Raven loves waffles more than life itself (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} ofevilsfire) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valarlogs,@ 2019-12-10 15:21:00 |
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What: Stargazing. Broody half demon is broody
When: [slightly backdated] 9 December 2019, during the meteor shower
Where: Roof of Ahsoka's
Warnings: References to characters dying in dreams
Status: Narrative | Complete
Raven liked to believe that she was immune to the whims of the Dreams. That after the initial trauma of seeing her grandfather killed in them when she'd first gotten back had been a fluke. Raven had just been lying to herself. It didn't help that this set of Dreams was so vastly different from what she was used to as she had told Harley earlier in the day. The things she could rely on weren't there, there were no Teen Titans or Titans which honestly was just wrong in the twenty one year old's opinion. She just...missed her team even as it seemed to alter between sets of Dreams. But she could always count on a few of the same people to somehow be part of them and without them in this set? She just missed them. Yes, Kory was here. But there was no telling when she would start dreaming or what she would dream. So all Raven could do was keep an eye out on her friend and just be there for her.
But that wasn't all. Because in the Dreams she kept reliving the death of her grandfather and mother. And even when she wasn't dreaming that, she was seeing her grandfather die here and it was messing with Raven more than it had any right doing. But that was because she tried to lie to herself that the emotional bleedover had just been strong because of being free of Dreams for over two years. Nope. She was right back in the clutches of feeling everything, the strong emotions that she always had to keep under control. Never truly locked away no matter what she liked to pretend (she had learned the hard way what happened when she tried to deny what she was feeling) but kept inside and managed for her sake and everyone else's.
Another night and once more she was seeing loved ones die, with her unable to stop it. It wasn't a Dream. Just her fears, the Dreams simply influencing Raven's subconscious and bringing up the concerns. Mixing with other sets of Dreams, like the one where she joined Superman's Regime following the deaths of Beast Boy and Kid Flash, only to lose Nightwing as well which just seemed to solidify that choice. All while being those she actually knew. Waking up, Raven noticed that there were things swirling in the guest room, her soul self seeming to have reached out in the confines of the walls and picked up her things. No loud noises, just the turmoil from within. So letting herself breathe, Raven lowered the objects to their places and her Soul Self retracted back into her but she wasn't going to sleep and so grabbing a sweater, she pulled it on over her pajamas and made her way onto the roof to meditate. So what if it was snowing.
That was when she noticed the start of the meteor shower, and instead focused on the falling stars. She knew what it meant. Wishes that would temporarily come true. After all, she'd been in Orange County long enough to know the whims of the place for the things which always seemed to happen. Like snow and meteor showers and the people who made wishes only to find them disappear. It would be easy to wish away the demon half of herself, the part she knew that would be so easy to give into when she felt that no matter what she did, there would always be pain and suffering so why bother helping and how maybe Trigon had a point. But she knew that it was part of her, a part of her that she had made her peace with, and also she knew that it would come back anyway and then there would be the readjusting all over again and who had time for that? Especially when she was currently the only one in her division at the Agency following Katou's skipping town with no warning because of course he did.
So instead, it was just watching the meteors fall and centering herself. Part of Raven wanted to call Dick, but she knew that would just worry him given the hour. It wasn't as if she wouldn't make her weekly trip back to New York to see him and her grandfather. Still, watching him die had left her unsettled even as she could feel their connection and could tell her was fine. Maybe at a more normal hour when it wouldn't be as worrisome.
Even so, despite the cold, the meteor shower was still breathtaking to watch, one of the beautiful things that made this place worth protecting - even with her cynicism and knowing the truth of whatever wishes might be made on them. Yes there was pain and suffering, but there were choices and beauty and light, friendship and love, and so much more that was worth protecting even when it sometimes seemed hopeless.
You're the most hopeful person I know
Smiling faintly to herself, Raven took a breath of the cold night air. She just had to remember that when she started to lose faith. It wasn't like she'd ever stop fighting after all. It wasn't her nature.