Lily Evans (aimed_curse) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2020-08-29 14:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | lily evans, sirius black |
Who: Lily Evans and Sirius Black
What: Lily finds out what happens down the road in her dreams
When: Recently
Where: Sirius' place
Rating/Warnings: Talk of canon death, alcohol use, language
Status: Complete when posted
Lily had been trying her damnedest to be patient and wait for Sirius or Amycus to decide they were ready to fill in the gaps that Andromeda and her photo album hadn’t been able to. She knew she and James were going to have a son there and that she didn’t get to raise him (fucking Petunia did - not a decision Lily was going to repeat here no matter what). But what she didn’t know was how much time she would get or even how it would happen and she didn’t want to keep dreaming with the question of how looming over her head. She needed answers and she was tired of waiting for the two men who had them to decide they were ready to share them. No she was going to have to go and convince Sirius to tell her and that might mean not playing especially nice.
She’d arranged the night off from the Clinic, no parties for the weekend and because it was summer no classes or assignments to worry about. No distractions for either of them to use to get out of the conversation as she drove over to his job, fingers clenching and unclenching on the steering wheel as she sat for a moment after parking outside of it before climbing out of the car and readjusting her tank top so her bra straps were covered. He’d seen her in nothing but a towel true but that had been by accident.
“Sirius! You’ve got company!” She called out as she entered the garage bay.
***
As the universe would have it, Sirius Black’s head was currently halfway into his dryer as he was reaching to remove the last pair of his underwear from it. It was his own turn to be in a towel, fresh out of an evening shower. Never mind that a) Sirius kept his clean laundry in the dryer out of convenience and b) he could have just used magic to do this.
Instead, as soon as he heard Evans, it startled him enough that he bonked his head on the dryer opening and unleashed a line of swear words only found within some ancient Shakespearean language. Along with “Buggering cuntragging pisshole”, there were unknowns. Sirius stood and held the back of his head, his underwear in his free hand. He stared over at Evans and, finally satisfied at the end of his swearing tirade, said, “What in the seven bloody gutting hells are you doing scaring the piss out of me like that?”
***
Lily didn’t even try to hide the laugh at that string of cussing from him as she moved over to him. “Move your hand so I can make sure you aren’t bleeding.” She reached out to one her fingers lightly over the back of his head, satisfied when she didn’t see any blood on her fingertips. “Lucky you - you shouldn’t lose any brain cells through leaking,” she couldn’t help but tease him a little as she moved away, hopping up to sit on his washer. “Fair turn after your last visit to my flat.” He was wearing as much as she had been at the start of that visit after all. And she was trying not to let herself look at his tattoos and muscles. Manners or something like that. And his connection to her ex.
***
These days, there was a vibe between them, like they shouldn’t be left alone in the same room for more than half an hour. For Sirius, this was bad news as he wouldn’t, under any circumstances, do anything to betray his best friend. That didn’t mean he didn’t like it when Evans threw him a sneaky glance or touched him a few seconds too long. It just meant he wouldn’t do anything about it.
“What are you doing here?” he asked again. That he was feeling largely what Evans must have when he’d barged in on her didn’t matter to him. He continued to rub at his head as he yanked his shorts out of the dryer, only dropping the hand to pull the shorts on underneath his towel, doing his best not to flash Evans with anything, but also not caring.
***
Lily was trying to ignore the tension that always seemed to be building up between her and Sirius when they were alone together. Sometimes it was easier than others. And if he ever did crash at her place it would probably be even harder for her. But she wasn’t going to tell him he couldn’t or take back the key she’d given him. It made her feel better in a weird way that if she needed he could get in without using his magic. She looked away as he pulled on his shorts, not letting herself steal a glance.
“I got tired of waiting for you and Amycus to decide to tell me what’s going to happen to me in the Dreams.” She looked back at him, face serious. Holding up one hand to stop any objections or arguments he might have. “Look - I get it. You two have reasons or whatever but...it’s my life there Sirius. I’ve tried to be patient but I don’t want to be surprised. I know that I have a son there eventually. And that Petunia raises him because of Andromeda’s scrapbook. But that’s all I know. I deserve to have those blanks filled in.”
***
Sirius paused, his face growing pale. He closed the dryer and pitched his towel into the wash, then pushed his hair back.
She was right. Amycus had been right, too, but it wasn’t for Amycus to tell. Amycus had barely even been on Sirius’ radar in his Dreams so him telling Evans what had happened was not on.
“Fine,” he sighed. “Come on.”
He needed a drink and so did she. Sirius opened the door that led from the garage into the kitchen and stepped through to make both of them simple Vodka and Sprites (mostly Vodka).
***
Lily slid off the dryer to follow him into the kitchen, surprised that he’d agreed so easily. She’d expected to have to try harder to convince him. Not that she was going to complain about it. Fighting with Sirius never went well as far as she was concerned. It was generally easier to just let him come around in his own time which was what she’d been trying to do. Honestly she had been.
She took the drink he offered her, sipping it slowly and leaning against the wall facing him. Waiting for him to speak.
***
This had actually been a long time coming and he knew either he needed to do it or he’d have to punch Amycus for doing it when it wasn’t his place. With a heavy grunt, Sirius took a seat, leaning forward. His hair fell in front of his forehead and he left it there as he stared at a spot on the coffee table.
It might have seemed as though Sirius had changed his mind, but he finally leaned back and took a deep drink from his glass, then leveled his gaze on Evans.
“How much do you know about the Order of the Phoenix?” was his first question; he didn’t know if she’d gotten that far yet.
***
Lily moved to sit near him, sipping her drink, enjoying the burn of the vodka as it went down her throat. She thought back over everything she’d gathered from the scrapbook. “I know that it’s something we all get involved in after Hogwarts. Fighting Voldemort and his followers.” Another blank filled in by Andromeda in one of their late night chats. “Not too many details about it though.”
***
“Do you also know you and James are married?” Sirius asked next. They’d all been so young, but there was still a few years separated between joining the Order and everything that had transpired. Just thinking about it made Sirius stiffen and go pale in his chair. He took another drink from his glass.
***
That revelation did take her by surprise and knowing how class James and Sirius had been, and were in the Dreams she thought she understood a little better why he hadn’t seemed thrilled over the idea of her with another guy the last time they’d seen each other. She rolled her glass in her hands as she watched his face. “No. That part I didn’t know. I know that Harry’s his son. So I knew we were together but not that we’d gotten married there.” She chewed on her lower lip, debating whether or not she should go ahead and tell him that nothing had happened with that other guy. She and Alex had kissed a little but whatever had been there in the break room at work that day they hadn’t been able to repeat so they’d just settled in to watch movies and hang out. No awkward tension in their friendship, if anything it had blown any that might have shown up away.
***
She was wise not to bring up any other guy right now at all. Just then, Sirius was somewhere else, his breath quickening with the thought of Dementors. She knew about Harry, probably from Amycus or Regulus, maybe both. Or had Harry been here at some point, too? Run away with James somewhere.
Sirius downed the rest of his drink quickly before pouring another for himself.
After a few swallows of that, he thought he could carry on. “Peter,” he said to her, his grey eyes darkening. “The one from our group, dumpy little bloke. I trusted him after we all moved to Godrick’s Hollow. I trusted him and he betrayed us all.”
***
Lily reached out for his hand when she saw the look on his face as he said Peter’s name, lacing her fingers with his in an effort to comfort him somehow. Someway. She knew the boy he was talking about - remembered him from the Dreams. It had never really made sense to her his being part of the boys group. He just...hadn’t fit with them somehow. But she’d never really questioned it. At least not so far. “Why? Why would he do that?”
***
“Don’t,” Sirius said, pulling his hand away. He didn’t want comfort and he definitely didn’t deserve it.
“Fuck, Evans,” suddenly standing, Sirius crossed to the other side of the room to refill his drink. Sirius knew why. Peter had never really been a part of their group. He was just there for menial reasons, but he’d still been part of them. Now Sirius was staring at a woman who was dead in his Dreams and he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to her once she Dreamed what he did. Maybe it was good that James didn’t come round anymore.
Sirius took a few generous drinks before he got up the nerve to keep going. “I made him my secret keeper,” he said, full of self regret. “And he used it against us. He told Voldemort and the Death Eaters came and they….”
How? How was he supposed to say this?
***
Lily watched him from her seat, face paling at the realization of what he was telling her about what happened. Why she didn’t get to raise her son. She drained her drink before standing up and going to refill the glass, mostly vodka and then draining half of it. Probably not smart but she didn’t care right then. She needed the alcohol. She was going to die in the Dreams and it was because of someone the boys had trusted.
“At least we know who not to trust if they show up here?” She said quietly, blinking back tears as she took another drink from her glass. She knew logically there was a chance Peter could hate his Dreamself, Amycus had made it very clear how he felt about his and how he was doing everything he could to not be that man here. But she also knew herself - she’d find it a lot easier to forgive someone she considered family than a relative stranger.
***
He didn’t have to say it and for that, Sirius was grateful, even if he grimaced at her show of positivity through it all.
“I’ll hex him to kingdom come if he shows up,” he assured her. To him, it didn’t matter in the slightest if Peter hated himself or not. Once a rat, always a rat. It was a bit of a miracle that Sirius even gave Amycus the time of day and he still hated that Regulus had married him at all. For the kids, he did his best, but it was often clear just how he felt about it.
***
Lily’s positivity was an act and if Sirius poked too hard at it she knew it would shatter. Part of her wished she’d just kept waiting but for the most part she was...relieved that she knew now. It wasn’t hanging over her head anymore.
She gave him a brief nod at that assurance, draining her drink and setting the empty glass down as she debated filling it a third time.
***
She didn’t need to debate as Sirius was already up to refill it for her.
“You’re staying here tonight,” he insisted, leaving no room for argument. She could say in his spare room or out here, he didn’t care, but she wasn’t going to go home smashed and he was sure she was smart enough to know that anyway.
***
Lily was going to take her time sipping at this one, not down it in one go like the others. “You got a tshirt I can borrow to sleep in?” She asked, recognizing that tone. It was a lot like Regulus’ when he’d made up his mind and she didn’t really feel like going home anyway. Not with all of this still so fresh in her mind.
***
Sirius gave a nod. There were plenty of t-shirts and she could even sleep in bed with him. He wouldn’t try anything and never would.