Anna of Arendelle wants to do the next right thing (pleaseletmein) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2020-08-15 17:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, anna of arendelle, elsa of arendelle |
Who: Anna and Elsa
What: Reunions of the “I’m not dead” kind
When: 15 August, after Raven’s healed everything
Where: Elsa’s
Warnings: Feels
Status: Log | Complete
Anna remembered coldness. She remembered a cold that had seeped into her soul and would never disappear. She remembered panic and pain as something pierced through her body, the need to make sure Elsa was okay and the never ending cold and then…. Nothingness.
There was something now though. A phantom pain in her chest. The returning of warmth. Light.
Elsa.
That was the 23 year old’s first conscious thought. She needed to get to her sister. She needed to see her. To make sure she was okay. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Anna knew that she had died. But it was something she didn’t really want to think about. And since she was in the alleyway where she had died, she still didn’t have her phone.
Okay then.
Which meant going to Elsa’s. Her sister wouldn’t want to stay at the house, too many ghosts. So her condo was the first place she would check. She didn’t know what day it was, or how long. She just knew she needed to see Elsa. So key in hand, once she arrived at Elsa’s, Anna let herself in.
“Elsa…? Are you here?” She really hoped she was. Yes she could go home and see if Elsa were there instead but if she wasn’t? Anna wasn’t sure where to check.
Elsa was a shell. a haunted one sunk into a sea of depression so deep she thought she might drown
Because that was what it felt like. She'd tried to sleep but her dreams were images as shattered as Anna's frozen body, and sometimes, sometimes Anna hadn't shattered but she'd bled out in Elsa's arms, or it was Hans again and his sword cut her down or it was the wolf or or or---
They'd barely had the chance to reconnect before Anna had been snatched away and there was so much regret and that Elsa let herself be smothered by. The regret of losing all the years they should have had together. Twice in two lives.
Elsa sat on the floor in front of her couch, arms wrapped around her knees as her cat desperately tried to comfort her with loud purrs. She ignored her phone, in the hopes that Anna was the only one she had to mourn; if she couldn't handle one person how could she handle anyone else too?
She thought she heard something but it might be the ghosts again. Maybe Anna's ghost? That might be nice, then she could go away with Anna.
Looking around the condo, Anna felt her heart break when she saw Elsa and any of the feelings she was dealing with when it came to the fact she had died, something she wasn’t really processing or the sensation of being cold? All of that got pushed away because Elsa was hurting. And it was her fault.
Not that she had tried to die. Of course not. But she still knew it was her death. At least...she figured it was. Unless it was someone else.
So instead the redhead just went over to Elsa and hugged her.
“I’m okay, I’m okay.”
Okay was relative but Elsa clearly needed her to be okay, so she was going to be okay.
“You can’t---” Elsa lifted her head, blinking her eyes dry as she felt Anna’s familiar warmth and her arms were around her and this was impossible, she’d shattered. So clearly she was losing her mind.
But what if she wasn’t?
“Anna?” Elsa leaned into the hug, wrapping her arms around her and digging her fingers into Anna’s back as if she expected her to melt away at a moment’s notice. “Oh god is it really you?!”
Feeling Elsa return the hug, Anna let out a breath. Okay this was good. She seemed to know she was there. Mostly. She was still asking and wow did the redhead feel horrible about putting her sister through this. Not like she’d had a choice. But that didn’t make the guilt go away. So instead she just nodded and tightened her arms around Elsa.
“It’s really me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Because apologizing for dying and shattering was totally the correct reaction to have.
There was a really big chance that Elsa was going to start ugly crying, Anna style. She held her close for a moment longer before pulling away enough to really look at her. To really see her and know she was there and there wasn't some trick of grief. But Anna would apologize (but then, so would Elsa).
"No, no Anna no, it wasn't your fault." Technically it was hers, but she tried not to think about that, "I don't know how you... I saw you..." She sniffled, "I thought I'd lost you."
Well, it was a very emotional situation and Anna knew that if Elsa started crying, then she’d start crying. Right now she was holding it all in somehow, mostly because her sister needed her to be okay and there but who knew how long that would last if Elsa started. Still. She wasn’t a hallucination. She was very much real.
And Anna would definitely dispute it being Elsa’s fault. Sure she had accidentally shot her in the heart with ice in the Dreams but she didn’t make it happen here. The weeks of freezing she had kept to herself since it had been slower. Even so, she just nodded some.
“I don’t know either. I just...suddenly was in the alley again but no one was there and everything was all normal again and not super weird weather or creepy things flying.”
Obviously, dying and coming back was traumatic, something Elsa was now personally familiar with. But she was so grateful at the moment that, just for now, she wanted to focus on Anna being alive and physically okay.
"I admit I haven't been outside since.... since last night." Elsa wiped at her eyes, then rearranged them so she could pull Anna into her lap and hold her.
Of course, remembering that night meant remembering Anna had been stabbed and she immediately checked her stomach for any wounds. "Do you... remember what happened?"
It was traumatic, but Anna didn’t really want to think about it too much. She probably would be unable to avoid it but she could still try. Nodded some. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. Or that it had taken so long for Elsa to get home from when she’d found her in the morning. At least she had been safe. That was Anna’s primary concern.
Blinking some as she was pulled onto her sister’s lap, only to have her start looking for stab wounds which apparently there were none of.
“....Kind of? Not really. It’s all a haze, really.” Or she wanted it to be a haze and so it was in the post waking up alive thing she currently had going on. “It all happened so quickly.”
"Good," Elsa breathed, a shadow passing over her eyes. God but she wished she could forget that sight but it was seared into her mind, all her worst fears come to life. Better her than Anna. Always better her than Anna.
As it was she didn't think she wanted to let Anna out of her sight for at least a month.
"You're warm," she noted, almost absently, which was another huge relief. She hated that she could hurt people, even on accident. But most especially Anna.
Would it become clearer once she readjusted to being alive? Most likely. Would she talk about it? Definitely not. Elsa was already worried and traumatized by what she had seen. So she couldn’t say anything. But in that moment, it was all a blur because of how quickly everything had happened. She just knew she’d needed to save Elsa and the never ending cold.
“That’s...good, right?” She figured it was good given what had happened and proof that she was in fact alive and there. But she wasn’t quite sure what to make of Elsa commenting on it.
Elsa's throat bobbed and she nodded. "Very good." She hated not feeling like she was in control; too much of her life had been like that. But she wasn't sure if Anna really was okay, only she didn't know how to broach the subject or if it was even a good time for it.
Anna might need a therapist too.
But that was a problem for later them, "I'm going to order us some take out, and there's this huge chocolate cake in the fridge I was going to surprise you with before... you know. Do you still like Mulan?" Elsa had been partial to Hunchback and some of the older ones. She remembered Anna loving that movie when they were kids. Or maybe that was childish and Anna had grown out of it.
Okay. That was good that it was good she was warm. Not that she really could change it if it weren’t. And who knew if it was a good time to broach the topic. It wasn’t like Anna wanted to talk about it. So she just...wouldn’t. She found other ways of expressing things that were still healthy.
Definitely a problem for later though.
“That sounds like a really good plan. And yeah, I still like Mulan.” Honestly Anna had enjoyed all sorts of Disney movies. Mulan had just always spoken to her about doing anything for family and also just..running around with a sword and proving people wrong. Mulan with the making it to the top of the pole when no one thought she would and Anna with overcoming her health issues. That had been her goal. Hunchback was amazing but also painful because Elsa pulling away and it reminding her of her sister. But that was the past.
"Okay, we'll watch Mulan," Elsa said, taking Anna's hand and squeezing it. She wanted Anna to know she still wasn't going to lose her, especially now, but thought the best way to say so would be to continually show it.
"You know, when I was picking some things to take with me when I moved, I found a lot of dvds in a box and that one reminded me of you."
Actions speak louder than words after all. Especially after years of nothing, so words would seem fake. Or just not something to hold onto no matter how much she wanted to. And after everything that had happened? She needed to know that.
Nodded some.
“That makes sense.”
Elsa knew, without a doubt, she was the worst sister ever. And she'd thought she'd lose the chance to keep making up for it (and she'd have to keep making up for it).
Was this a second or a third chance?
Maybe she should move back into the family home, can’t go anywhere if you’re in the same house, right?
"Chinese? Or something else?"
Anna didn’t really know what was going through Elsa’s mind at the moment. Though it wasn’t as if she would be against her sister moving back into the family home. It was lonely there even as she had managed before to get through it. Still she wasn’t thinking about that and was just focusing on the moment because that was what mattered.
“Chinese is always good.”