Alice (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} _alicedear) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valarlogs,@ 2019-09-10 19:36:00 |
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What: Self defense training leads to discussion of needs
When: May/June time frame (when Alice started training with him)
Where: Kirk's studio
Rating/Warnings: Medium
Status: Complete when posted
Alice liked to think she was starting to get the hang of some of the defense techniques Kirk was teaching her during their training sessions. The emphasis seemed to be on getting her away from whatever the threat was which was absolutely fine with her. She wasn’t trying to learn how to go out and cause trouble or pick fights. She just didn’t want to feel helpless anymore when she was threatened. She didn’t want to have to sit around and wait to be rescued just because she couldn’t protect herself. She wanted to be able to at least have a chance if she put up a fight. Or at least feel that she did. And it was good exercise which without a personal trainer anymore she’d had a hard time sticking to a schedule for exercise.
She lay where she was on the mat for a moment longer before standing back up and turning to face him. “Can we try that one again? I think I almost have what you said for me to do to stay on my feet.”
Jim was a professional, and he didn’t know Alice well enough to make jokes about getting a pretty woman on her back. But it was tempting.
“Remember, lower your center of gravity, but don’t be afraid to take some of that momentum if you have to and use it against your attacker.”
***
Alice nodded at that reminder, rolling her shoulders as she got ready to try again. She squatted slightly, making herself even shorter as she waited for him to come at her, going through the steps he’d taken the drill into her head about how to use his momentum against him. Maybe this time he’d be the one on the floor and she’d come out on top. It would feel good if she could pull it off. It had been a while since she’d been on top of a good looking guy. Her face turned bright red as she realized what she’d just been thinking and she was distracted when Kirk made his move but she did manage to at least mostly keep her footing.
***
Alice’s distraction caused Jim to adjust at the last minute for fear of clocking her in the face with his elbow. Instead, he skidded ungracefully, ended up tripping Alice and they both went down in a tumble.
At least Alice got to be on top of him like she wanted.
***
Alice felt her face go even redder when she landed on top of Jim and she just lay there for a moment looking down into his face before she managed to stammer out an apology. “I’m so sorry! I got distracted thinking about…” well ending up like this but she wasn’t sure she could say that to him. “Something.” She added after a moment, knowing it wasn’t at all a good explanation. She needed to figure out a way to get off gracefully without putting her hands...anywhere that would be even more embarrassing. This would be one training session she didn’t discuss with Mina at all.
She reached out to the sides to put her hands on the floor to help her raise up and then slide off him. “Sorry. You okay?”
****
Jim waited until she was off of him, careful to not let his hands wander, before sitting up with a preternatural grace and folding his legs underneath him. He regarded her for a moment, concern in his features. “Anything you need to talk about?”
***
There were lots of things Alice could have talked to him about in response to that question but the one that had her flustered was that it had been awhile since she’d had sex and she wasn’t sure she knew Kirk well enough to tell him that. School and the show and Kurt and therapy and - she’d had too much going on to get that particular need addressed lately. “Just got a little stuck in my own head there. A lot going on and I got distracted by all of it.”
***
And somewhere was Logan willing to take one for the team should Alice ever ask….
Jim just nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe talking about it will help. Hard to defend yourself when you’re distracted. You need to have your head in the game.”
He leaned in, which probably wasn’t helping.
***
No. His leaning in towards her was definitely not helping her flustered and distracted state. She adjusted her ponytail as she sat down on the floor a little bit away from him. “Aren’t you supposed to say something about if I get attacked by someone they won’t give me a chance to clear my head?” She asked him, trying to go for a note of levity but falling far short of it probably when she let out a sigh. “I...I’m finding there’s just not enough time in my day right now to take care of everything. With school and the show and Kurt….There’s not much time left for my own needs.” That was the truth without giving away too much of what she’d been thinking about right?
***
“Well, they won’t, so we’ll have to practice a fw moves, though most of those involve going for the groin,” Jim said, in all seriousness.
He nodded, understanding. “A kid is a full time job, and you’ve already got a full time job and schooling. And you can’t just foist the kid on a Nanny all the time either. Taking care of your own needs is important, too. Whether it’s relaxing, or whatever else you need to get through the day.”
In other words, Balance. But then Kirk wasn’t the best at balancing work and life, himself.
Though he did always find time to get laid.
***
“Can I get a few minutes before we start practicing those?” Alice asked, needing a chance to get herself back under some model of complete control. At least not blushing like she had during their tumble. Or getting distracted.
She gave a little laugh and shook her head. “We don’t even have a nanny for him. He’s always with family or friends. Or occasionally a brief stop at the campus daycare until someone can pick him up.” It was a decision she didn’t regret - not wanting to rely on someone they paid to take care of Kurt. Not when they could find friends or family who would be happy to look after him when she and Logan couldn’t make their schedules match up.
She stretched her arms over her head when he mentioned relaxing. “Well...relaxing is a little difficult for me when most of the things I’m reading these days are for school or work. And well batteries have a tendency to get used up without anybody realizing we’re out until we go looking for a new set.” That...had been a very very awkward conversation with her father when he’d found her looking for batteries in the middle of the night and wanted to know why she needed them right then.
***
Family was better than a nanny, in Kirk’s book, and he felt a strange pang of jealousy and grief, even though he had no kid and David was from his dreams and very dead.
He hadn’t really had the nerve to look Carol Marcus up and see if he’d knocked her up in this world, too.
Both of his eyebrows raised up and Jim asked, “Wearing out Bob that badly, huh?”
***
Alice laughed at the look on his face and couldn’t help but respond with a shrug and a gently teasing comment. “The urge doesn’t go away just because someone’s single. Or single with a kid. So...Bob it is some nights.” Or a lot of nights when she didn’t call Logan to see if he was busy or not. They’re arrangement worked even if it wasn’t what most people would expect with their situation. Trust and knowing each other made it convenient and easy for her to call him when she needed to get laid most of the time. But she also knew it ran the risk of turning complicated at some point.
***
“I kind of get that,” Jim replied, understandably. “Can’t always find the time or energy to find someone to scratch that itch. Even if that’s the more fun option.”
He actually had a rec for a toy he’d used on an ex a few times.
But it might also literally kill Alice.
***
“And God forbid I be honest about not looking for anything necessarily permanent or serious. That gets the wrong reaction every time just about. Or a response from the absolute wrong guys.” Alice said, trying to ignore the fact that Kirk was a relative stranger because he was comfortable to talk to. Or the fact that while she wasn’t looking for anything it didn’t stop that part of her from hoping to find that again. Or from starting to develop a crush on one of her friends.
***
“Honesty is important in any relationship, even the fleeting fly-by-night ones,” Jim replied, winking at her. “Of which I’m greatly familiar with.”
He wanted more too. The great tragedy of Captain Kirk wasn’t that he was a playboy; it was that he actually did want to find that person and settle down with them.
Except that person would need to understand that the Enterprise came first.
Less of an issue in the OC than it was in his dreams, and in the dreams his great loves tended to die or be oblivious.
***
Alice sighed as she laid back on the mat, groaning quietly with the frustration she felt thinking about it. “You know what I need? I need a couple male friends that I can call when Bob isn’t cutting it. Or a better Bob.” She said, looking at him and feeling her face heat up. She knew she could call Logan or sometimes just stop by but she was trying not to rely on him for that so much, not wanting to risk complicating their friendship. Or start rumors circulating with anyone that they were more than just friends. “Sorry. This...is not what you signed up for when you offered to help me learn how to defend myself I know.”
***
She made an attractive ground lump, he had to admit.
“I can probably help in both,” Kirk blurted, even as he wracked his brain trying to remember her birthdate from her ID when she’d paid.
***
“That’s not - I swear I wasn’t -” Alice stopped herself before she could embarrass herself anymore, gathering her thoughts fully before speaking again. “I wasn’t trying to hint at that Kirk if that’s what you were thinking.” She sat up slightly and looked at him. “But that doesn’t mean I would have a problem with talking about that option more.” He was good looking and smart. And fun to talk with. And he hadn’t reacted badly to her blunt statement of what she was looking for in her life right then.
***
“Far be it for me to assume anything.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “But you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”
Jim smiled, cheeky and charming, and brushed some hair from her face.
***
Alice felt her face heat up even more at that comment about being embarrassed. “I prefer to think of it as more flustered than anything.” She said, giving him a small smile in return. Talking was all they were doing right? Nothing wrong with talking about needs and desires. Nothing to be embarrassed about with a conversation. Yeah. That logic wasn’t even convincing to her.
***
“Flustered isn’t much different,” Jim reminded her. He let his hand drop away, leaving it up to her to come closer, or to not. She was someone he’d very much like to pin down. Or let her be on top.
Jim was easy that way.
***
Alice appreciated that quiet, simple way of giving her control that Jim chose. He knew from why she was here how much had been out of control lately for her. She bit down on the inside of her cheek as she looked at him. She needed the release, she'd admitted as much. And that she didn't want any strings when it came to it right then.
She leaned in towards him. "This better not be counted as part of my training time Jim." She gave him a light kiss and moved so that she was sitting right in front of him.
***
He grinned into the kiss, sliding his hand from her hip and up her side, then cupped her cheek. “This one is on the house.”
***