❄️❄️❄️Frozen Fractals❄️❄️❄️ (show_yourself) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-09-20 00:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, anna of arendelle, elsa of arendelle |
Who: Anna and Elsa
What: Abandonment Issues
When: Late July
Where: Elsa's
Status: Complete
Rating: PG
Anna was a mix of feelings, but a very strong one was anger. And in that moment of blind anger she’d shown up at her sister's house and pounded at the door. It wasn’t a happy knock of a social Anna, no-this was an Anna looking to punch someone out. This was the opposite of anything social.
“I know you’re there, I swear if you ignore me Elsa!....” She panicked internally as she stood outside that door with her arms folded and foot tapping on the ground like a cranky cartoon character. It might have been cute, if she wasn’t fuming.
--
Elsa had opted for a somewhat cozy house, renting instead of buying, while she figured out what to do with the repairs on their family home. It was her first week in it, and even with some furniture it felt a little cavernous and lonely.
But this wasn’t exactly how she wanted to have company. Elsa pulled the door open and stared at her sister, a little wide-eyed. “Anna?”
--
“You ignore me in those dreams too? What the actual fuck?” Anna was visibly annoyed, but given their current circumstances of attempting to actually forgive each other-could she be blamed? This was the thing she was trying to get past, trying to let Elsa in again and salt was rubbed directly in the wounds. “I can’t believe you.” Her arms were folded, she was uncomfortable being there-but she had to confront her. Staying at home might have resulted in something getting broken in this state. Her hand probably. A wall? Likely. Anna packed a pretty decent punch behind those petite features.
She wasn’t one to mess with. Apparently the dreams thought otherwise, but fuck them. She wasn’t going to hide in her apartment and wait for Elsa to maybe come to her.
---
Elsa felt her chest tighten, the world spinning for a moment before she caught herself on the door frame. Now was not the time for a panic attack. She let Anna vent, stepping outside enough so that her sister wouldn’t get the impression the door could get slammed in her face.
“I know it hurts,” she said. “And that it’s just like it was here, but it was…” She waved her hand. “I hurt you, Anna. It was an accident but I hurt you and I couldn’t trust myself to not hurt you again so I closed everyone out.. And father was so… so… quick to blame me for it. For something that took me years to understand wasn’t under my control or my fault.”
---
She would appreciate that later more probably, in the middle of her fury she appreciated very little. “You think? You have no idea.” A pair of angry eyes turned on her, watching her like a hawk. “All I wanted was to be your friend, you think I cared if you hurt me? I just..wanted my sister and you...” She trailed off, not sure how to do this face to face without just yelling at her.
“It was a mistake, you shut me out over a mistake. For years. Elsa.” She folded her arms uncomfortably as she pulled back just a little so she wasn’t yelling in her face at least even if she felt like she kinda wanted to.
---
“Do you want to come inside?” Elsa asked, having absolutely nothing she could argue with Anna over. Her fingers dug into her own arm hard enough to leave bruises before she forced herself to relax her grip.
And then she said the words she wished she’d said years ago in the dreams. “There’s something I need to show you.”
---
Anna stared at Elsa, a small frown still remaining. She was clearly holding back a scathing comment, but she stepped inside. A glance back at the door as if she half expected to be told to leave again. That Elsa had changed her mind. Her arms remained uncomfortably folded
She didn’t know what to say, Elsa wasn’t fighting or taking her bait, so she just waited for whatever she was going to do.
---
Elsa probably deserved the scathing comments to one degree or another but she wasn’t about to invite them on purpose. Instead, she closed the door once Anna was inside, folded her arms for a few seconds with a thoughtful expression, then unfolded them. “This will sound crazy, so I’ll demonstrate.”
With a flourish of her hand, she made it start snowing around Anna. “When we were children, we were playing with my magic. I nearly killed you on accident when I tripped and my magic hit you in the head. It was decided to take your memory of my powers. I was so scared of hurting you again, or our parents, or even our people that ... I locked myself away.”
As she spoke, the snow swirled and stormed, recreating Elsa’s memory of that night in the throne room.
---
Anna had many biting things she could say, just by being brought inside-but Elsa hadn’t just slammed a door in her face, so for now she was just quiet and watched her expectantly. Just to see what she’d do. “I remember. But wait, you did it there too?” She quirked an eyebrow with a frown. What was with all these dreams? She was getting annoyed with the themes meshing with real life. It was like rubbing salt in the wounds. Shed just found her sister again and yet there they were Anna, struggling to find words. When it started to snow around them, words fell away and she could only stare at the icy substance. Then at her sister. “This is what you’ve been hiding from me all this time?” She wasn’t sure what to feel, but she did hold out a hand to catch some of it. “Is that why I don’t remember why you pushed me out? They took it away?” So many emotions Both at their parents and at Elsa. Everyone just deciding their futures and fate for them pissed her off. For a while she was just quiet, watching the snow fall around them, unsure what to say.
---
Elsa folded her arms around herself, shoulders tight and drawn, her eyes on the sparkling magic as it faded away to nothing. Eventually, the snow stopped as well, a thin layer of it coating the floor between them.
“Yeah, they took it away, and told me that people would be afraid. Or something like that where I took it to mean my powers were something to be feared and hated over. So father taught me to conceal it, to not feel it or let it show.”
---
Anna lowered her hand as it faded away. “Why would they hate you?” She didn’t understand, she understood hating someone for something they actually did, but Elsa had power...it didn’t mean she’d actually do anything bad with it. “How can anyone fear anything so ...pretty?” She asked again, not really looking at her. She didn’t think it was something to hate, the only thing Anna hated was being left alone.
“Why would they do that to us?” She had always thought highly of their parents, but now they’d caused so much harm to their relationship as siblings by telling Elsa to lock herself away, even from her own sister. Anna couldn’t even ask them anymore in person, they were gone now. Not that they’d know anything about their weird dreams anyway, but still. She was stuck. She didn’t know how to feel that her memories were taken away, that their parents could isolate them both like that. It wasn’t fair.
---
“I don’t know…” Elsa sighed, trying to find the right words to describe what the trolls had told her. “I was told there was beauty in my power yes. But that if I let fear or anger cloud me I could hurt people. I think… I took that to mean something more than it did.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around herself. Elsa didn’t know why, but she blurted out, “In our dreams you’d...slip little notes and cards under my door. Even when I was telling you to go away. That meant a lot to me and you deserved better.”
---
“...I don’t hate it. I don’t hate you.” She confirmed. She didn’t see how anyone wouldn’t want her to remember something as special as this. Much less their parents. It baffled her. They always seemed so kind to her, but looking back on it...were they? They’d isolated them from each other, made them both think something was wrong with the other. Elsa with herself, Anna thinking she was the reason Elsa was hiding. “I’m glad dream me had more sense than to listen. Nobody should hide who they are.” No matter why or what happened.
“It’s not right.” Nobody had the right to take her memories, or their relationship. “Screw them.” She was angry. She could have had a real relationship with her sister if she’d just known about the magic. “
---
“So many times I wanted to say something. But then I’d get afraid, my room would turn into an ice box because I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t let myself even hug them…” Elsa trailed off. That was certainly a regret she’d never realized before. That she hadn’t even hugged her parents good bye. And then they’d died, leaving her and Anna alone.
Which meant they had both been truly alone when they’d needed each other the most.
It meant everything to hear Anna say those words, and Elsa smiled gratefully. “I’m sorry.. For the loneliness you’re going to feel in your dreams. But does get better, eventually, after some… bad things. I promise.”
---
Anna on the other hand wasn’t afraid of a hug, in spite of all the loneliness she’d suffered, it jut made her more willing to give them out. It seemed like her sister needed one the most just then. She approached with zero hesitation, zero fear or whatever even if it meant maybe she’d be frozen and hugged her.
“So hug me.” She’d wanted one for years.
---
Elsa bit back something like a sob. She’d been working so hard, even in this life, and had been terrified her experiences at the hands of her ex’s father had undone all the progress she made. But Anna was warm, Anna was her sister, and she wrapped her arms around her and squeezed tightly.
“I love you, Anna.”
---
Anna returned that hug and it was like a sack of bricks had been lifted off her chest too. She’d put on this angry front when reuniting with Elsa to protect herself, but in reality this is really what she’d wanted all along.
“I love you too. I always have.” Even after everything that’d happened, she’d only ever wanted her sister and a real relationship with her.