully, it would heal like she believed. He grabbed the glass of water she had on her bedside table, luckily it looked untouched, and dipped the cotton wool in it before gently wiping it over the wound.
Antiseptic cleanser was in the first aid kit but he remembered reading somewhere that it should only be used on unbroken skin and that was most definitely not the case here. Thankfully they did have antibiotic ointment which he could apply to the area once it was clean.
She searched his eyes as he worked on her hand, preferring that to watching what he was doing. She felt ill to her stomach, like she was going to vomit. This wasn't tight at all.
"Do you think it will heal fast? Like I do in the dreams?" She asked. It sounded to her ears like someone else was asking the question, and her body felt like it was floating. Which was absurd, but there it was. Could terminators faint?
John finished applying the ointment before focusing on her face, “Hey Cam, stay with me yeah? Just for a bit longer” he said, noticing the far away look on her face and really hoping she didn’t pass out. It was a little selfish but he wanted her to stay conscious at least until he’d finished sorting out her hand.
He began to apply the bandage as he answered her, “We can hope you do” he told her, “I’d rather that than have you hurting” he admitted.
She blinked her eyes, then shook her head, her hair tossing in a tangled mess. She hadn't even thought to do more than pull a shirt on when she'd stumbled out of bed, and she found herself embarrassed. "I'm here. I'm trying, John. Just dizzy. This was stupid I was stupid but I had to know, I had to..."
“I know, don’t worry” John told her, “You’re going to be fine and we’re going to work everything out” He didn’t know how but he knew he wasn’t going to give up until he had some answers, no matter how long it took.
He finished bandaging her hand, hoping that it would be okay. He’d remembered more of his moms ‘talks’ about first aid than he’d thought he would which would have made her proud had she been around. “Okay, all done” he told her, “You need to rest now” he moved to pull back the covers so she could get into the bed.
Cameron would have been more worried about Sarah shooting her. She cuddled up under the covers, taking his hand with the one that wasn't bandaged. "I should have..John, she was going to make us move and I talked her out of it. I shouldn't have talked her out of it, I was wrong. If we'd moved none of this would be happening."
John sat on the bed near her head holding her hand in his while stroking her hair with the other, “None of this is your fault” he told her, “You weren’t wrong, we wanted to stay here. You didn’t do anything wrong”
Her eyes fluttered closed. She was so tired, her hand ached, her body felt heavy and she felt more aware of things around her. She sounded plaintive when she asked, "Stay with me? I don't want to be alone."
“Of course” John agreed, settling more comfortably on the bed next to her not letting go of her hand, “I’ll be right here Cam” he promised.
She knew, that when push came to shove he wouldn't leave her, wouldn't abandon her. She knew that if it came to it, she would have to be the one to leave, to force John's hand. Squeezing his hand one more time, Cameron prayed she'd never have to.