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Bellatrix has lost her shit (pure_disdain) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2012-11-25 13:13:00

"I wonder how she'd react if I told her I lost my faith."
Who: Bellatrix and Lulu
What: Lunch and romance talk
When: Saturday
where: A cafe
Status: complete
Rating: Pg13



Bellatrix had never been happier. She hadn’t yet quit her job, but she was enjoying her new condo, and enjoying a sort of freedom she’d never really had before. Even if she’d lived on her own, it had in part been under the auspices of the family. This abode she’d picked out herself, with Lu’s help. It was hers and hers alone. She was even thinking of trying to find a date. A date of her choice. Her sister would probably have a heart attack.

She’d picked out a cafe a little out of the way, and waited for Lulu at a secluded table.

Lulu walked up a few minutes before the time they’d agreed upon, spotting Bella in the back and waving. She smiled as she slid into the seat across from her and leaning back. “You look wonderful, Bellatrix. Truly.”

"Of course I do. I exfoliated," Bellatrix replied, before throwing her head back and laughing. She hadn't even had a psychotic episode since the fire. Who knew? Fire solves everything! She gestured towards the menu. "I already ordered some appetizers, to tide us over, lovey. So did you talk to your man?"

Lulu laughed at that as well. “Removing dead skin always helps things.” She took a sip of the water that was already on the table and scanned the menu. “Thank you, I appreciate it.” The appetizers, that was - she didn’t know what to say about Nikola. “I told him that I’m seeing him exclusively now, if that’s what you mean.” It wasn’t, but Lu could pretend she didn’t know.

"The dream man, Lu." Bellatrix laughed again, before sobering up a bit. She couldn't quite hide her disappointment. It was an odd feeling. Disappointment and happiness for Lu. "It's serious with him, then?"

Lulu nodded. “It is.” She couldn’t help but smile at her hands, biting her lower lip. Nikola didn’t yet know that she loved him, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold it in for much longer. It wasn’t her nature; she was too blunt.

“How do you think he’ll react when you tell him you love him,“ Bellatrix asked. She wondered if she would ever feel such things again.

“I don’t know. I suppose that’s where the fear stems from, the unknown.” Taking another sip of her water, Lulu traced trails in the condensation on the glass. “The worst case scenario is, of course, his pushing me away.”

"I can hex him if he does." Bellatrix was completely serious. She could hex, or curse, or worse. Anyone that harmed Lulu. She would do it and she would relish it.

Lulu smiled, chuckling. “Thank you, but it’s hardly necessary.” She didn’t know if she’d tell him at all. Perhaps she could just bury it.

“Well, tell me how it goes, “Bellatrix says, leaning forward on the table and sighing in resignation. She doubted Lulu would go through with it, but really could she blame her?

“I will. How did your family handle your crisis? I hope the police figure out how the fire started, if only for your peace of mind.” Lulu took another sip of her drink, reaching out to squeeze Bella’s hand.

"Cissy was supportive. They all were, really, which was surprising. Even father." Bella rolled her eyes. She hadn't accepted one iota of help from any family members who's name didn't begin with the letter N.

“Pity he wasn’t in the fire,” Lulu muttered. She crossed her legs, smiling at Bellatrix. “I’m guessing the person you love probably came out of the woodwork too during the fire.” Disasters always had a way of bringing out the worst in people along with the best.

"Shh, don't say such things, they'll think I did it!" Bella laughed again. "Ah, yes, she did express herself. I wasn't sure how to react so I just reacted how I would have otherwise. I don't know if she understands how angry I am at her."

A snort. “Perhaps you should tell her, lest she think that be acceptable in her other relationships.” Lulu was too blunt to hide anything; it occurred to her that if she’d grown up in the same household as Bella she may have turned out similarly. Suddenly being a foster child wasn’t so bad.

"I can't tell her anything. She doesn't listen, and she doesn't understand." Bella waved a hand. "As far as she's concerned, she can love many people and not just one. She's going to get bloody married and she still wants to see me."

Lulu raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps her heart can do that, but I imagine it would get terribly complicated.” Lulu knew that she wouldn’t want to deal with that, and nor should Bellatrix if she didn’t want to.

"She doesn't care, as long as she brings God to those most in need." Bellatrix sneered. She'd long held a hidden contempt for Caprica's excuse for being so promiscuous. She loved the woman, but that excuse ran thin.

Lulu rolled her eyes. “I won’t even comment. The level of presumption in that statement is staggering.” She looked at her menu, trying to see what she wanted to order.

"I wonder how she'd react if I told her I lost my faith." Bella said, musing aloud. She ordered a deli sandwich, not wanting anything particularly heavy at the moment. She wondered if she'd ever had faith. She thought she must have, once.

“Faith is a tricky thing. Perhaps you still have faith, perhaps you’ve simply lost your faith in her.” Lulu smiled. “I realized long ago I have less faith in a nebulous deity that may never show their true face and far more in myself. I get more immediate results.” Her tone was matter of fact.

"I like the way you think," Bellatrix said, pointing a fork at her. "I like immediate results myself. With my bloody magic, I don't need a god."

“With yourself you don’t need a god,” Lulu corrected. She squeezed Bella’s hand before digging into her own salad. “It’s far easier to rely on yourself, try to be a good person, and let things sort out.”

"You should start a self-help column." Bellatrix picked up her food and took a bite. She let out a soft, satisfied moan. This was good sandwich.

"Did you approach the person you dreamed about?"

“Oh, no. He hasn’t had any dreams at all yet, I’m going to wait until he complains about at least one.” So he’d find the whole situation a bit more plausible.

"We wouldn't want him to think you're nutters." Bellatrix nodded her head. She didn't really care if people thought she was crazy. She knew she was. But that didn't mean that other people felt the same. And Lu was one of the most grounded people she knew.

“I don’t really care overmuch about his opinion of me, I simply don’t wish to startle him. He was a friend in the dreams, perhaps he could be as such in life.” She smiled to herself. “He’s a bit like me, only in male form.”

"That might almost turn me straight." Bellatrix joked, grinning viciously. She was bi in her dreams, which was a weird sort of feeling. But it WAS Voldemort. She liked to pretend she didn't have a husband. He was only useful for political reasons.

Lulu snorted. “He’s about twenty years older as well. I didn’t know you liked older people.” She recrossed her legs, enjoying her time with her friend - it was rare she got to just relax.

“I suppose that depends.” Bellatrix shook her head. “Maybe I should put myself out there. I could use a good, emotionless roll in the hay.”

“You should. I’m sure you can find someone, what with you being stunning and all.” Lulu smiled at her friend. “I’m not saying that because your hair is vaguely like mine.”

"It's a matter of being discreet. I'm technically in the closet you know." Bellatrix patted her hair, preening. They did make a stunning pair, and it was a pity it wasn't more.

“You shouldn’t have to be.” Lulu sighed. “But there should be a way of you attaining some sort of intimacy. Sex is an inalienable human right, of this I’m convinced.”

"Yes. Wear my hair in an unusual style. Contacts, the appropriate makeup.." Bellatrix waved a hand, then dropped it to the table. "Can I confess something? I've never actually picked up a woman before. You were the first who wasn't Caprica."

Lulu’s eyes went wide. “You did a fantastic job. I don’t usually enjoy the company of woman, not like that, and you were my first encounter that way. I’d never even kissed a woman before you.” Lulu smiled, blushing a little.

Bellatrix looked so proud about that. If she could turn a mostly straight woman onto a sexual experience, maybe she won't have that hard a time finding someone to use. Because it would be using. Bella couldn't handle emotions again. Not after Caprica. It had been hard enough keeping her feelings neutral about Lu.

“You’ll find someone. I’ve no doubt of that. Perhaps it won’t be someone you love, not at first, but you’ll find a few people who’ll help heal you, and then you’ll fall in love again someday if you wish to.” Lulu spoke from experience.

"Lovey, I just need to scratch an itch right now. I can try to find more after." She fidgeted with the edge of the table. "I don't trust my heart any more."

“You will again. It’ll take time. That feeling, I know.” Lulu smiled sadly, sipping her wine. “Hearts are like any other organ. Bruises heal, cuts mend, but it’s not instantaneous.”

Bellatrix toasted Lu with her sandwich. "To time."

Lulu toasted Bella as well, smiling faintly. “To time, indeed.”