Log -- Lan Zhan || Wei Ying ‣ WHO: Lan Zhan || Wei Ying ‣ WHAT: Hanging out leads to dream revelations ‣ WHEN: After these ‣ WHERE: Lan Zhan's apartment ‣ RATING | WARNINGS: Low || Talk of injury and scarring ‣ STATUS: Complete || Log
Memories warm you up from the inside but they also tear you apart.
Lan Zhan & Wei Ying
Lan Zhan had not been joking when he had said his first dream had gotten much more detailed than when he had first dreamt it. So much so that he had woken with a pain unlike any he had ever felt all across his back though upon closer inspection it would seem that whatever injuries that had befallen his dream!self were old, old enough to leave behind crisscrossing scars that decorated the entirety of his back. There was also a further mark, in the shape of a brand, scarred onto his chest, and despite the age of scars they still felt fresh.
He had tidied in preparation for Wei Ying's arrival and once content with the state of the apartment he shared with his brother he had taken a shower and changed into a pair of soft sweatpants and shrugged into a shirt though hadn't bothered to button it. His feet were bare, his hair loose, but around his wrist was a ribbon with a metal detail, the exact same ribbon that his dream!self wore around his forehead. It had appeared on his bedside table the second time he had experienced the dream and it felt wrong not to wear it.
It was close to lunchtime and Lan Zhan did not think that Wei Ying would have had enough foresight to eat breakfast so it made the most sense for him to start preparing something for them both to eat. Despite his and his brother's privilege their uncle had made sure that they did not take anything for granted and had ensured that they knew how to take care of themselves as he had never treated them like children but rather young adults. This meant that Lan Zhan was a good cook. Not as good as Huan, but good enough.
Wei Ying had no need to buzz up as Lan Zhan had called down to inform the front desk that he was expecting a visitor and to let him up when he arrived which meant he could get on with making lunch.
Wei Ying was buzzed into the apartment and took the stairs two at a time, rucksack on his shoulder which had his wetsuit in it and chilli oil wedged in one of the side pockets. He had also stopped to grab some tea en route, a huge coffee for himself and a green tea for Lan Zhan.
He let himself into the apartment and called out a greeting, toeing off his battered sneakers and walking through the narrow hall into the open plan kitchen and lounge.
Lan Zhan was behind the kitchen counter, cooking. It was domestic and cute and it suited him well.
"You need an apron that says kiss the cook, you know."
Lan Zhan merely glanced up at Wei Ying as he entered, the knife in hand being masterfully wielded as he chopped vegetables and tofu. The noodles had already been pulled by hand earlier that morning and were already on boil.
"I do not think that is necessary," he commented, shake of the head.
He tossed the vegetables into the nearby pot and added the other items such as ginger, garlic and a few other seasonings.
"It's definitely necessary when you're cooking for someone who isn't Huan-ge," Wei Ying pointed out with a grin, dropping his bag by the table and walking over to the counter where he rested his hands against it. "You should definitely have a cute apron so that your guests know you're the chef. It's an American tradition."
"It is not often that happens," Lan Zhan pointed out before he noticed that Wei Ying seemed to be carrying drinks. "Is one of those for me?"
He finished cutting up the tofu and then added it into a nearby pan which was flavored with garlic soy sauce as he intended to fry it and add it to the dish when everything else was ready.
"Even more reason for you to have a special apron for when you're cooking for me." The slip into Mandarin felt natural, and much more comfortable than chattering in English. He sauntered a little closer, moving around the counter to hover cheekily in Lan Zhan's space for a moment. He held both cups to his chest.
He looked scandalized. "Is one of these for you?" He asked, "How presumptuous. Maybe, they're both for me. A nasty tea to settle my nerves after drinking all this caffeine..."
Lan Zhan arched an eyebrow with an expression that said far more than his words ever could. In all his years of knowing Wei Ying he had never known the other man to drink or enjoy tea.
"You're such an idiot," he grumbled as he reached out to take the tea off Wei Ying's hands. "But thank you for the drink."
He checked the noodles before he took a sip of the tea.
Wei Ying grinned and then laughed. "You teased me," he said, delighted. "You just teased me."
He moved closer and leaned over the counter to put a hand on Lan Zhan's forehead, like he was checking his temperature. "Did you get replaced by an impostor? Like in Among Us?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Will you eat me when I'm not looking?"
"Possibly," Lan Zhan replied, nonplussed, and expression unreadable. He blinked slow and purposefully as ordinarily he would swat Wei Ying's hand away but instead he allowed the touch to linger.
"Well, if I have to be eaten, at least it would be by you," Wei Ying said with a nod of his head, taking advantage of how he was not pushed away by letting the back of his fingers drift down Lan Zhan's face. "That would be a better death than falling off a cliff, anyway."
A frown creased the space between Lan Zhan's eyebrows and on reflex his hand shot upwards, latching fingers around Wei Ying's wrist. His grip was firm. "You should not joke about that, Wei Ying."
The memory was still fresh, still raw, and Lan Zhan had yet to recover from it.
"I'm not joking," Wei Ying replied quietly, looking at where Lan Zhan's as gripping his wrist. "It would be better to die by the hand of someone I trust."
He thought he might have fallen himself, walked to the edge and let himself fall. He wondered how things got so bad that was what he felt was the only option available to him, the aching emptiness inside of him, filled with nothing but grief and rage and a deep loneliness. He woke from those dreams feeling more alone than he ever had in his entire life, in those dreams, he had no one.
"Ah, ZhanZhan it's alright. What is in the dreams is not real," he said softly. "But-you did tell me you had something to show me?"
"After food," Lan Zhan said quietly. He gave Wei Ying's wrist one final squeeze before he added the tofu to the pan, to cook and coat it with the taste of the sauce he'd put in there. It wasn't spicy but it was flavorsome.
He nodded over to a nearby cupboard. "Can you please get me some bowls."
A small sip was taken of his tea and Lan Zhan busied himself with bringing the meal together.
Wei Ying grabbed the bowls as he was asked and put them down beside Lan Zhan. He then busied himself with taking their drinks and chopsticks over to the table, setting it efficiently. His wrist felt cold where Lan Zhan had let go of it, and he rubbed it with the fingers of his other hand, too.
He chewed his lower lip hopping from foot to foot restlessly and deciding that he would go and put his things into the guest room while Lan Zhan finished up their food. When he was done, he thought perhaps the food would be on the table.
He walked back out, having dumped his duffel bag on the bed, with the bottle of chilli oil in his hands. "It looks good, Lan Zhan," he praised, "you're so good to me."
He was right. Food was on the table when he came back. Lan Zhan had also filled a jug with water and arranged some glasses for them both. He had once taken offense to the chilli oil that Wei Ying insisted on putting on everything he ate but that time had long since passed.
"You are my guest, Wei Ying. I would be remiss in my duties as host if I did not feed you well while you were with me."
Lan Zhan took a seat and reached out for his chopsticks.
Wei Ying snorted and settled down opposite Lan Zhan, unscrewing the cap on the chilli oil bottle and dumping an alarming amount of seasoning into it, turning the noodles a crimson-red.
"You have no duties, Lan Zhan. We're in America, and not even in the south. There is much less ceremony to stand on here, you know. Still, I appreciate it. You are a good cook. I need to get you an apron. Maybe one that says 'kiss the cook'." He wiggled his eyebrows. "You can wear it when you cook for me."
Lan Zhan did grimace at the shade of red the noodles turned at the addition of the chilli oil, but he was not eating it so he said nothing.
"My uncle begs to differ." Uncle Qiren was very clear about what he expected from his nephews while they were in America, reminding them of their duties and the importance of everything they did and how it reflected on the family.
He hmm'ed thoughtfully at the mention of the apron. "No gaudy ones, please."
"Uncle Qiren would have us all abiding by ancient Chinese laws if he had his way," Wei Ying pointed out. "He will never change with the times, that doesn't mean you have to."
Wei Ying lifted the bowl and chopsticks to his mouth, giving Lan Zhan a mischievous look over the china. "How dare you suggest I would do such a thing as get you a gaudy apron?"
Lan Zhan poked and prodded at his noodles, pushing his food around with seemingly no purpose other than to work through whatever thoughts were whirring around in his head. "I am only here thanks to Uncle's generosity."
He glanced up and met Wei Ying's gaze, briefly. "Forgive me for thinking you would do any such thing considering some of your questionable taste in apparel."
"Trying new things does not mean you're not appreciative of his generosity, ZhanZhan," Wei Ying said. "You aren't disrespecting him by experiencing everything America has to offer."
Of course he was distracted from his sincerity by the teasing remark shot over the bow. He let out a delighted laugh, loud and bright as a bell. "Ah, Lan Zhan! What a cruel thing to say, I am perfectly fashionable!"
"Hm," was the only response Lan Zhan gave in response to Wei Ying's assurances that he would not be doing his uncle any sort of disservice by fully experiencing everything that America had to offer.
"Or that is what you have been allowed to believe."
He finally took his first mouthful of noodles and regarded Wei Ying.
"You haven't been here long enough to truly understand the fashion here. Besides, you can't tell me I don't look good in the clothes that I wear." It was false bravado and today Wei Ying was in a pair of fitted black jeans and an oversized red hoodie, but he did like the clothes that challenged traditional gender roles, he did like bright things.
Wei Ying shoveled food into his mouth, too, and then let out an obscene sound of enjoyment.
"Ugh, I'm going to miss this when you get married, Lan Zhan."
Well that sound was definitely... interesting. Lan Zhan chose not to fixate on it and returned his attention to his food, catching a generous amount of noodles between his chopsticks.
It was as he was mid bite that Wei Ying said something about his getting married and one sharp inhale resulted in a noodle lodging itself in the back of his throat causing him to choke and cough violently.
"...Married?!" he wheezed incredulously.
Wei Ying got up from the table immediately, darted around to the other side and touched Lan Zhan's back, hitting between his shoulder blades with the back of his hand.
Once he was sure Lan Zhan was not about to die, he returned to his seat looking a little sheepish.
"Well, it'll happen one day."
"Not if I have any say in it," Lan Zhan managed to gasp out before he hurriedly swallowed mouthfuls of water. "If I am to get married it will because I choose it not because my uncle demands it of me."
That was Lan Zhan's line in the sand.
"I- I mean that's kind of what I thought it would be," Wei Ying said, looking a little alarmed. "Are you worried that your uncle will try and marry you off as part of a business deal?"
It was a joke, but there was a line of seriousness beneath it. "Lan Zhan, do you- is there a worry he might try and arrange a marriage for you?"
"Yes," Lan Zhan answered simply with an unerring seriousness to the tone of his voice. "I do believe there is every possibility that is exactly what he will try to do."
He poked and prodded at his noodles. "Huan-ge will be the first one he approaches."
"Ugh then you have to get married first," Wei Ying said, jabbing the air between them with his chopsticks. "That is the simple solution, right? You get married before he can try and marry you off. Problem solved!"
"Yes because it is that easy, Wei Ying." Lan Zhan deadpanned. "I am not exactly fighting people off with a stick." He ate another mouthful of noodles and shrugged. "But there is no need for concern at this juncture."
"You should be," Wei Ying said seriously. "You're very handsome, and you can cook, your family is rich. You're going to have a very good job by the end of all of this and you will be a very eligible bachelor."
He hummed, swallowing his mouthful before he started speaking again. "Honestly, we can find you a girlfriend or boyfriend! I can help! I'm good at finding people. What do you look for in a partner?"
"I am sure you have better things to be doing with your time than helping me with my love life." Lan Zhan didn't really want to discuss this with anyone but Wei Ying especially all things considered. "So, there is no need to discuss this any further."
He'd lost his appetite, apparently. In the interest of not wasting food Lan Zhan got to his feet and trailed into the kitchen, securing a tupperware container from a nearby cupboard and emptied what remained of his food into it.
"I am not overly fond of people in case you had not noticed."
"No, well- I know that," Wei Ying said, "but you hated me when we first met and now you tolerate me, right? And with a bit more exposure," he wiggled his eyebrows, "you might even like me."
"You are a rare exception."
Lan Zhan sealed the tupperware container and placed it in the fridge before busying himself with cleaning up the kitchen. It helped to keep busy, idle hands were the devil's playground or whatever that saying was.
"I do not see the point of idle dating."
"Would it be idle dating if we're saving you from a lifetime married to someone Uncle Qiren chooses for you?" Wei Ying presses, shoveling food into his mouth between sentences. "I'm trying to save your sanity here, Lan Zhan."
He blinked, then swallowed and smiled, rubbing some seasoning off of his lower lip. "A rare exception, huh?"
Lan Zhan snorted gently. "Do not let it go to your head."
He had never really considered what he looked for in a romantic partner. Possibly due to the fact he had never seriously entertained the thought that it would be something that he would have. The dreams made it much more complicated as well given the feelings that basically filled every single moment of the intense experience.
"Are you offering to be my matchmaker, Wei Ying?"
"Well, no, but I'm offering to save you from your uncle matchmaking you and marrying you off to some random person to strengthen all those ancient family ties."
He grinned innocently. "But if I was to find you someone...what would you look for?"
"Intelligence, self-sufficiency, somebody who would understand why I need to work long hours, likes animals, good personality," Lan Zhan replied. "Also, male. That bit is important."
He'd long ago accepted that he was gay even if his uncle had not.
"That sort of thing."
Wei Ying had lifted his cup to his mouth but was glad he had not taken a sip when Lan Zhan casually came out to him. Even still, he spluttered a little, not sure why that made his chest tighten and his blood rush.
"So, a nice, understanding guy that likes animals and is pretty smart?"
Lan Zhan blinked, seemingly unbothered by the fact that Wei Ying had clearly had no idea that his friend was gay. He'd never made a secret of it, just had felt no need to share it and it wasn't as though people made a point of asking.
"Exactly."
He paused, frowned, opened his mouth to ask something and then shut it again. It was only after Wei Ying prodded that he finally spoke his mind. "Is it bad of me to also want him to be... attractive?"
"If you're going to be looking at him regularly and want to see him naked I don't think that's a bad thing," Wei Ying said with a lift of his shoulder. "Emotional compatibility is one thing. Nothing wrong with a guy who you regularly want to undress with your teeth." Wei Ying wiggled his eyebrows again.
Lan Zhan closed the refrigerator door after having put his now sealed tupperware container away on one of the shelves. "Then, attractive, definitely." He gave a nod and trailed back over to join Wei Ying at the table, sipping at his tea.
"So," Wei Ying leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his palms. His eyes were bright with mischief. "What do you look for in a man? Physically, I mean."
Lan Zhan regarded Wei Ying intently over the rim of the cardboard cup currently pressed to his mouth, keeping the other's name off his lips.
"Tall, nicely built, sincere eyes, strong jaw, stylish, beautiful hands, brunette, around the same age or slightly younger."
There, details rattled off.
"I guess I'll remove my own name from the list of contenders then," Wei Ying said, melodramatically (trying to hide his genuine disappointment at the fact that a lot of those criteria did not, in fact, match him, and just because in the dreams Lan Wangji loved Wei Wuxian it did not mean that the real Lan Zhan would, or ever could, love him). "Okay, that's a good list. I should have written it down..."
Lan Zhan reached across the table to give Wei Ying's shoulder a slight shove, playful in the intent. "I do not that you would want to be on the list given that I do not think your interest extends to the same sex."
"I can text you it later if you are serious."
"What, you think you're the only secret queer in this friendship?" Wei Ying retorted, flicking Lan Zhan's wrist as he was shoved.
He got to his feet, finishing the last of his food and putting his empty bowl in the dishwasher. "But texting me the requirements is good- I won't forget then."
"Are you then?" Lan Zhan asked, head swiveling to watch the other man as he put his bowl in the dishwasher.
"What, gay?"
"No, queer. Gay is same sex only whereas queer is a much broader spectrum."
"I do know the difference between the terms, ZhanZhan," Wei Ying teased, letting the affectionate term float through the air. "But yeah. I am."
"Hm," Lan Zhan hummed thoughtfully.
He did wonder how many men Wei Ying had been with and then caught himself from going any further than that. He was not in the mood for self flagellation today thank you very much.
"Did you want to watch something?"
"Still not suitable for your list though," Wei Ying said, ducking out of view to put his bowl properly in the dishwasher and then shut the door, staying crouched down for a moment to curse his inability to not talk.
He cleared his throat, popping back up again. "Like a movie? Sure, I bet there are some you haven't even been able to see because they were either banned or heavily censored in China."
"What would you suggest?" Lan Zhan asked as he settled into one corner of the couch, hand on the remote and a streaming site being brought up on display before he scrolled through to where the movies were.
His brother watched this service more than he did, evident in how busy his profile was in comparison to Lan Zhan's.
"Well, since we have all weekend, do you- have you ever seen Fullmetal Alchemist? It isn't a movie, but it's really good. It's an anime. I figure your uncle didn't even let you watch those at home..."
Lan Zhan blinked at Wei Ying, clearly in the dark about what Fullmetal Alchemist was. "I think I saw that," he said as he flicked through a couple titles until he did land squarely on the television series in question. "Is this it?" He asked, glancing over at Wei Ying.
"You saw it as in you've watched it?" Wei Ying asked, but he nodded. "Yeah- that's the one. It's quite a smart anime, it's all about alchemy. And there's a bigger plot about saving the world and stuff, most of the stakes are generally pretty high."
The trailer started playing as it was selected, Roy Mustang clicking his fingers and fire whirling out towards a busty woman in green.
Lan Zhan lifted an eyebrow at the trailer especially as fire whirled out towards a busty woman in green. "I have seen it while looking for other things to watch, but I've never watched it."
"It looks interesting."
"That's Lust," Wei Ying said, gesturing to the woman. "She's a bad guy. But- hang on-" He took the remote and pressed play, immediately pausing it and settling on the sofa beside Lan Zhan properly.
He looked at his friend, tugged on the collar of his shirt. "You said you had something to show me."
Oh. Lan Zhan had hoped that Wei Ying had forgotten about that but clearly he had not. He should have known better, really.
"It's not important," he attempted to diminish but a further tug on his collar was evidence enough that despite what he said Wei Ying was not going to let it go. "Fine, fine."
Lan Zhan shifted forward until he was able to pull his arms out of his shirt, exposing his chest and back, his chest had a mark on the left side in the shape of a brand and his back had lattices of scar tissue.
"These are what I wanted to show you."
"What the fuck," Wei Ying managed, slipping into English in his surprise. He reached out, fingers brushing over the lattice of scars across Lan Zhan's back, concern coloring his features immediately. "What the fuck happened? Do they hurt?"
He leaned around to look at the brand on Lan Zhan's chest and swallowed, knowing that his own was similar, surprisingly so, and in the same place. Had they gotten them at the same time in the dreams?
"No, but given the way that they've scarred it suggests that they're old injuries." Lan Zhan shivered a little under the brush of Wei Ying's fingers as they touched the marks. "Which might mean I have yet to experience the event that caused them."
He watched the movement of Wei Ying's throat and narrowed his eyes.
"Wei Ying?"
"And these are from when I fell?" Wei Ying asked, brows furrowing slightly, letting his fingers move over the scar tissue. "But we were so young..."
He looked distressed, trying to work out what the correlation was between his own scarring and Lan Zhan's. His own body had become a patchwork of damage, too, lashes of lightning across his back that curled over his shoulder, a scar low on his belly that looked as though it had healed poorly, a brand on his chest, above his heart.
"It must have hurt so much..."
"Mm," Lan Zhan said with a nod. "They appeared after you fell. After the person in my dream returned to Cloud Recesses." Punishment for actions taken at the Burial Mounds.
He turned his head to regard Wei Ying through a few strands of dark hair. "Have you experienced any physical manifestations from the dreams?" He figured that being direct was the best way as he knew Wei Ying didn't volunteer answers.
Wei Ying flinched a little at the directness of the question and realized there was no way that he would be able to get around not answering, so he just nodded his head. "I have."
He tugged off his hoodie, and then tugged the collar of his t-shirt down to reveal a brand mark in the same shape as the one on Lan Zhan's chest. His, however, looked redder, less healed than its counterpart in the same place. As though it was only a year or two old, instead of old enough that it had sunk into the skin.
Lan Zhan's brow immediately knitted together as Wei Ying revealed to him that he also had a mark that was the exact same as the one on his own chest though Wei Ying's looked less... old. Fresher.
Without thinking, he reached out to lightly touch the skin near to the mark, concern written into every hard angular plane of his face. "That looks much more painful, Wei Ying."
Wei Ying absolutely did not suck a breath in when Lan Zhan's fingers touched his chest. That is not what happened in the slightest. If his breath caught it was because he was thinking about food.
"It doesn't hurt," he said, trying to reassure Lan Zhan. And it did not. The skin was a little sensitive, so when fingers brushed over it again he swallowed. "It probably did when it happened? I think it's maybe a year old? It can't be much more than two years old, as an injury. But it was deep, it looks maybe deeper than the one on your chest but- But yours looks to be more healed. I wonder how we get these."
Lan Zhan frowned. "I do not know, but I am sure that we will find out. These dreams do not show any signs of stopping." He had dreamt the first one over and over and he was certain that there would be more coming.
He pulled his shirt back on and leaned back into the pillows of the couch, head turning to look at Wei Ying. "We must be sure that we communicate about these dreams, Wei Ying."
"And when you say communicate..." Wei Ying asked, the words dragging out slightly. "You mean... You tell me what you're dreaming about and I tell you if I've dreamed it too?"
He shifted, guilty.
"I- um. I have a few more scars."
The look on Lan Zhan's face said everything and he arched an eyebrow, waiting.
Wei Ying waved a hand, "Surely you don't want to see them, Lan Zhan?" He took a breath, wiggled his eyebrows in a way he thought would put him off. "If you want to undress me, ZhanZhan, all you have to do is ask."
"Do not joke with me right now, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said in a tone that brokered no room for argument. "You have already omitted the truth about the fact you were dreaming and now is no time to be keeping important things from one another."
"Who says I'm joking? Er-gege, you just have to ask if you want me to strip."
Wei Ying wet his lower lip. "It- They aren't as interesting as yours, I think," he protested, but he did sit forward and hitch his shirt up. His own back was a lattice of scars too, but they spread out like spiderwebs, like he had been struck by weaponized lightning.
Upon sighting of the scarring Lan Zhan moved closer and gently ran his thumb along the spider webbing that covered Wei Ying's back. He cursed faintly in Mandarin and shook his head. "I beg to differ, Wei Ying. These look- Well, they look as though you have been struck by lightning on a number of occasions."
"I cannot help but wonder who or what did this to you."
Wei Ying waved a hand, breath catching slightly at the touch of fingers against his back. "Well, I wonder who it was that whipped you hard enough to leave such scarring," he retorted quietly. "But I don't know.
"There are some others too, a few bite marks? And I- uh- there's one on my stomach, too."
"Bite marks?" Lan Zhan asked, wondering what exactly had bitten Wei Ying hard enough to leave behind marks. He was then distracted by the mention of a mark on Wei Ying's stomach. "What mark is on your stomach?"
So many marks, so many scars, it really did conjure up more questions than answers.
"It looks like... a surgical scar?"
Wei Ying leaned back, then, dropping the back of his shirt and lifting the top, revealing what looked like a poorly healed, sutured scar along his abdomen. It was pink, a year old at most, and looked as though it had been split open before it had a chance to heal properly.
"Also, they look like dog bites. I know what they look like already, I had a few of my own." He gave a rueful smile, "I'm definitely off your list now," he added, softly. "I don't meet some of the basic criteria."
"Don't say that," Lan Zhan admonished and though soft there was heat in his voice which was evidence of the fact he did not hold true to the fact that physical beauty was only as good as long as there were no marks. "Scars tell a story, Wei Ying. They are also evidence that you have been through something and come away from it stronger than before."
He trailed the tips of his fingers along the scar which ran along Wei Ying's stomach, frowning as it was over the placement that he knew was the exact point that the Golden Core which was the root of all the spiritual power from the dreams.
"You have very clearly been through a lot in your dreams."
"Says you," Wei Ying muttered, with an audible tremble to his voice, affected by the touch against his stomach. "It- It looks like we've both gone through the wringer."
Lan Zhan smoothed his fingers out until the flat of his palm was laid against the scar and his thumb gently brushed the edges. "It does appear that way," he agreed, head turning to look at Wei Ying.
"Let us promise one another that we will not allow the other to go through any of this alone."
"Okay, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying breathed, reaching down and covering the hand that was spread on his stomach. His heart felt like a rabbit, running under his chest. "Okay, we won't. We won't go through this alone. Neither of us."