Cameron can appreciate art (tin_miss) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-11-26 13:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, cameron phillips, jack |
"I had to override my programming. Because I...loved him."
Who: Cameron and Jack
What: Cello solos and sobbing tears
When: A few days ago
Where: Jack’s place
Status: Complete
Rating PG-13 because it’s Jack
Cameron had gathered up her cello and took the car to Jack's place. She'd worn a short skirt and a revealing top, for no other reason than they hadn't done much laundry since Sarah had gone into the hospital.
She wanted to feel human. She needed to. Music would help. A friend would help. She walked up and knocked.
Jack had finished cleaning things up a bit in her apartment and making sure Cameron had enough space to play her cello. Cello music wasn’t usually her speed, but the girl needed company, and Jack was willing to new things.
She heard the knock and went the the door. She opened it and grinned at Cameron. “Hey. C’mon in.”
"Hello." Cameron shifted the cello around so that she could give Jack a light hug. "I hope I'm not overdressed, we haven't done laundry yet or anything."
She stepped inside, putting the cello against the couch and then taking her jacket off.
Jack raised an eyebrow but decided not to make any direct comments about the outfit--even if she probably would end up looking at said outfit more than once. “Nah, it’s fine. You want any water or anything?”
"Yeah, I'm really thirsty," Cam replied. She ruffled a hand through her hair. She'd bought the outfit to bring attention to herself, but she hadn't used it much since Kirk. She was too tempted to wear it around John.
She wished she'd felt something with Jack. She was..lonely.
"Thanks."
Jack nodded and got a bottle of water. She wondered how life was going for Cameron, but she wasn’t really good about bringing up things like that. And she’d never really had that many experiences of things going great, herself.
She loosened the cap on the water bottle and held it out to Cameron. “Here ya go.”
Life had been going terribly. Sarah was in a coma, and Cameron was directionless. She took the water and sat on the couch, sipping at it. She pulled the cello closer. "I'm sorry if it's a little sad sounding today."
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad i’ve got a place for you to hang out at.” Jack sat down and looked at the cello case. “Big thing.”
"Thanks." She gave Jack a smile, then started to tune the instrument. Once she was satisfied, Cameron started to draw the bow across the strings in a melancholy note. She put her emotions into the song. Her confusion, and fear, her sadness for Sarah, her intense heartbreak whenever she thought of John.
To play these things was to remind herself she was human. To play these things was to become human once again.
Jack closed her eyes and focused on the music. There was a lot of emotion in the way Cameron played. It made her heart ache, even though she wasn’t usually one to get emotional over music. But this? This was something else.
The last note trailed off, and Cameron rested her face against the neck of the Cello. She was trying not to cry, even though her throat was choked up and tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm sorry.."
“Hey...” Jack moved over and wrapped an arm around Cameron’s shoulder. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for...”
"I don't mean to get emotional. It's just..there's a lot going on in my head and my life and I needed to let it out." She turned her head to look at Jack. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."
Jack looked her in the eyes. “It’s not gonna make me uncomfortable if you cry. Seems like you need the chance to,” she said.
Cameron's lip started to quiver, and before she could stop herself she was leaning into Jack and sobbing like her entire life was crashing in on her and drowning her.
Jack wrapped her arms around Cameron and just held her, stroking her hair occasionally.
Gradually, the sobbing came to a stop, and Cameron sniffled, resting her face on Jack's shoulder. Once she was certain her voice was only going to shake a little bit, she said, "Sarah is in the hospital. I don't know what to do about these dreams.."
“...damn. That sucks.” Not eloquent, but it was true. “I’m sorry. You ever want to talk about the dreams...I’ll listen.” She gave the girl’s shoulders a squeeze. She wasn’t sure what else to do at the moment, besides just be there.
"I told you I was a machine, right?"
“Yeah, you did.”
"I tried to kill John and Sarah. There was an explosion and I was damaged. John fixed me but he didn't fix me." She looked at Jack, stricken. "I had to override my programming. Because I...loved him."
Jack blinked. “If you loved him, then clearly you could love, even if you were a machine.” She couldn’t explain it, but it had to be true.
"I felt it. I know I felt it." She squeezed Jack's arm. "I don't know what I'm going to do. He sees me as a sister. And the timing for this is so terrible." She looked at her Cello. "Maybe if I use my music. I wanted to make an album. For him and Sarah. Machines can't make music. Not music with soul."
“What you played just now...that had soul.”
“Thank you...” She sounded so relieved. Cameron exhaled. It had soul, someone else had noticed. That meant more than anything right now.
Jack kissed the top of her head. “Any time.”