I'm no Jedi (ahsoka_tano) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2020-08-26 16:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, ahsoka tano, rachel roth (raven) |
You know what, though? There’s a sense of peace right now.
Who: Ahsoka and Raven
What: checking in
When: day after the paradooms were defeated
Where: On top of the roof
Status: complete
Rating: PG-13
Ahsoka wasn’t sure where she’d find Raven, so she just used the Force to try to do so. She still… she was trying not to think about the people she’d hurt or the way the Dark Side was swirling around her. Like she was somehow vulnerable now. But she wanted to make sure her friend was okay.
The damage was … gone. She didn’t appear to have any lingering traces of the cybernetics, though she remembered Raven killing her.
Raven was feeling a lot of different things. But mostly was still the relief of everything working out. Of no longer feeling Trigon inside of her, demanding to be released. She was free of him. Yes, she knew that there would undoubtedly be other Dreams and other issues with him. But for now? For now she was free and no longer felt like she was slowly suffocating.
Of course there was also the memory of fighting and killing Ahsoka. She hadn’t wanted to. She had tried so hard to just be on the defense. But then there had been innocents involved and Raven had needed to protect them. She told herself that her best friend would forgive her for it, that she wouldn’t want those deaths on her hands but Raven still felt guilt.
And then Dick had died and she had lost it but that had been what was needed. An alignment of sorts had taken place. The world had been saved and there had been waffles and now Raven was just sitting on the roof staring at the sky, contemplative.
"There you are." Ahsoka used the Force to jump up and join her, sitting down next to her but at a polite distance. She knew how Raven was about touching.
She could sense the turmoil within Raven, and couldn't really blame her. There was relief there, but also... everything else that came with the trauma of the past few days.
But Raven was okay, physically at least. Ahsoka couldn't remember everything between Raven taking her down and then waking up back to her normal self so she'd had no idea how her friend had fared.
You couldn’t sneak up on an empath. It was just part of the way things were. So Ahsoka’s presence didn’t really catch her off guard. Nor did the empath tense or show any sort of shock as she was joined on the roof.
Raven was more than okay physically. She no longer looked like she was dying with sunken eyes and cheeks as the months took their toll of trying to keep Trigon locked away. No injuries. Nothing like that.
Even in the Dreams it had worked out. And maybe that was part of it. Of letting go of Trigon. Of his thanks for the gift to fight Darkseid and saying goodbye. After he had haunted her and tormented her for so long. Nothing like that had happened here and it was...strange. She was just relieved they hadn’t needed something like a Flashpoint to be created here to deal with the damage caused by the Earth Reapers. That would have been a lot more complicated.
“Here I am…” Finally pulling her gaze from the sky, Raven looked to her best friend, “How are you?” Did she want the empath to leave after being killed by her hand? Even with the circumstances, Raven wouldn’t necessarily blame her.
"Not bad. Not sure I'm good, but ... It wasn't the first time something took hold of me and I died." Mortis. She still had so many questions about Mortis and what it meant for her. Corrupted to the Dark Side, and the revived by the embodiment of the Light.
She only knew, in hindsight, that she'd been meant for more than just being a Jedi. That there was more to the Force than the Jedi or the Sith.
Although, she wasn't a Jedi. So she quietly added, "No, I'm not good. The death and injuries can be reversed, but memories remain. I know enough not to feel guilty, but I think it'll be hard to sleep for awhile."
Honesty was always best, it was impossible to hide things from an empath after all. So instead, she just nodded as Ahsoka said she wasn’t bad but not exactly good either. It made sense. It had been a lot. Death. Being controlled by Darkseid. Being killed.
And Ahsoka was right. Injuries, death, property damage...that could all be healed and fixed. But for those who experienced it? Well, those on the network as it seemed this latest round, those not on the network thought it was a weird dream… No, the memories and trauma remained. Just like everything that happened in Orange County.
“That makes sense.”
“I think the County could stand a few more therapists,” Ahsoka joked. She pulled one of her legs up and wrapped her arms around it, feeling a lot more like the young woman she was than the wise woman.
It was disconcerting.
“So what happens now?” Did she have to worry about losing her friend?
“Oh yes. Definitely. There should a per capita requirement of therapists for the county.” Goodness knew they all needed it. Even without the latest trauma, the Dreams could lead to people needing to see a therapist.
Age was strange, especially with the Dreams. Raven didn’t know what she felt like at the moment. The scared teenager? The wiser version of herself? Or somewhere in between? It wasn’t like she could undo what she had done.
As for the question? That was it, wasn’t it? Raven worried about losing Ahsoka as a friend, even if she wouldn’t blame her. So she just shrugged.
“I don’t know… Nothing’s changed for me in how I feel or see you if that’s what you mean…” Why would it? It was her Dreams that had made Ahsoka change. She’d been the one to do a killing blow on someone she cared for.
“Wonder what the schooling requirements are,” Ahsoka mused. She let out a breath she’d been holding; mostly she was worried about Raven dying or all this coming back and making her go evil. But she was worried about that other thing too.
“Same here.” Ahsoka turned her head and smiled at her, sensing that maybe she needed to say the words, “I forgive you for, you know, killing me. I might have to remind you the next time I want ice cream out of the freezer though.”
“Good question.”
There was always a chance Raven could go evil. It was part of her no matter how hard she fought it. That demon side of her. But in regards to Trigon? He was gone, no longer being held in his prison by her. And the paradooms? Well again, there was always a chance they could return, it was Orange County after all. But her Dreams - okay, this set because she knew better than to think they were done for good - was finished.
And in a way, Raven had needed to know that Ahsoka’s views on their friendship hadn’t changed. Logically she knew it would have been ridiculous, but it wasn’t like she was always as logical as she appeared. She did roll her eyes at the comment about the ice cream though.
“Yeah yeah…”
Even if part of her still felt guilty for everything that had happened. Even if it seemed those not on the Network had no recollection of it, a strange dream and just a few days where nothing of importance happened...there had still been so much pain and trauma.
Demons and Dark Sides were probably two sides of the same coin, but somehow Ahsoka felt as though she never needed to worry about Raven going full Anakin.
And she wasn’t sure why except maybe Raven was more mature, which probably meant her dark side should actually be more terrifying.
“Might help with what I do normally.” And she’d be more sane than that other one at least. Something to consider.
Ahsoka leaned back on her hands, crossing her legs as they dangled off the roof, “You know what, though? There’s a sense of peace right now. It’s probably fleeting, like the sun breaking through during a rainstorm, but it’s kind of nice.”
Going ‘full Anakin’ wouldn’t be an issue. There were contingency plans in place if that happened because it was the last thing Raven wanted. It was a daily fight to keep that side of her locked away. One that had been getting more and more difficult as she’d slowly been dying. Now though it was back to how it usually was. Yet she wasn’t as worried. Not in that moment at least. She just knew it was a fight she couldn’t grow lax on.
“It might.”
As Ahsoka leaned back, Raven looked over to her before looking back up at the sky as she contemplated the words.
“Yeah...yeah it is.”