I’m fine
Who: Larabo What: Fallout from the whole vampire thing When: Recent Where: Croft Manor Rating: PG-13 Status: Complete Bo had, of course, felt bad that she hadn’t been more careful with herself around Lara since she’d become a vampire. She knew what her blood could do, so of course she felt like what had happened was her fault because she didn’t take enough measures to keep her neck away from Lara’s mouth.
She’d explained what had happened to Lara after Magnus had left. But she knew there was more that was needed to help soothe what had happened. And as usual, Bo was more concerned about Lara and what she was feeling than what she herself felt in response to what was going on.
So she went about finding where Lara had gotten to, deciding to check the gym first, then her office.
Lara was in neither place. Her mind was a mess, though, and she was standing on the dock and watching the waves roll up onto the shore.
She wasn’t mad at Bo. Maybe a little mad at herself. Maybe a little disappointed in both her behaviour and also missing out on a chance to live forever.
And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it really was a fool’s quest with no fair outcome.
If Lara was mad at her, Bo definitely wouldn’t blame her for it. After all, she could have, and should have, pushed Lara away when she initially joined her in the shower. Bo definitely carried responsibility for knowing what her blood could do and not having taken proper steps to ensure Lara didn’t ingest any of it.
Having failed in finding Lara in her usual spots in the house, she glanced out a window and saw her down on the dock. Bo stood there and watched her for a few moments, not entirely certain if her presence was welcome. But she also knew that this wasn’t something they could just bury and try to pretend didn’t happen. So she started heading out to the dock, stopping just before she stepped onto it.
“Hey,” she greeted, waiting for Lara to acknowledge her presence before she moved any closer.
“Hello.” Lara leaned on the railing, eyes still focused on the surf. She kind of wished there was some big storm, something to mirror her mood, but California was too sunny for her right now.
Not a vampire anymore but certainly feeling emo about it. “Feeling okay?”
“I was going to ask you that question,” Bo deflected. And that was a game that they both could play well, deflecting the topic from themselves when they didn’t want to discuss it. She stepped onto the dock, glancing out at the ocean. The horizon seemed so inviting, but ignoring things wouldn’t make them better.
“”I’m fine,” Lara said, in a flat tone, her eyes a little glassy as she seemed to gaze past the surf and to somewhere else. Or maybe somewhen else. There was a lot she couldn’t remember, but those first few tastes of Bo’s blood and everything before that were still clear. And… and part of her had liked that. The seduction, the power, the rush.
And then it was all mostly a blank, though she could fill in the details that Bo couldn’t or wouldn’t.
So much for that avenue of immortality, though she supposed there were other drawbacks too.
“You and me both,” Bo responded, answering Lara’s question to her. But of course Bo knew Lara wasn’t fine, even without the flat tone in her voice. And perhaps Lara knew Bo wasn’t fine. Bo came up to the railing, glancing at Lara’s face for some moments before she looked out at the water.
She felt so guilty, and she well knew it was her fault. Bo also felt a bit dirty, like she’d taken advantage of Lara. Not for the first time, she hated that aspect of being Fae. Trick’s blood ran in her veins, but instead of her blood being able to force things into becoming reality, it could control people, strip them of their free will.
Bo held back an apology. She’d already apologized a thousand times since the enthrallment had been broken, and she didn’t think Lara wanted to hear another apology. It wasn’t like Bo could change her blood.
Finally, Lara turned towards Bo, staring at her tiredly. The truth was she was upset at herself. And a little upset at things outside of her control. But they couldn’t help Bo’s nature, as frustrating as it might be.
She was glad Bo didn’t try to apologize again, though. There were only so many ways she could tell her it wasn’t her fault.
“And I think we’d both be lying.”
Sometimes Bo wished that they could help her nature. It’d make some things so much easier to deal with. But of course, that would require walking the path that Lauren had walked in the Dreams, and Bo still had issues with that. She looked at Lara, leaning her hip against the rail.
“Me too. Because I’m not fine. But I’m more concerned about how you’re handling everything. It’s not easy going from being a normal human to being not human, let alone reverting back to human and dealing with being enthralled all in a short amount of time.” Bo at least knew what it was like to go from being a normal human to being immortal.
“It’s… “ Lara searched for the words. She was usually so much better at words, but they were failing her, and they had been since the whole vampire thing.
“It’s crazy. You know? I remember the strength, and the other feelings. You know, before. And … part of me misses it. I think of how much I could do without needing to sleep as much.”
Bo listened, nodding a bit. She did understand, just in the reverse. While she liked some parts of being Fae, she did miss being human. “I understand. It’s like, there’s so much more that you can do when you’re not human. And to have those abilities, then have them taken away just as quickly is undoubtedly jarring.”
She looked at Lara for a few moments, taking in the details of her face and posture. “It’s so easy to get lost in the thoughts of what could have been. Believe me, some days I still think about what could’ve been different if I wasn’t a succubus.” For starters, their lives would be a hell of a lot less complicated.
“Getting them was jarring. And there were downsides, I know.” Lara ran her fingers through her hair, undoing her pony tail and letting her hair blow loosely in the breeze. “But I wouldn’t change who you are. I love you. All of you.”
“It definitely is jarring to suddenly get abilities you didn’t have before.” Bo watched Lara run her fingers through her hair and take it out of the ponytail. She loved Lara’s hair and how it moved in the wind. “I know, but I still sometimes have trouble with the whole being immortal thing. It’s frightening, honestly. And I don’t think I have the heart to be able to withstand being immortal.”
After all, it meant watching a lot of people she cared about die. And considering how badly she took it when Hale and Kenzi died? It would definitely kill her one day. Especially if she lost Lara.
“Maybe instead of searching for ways to make myself immortal,” Lara said, the gears turning in her head. “What if we made you mortal?”
It was a heartbreaking thought. The idea of cutting Bo’s life short.
But who knew what was on the other side after death, and the inherent tragedy was if there was, in fact, an afterlife, they’d never see it together.
“We could, just not doing it the way Lauren did. It actually wasn’t a pretty sight to see Evony, the former Morrigan of the Dark Fae, be turned human. She, uh, contracted cancer, among many, many other things, that was killing her. I don’t know if it was due to side effects of what Lauren did to turn her human, or the simple fact that Evony was old and age was catching up with her. Or that her body simply couldn’t handle the genetic change or something.” Bo said. She hated what Lauren had done, but she couldn’t deny that she’d like to be human again.
Just without all the terrible side effects of getting cancer and other diseases right away.
“I was thinking something more magical in nature. Since, being Fae, you’re magical in nature. I’m sure there are risks involved. The infamous phrase your wish well sort of thing, but I don’t think a scientific approach would work here.” Lara shook her head. She vastly preferred that approach but Dream experience told her otherwise. “Sort of like needing artifacts from ancient gods to kill a god, don’t you think?”
“It would be worth looking into. It would give us another avenue to explore. There are plenty of magic users around with different kinds of magic.” Bo wondered if Magnus knew any magic that could accomplish such a thing. Likewise, magic could probably just as easily make Lara immortal, but that sort of thing might come with a heavier price than making Bo mortal would.
“There are most likely risks involved regardless of what method we choose. Some risks are probably just less dire than others. But I think you’re right. I’m Fae, maybe something more Fae-like would be the best option.”
“I just… don’t want you to do anything to change yourself that you don’t want.” Lara kissed Bo’s hand. “Do you understand? I love you how you are.”
Bo looked at Lara and nodded. “I understand. I think it just...mostly stems from the fact I haven’t fully accepted what I am. And I’m scared shitless of the immortal aspect, if I’m honest. It would be one thing if I’d dreamt of being immortal for a couple centuries, then I could know how to best prepare myself for it. But I didn’t. I was the same age I am now, which doesn’t help much.”
She took a breath. “Perhaps we both should simply be cautious and do all the research before one of us takes that step? Becoming immortal or becoming mortal are not things that should be done without careful consideration of all the possible side effects and so forth.”
Lara nodded. That was… fair, though she knew that, no matter what, she’d do what was necessary so that Bo made a decision without keeping her in mind. The last thing she wanted was to coerce her wife into doing anything.
“You have a deal.”
Honestly, they both should do what was necessary to not keep the other in mind when making this decision. And that was going to be much easier said than done. But they would probably somehow work it out in the end. Or so Bo hoped.
She took Lara’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. Bo gave Lara a little nod and shifted closer to her. She thought that just spending some time together like this might help improve both of their moods.