InsaneJournal

Who: Anna and Kristoff
What: Checking in on the patient
When: January 8th
Where: Anna’s hospital room
Warnings: Fear of mortality, references to organ transplants
Status: Log | Complete

In the end, the only reason Anna had fallen back to sleep the night before was because of the drug cocktail she was having administered. After Kristoff had left, it had been her hospital doctor but also the specialist she had to see for check ups regarding her lungs. That had been the first sign that something was wrong. The tests were familiar, the imaging that had to be done.

The words? Well, the words were ones she knew. Ones she always dreaded in the back of her mind.

Her body was rejecting the lungs. It was a threat that never would go away, and they didn’t know if it was an acute rejection or would end up a chronic rejection. But the pneumonia had sent her immune system into overdrive despite the immunosuppressants she always had to take and now…

Well now they were going to try to do a new immunosuppressant and steroids along with the pneumonia medication and see if that did any good.

And she had gotten the news while alone in the hospital. Which okay, not the first time. She’d braced herself the night before and knew she had fallen into old habits from when she was always in the hospital. Smile, make sure no one was upset or worried. Positive attitudes were important in recovery. And Anna had that in spades. Even if she currently felt small and alone.

The sleep she’d gotten was fitful at best and by the time it was morning, she was staring out the window, coughing into her arm periodically. Visiting hours weren’t going to start for another few hours and the nurse teams she had already had done their morning rounds. So really it was staring out the window. Okay she could read or play on her phone or something but that required some sort of focus and the twenty three year old didn’t really have that at the moment.

Kristoff hadn’t actually gotten much sleep himself. He’d spent precious sleep time mulling over the strange things the patient he’d checked on had said. He woke a half an hour before his alarm had even gone off, and groaned. Another long shift ahead. He was awake, so he might as well just get up. He glanced at the calendar on his desk, which had written on it Residency=MD as a sort of motivator. He was a visual person. Sometimes he needed a visual reminder.

He did all the usual morning routine stuff and eventually drove himself down to the hospital. It didn’t take long before he was checked in and began doing rounds. Taking a quick look in at certain patients, making sure everything was okay.

That was when he stuck his head into Anna’s room and spotted her staring out a window. “Hey Reindeer girl.” He called out from the doorway. It was a light hearted jab, because he couldn’t get that damn reindeer off his mind. She was to blame for that. Now she was Reindeer Girl. Albeit not the best nickname, but whatever. He wasn’t very clever with that sort of thing. Kristoff was the blunt type of guy who would probably name a goldfish Goldie or something.

Nothing wrong with being a visual learner. Some part of her should probably be concerned that it was so easy to tune out the hospital noises, how easy it was to fall into old habits like that. But well, better than the alternative? She’d spent so much time in hospitals that it just was part of her.

Which also meant that she knew if she was being addressed. So when she heard the comment about being reindeer girl? Anna blinked and looked to the door.

“Kristoff, hi!”

Had he given her his name the night before? She couldn’t remember. But well, she knew him. Or well...knew him in the Dreams and that was all very confusing really. She wasn’t sure what to make with it. Even so, she did smile. Not as brightly as she normally did but well, hospital and worrying over what she’d been told. But also not wanting to worry anyone and positive attitude and all of that.

He hadn’t. He didn’t know hers either, and it caused him to raise an eyebrow. Maybe the doctor had mentioned it. Whatever. He paid it little mind as he watched her force a smile like that and rolled his eyes. She didn’t need to fake anything for him, he’d seen it all in that hospital. Broken the news of dead loved ones to various families, saw ugly crying, he didn’t care for people to fake emotions. It was a hospital, not Disneyland. He could see right past that phony facade. He stepped into the room, wearing scrubs and looking all official. Very much not like a smelly mountain man.

Kristoff could relate to tuning out hospital noises, but he worked there. It was easy for him to do. Maybe not so much for other people, but he wouldn’t have thought twice on it. “You don’t have to do that.” He stated calmly as he looked over various machines. “But good, it looks like you kept them on this time.” He gave a faint smile before looking at her with a hint of amusement. He could be easily irritated, but his heart was in the right place anyway. “What’s on your mind?” Maybe he could ease some of her fears.

Getting his name from the doctor was definitely going to have been her excuse when she realized her mistake. But as he didn’t call attention to it? Anna didn’t really notice her mistake or think much of it. She had noticed the eye roll but, well, Kristoff when they first had met in the Dreams, so the reasoning was lost on her.

“Do what?”

Blinking some, Anna folded her hair behind her ear. Though she just nodded some at the comment about not ripping out her IV and oxygen. She probably would have blushed if she weren’t still so pale from being sick.

The question about what was on her mind gave the twenty three year old pause. Because he was Kristoff but he wasn’t. The familiarity for her was there but he didn’t actually know her. Anna could talk to anyone, was open and honest with her feelings.

“Mostly trying to figure out how to reassure my sister that it’s not her fault that my body is rejecting my lungs and that it doesn’t mean it’s an automatic death sentence. And I guess reassuring myself as well since they don’t know if it’s acute or chronic rejection yet. But I’m used to doing that part on my own, so...mostly my sister.”

Because of course she was going to worry about Elsa mostly about what she had to tell her sister. Yes, she had her own fears and anxieties, but she had a lifetime of experience in dealing with those alone.

Kristoff on the other hand was not so open to share feelings, but it wasn't his in question anyway. He wasn't the sick one that had been mindlessly staring off at nothing. Fortunately he didn't have to worry about that. He just sat for a moment in a chair nearby. He wasn't afraid or awkward with her, but he was used to dealing with patients so it wasn't a big surprise. He was able to talk with all kinds of patients. Angry ones, stressed ones. Literally all the patients.

"I see. Well you're correct. It's not a death sentence like it might have been in the past anymore. It's fixable no matter the outcome. Besides that, your doctor is one of the best in this hospital." he gave her a small smile of attempted reassurance.

"He's been assigned to you based on his experience with your condition and you aren't his first rodeo. His success rate is high." They hadn't just given her someone fresh out of med school anyway.

“Or at least immediately.” No use trying to ignore the truth and say something definitive in matters like this. Anna had done her reading when she first got the lung transplant five and a half years ago. If it was chronic, it could lead to lowered lung capacity (again) and could impact her capability of physical activities and affect how long she lived in the long run. But it wasn’t immediate and that was the important thing.

It was reassuring that when she’d shown up they’d known to get someone who could handle the complications that her medical history added to the pneumonia diagnosis. The current issue clearly was why.

“I am grateful for that. Extremely.” It didn’t erase the fears and anxieties and worrying over Elsa though. But it was definitely reassuring.

"And you know, medicine is advancing all the time. It evolves with every case here, this is also a school. The doctors are still open to learning. There aren't any problems with being taught something new here." He might have been the best in their current hospital, but he didn't have a closed minded view. It was extremely helpful when even the doctors were flexible.

"I'm actually an intern under him. " he admitted sheepishly. It was how he'd known who to call. They discussed which patients they cared for every new shift so they had an idea. Hospitals were a lot of discussion actually.

"Hang on a sec." he stepped out of the room to the activity and returned a bit later. "this might be stupid, but coloring is a good distraction." Especially if patients didn't feel like playing with their phones or whatever. There was a new set of color pencils and an adult coloring book with different animals and flowers in it. None of it was just used stuff. "It's scientifically proven to aid in relaxation."

“It is.” And that also helped. But just talking with Kristoff was helping. True it didn’t help her with the Elsa issue but it at least made it easier to not go all spinning out of control with her own anxieties and fears. Which was always an added bonus. But hearing that Kristoff was interning under him?

“Really? That’s so cool. I’m sure you’re doing amazing.”

And she truly believed that. Turning her head, the redhead coughed and winced but still. Hearing that Kristoff was doing something to help people? She couldn’t say that she was surprised. She knew in the dreams he was good with kids and she could see him as one of the doctors in the children’s ward once he was officially a doctor and not in school.

With him stepping out to get something, Anna got resettled on the bed - or as comfortable as she could be at any rate. Him bringing in adult coloring books and color pencils was definitely not something she could have ever foreseen happening but hey, hospitals were like that. So instead she just smiled and took them gratefully.

“Thank you…” Biting her lower lip some, Anna had an idea. “...Do you think it’ll be possible for me to go to the children’s ward? Not right now, but once I’m for sure not contagious or anything. I know I’ll have to stay for observation because of the whole...body rejecting my lungs and needing to make sure that gets under control… but to help the kids? I know it can be scary being there alone and if I could, I don’t know, show them that there’s always hope and a future…”

Maybe it was a stupid idea, but Anna really did want to help the kids somehow and she knew what it had been like. So if she could offer some sort of hope for them…

"I mean I hope I am anyway." he gave her a small smile before doing said disappearing to return with the coloring stuff. "It's nothing, you can keep that stuff when you leave though." he knew she was going to be able to go home just fine. Not that what she faced wasn't serious, but it was fixable. It was not like it used to be when it came to transplants. Survival rate was so much higher. He had confidence and probably to a fault. He was unwavering in that sense.

When she mentioned the kids, he raised an eyebrow. "For now you should just be focusing on yourself.. But when you're able to.. Yeah I'll see what I can do about that." He didn't make any promises, but he'd make a solid attempt to see that Anna got a chance to do what she wanted to.

Well Anna was sure of it even if she had only spoken to Kristoff two times. Here at any rate. But still. She knew he would do amazing at whatever he put his mind to. Or she just always tried to see the best in people and believed in them. Which okay, could lead to poor life choices, but still!

Nodding as she was given the colored pencils and coloring book, Anna didn’t pay much mind to if she should be resistant to the comment on her leaving. Because she did know that even in the five and a half years since she’d had the surgery that things had gotten better. That survival rates were better. Nothing was ever truly definitive of course. Anything could happen and well, no one wanted to hear that their body was rejecting their lungs. But she had faith and hope that it would simply be acute rejection and that the new autoimmune regiment and steroids would help. Time would tell on the type of rejection though.

Kristoff might not be making a promise, but it was still enough and so Anna just smiled brightly as he said that he would see what he could do about letting her go to the children’s ward so she could let the kids know that there was hope and that even when it felt scary or they felt alone, that they weren’t, not really. “Thank you!”

"Of course, but for now you really should be focusing on yourself. You can't be any use to them if you worry yourself to death. Mental health is a big part of recovery." That wasn't something he often stated around the other doctors who were all hard science and considered psychology to be soft. But Kristoff believed it was a factor. The patients who maintained their hope had improved faster in his general observation.

He sat down by her to get comfortable for a bit. "I can stay here for a while if you want to just chat, tell me about you. Or your sister, or whatever you want." He didn't mind her company. And maybe it'd help her out. Either way he was prepared to spend a bit of time with her.

Anna was all too familiar with positive thinking and ensuring her mental health was okay during recovery. She’d seen it time and time again. It didn’t make the worry go away, that was normal. And it did no good to deny the bad feelings either. It was simply a matter of processing them. Pushing things aside always blew up in your face in the end. Nope. She’d rather voice her fears, get it out, and then deal with them.

But that had always been Anna’s way in the end.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be late for your shift.” After all, she just knew he had said he’d check in on her before his shift, but she also didn’t want to make him late. Not that she’d turn him away. Hardly. She just didn’t want to get him into trouble.

“I’m already on shift.” He explained with a shrug, he’d just make something up later on. “It’s fine, I don’t mind. I’ll make up some excuse as to why I’m here later.” He couldn’t stay all day of course, but he could at least stay long enough to keep her company for a while. Kristoff could pull a couple strings. He didn’t know why he was putting his neck on the line for her, but he just felt like it. He didn’t feel like leaving her alone, at least as long as he was able.

Anna nodded some at that. If he said that it was fine… She still would worry but she also trusted Kristoff to know what he could and could not do. “Well, there’s not too much to say about me. Spent most of my life in and out of hospitals, and now I do a lot of volunteer work when I’m not working” Which was why she was so used to them, “And my sister and I are reconnecting.” Hence her worry about upsetting her too much. “But what about you? What made you decide to be a doctor?”

He knew what he could and couldn't get away with in that hospital. He'd been there long enough, so he wasn't terribly worried. This wasn't a fireable offense even if he was "caught" hanging around a patient. It wasn't like anything inappropriate was happening, he was just trying to keep her company and distracted from the waiting. That was often the worst part. So for the time being he just got comfortable and listened. "That's sort of a long story, but in the short end of it kind of similar to your volunteering I just want to help people. Make sure they know they aren't just a number or a statistic." He didn't mind spending some of his shift with her, it would make the time fly by faster on his end too.

The waiting really was the worst. Even after all the time she had spent in hospitals, how familiar she was to the way things were in them, the waiting never got any easier even as she grew used to the food and the sounds and everything else. So she was more than happy to have company for a while. “Well I obviously have time.” Smiling some and not so forced this time. “But that’s really cool. And sweet because it can feel that way sometimes. I don’t have the head for it so I admire those who do.” The anxieties and worry about telling Elsa the latest news and also just what it might potentially mean for her weren’t gone, but they were manageable and that was the important thing. She was more relaxed and now just going to enjoy her conversation with Kristoff until he had to leave.