InsaneJournal

Who: Raven and Ahsoka
What: Waking from Order 66
When: Recent
Where: Their place
Status: complete
Rating: PG-13



She’d unleashed Darth Maul. She’d unleashed him on the men who’d once trusted and loved her, knowing full well he would probably kill some of them. Ahsoka told herself that was necessary if she had a chance to survive, even if she tried her damnedest to not kill her people.

Jesse hurt the worst.

The Force was clouded with death and dying, as though the whole galaxy was filled with it. But Ahsoka ignored that, repressed it and fought on so that she and Rex could live.

And they lived.

And they buried their dead.

Ahsoka bolted awake, grief and fear and anguish rippling through the apartment like a wave.

Everything in her room was floating and her night clothing clung to her sweaty skin.

She’d known it was inevitable, of course. She’d just never dreamed of the event itself, what had happened, how she’d even survived. Now, tears streaming down her face, she knew.

There were certain people Raven was always aware of, no matter if she was awake or not. Ahsoka was one such person - especially since they were still living together at the moment. And it wasn’t as if the empath was having much luck these days with sleep. Trigon continued to get louder in her head, and she was resisting the urge to verbally argue with him. No need for people to know how bad it was after all.

So even before Ahsoka woke up, Raven had woken up. She could feel the anguish, and it was a recognizable one. Which had her pushing aside her own pain (it was constant and had been constant since she had dreamt of the death of the Titans) and moved to the kitchen, making tea.

Finished just in time for Ahsoka to wake up. So tea in hand, Raven opened a portal and stepped into her best friend’s room, just handing Ahsoka’s tea of choice to her. Raven wasn’t the best with words to begin with and sometimes there was nothing to say. Not right away at least.

Ahsoka was still so distraught she barely reacted to Raven appearing with the tea. Grateful, she took it, and sipped at it until she felt a little more calm. Raven was good at this sort of thing, though Ahsoka supposed that wasn’t always a good thing. Experience could be traumatic.

“They uhm.” Ahsoka shrugged her shoulder, “I’d just captured Maul and we were on a cruiser headed back to the Republic. That’s where I was when Order 66 came down. Rex, he uhm. He tried to resist it, but couldn’t. I knocked him out, discovered a chip in his head.”

Figuring if she didn’t say it now she wouldn’t, Ahsoka continued, “so it was just us against… all our friends. I let Maul go, hoping he’d be a distraction…”

It was hard to say whether or not it was a good thing that she was good at this sort of thing. Experience, being an empath, it just all blended together and despite Raven saying she was bad at people and with emotions, she was apparently good at it. At least in times like this. So instead she just let Ahsoka speak about what happened while sipping her tea.

It was definitely weird knowing what was to happen because of watching the movies even if she hadn’t known Ahsoka’s role in it. But she had known about Order 66.

“You did what you had to in order to survive…”

Which was also something Raven understood thanks to her current dreams dealing with the paradooms. Fighting, doing what was necessary while those you fought with died around you.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I tried to spare as many as I could, but between Maul and just...trying to not die.” Ahsoka shook her head, “We crashed on some moon somewhere. Buried them all. Made it look like we died with them. Kind of did, I think.”

She sipped at her tea again, closing her eyes. “Obviously, in my dreams, I had no idea what was happening or if I’d make it. But I know that I make it, and I know what comes after. Is it wrong that that doesn’t make me feel much better?”

“Never said that it was,” But it was also a statement of fact. Something Raven sometimes knew was all that remained when the survivor’s guilt got to be too much. It wasn’t easy and it hurt, but there were still forces in the world that needed to be fought and if you did what you could to survive to fight another day? Well, it had to be enough because who else would fight otherwise?

And she’d gone through being suicidal in her dreams because of the guilt and Trigon so...well, she didn’t talk about it but it was still lingering beneath the surface.

As for if it was wrong that even knowing what was to come didn’t make Ahsoka feel better, the empath could only shrug.

“I don’t think it does. It still hurts. You still lost people you care for, who were family. Like I said, you did what you had to in order to survive and it’s clear there’s still going to be a fight no matter what… but you still went through it.”

Ahsoka nodded. There was so much trauma from her dreams and while she might joke some of it off it was still there, lurking beneath the surface. Death walked behind her, always. She supposed she should be glad she’d never gotten further than a few dates with that last woman; she’d end up dead or have to deal with Ahsoka’s trauma which wasn’t fair.

Wasn’t really fair to Raven either, considering, and Ahsoka winced, “Sorry to dump this on you.”

Maybe it wasn’t fair, but Raven understood. Both the dreams and the trauma. She was used to taking on the pain to keep others from suffering. She couldn’t heal herself right now, but she could still listen and be there for friends if it was what was needed of her. So it wasn’t like she cared. She had her own traumas to deal with so she got it.

“It’s fine. That’s what friends do, right?”

“Yeah,” Ahsoka smiled at her. “Guess so. Listening and also tea.” She hefted her cup and grinned over the rim. She was feeling well enough to quip, “You know, we should make waffles. With the disney waffle maker I got you.”

“Tea is always good.” And Ahsoka feeling well enough to quip was always a good sign. Even if she just quirked a brow at the comment about the Disney waffle maker, “I still can’t believe you got that.” Gar was a much better random surprise.

"Sometimes you have to prank your friend so they don't expect the animal they're about to get," Ahsoka retorted. "But it makes amazing waffles, don't deny it."

“I also still can’t believe you decided on a random kitten,” Not that she was complaining. It was just so unexpected. Even so she did have to concede the point that the waffles were really good. “Fair enough.”

“It wasn’t entirely random,” Ahsoka insisted, finding this subject a lot better than talking about her dreams or the way they’d made her feel.

Thing was, it had already happened. Long ago, in a galaxy far away, it had happened, and nothing she could do could change it.

Maybe, if Anakin ever did show his face, she could save him then. But she’d have to be very, very careful he didn’t take things the wrong way.

“I saw a little void and he reminded me of you. In a good way.”

That was the crux of it all. There was no control on what happened in the Dreams. They could be in the past, or they could be in the future. But it wasn’t lucid dreaming that happened, something they could control. The Dreams happened and all they could do was live through it. And those who showed up would go through it as well and it was up to them how they decided to handle it.

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” Ahsoka said, a smile tugging at her lips. “A little puff of grey and black, with inquisitive eyes and who was absolutely adorable.”

Calling Raven adorable was probably fighting words.

Being called adorable was….Raven just quirked a brow at Ahsoka for that comment. She was hardly adorable. “Right…”

Shaking her head some, Raven took a drink of tea. She was used to Ahsoka’s weirdness at least, so she just shrugged it off beyond the look she gave her best friend.

“Anyway.” Ahsoka sipped her tea, “If not Disney waffles, I could still stand to have something bad for me.” Anything to shake off the Dreams. The End of All Things.

She knew it would get worse too, then better. Then … worse again.

Maybe the Sith were right, and peace was a lie and either Ahsoka was foolish or stubborn enough not to accept that.

“I mean, if you’re going for bad, might as well stick with the Disney waffles.” There were a lot of times Raven wondered about if Trigon may have been right. She was the daughter of a demon who tried to live life like a saint. She’d seen the darkness of humankind yet she kept fighting to protect it.

And perhaps that was why she and Ahsoka worked so well as best friends when often they were completely different. They saw the darkness, saw how overwhelming it could be, and yet despite it all? They continued to fight it and for people who would never know.

Ahsoka loved her. Not in that way though honestly it wouldn't take much for that. But they were alike in the ways that counted and different in the ways that counted. But she was family, in the way the Jedi had been her family, and the way the crew of the Ghost had become like family too. And family was precious to Ahsoka. Especially when they so often turned against her.

"I meant sugary." She stuck her tongue out.

Raven just shrugged, “Whoever said you can’t have sugary death on waffles?” Really. There were plenty of options.

Ahsoka got up, “Okay, you get the sugar, I’ll get the mix, and we’ll make satanic disney waffles or something really ridiculous.”