Who: Michael Guerin and Alex Manes (Brief mention of Alex) What: Alex dreams of his tme in the AirForce and wakes up missing half his leg Where: Michael's Airstream When: Friday night Warnings: Not really, but there be trauma Status: Closed, Complete
Ever since the night of their shared dream in which Alex’s father had mangled Michael’s hand with a hammer, Alex had stuck close to Michael. Not every minute, they both had jobs and lives that didn’t involve each other. But most nights had Alex crashing at the airstream, just wanting to be near to Michael.
Part of him wanted to go and confront his father. The other, more rational and reasonable part of his brain wouldn’t allow it. He had long since given up on earning his father’s love, or anything resembling respect. It was better to leave sleeping dogs alone. Jesse hadn’t come looking for Alex, so Alex wasn’t going to go looking for Jesse.
To do so would only cause him heartache. He had enough of that, especially since it was prevalent in both his real life and his dreams. He focused on Michael instead; that relationship was far more important and rewarding to Alex anyway.
Alex grinned up at Michael. “I don’t know about you but I am wiped out. I think I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight.”
Alex wasn’t the only one that wanted to confront Jesse Manes. Michael was right there with him. The only thing that stopped him was knowing that it was a different Jesse Manes that had broken his hand. The one in this world hadn’t actually done anything to him. Though he knew he had done things to Alex. Which pissed Michael off to no end. But Alex had also asked Michael not to do anything. So he didn’t.
He was spending a hell of a lot more time with Alex lately. Which was fine with him. For someone who had never really let a guy stay the night before he was doing it a hell of a lot lately. And when Alex wasn’t there? He felt it.
“Mmm,” Michael replied, grinning back at Alex. “You do seem to have that affect on me.”
Alex’s rin matched Michael’s, but it gave way to kissing Michael as he settled in. He stretched before getting comfortable, sliding his right foot along Michael’s leg. They hadn’t defined this thing between them, and now that it was a fairly regular thing, Alex didn’t feel the urgency to name it. It just was and for now that was good enough.
Alex closed his eyes, his hand moving to trace invisible loans along Michael’s chest. It was a soothing act, comforting to him as much as he thought it was for Michael.
It was probably for the best they didn’t name it. Michael wasn’t good with that sort of thing. Not to mention he was still seeing someone else. Giving himself completely over to Alex scared the shit out of him. If he truly gave in to everything he was feeling, committed to Alex he knew it would only be a matter of time before Alex left him. His whole life he had been unwanted. He had no reason to believe it was different now. No matter how much Alex kept coming around.
He returned the kiss, smile on his face as their lips parted. His arm wrapped around Alex pulling him close, eyes shutting taking full comfort in Alex’s closeness and the soothing touch of Alex’s fingers on his chest. Before he knew it he was drifting off to sleep.
In his sleep, Alex was an accomplished Airman, a family legacy. He had multiple achievements, medals, and recognition under his belt. He had hacked previously unhackable Russian intelligence, and then he did it again with the Chinese. He’d provided access to valuable information. He knew it wouldn’t be enough for his father. Nothing would ever be enough to please Jesse Manes where his youngest was concerned. That didn’t stop Alex from trying, he so craved his father’s approval.
That was what had him volunteering for the mission. It was dangerous. There were no guarantees. Some part of him thought maybe if he died in service, that would be the thing that finally made his dad proud. Besides, what did he have to go home to? Not much. Not that he was looking to die, far from it. He was young, he had his whole life ahead of him. It was just a thought he entertained from time to time, wondering if his father would finally be proud if Alex gave his life for his country.
The convoy he was in came under fire. Chaos ensued, and it all happened so fast. The blast knocked him unconscious, the next thing he knew he was waking up in hospital, strapped down in a bed. His leg had been blown off, they told him, and there had been nothing left to try and reattach. They’d had to amputate what was left below the knee.
That news had Alex waking up in the real world, with Michael beside him. He gasped, a sudden rush of air into his lungs as he sat up, hands pawing at the empty space below his right knee. He couldn’t stop himself from screaming when all he found was a stump just below the knee joint.
Michael hadn’t had any dreams since the night he had to relive his broken hand. And he definitely wasn’t complaining. It was another night without dress for him. He was just asleep and content with Alex beside him. That was until he woke up to a scream.
Michael immediately sat up in the bed, eyes falling on Alex. It took a minute for him to process what he was seeing. Alex hands were under the sheets reaching for something. Michael’s brow furrowed and he yanked the sheets off Alex to see what the hell was going on. Once again it took him a second to process. Alex was missing half of his damn leg.
What. The. Fuck.
“Shit!” Michael exclaimed looking from the empty space below Alex’s knee, to Alex’s face. The terror in the other man’s eyes was enough to break Michael’s own heart. He was at a loss of words. Not knowing what to say or do. “Your - what happened?”
Alex blinked. He blinked several times in quick succession before his vision cleared enough to see Michael. Those curls were unmistakable. Alex didn’t know if he wanted to laugh, or cry. The whole thing was just a dream. Just a dream. His leg was fine, it had to be.
Except it wasn’t. “Roadside bomb,” he managed to say. His dark eyes could have bore holes into Michael’s head. He was afraid to look away. Afraid if he so much as blinked now, Michael would disappear and he’d find himself in a military hospital in the middle east.
Michael had a million questions. Where the fuck had Alex gone that there was a roadside bomb? He knew this was a dream thing, that much was obvious. But the last he knew they were both in high school in the dreams. How had this happened?
He didn’t ask though. There were more pressing things. Like that Alex was missing a leg and there wasn’t anything Michael could do about it. “Shit,” he said again eyes still locked on Alex’s. He didn’t need to look at the leg again and he was pretty sure Alex didn’t want to either. “Are you okay?” Stupid question. Obviously he wasn’t. “Do you- does it hurt?”
“Aches,” Alex said. He was reduced to one word answers. He knew that wasn’t good. He needed to think. He needed to...he didn’t even know. Go back to sleep? Wake up again and maybe he’d be fine. Except he knew he wouldn’t be fine. His leg was gone. All that remained was a stump. The ache was dull, bearable, but not pleasant.
He shook his head. “I’m not…Definitely not okay.” How could he be okay? It was taking everything in him not to scream again. He knew that wouldn’t help anyone, though. “Air Force. I was in the Air Force. In the dream. Baghdad.” He gestured at the leg. He hoped he was making sense. He didn’t feel like he was.
Michael’s heart twisted in his chest. He hated seeing Alex in any type of pain. But it wasn’t just that. His life had also just completely changed. Not that Michael had even fully processed that at the moment, but the thought was there lingering in the back of his head somewhere.
He was following what Alex was trying to tell him. Pieces clicking into his brain. Sometime after high school Alex had joined the Air Force and was hit by a roadside bomb. As much as that question had been in Michael’s mind the how didn’t matter now that he heard it. All that mattered was helping Alex.
“Shit,” Michael said for like the millionth time. It was as though all other words were lost from his vocabulary. He brought himself to look at Alex’s leg again, but something caught the corner of his eye as his gaze shifted. There was a prosthetic leg at the foot of his bed. Michael leaned forward reaching for it. “Do you, should we?” Put it on, but he didn’t say that. He let the question hang there not sure what else to do. He wasn’t great at making sense right now either.
“I don’t even…” Alex drew a shaking breath. He knew in theory how a prosthetic worked. He had no idea in reality how to strap one on, so to speak. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind at the speed of light, every one of them crashing against the next and nothing made sense to him.
How was this happening? He’d been back in the OC and having the dreams long enough to know things carried over. Michael’s hand was a good example of injuries that bled out. But this wasn’t just an injury. This was half his god damn leg was missing.
“I don’t even know how to put it on, Michael.”
With one hand holding on to the prosthetic Michael gently ran his other hand along Alex’s leg, though his eyes remained on Alex’s. “I could try,” Michael offered, voice soft. Not that he really knew how to put one on either, but he could probably figure it out. “If you uh, want me to?”
What was the alternative? He was missing half his leg. He couldn’t walk. He couldn’t get up out of Michael’s bed on his own. He couldn’t think about that, though. He needed to focus on something other than that. Something other than his missing leg.
How was he supposed to do that. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, steeled his nerves and nodded. “I’m sure we can figure it out.” And then what? Would he be able to just get up and walk? He wasn’t so sure.
“Then...we can call Alex. He’s a medic. He...I don’t even know if he can help, but…” But he needed to do something. He had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.
Michael also had no idea what he was supposed to do. He just wanted to help Alex. He needed to help him. “Okay,” Michael said examining the prosthetic. There was some type of sleeve that he was assuming slid on to Alex’s stump. He moved around in the bed, so he was near the leg, facing Alex. Before he did anything he leaned down placing a tender kiss on the top half, or well the only half of his leg. He wanted Alex to know that he didn’t care. It didn’t matter if Alex had both legs or not. Michael still cared about him, still wanted him.
He gently slid on the sleeve. There was a pin at the end of it which he was assuming attached to the leg. He picked up the actual leg finding where to lock in into place with the pin and slid that on. He was pretty sure he heard it click into place. At least he hoped. “Do you want to try it? Or should I just get your phone?”
“Help me up.” He honestly wasn’t sure how he felt about this. He was grateful Michael had taken initiative with the prosthetic, he wasn’t sure he could have managed it. He didn’t have much pain, really, aside from a dull ache, but he had a lot of fear and even terror.
Some part of his brain wanted to believe this was all part of the nightmare. His dream self might have left Roswell partly because he and Michael hadn’t worked out, because of what his father had done, but...but maybe after his injury he returned home and…
Except he knew that wasn’t the case. The dream was ended, he was awake. This was his reality. His dream self had lost his leg, and now Alex’s leg was missing in the real world. And that was terrifying.
He reached out for Michael, using his shoulders for leverage to try and pull himself up to his feet. The task proved to be a lot harder than he anticipated and he fell back onto the bed three times before he grunted in frustrated resignation. “Give me my phone I’ll just call him.”
Michael did his best to help Alex up. Even tried to help lift him. But it didn’t seem to be working. He frowned, disappointed in himself for not being able to help Alex when that was all he wanted to do. “Okay,” Michael replied softly. He got up and grabbed Alex’s phone before bringing it over to him.
Alex bit back tears of frustration, because Manes men don’t cry no matter what. It took him a few calculated breaths to get himself under control enough to even think about making a phone call. He had Alex’s number in his phone, and called him, hardly realising what time of night it was. He explained the situation as calmly as he could, and arranged to go and see him at the clinic first thing.
With the call ended, he tossed his phone to the side. “I can’t believe this is happening, Michael.” He sighed deeply. It did little to calm his nerves. “What am I supposed to do? How am I going to explain this?”
Michael saw the tears Alex refused to let fall from his eyes. It didn’t bother him though. He didn’t care if Alex cried. He had every damn right to with what he was going through. When he was done with his phone call Michael sat down beside him wrapping an arm around Alex, pulling him close. “It’s going to be okay.” Michael said trying his best to sound assuring. “You’ll figure it out. It will be okay.” He wasn’t entirely sure it would be. But he knew it had to be for Alex’s sake. It had to work out. “We’ll get through this.”
The words were out of his mouth before he realize what he was saying. But there it was. Michael had just referred to them as a we, with a future reference no less.
Alex didn’t see how it could ever be okay. His dreams, which had been fairly mundane until the one where his father destroyed Michael’s hand, had taken his leg. He’d had a full and intact body when he’d fallen asleep, and now he was just missing half his leg. Where did it even go? How did half a leg cease to exist?
This was unprecedented territory. He had no idea how to process it, and really it was a wonder he was functioning at all. His hold on sanity was loose at best, but having Michael by his side definitely made the difference. He’d have lost his mind if he woke up alone.
Alex leaned into Michael’s embrace. “We’ll get through this,” he repeated. We. Us. Together. He could maybe live with that.