Leon Orcot (under_arrest) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-09-25 11:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, leon orcot, veronica mars |
Who: Leon Orcot and Veronica Mars
What: Veronica needs to talk to Leon about his drinking
When: The morning of June 24th
Where: The parking lot of McNally's
Rating/Warnings: Some talk of a suicide, a shooting, murder, alcohol abuse
Status: Complete
Veronica knew Leon had been going through a lot lately. First with everything with Alex. Then with D showing up. And now with his partner getting shot. But his drinking was getting out of hand. She had been making small comments for a long time now but none of it seemed to be sinking in. Chris was staying with her more and more. And while she didn’t mind having the kid around too much he should really be with his brother. So when Leon didn’t show up to pick up Chris the previous night Veronica had a pretty good idea where to find him.
There were a few bars she knew Leon liked to go to. Mostly McNally’s and the Double Tap. Veronica checked the Double Tap’s first but didn’t see Leon’s car so she headed to McNally’s. And sure enough Leon’s car was parked outside. Veronica parked her own car getting out and making her way over to Leon’s where she found him passed out in the passenger seat. At least he knew enough to recline it. But still his drinking was out of hand.
The blonde banged on the passenger door window. “Wake up, Orcot!”
Leon had been making a point, since getting back from Fiji, to spend more time with Chris, and, for the most part, he was handling it pretty well. At least, he had been, until the OC’s bullshit had caught up with him again.
With Laurel getting shot yesterday, Leon had had just about enough. Sure, he and Alex were back together, but that didn’t change the fact that he got someone killed yesterday. He’d nearly killed two people, and he still considered it a small miracle that Laurel was alive. The worst part of it though, was that Laurel wasn’t the one he was beating himself up over. No, it was Harry. Harry, his best friend in middle school and most of high school, the first person Leon had ever been in love with. The Dreams had served as a warning, and even with them, he hadn’t been able to do anything but watch Harry die all over again.
He hadn’t meant to get wasted, but every cop in McNally’s had heard of what had happened that they’d bought him shot after shot until he’d blacked out, and he stumbled to his car at closing time to sleep it off. He didn’t have the presence of mind to call a cab, or even to let Veronica know that he wouldn’t be able to pick Chris up that night after all. And then he’d dreamed. Not Dreamed, with a capital D; that might have been almost preferable. Instead, he dreamed of Harry, a teenage Harry, bloody and dead and blaming him, because it was Leon’s fault. Leon should have tried harder. It wasn’ that Leon hadn’t tried looking Harry up on social media after his Dream two months ago, but he hadn’t found him. Still, Leon was a cop. He should have tried harder. He should have made sure that Harry was okay, and tried to get him help before he’d robbed a bank, killed four people, shot a cop, and taken his own life.
A sudden bang woke Leon suddenly, and he jerked awake, panicked for a moment, not knowing where he was or what he was doing there. Even before his eyes opened, he was reaching next to him for his side arm, only to realize that he wasn’t in his own bed and even if he was, he kept his gun in a safe at the top of his closet these days so Chris couldn’t get at it.
He looked out the window at Veronica and he could feel his heart slow at the same time that his head began to pound. Even at this hour of the morning, his car was stiffing hot, which didn’t improve matters, so he threw open the door, hoping that Veronica would have the sense to back up, and vomited on the asphalt.
Veronica quickly backed up wrinkling her nose as Leon vomited. She knew he’d be pretty hungover but she didn’t care. This was getting out of control. She also knew from dealing with her mom that if that was going to happen Leon needed to want the change. But right now she was too pissed to think about that.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Orcot?”
“Hangover,” Leon grumbled in answer, though that wasn’t just it. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Harry again, and it made his stomach churn. He closed the door again, but he hit the power locks as it shut so Veronica could climb in the driver’s seat. Then he reached into his glovebox for the flask of whiskey he kept there and took a gulp to hopefully help clear away the headache.
“What are you-” Leon started, and then groaned, leaning back on the reclined seat with a forearm pressed over his eyes. “I forgot to get Chris last night, didn’t I? Shit. Maybe it’s for the best.” Leon had been a mess last night, and Chris didn’t need to see that. Of course, he wasn’t much better now.
No shit he had a hangover. Even if she hadn’t found him passed out at the bar, or seen him puke she would have figured that out. She rolled her eyes walking over to the driver side and sliding in.
“Yeah,” Veronica agreed. “He doesn’t need to see you like this,” she paused taking a breath. “But he needs to see you,” she went on. “I know shit has been hard for you lately. I know yesterday was rough. But this has been going on for too long, Leon.” She purposefully used his first name, a sign that she was serious.
When she used his name, Leon raised his forearm by an inch so he could peek out from under it at Veronica. He was quiet for a while, and then he covered his eyes again. "I'm not so sure he does, V," Leon said after a moment. "From where I'm standing, he's probably better off with you and Keith." And Ozma. Really, anyone but him. After Fiji, he'd tried to be a good brother to Chris, but if the day before had proven anything it was that the less Leon that was in Chris's life, the better. Even if for no other reason than Leon could reasonably be expected to be shot at on any given day.
“We’re not his family,” Veronica reminded him. Although really they were close enough. Leon was practically her little brother. He annoying little brother, but brother all the same. “I know you’ve been through a lot,” Veronica went on. “But so has Chris. And yeah maybe you didn’t choose to raise him. But he’s your brother and your responsibility now. You have to stop this feeling sorry for yourself bull shit.”
“I’m not-!” Leon started, and grimaced, the sound of his own voice reverberating in his head. He took another gulp from his flask, and then pawed around in the glovebox for a pair of sunglasses. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself,” he tried again, this time his tone more measured. “I’m not a good… I’m not a good cop. Jesus Christ, Veronica, I killed someone yesterday. I nearly killed two of them. How the hell am I supposed to feel good about raising an eight year old when I’m the kind of man who would…” Well, who’d done all the shit Leon had done over the last year.
“What the hell are you talking about, Orcot,” Veronica replied. “What were you supposed to do in that situation? You had to protect yourself and your partner. That makes you a good cop.” And all this sounded a hell of a lot like self pity to Veronica. Perhaps she should go easier on him given what he had just went through. But this had been going on for months and Veronica had been letting it slide. No more. It was time for tough love.
“I should have pulled the trigger, Veronica!” Leon snapped. “I should have shot him before he shot Laurel. I knew I should have but I couldn’t.” He took a deep breath. “And before that, I should have… I don’t know, tried to find him. Kept in touch. Made sure that if he needed money, he knew he could have come to me.” He leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, and realized, belatedly, that Veronica probably had no idea who the hell he was talking about. “I don’t know if you remember Harry; you were at college most of the time when we were friends. But that’s your bank robber.”
Veronica softened just a bit. She was still beyond pissed at Leon and tired of all his drinking. But she hadn’t realized the bank robber was someone Leon actually knew. “Shit,” Veronica said quietly, taking in the information. “But still, Leon,” she went on again using his first name. “That’s not your fault. You knew him what? Ten years ago? You aren’t responsible for how his life turned out or what choices he made. You can’t put that shit on yourself.”
“Maybe not, but Veronica, you don’t know half the shit I’ve done this year,” he said, wearily, and nearly instantly regretted saying it. It was better that Veronica didn’t know, and he didn’t need her digging into it. Hopefully, she wouldn’t. “Just… trust me when I say Chris is better off without me.”
Veronica kind of doubted there was much she didn’t know. People weren’t usually great at hiding things from her. But then she had also been a bit preoccupied with the whole being a mom thing to keep a close eye on Leon. Though she sure as hell had noticed his drinking. “If you keep up the drinking, then yeah, maybe.”
Leon ran a hand down his face. “It’s not that bad,” Leon muttered, a little unconvincingly. It was even less convincing with how he seemed to realize his flask was still in his hand and he hurriedly put it back in his glovebox.
Veronica just raised a brow at his actions. Proving her point. That look was probably enough but Veronica still went on to say something. “Look where you are right now, Leon.” Veronica really needed this to sink in. Because his drinking was out of control and she needed him to see it.
Leon glanced out the window into the more or less empty McNally’s parking lot. A couple of other cars, left there overnight, were parked there, but no one else was at the bar that early in the morning. “At least I didn’t drive home,” he offered weakly.
“Yeah,” Veronica said with a sigh of her own. There was that. But Veronica wasn’t sure if it was because he had had the conscious decision not to drive or had just passed out in his car. “But you still need to think about the choices you’re making.”
Leon had made the conscious decision. He usually would still drive after a couple of drinks, but he had gotten unexpectedly drunk at the bar last night. Every cop there had heard about what had happened to Laurel, and they had all bought him drinks in commiseration. He hadn’t intended to get that drunk, but that was what happened when things like that happened.
“Yeah,” Leon said, falling quiet for a moment. And then, suddenly, he burst out, “I don’t know what I’m doing, Veronica. I’m not sure if I should even be a cop anymore.” He knew he shouldn’t. He’d broken a lot of laws over the last year; how could he expect to hold up the law when he was breaking it regularly. “I don’t know what else to do, but I don’t think I should do this anymore.”
Although Veronica was used to Leon brushing things off and telling her he was fine, she knew an outburst like this was coming. So she wasn’t all that surprised when Leon suddenly seemed to snap. However, she was surprised at his reasoning. “What?” Veronica asked tone soft. “What are you talking about. The only person more meant to be a cop than you is my dad.”
Leon flinched at the mention of Veronica’s dad. Thinking about Keith right now did not help ease his conscience. Keith always did what was right, no matter what, no matter what it cost him. He wouldn’t have covered up a murder so that his boyfriend could stay out of prison. “He’d be so disappointed in me, Veronica,” Leon muttered, looking out the passenger window so that he didn’t have to see Veronica. “Him and my dad both.”
Keith May have usually done what was right. But he did have a soft spot. Veronica. Luckily she hadn’t done anything he needed to cover up here, but she had in the dreams. And it cost him the sheriff election. Veronica knew though he would do the same for her in this world. Of course she didn’t know that was what Leon was thinking though. “Why do you think that?” Veronica asked tone soft.
“When Alex got arrested…” Leon started, still staring out the window. “I was just so desperate to get him out, Veronica. He was in there because of me, and he’s not cut out for prison.” Alex never talked about it, but Leon could see it every time he visited him. The fresh bruises, the look in his eyes. “I fucked up, Veronica.” His voice cracked, but Leon found he almost didn’t care. “I really fucked up.”
“You did something illegal to get him out.” Veronica said it as more of a statement than a question. Because well it was the only conclusion one could draw from everything Leon was saying. At least to Veronica.
Leon wondered if he had said too much. Knowing Veronica, if she wanted to know exactly what had happened she’d be able to get some sort of general idea just from what he’d said so far. But maybe it was better if she did. He wondered if she’d come forward to the police if she found out someone had been murdered on Alex’s behalf; a big part of him wished that she would.
After a couple of seconds that seemed to drag on like hours, he nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.
The pieces were beginning to click in Veronica’s head. She knew the guy that had taken the fall for Alex’s murder was dead. But she didn’t think Leon was capable of murder. So what did he do? Frame a guy that was already dead? Yeah. That had to be it.
And though now may not be the best time Veronica had to know. “You found a dead guy to frame?”
Leon swallowed. It would have been easier to just let her believe that. That’s what he had tried to believe before Liv and Dan had decided to look into the matter on their own, after all.
But he couldn’t, not now. Maybe it would be easier to get this off his chest with someone who hadn’t been involved. It would take the whole thing out of his hands; if Veronica wanted to report him for it, then she would and he wouldn’t have to be so torn up about the whole thing anymore.
He shook his head. “Not exactly,” he said, his fingers itching for the flask that he’d closed up in the glove compartment. Instead, he reached for a cigarette. “I didn’t kill him,” he clarified, before Veronica could jump to that conclusion. “But I know who did, and I haven’t made a move against him. The officers who were assigned the case obviously weren’t going to look too deep into it,” most of them wouldn’t, not if the guy was accused of shooting an officer in his sleep, “but I know some people who launched an unofficial investigation into it because, let’s face it, the whole thing stunk to high heaven, but once I realized where it was going, I strongarmed them into calling it off.”
He wanted to think that he wouldn’t have interfered with an official investigation, but god, who knew?
Contrary to what Leon thought, Veronica’s mind didn’t jump to the idea that he had killed someone. Because Veronica knew Leon wasn’t a killer. She just listened to everything Leon had to say, taking it in before responding.
“Why haven’t you made a move against him?” Veronica finally asked trying to understand. “Why are you protecting him?” Especially if he strongarmed people into dropping the investigation. “He your friend or something?” Was it that bartender Leon seemed to be so close with lately? She was pretty sure he didn’t have any other close friends. Well the pale medical examiner, but Leon had said he.
“Oh god no,” Leon balked. Even if they had been friends before hand, Leon didn’t think he could still be friends with someone who had murdered someone for their own convenience. “I really can’t stand the guy.” And in a different way than he couldn’t stand D. There was no way he would ever be willingly put in the same room as him, unless it was for the explicit purpose of slapping cuffs on him. He wouldn’t have even investigated him the same way he was investigating the Count.
He fished in his pockets for his cigarettes. The pack was a little beaten up - he’d apparently slept on them last night - but the cigarettes didn’t seem to be snapped so he stuck one in his mouth and lit it, inhaling deeply and blowing the cloud of smoke out the passenger side window. “I just… I don’t want any of this leading back to Alex. I don’t know what I’d do if he got sent back to prison again. To have it be my fault, again. I couldn’t do it.”
“It wasn’t your fault the first time,” Veronica replied. It was the stupid dreams. And Veronica was sure there was another way out of it. But that was an issue for another time. Or maybe not even at all. Veronica knew she had to do something with this information. She just wasn’t sure what yet. It wasn’t a priority right now anyway. Not as much as getting Leon cleaned up and back to his brother.
“You can’t keep going on like this, Orcot.”
Leon hadn’t originally thought to blame himself for what happened to Alex; he was generally okay with knowing what was his fault and what was out of his control. But he’d had enough people telling him over and over again how it had been his fault, and how the hell was he supposed to argue with that? But he wasn’t going to get into that with Veronica. It wasn’t worth it.
He opened his mouth to argue her next point though, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He wanted to argue that he could keep going like this, that it wasn’t a problem, that this was the only way left to keep going. But he couldn’t say it. It wasn’t as if he was blind to this sort of thing.
“Yeah, I know,” he muttered after a moment, his head thunking lightly against his doorframe as he rested it against it.
“Come on,” Veronica said opening the drivers side door back up. “I’ll drive you back to my place.” In her own car thank you very much. Veronica wasn’t about to leave her car parked at a bar. “We can come back for your car later.”
“Thanks,” Leon muttered, taking a moment before he opened up his own car door and stepped out over the puddle of vomit. He just hoped that Chris wasn’t too angry at him.