InsaneJournal

You try to open your hands just a little, and it's too soon.
Who: Cameron and Iroh
What: Cameron dreams of electric sheep, goes for a walk, and runs into an old tea man
When: Monday morning
Where: Places
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
Warnings: Season 1 eps 1-4 spoilers for The Sarah Connor Chronicles


Cameron had dreamt more. They'd jumped from 1999 to 2007. Eight years had passed in an eyeblink, and she'd been expecting it. She hadn't batted an eye. She'd killed, because a man was lying. To protect John. She'd pushed Sarah to kill, to protect the future. A future that was already written. She'd been even more awkward than in her real life.

It all seemed normal to Cameron. She woke up feeling cold. In her body, and in her heart. She woke up crying. Because she knew she couldn't tell anyone about these dreams. Because she'd already said too much.

"Do you have any idea what’s going on? I lost him, I lost John."

"I understand."

"It’s impossible for you to understand."

"Without John, your life has no purpose. "

He wasn't her John. Not yet. He would become her John, she was sure of this. In time, with experience, with heartache and loss and understanding he would become her John. And John had seemed certain she would change too. She hadn't understood that. She couldn't change. Her programming wouldn't allow it.

"I can't believe I let him talk me into this. You try to open your hands just a little, and it's too soon."

"Is it? The world ends in four years."

Cameron hugged herself, her own words ringing through her head. She watched Polly, and she didn't sleep. She left early in the morning, and walked. She kept walking until she didn't know where she was.

She'd stopped walking nearby a set of gardens, ones that seemed to be well maintained even in the fall months. On a bench sat an older man, who was taking in the sights. He glanced in her direction, recognizing a lost soul.

It was easy to recognize those, he had so many of them in his life to look after already. The man waved her over, motioning to the bench next to her, "If you don't mind me saying so, you look like you could use some direction, young lady."

"My direction is clear," She said, coming over and taking a seat. "Or...I think it's clear. It was clearer before." Cameron wrapped her arms around herself, her stomach churning. How could a dream feel so real? Is the world really going to end in four years?

Could she really kill a man?

"Often when we think things are the clearest, that is when things could be furthest from the truth," Iroh answered. It was unclear if he was speaking from personal experience, or just simply wise. He had a sadness in his eyes that indicated it might be the former.

"Why were they clearer before?"

"When I woke up, I knew what my purpose in life was." In the dreams, it had been to protect John. That was her purpose. Her reason for being. She would have killed Sarah if it meant John would live, except she thought that the best way to protect him was to protect her. Sarah was a weakness.

"But it's..kind of faded now."

"You have been having the dreams, I see. Many of the people in my family have been plagued by these dreams. They have an uncomfortable way of making you question yourself. Who you really are, what your real purpose is. Questioning one's place in life is important, but in the case of these dreams..."

Iroh trailed off and rubbed at his beard a bit, then shook his head, "There are several planes of existence, but it is important to remember that while they effect each other, you are the one that is in control of how much."

“What if there’s something true about them? I had purpose, but I’m not sure that I like who I am. I like the purpose.” Protecting John. It was a good purpose. An important one. But she wasn’t a killer, she wasn’t metal.

"There is a small grain of truth in all things. Some of the wisest of men have spent their entire life searching for such a thing. These dreams show us other sides of ourselves in different lifetimes. What you do with that knowledge is your own, but they do not need to be 100% of your life, here."

Iroh patted her shoulder, "And you do not need to embrace these dreams to have a purpose. Your purpose is your own to decide. Allow them to guide you, but in the end, make your own choice."

"What if.." Cameron started, then stopped. It was insane, and why would she even tell this man such a thing. Such a personal private thing? She changed the subject, "Do you like music? I play the cello."

Ignoring the fact that she hadn't finished her first sentence, he replied gently, "When the time comes to decide, you will know."

Noting the change in subject, he leaned back against the bench and rubbed at his beard again, "I used to play the french horn, but that was practically another life ago. I enjoy music, especially classical. Playing the cello is noble calling! The instrument has a great amount of soul to it."

She hoped there'd be a decision to make. She also knew that if it came between her own needs and John's, she'd choose his needs.

"I know. It makes me feel alive. When I need to express myself, I play. I'm much better at it than drawing." She grinned, "I'm in an orchestra!"

"Music is a wonderful form of self-expression," Iroh agreed. He glanced at her again, and grinned, "You are in an orchestra! This is good news. I would greatly like to hear your orchestra play sometime. Is there a concert coming up?"

"Yes!" She wasn't lead cello, she was too new, but she'd impressed them enough to actually get a seat, "I haven't told my family yet. I got distracted."

The dreams, Glimmer and other things..

"You really want to hear us?"

"It would be an honor to hear you play. Please, let me know where I can go to acquire some tickets to the performance." Iroh smiled.

Cameron gave him the address. She didn't have any free tickets to give(she had just the two for Sarah and John), unfortunately, but at least he knew where to go if he really wanted to spend the money.

"I'm Cameron."

He would never have asked for free tickets, anyway. The best way to support the arts was to actually give the arts some money, so that artists could support themselves. He took the address and put it into his phone, nodding a bit, "Thank you. I am Iroh. Some call me Uncle Iroh. You may, if you wish. It is a pleasure to meet you, Cameron."

"Uncle Iroh," Cameron repeated. It had a nice ring to it. robotically Politely "Thank you for your time."

She stood, feeling much better about herself and her situation, "Are you a gardner?"

"I am many things, but I do not garden professionally. I maintain my own garden, over at the Jasmine Dragon Tea House. Mainly, I am a purveyor of teas and enjoy creating new blends on my own. We have over 100 varietals at the House." Iroh smiled, then fished around in his wide sleeves and pulled out a business card.

He rose from his bench and handed it to her, "I was waiting here, feeling that there was some reason why I should. I believe I was meant to speak to you today. Here. Take this, and come to my Tea House sometime. I will pour you a free cup, and we can talk again."

Cameron found his sleeves utterly fascinating, and she wanted to stare, but staring wasn't polite. Instead she took the card with a smile, "My mother says that we can choose our fates."

"Your mother is a wise woman." Iroh intoned, with a smile. He bowed to her a bit, as a way of saying goodbye, and then motioned to the bus that was rolling to a stop nearby, "I believe I will be getting on that bus. I have always wondered what other places it stopped at."

"Anaheim," Cameron said, looking at the LED sign on the front of the bus. She was always good at ruining mystery. Then, waving, she walked off, thinking of tea, and fate.

"Ah. Anaheim." Iroh tilted his head to the side thoughtfully, then shrugged a shoulder and got onto the bus anyway.