Who: Damon and Alex What: Talking mostly Where: The House Rating: They are their own rating but let’s say PG 13 for angst, language, sex references, and blood Status: Complete on Posting
Alex…
Damon wondered if Alex felt that something was different. Damon wasn’t really avoiding him, he had his business and the OC had been crazy lately. He could use that excuse all day long. It was the smell that drove the current wedge pretty deep. Since then, Damon had been scarce. Thomas wouldn’t have felt it, as Damon was still present, and Damon wouldn’t discuss it, blaming the tension on the job. He simply had left it at that.
Now something happened. Damon wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. Alex missed the attention. He knew the signs well enough, and he’d always been too willing to provide it.
Until now. He was disappointed, and not surprised. Now he simply waited.
****
Alex wasn’t stupid.
Sometimes, he acted like he was, but he wasn’t. He didn’t want to talk about it either. He just wanted to ignore that wedge, but the second Damon had said anything to him, Alex had felt an excited tumble in his gut. That tumble was accompanied by the sharp pang of guilt he was carrying around.
But that didn’t stop him from going to Damon.
When he saw Damon, every molecule in his body lit up. He could scarcely catch his own breath from being in Damon’s presence.
Instead of beating around the proverbial bush, Alex went directly to Damon, his fingers hooking at the man’s belt loops. He pulled the man close, completely flush against his own body. If Thomas walked in just then, who knew what Thomas would think or say? But Alex just couldn’t help it. Whatever Damon needed to say or do to him, Alex was here for it.
*** Heightened senses could be useful at times, and a huge drawback at others. He could filter sounds pretty easily so they didn’t drive him crazy. Ticking clocks fell away unless he chose to focus on them. Smell was harder to kill unless one really tried, but smells were like fingerprints and left traces. Take four showers, and douse into enough cologne to cover and maybe it wouldn’t matter. Not that he had a right to be mad. He didn’t. He didn’t own Alex. Alex didn’t have to consider him at all. They weren’t a couple, only exes at best. Too bad that logic never really played a role in their lives, and a bitter river never really dries up.
Damon recoiled, didn’t stay and vibe check ignoring the normal effects on his body and the tug in his heart. He was hurt and angry, so he let go and walked to the kitchen, taking down two glasses and a bottle.
***
Since it had happened, Alex had taken at least ten showers and had taken a few before he’d even come back home. Was Leon still lingering on him? That had been the point of doing it in the first place, so that Leon would stop lingering on Alex’s heart. That much had worked. It had lessened Alex’s anger and jealousy when Leon had told him about D. They’d had that and they always would and Alex thought that it had been worth it.
Besides, it wasn’t as if Alex and Damon were together. Damon was with Thomas now and Alex had given Damon something he’d never thought he would. Alex loved Damon, despite anything Damon thought and now there was that wedge again. Alex didn’t want to fight it.
“Fine,” he said. “If you won’t talk to me, I’m just going to follow you and be in your space until you at least scream at me.”
Before, Alex might have walked away and went to pack. Not anymore. Things were different now. Damon could be mad at him, but he was not going to get rid of Alex that easily. Damon could even hit him, choke him, hurt him and Alex wasn’t so sure he’d care. It would hurt, but Alex was different now. Everyone hurt him and he hurt everyone. So Alex moved to Damon again, forcing the man to be in the same space as him. He stole Damon’s bottle of wine and downed a couple of swallows himself.
*** Alex knew Damon well enough to see the lines that Damon never crossed. Sometimes it was hard, especially when the vampire handled emotions as well as a five year old with no sleep and too much sugar. He’d never hurt Alex. Never. He could be angry and raging and he’d still step in front of a bullet for him. He’d never tell him to leave, at least not permanently. As long as those things didn’t change, they were what they were. He could glower, and growl, and not talk, but those things anchored them.
He took his bottle back. Icy blue eyes shifted from initial hurt to something hollow. It was a strange conversation without speaking. He and Alex would never have been … something. He never would have been first. Never. He was selfish, which seemed a recurrent thing even in dreams.
“Gonna let me heal your leg?” He took the bottle back and returned to the living room. ***
“No,” Alex said, turning to watch Damon go toward the living room.
He sighed. This was going to get old pretty quick, trying to chase down Damon like a damn puppy. “I want you to fucking stop and look at me for more than three seconds.” Alex followed him, slowing on his crutches which, admittedly, were becoming more of a nuisance than a help. But he didn’t want Damon to angrily heal his leg. What he wanted was for Damon to stop so he didn’t have to crutch his way over to him all the time. If that something Damon was doing to punish him, fine. It was at least better than Damon not talking to him at all.
*** “Why not? Hobbling on crutches is so much fun.” He rolled his eyes, very aware of Alex following. Maybe he shouldn’t on principle. The inconvenience made for awkward positions.
He did stop when he hit the sofa. He poured a drink from the reclaimed bottle. “What do you want to talk about then?” There was a lot he could say, but he really should try to control it before he tore Alex apart. It wouldn’t change anything at all, nor would it bring back what he lost over the past month, which was complicated to explain.
***
“Oh, I don’t know,” Alex said, still standing. Sitting was too much of a pain and he had a feeling that he’d not be sitting for long.
“How about the fact that you’ve been fucking avoiding me for weeks now and I know why,” he suggested. If he was torn apart, he was torn apart. What else was new? “How about you tell me if you still even want me here or if you’d rather I leave.”
That would at least be something. Then he’d have an answer as to whether or not he should even come round and he wouldn’t have to look at Damon or the rest of the OC anymore. If he left Damon’s place, he’d just leave town. There wasn’t anything left for him here anyway. Nothing but the return of his Dreams lately and his own shit.
*** “If I wanted you to leave, I would have told you that already,” he said, waving off the theatrics. “You went and fucked him and he still didn’t choose you, because he’ll never fucking choose you. That’s so much better. You really showed him. Is that what you wanted to prove to him or to yourself? If there were three men left on Earth, he’d fuck you and pick the other guy every fucking time.”
So could Damon if that was what he wanted. Maybe. He’d used enough people before this. It was strange how this situation could have happened to him as well except that he ended it. It was hard, but he was done. “Doesn’t matter though, does it?”
***
Talk about theatrics.
Alex couldn’t help it. He laughed.
“God, is that what you think?” he asked through his laugh. “Do you really think I did it because I wanted him back? Don’t be so fucking thick, Damon. I did it because I wanted to fuck him one last time, because I was choosing someone and I can’t very well fuck you, can I? What do you want me to do? Become a monk so I don’t upset you?”
But Damon was right about one thing and it had Alex pushing his hair away from his face uncomfortably. He pulled his hair band from his pocket and pulled his hair back into a small bun with it, letting out a breath between his lips.
“No, it doesn’t matter,” Alex answered. “Because Billy doesn’t want me. I still would have done it, though. Not because I want Leon back or because I have delusions about him. So if you want to hurt me, you can go ahead and do that, but I fucking love you, and I’d choose you now, every time. But I can’t now and I know that’s my own fault so you can point that out, too.”
*** That was the hook though. This was what they did.
“How the fuck are you chosing - ANYTHING with THAT?” His teeth bared for a minute and the fangs poked themselves through the way he did when he was angry.
“That’s bullshit. You don’t need one last time, and for what? It doesn’t solve anything.” He took a breath and glared. Alex would likely find this better than the dead reaction, and was pretty sure he had been poking for it.
“If we were getting back together, would you have done that thing? And for what? Because that would make sure that I never touched you again.” Ugh, the hypotheticals were a lot to take and he hated them. He hated this, but here they were.
***
This was much preferred than Damon’s silence, and maybe there’d been a part of Alex that had wanted to see Damon as jealous as Alex was about everything. He didn’t know and he didn’t want to look at and have to examine that part of him that would do that.
“No,” Alex answered. “Not if it were you.”
It hadn’t been Damon, though. It had been someone else, and Alex may have done stupid things, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that Billy was like a band-aid. In the end, Billy had done himself a favor by ghosting Alex. Alex’s heart was with the man in front of him. Had there been any chance he and Damon would ever get back together, he wouldn’t have done it, but there was no convincing Damon of anything.
In some ways, Damon hating him or being disgusted by him was better than nothing. It at least proved that Damon had cared once.
“I’m here,” he told Damon, not looking away, not even when Damon’s face was just like daggers to the gut. “I’d let you drain me if that’s what you wanted. I can’t take away things I’ve done and I can’t say that I’m sorry for them, but you can take whatever you want. You can tear me down until there’s nothing left and I’ll still be yours and I’ll still hate myself until I’m finally gone. So keep going, Damon. You can’t possibly disdain me any more than I already do.”
*** This was just what they did, and likely they both knew it was out of that pure frustration at not being able to do anything about it. They couldn’t act on feelings, so they fought about them. They hurt each other out of jealousy, and as twisted as it was, that was the way those feelings vented so they didn’t explode.
If he didn’t care, it wouldn’t matter at all. He wouldn’t have been silent and he wouldn’t have spit a single word of disgust. Some days he wanted to split himself in two.
He took a drink instead because that was something he could do.
“Still doesn’t make sense. Why? Not like you thought about me, and you don’t even know what I feel. Tell me why?” He looked up finally, but not with icy dagger. “You don’t have to hate yourself.”
***
“Well, I do.”
And that reason enough? That he hated himself and just didn’t care what self destructive behavior he displayed?
“No reason I give you will be anything you like or will even want to accept,” he pointed out. He’d already given Damon the reasons, but Damon hadn’t liked those reasons. He was still asking for more and Alex was out of reasons. He didn’t regret it so he wasn’t going to apologize for it. Had there been a chance with anything with Damon again, he wouldn’t have done it. But there was no chance with Damon so he’d done what he’d wanted to.
“You’re happy with Thomas,” he went on. “What I do doesn’t matter anymore.” He knew that wasn’t true so he sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry. It does matter. But he’s with D so none of that matters either. It wouldn’t matter even if he weren’t.”
*** “It matters to me. As much as it shouldn’t be true, I think of you as mine. I shouldn’t but I do. Being in love with two people is hard enough, and don’t think I don’t hate myself for it. One I can have and is actually good for me, and the other I want so bad and have no outlet for that. It matters. Everything you do matters to me.”
If that wasn’t complicated enough, they lived together - but if they didn’t live together, they’d find a way to go right back to what they did before they lived together. It was easier just to be here and get the fix so they didn’t snap and end up in bed, which they also both wanted. It was a precarious line, but he needed them both to balance, and when things were good, they were pretty right.
“I know you know all of this.” ***
That was enough.
It was all Alex needed to finally break his gaze from Damon’s as his shoulders hitched. He shook his head, no. No, he didn’t know that Damon was still in love with him. Of everything, he was desperate for Damon’s attention and acted out to get it sometimes. This hadn’t been for that attention, but maybe a small part of it had.
It was also the implication that Alex wasn’t good enough for him, even if Damon loved him.
Damon was right. Alex wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough for anyone. Leon would always choose D. Damon would always choose Thomas. Alex was like the consolation prize that no one wanted. Was it any wonder?
Now Alex suddenly felt that it was wrong for him to be there. He was only complicating things and that much, he did know. It didn’t matter that he’d done something for Damon he’d never thought he’d do. Nothing he did was good enough all he ever did was destructive.
Alex said nothing. For a few minutes, he stood there in silence, staring at a spot on the floor next to his stupid boot. Then he finally looked at Damon, utterly defeated. “Okay,” he said. “You win. I’ll go because at least it’ll take away that complication.” Because all Alex ever wanted to do was climb in bed between Damon and Thomas and be with them and that did no one any good. Most nights, he was gone, away at work or somewhere to escape that urge and let Damon and Thomas be with each other. “Tell me what else I can do.”
*** “What do I win? That isn’t winning, and I don’t want you to go anywhere because then what? You dip and I go between this place, then work, then sneaking off to see you so we can steal a few minutes back into that old habit. It doesn’t take away anything, and I want you here, so what you can do is stay.”
What did he say that caused this?
Honestly, he’d thought about a three way. It wasn’t conventional, but was that important? The problem was sharing. He was a greedy bastard and would want the center.
Alex was wrong about being the consolation prize. Alex had chosen Leon twice. Damon was the second option. He wasn’t fully sure that he would be first now, and that was its own problem.
He reached up for Alex’s hand. “You stay.” ***
Damon was first. Damon had always been first. Alex loved Leon, sure, but not the way he’d always loved Damon. Damon was the reflection of everything Alex was trying to avoid, the side of him that he’d been afraid to embrace, until he’d stopped being afraid. He hadn’t chosen Leon first. He’d chosen a life he’d thought was real and Damon had always been able to see right through that.
Damon didn’t understand that once Alex decided to leave, he’d leave the OC again. He didn’t want to be here. It was Damon he stayed for now and a promise he’d made not to go again. But if there was nothing left here for him, then he wasn’t going to stay. He’d come back for work, but that was all. Even living on the outskirts, he’d be able to forget the dreams that plagued him again and the pain of being around Damon and Thomas and being able to have neither would at least be duller.
As Damon’s hand reached, Alex didn’t know what to do. He stared at it. If he took it, he’d stay. If he didn’t, then what? Alex didn’t even want himself around. He was sure Damon didn’t really want it either, but there he went, thinking he understood Damon. He wanted to remove his own shirt and press the side of his neck against Damon’s lips. He wanted to feel something that wasn’t this. If they couldn’t fall into bed together, then he wanted at least that, but what good was that anyway? None of it was.
“Why?” he asked, his throat dry. “We sneak anyway. I’m not a pet. I’m just a….thing that lives here and pretends I belong when I don’t. I don’t belong as a wedge in your relationship that’s actually good for you.” As he spoke, he couldn’t stop tears and he swiped at them angrily, feeling embarrassed. “There’s no good reason for me to stay in the OC.”
*** “You do belong, and I’m happier when you are here. You aren’t a wedge between us, and if you were, you wouldn’t have been here in the first place. You told me you would.” Damon wasn’t beyond using that, but it should be without question. “You don’t leave who you love.”
He thought about something, a trick really, that he swore he wouldn’t use on anyone he knew. He could effectively make the other man forget the entire conversation, and they could go back to the verbal sparring that they knew so well. That was better than this. “I shouldn’t have to convince you. You have friends, you have us, you have our absolutely awkward but cute family.” He stood and moved closer with the hand still reaching. He was still wrestling the internal debate. Maybe it was better that Alex didn’t know, even though he was quite sure it was obvious. He had just expected a different reaction, like maybe he agreed that they were fucked, but it was at least better to be fucked together.
“Why are you running?” ****
It was all the truth. Damon had a knack for it. If Damon erased it, that truth wouldn’t be voiced, but it would still be there, right under the surface.
He was running again. It was always Damon who made him stay.
You don’t leave who you love.
Damon didn’t need him. He could go and they’d be fine. They might even be happier without him there, but how could he leave? He’d do anything for Damon. Already, Alex had decided that he’d never date anyone again. He was never chosen anyway so why even take the rejection?
“I want to be good for you,” Alex said, still staring at that hand. Damon would have to touch him. Damon would have to initiate because Alex just felt like someone who wasn’t worthy of it.
*** Damon would have reminded him that he was chosen twice, but he wasn’t ready for that. They could be happy right now, and it wouldn’t be this conventional thing, but who wanted normal when you could have so much more. I chose you.
Alex could choose to leave, and in the past Damon had let him, but they were far past what they were then. Instead, it would last awhile maybe, and eventually the vampire would find him, or he would come home, but Damon would come. Alex wouldn’t be any happier out there somewhere. He’d be functioning.
He reached and took Alex’s hand. “Stay because it isn’t any better out there alone, but mostly stay for me.” ****
Mostly, Alex was already just functioning. He was numb. He walked around most of the time like a zombie, busying himself with work. Hours, sometimes days, of just working or studying or writing another song, but that writing had all but ceased. There was just nothing left of him but what Damon was seeing now. Damon was the only thing that really made him feel anything anymore, but he didn’t feel good around him either. He wasn’t happy.
But if Damon wanted him to stay, then that was what he’d do.
So Alex nodded. He’d stay and continue to be the same, only without some of the things he did, because it was too exhausting. It didn’t do him good or bad or anything else. It just hurt Damon and that wasn’t something Alex wanted to do. He stared down at their hands, but he didn’t know what to say or do.
“I have to be at work in an hour,” he mumbled, a hollow tone. There was no reason to say it, it was just there.
*** Damon pulled him over, into his arms and just held him there for a minute. He did want Alex to be happy and maybe it was him who was keeping him from it. He’d considered it once or twice. He could look into those green eyes and erase himself, or erase Leon too. Alex would be free and none the wiser for it until Damon died. At least that was how it worked in the dreams. The magic died with the vampire who created it. Damon would live with the memory.
But he also knew that he couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. In it’s own way it was cheating. Why create the memories and not keep them? That wasn’t his call to make either in this case. He’d made his choice, but Alex hadn’t.
“Look.” He tilted Alex’s head so their eyes met. “I did choose you. Twice. None of this is easy. You have a choice to make. I can take myself out of your life, like I never existed. I don’t want to, but if that’s easier and you want it, I can. A thumb brushed a tear away from green eyes. I can take away the last hour, or everything all at once.” It made him sad. In the dreams, Elena had her memories taken, or really adjusted. Damon was there, but he now had meant nothing to her. Every bit of the good that made them a couple was tampered with, and it was such a slap in the face that it affected them outside of the dreams.
To be offering it was a lot, but Alex deserved to be happy even if the vampire would be miserable.
***
This wasn’t even something Alex needed to think about. Immediately, he shook his head, no. To take Damon away would destroy Alex completely. Already, he was just a husk. He worked and sometimes was home. Home. No, Alex didn’t want to lose his home because of some lost memories. Even if they were taken away, something would always be missing. Big pieces of time and reasons why things were happening in Alex’s life.
That Damon was touching him was something of a shock. He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know if Damon wanted Alex to touch him back so Alex didn’t. He just shook his head again, emphatic, and adjusted his crutches. There was something like a crack inside of Alex that got worse every time he did something. It would break one day and was now barely hanging on under the strain of tonight, but Alex wasn’t completely broken. Not yet. He was still there and looking at Damon helped. At least Damon had finally talked to him, and Damon wanted him to stay. Why, Alex didn’t know. If it were him and he felt this way toward someone, he’d want them gone. Maybe. If it were Damon, maybe not, but Damon didn’t do those things to him.
*** “Tell me what you are thinking?” There were times when Alex could be a hard read. His whole reaction was confusing actually. Damon had told him something he thought was obvious, and nothing seemed to be any better. Or not reciprocated. Wasn’t it? Alex said he loved him, he chose him - was that not right? Why wouldn’t he want to stay?
Or to forget? That arrangement would involve some rearranging, not just removing the time. They would have met, but it would be different. The feelings would be gone, except for Damon, but he’d keep them away. If he was Alex, he wouldn’t choose it. Memories were sacred, and love, for however it ended was worth the time. That was Damon’s choice. Dream Elena’s was different, and Alex had his own to make.
“Why do you want to leave so much?” ***
“I don’t,” Alex said.
He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to forget.
It wasn’t what he himself wanted. Leaving was something he thought that Damon wanted, but Damon was telling him to stay so he’d been wrong. Whatever Damon wanted, Alex would do, but he didn’t want to forget.
“I want to be with you,” he explained. “But I can’t.” And it had all been his own fault. Was it any wonder Alex was filled with self loathing? Or that he was rarely seen around the house? Being here tonight had just been because he had nowhere else to be and his leg hurt. Plus he’d perked up when Damon had said something to him on the journal.
“I don’t want you to take it away,” he went on. “I’d rather live every day being able to look at you than forget anything.” Everything they’d ever been through, the bad and the good. “You’re always the only one who’s here, even when you hate me.”
*** “I’ve never hated you. Not the way you hated me.” He raised an eyebrow. “I distinctly remember you telling your friends to keep me away from the show you were doing, after asking me to be there. He was teasing him a little bit. “I might not like what you do, and I might think you hurt yourself more than anyone else, but I’ve always been there.”
He took a breath. “This last thing.” Perhaps he shouldn’t talk about it but what the hell, right? Here they were. “That’s like putting knives in my chest. You say you would pick me but you always go back to that, cause he’d never pick you back, which makes no sense when you put them together with the fact that you know how much I loathe that guy. I’m pretty sure that feeling is mutual.”
He kissed his forehead softly. “We don’t exactly have nothing. I like you here. You have a piece of me that is yours alone. I know I’m selfish for keeping it, but I will as long as I can.”
He looked into his eyes again. “Let me fix your leg.” ***
Sometimes Alex wondered if Damon listened to him or if he just picked and chose what he heard and interpreted it however he wanted to. Had Alex not just said that he hadn’t done it to be picked? It had happened. It wasn’t to get back together with Leon.
Alex rolled his eyes, but understood that it hurt that he’d done it in the first place. It hadn’t hurt Alex. He’d wanted to do it, he’d just wanted that last time. It was that simple. Damon wanted the understanding, but Alex often wondered just how much Damon understood.
But he said none of it.
“Fuck my leg,” he said. He didn’t care about having it fixed. “Be selfish and keep every part of me you want.” Some cord between them had snapped tonight and Alex didn’t like it. A kiss on the forehead, too friendly to be anything else and that made Alex’s guts twist. Damon was getting over him. It still confused Alex why Damon wanted to keep him around. It was as if Damon just wanted him here as some power move.
“I have to go get ready for work,” he stated, then crutched away from Damon. Before he left the room, Alex paused and looked back over at Damon. “It won’t happen again,” he promised. It was over between him and Leon. It had been over for a long time. Their last time together had been good, but it had still been over. Both their hearts were somewhere else. The trouble was, D and Leon would probably be together forever, and Alex was just reaping everything he’d sewn.
*** If Damon knew what he thought, Alex would be wrong. The tether that broke just tied itself in a different place, the way they always did. Hadn’t he just said he was in love with two people? He wasn’t over it. No matter Alex’s reasons for Leon didn’t make it any easier for Damon, even if he didn’t have a right to feel anything at all. Because of those tethers, Damon couldn’t see it another way, just as Alex didn’t see it as hurting Damon.
But if Damon truly wanted something gone, he’d make it happen. He wasn’t, and he didn’t. It wasn’t power, it was a stubborn heart that wouldn’t break that tether. Even if Alex had chosen to rearrange the memories, Damon’s ties would have remained.
“Let me do it. It will only take a minute, and you can not wobble around tonight, and because it’s something I can do.” It was important to him in a way that he couldn’t explain, maybe a replacement for what he wanted to do, and because he was far from over it. ***
Alex sighed.
“Okay,” he said, then moved to a chair to flop down, letting off a sound of relief. His leg was throbbing from having been standing for so long and he could admit he wanted it to stop, if only a little. That and it seemed important to Damon to do it so Alex wasn’t going to argue. He was tired of arguing. To him, it didn’t matter that Damon loved him. Leon loved him, too, but Leon had moved on entirely and so had Alex. Damon was moving on, too, and soon, Alex would be left in the dust. He knew it, it was just a matter of time.
Even though Alex was staying, he’d be around even less. He’d find other things to do and other places to be.
*** If I could fly~
That was too dangerous of a topic. He was on an ledge that Alex didn’t realize, and maybe it was better that way. It mattered. If Alex stayed gone too long, Damon would sit there at the clinic until that connection clicked again.
They had this. It was better than nothing. “You don’t have to take much at all. Just lick and swallow.” He smiled at the joke which wasn’t really an intended one. He bit into his own wrist, bringing drops of blood to the surface offering it up when there was enough. “You won’t become a vampire. It takes more than that.” He’d taken care of Thomas’ injuries in the same way although that required a lot more. ***
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Alex mumbled, but he didn’t argue either. It had been his plan to allow Damon to take from him again. He’d liked it. It was something. Not even close to enough, but something.
The joke earned a huff that feigned annoyance, but the brief glimmer in Alex’s eyes said that he was at least momentarily happy that Damon had even made a joke, even a bad one. “I always swallow,” he joked back then closed his lips over the open wound on Damon’s wrist. He closed his eyes and did give it a lick, his hand cradling the man’s arm.
It wasn’t as he’d thought. Not delicious or anything, but not unpleasant. It was more the something, the giving that Damon was doing. Alex didn’t take much. He stopped after a few seconds, leaning back in his chair to allow Damon’s blood to work through his own veins. Parts of him that ached eased and he thought he could sleep if he didn’t need to be at work. Then the pain in his leg began to subside. The throbbing slowly began to cease and Alex let out a breath of relief.
*** “I know,” he teased lightly. “Every time.”
He leaned against Alex while the blood did the work and his own dried up. He knew blood to a human was different than it was to a vampire. It was the tangy metallic taste that one got from being hit in the mouth, not very good, not very bad. It was effective, the same way Alex’s was on Damon. It didn’t take much, and the effect took hold. “The only stipulation is that you can’t die in the next 24 hours. Be careful.” He stroked the dark curls on his head. “I miss you,” whispered in his ear so very lightly that it could be easily missed.
He stayed as long as it took. Ten minutes. It was likely over in five, and the next five were just his. “Now stretch it out and see,” he said at last, moving to remove the boot.
***
“I miss you,” Alex whispered back, his eyes still closed. That he could be decapitated and not die in the next 24 hours went ignored as he intended to keep his head right where it belonged. Somewhat. The vampire blood working through him, the vampire he loved, was enough to make him want to lose his head.
Abruptly, his fingers were in Damon’s hair, curling into hair and he turned, his tongue rolling over Damon’s ear. Whatever. Stretch it out. He didn’t care. He didn’t let Damon go the entire time they sat there that way.
The only part of Damon he allowed to move was Damon’s hand. He let the boot slide from his leg. It wasn’t completely healed, but it would be bearable to wear in a big shoe and not have to crutch around the house like an invalid. Not that Alex cared. “I’ll wait,” he said against Damon’s ear. “If you ever want the both of us, I’ll be the best for you both,” he promised. “Say the word. I’ll wait for it.” And if it never came, which he was sure it wouldn’t, then Alex would just stay as he was. Sometimes he’d meet someone on Tindr or Grindr, but that was all. Alex wanted nothing else.
*** Alex didn’t quite understand the no death rule. If he died, he would come back as a vampire. Decapitation was the exception, as was heart removal, or a white oak stake, and he doubted any of them would happen. The rest would turn him. While Damon wasn’t opposed, that had to be a well thought out choice and not a rash decision.
“Okay,” he said about the other, and he didn’t dismiss it. In fact - there was a huge chunk that wanted to get them all together and have that real talk, and see if they could make it work. If they could get past jealousy, and possessiveness … could they all be happy?
His free hand slipped down to the soft skin of his neck, teasing it. He could feel the light thrum of pulse ever so slight. He’d take a taste if offered. ***
Strangely, Alex experienced no jealousy when it came to Thomas. He was genuinely happy for them and he adored Thomas. That didn’t mean his Damon wouldn’t be jealous, though.
Alex let out a prolonged breath and smiled, even showing teeth as he did, a deep dimple forming in both cheeks. Without hesitation, he drew the collar of his shirt aside, having to unbuttong the top buttons for it to stay.
“Anything you want,” he whispered, his expression indicating he wanted it, too.
*** Damon was the real wild card. Thomas was a free spirit, Alex would thrive. It was Damon, his insecurities that both the men he adored would end up liking each other more, and the possessiveness that came from too many losses. How did he even broach the conversation?
He took the offered vein with a happy hum. While a human might not like it, this was a vampire’s craving, and when you loved the one who gave up the offering, that rush was never disappointing for either. It would make Alex only slightly dizzy, as much as giving blood would, and it wouldn’t make him very weak with Damon’s blood riding shotgun as a balance. His teeth were gentle, his mouth was gentle and his hand, sliding over a stubbled jaw was gentle.