Bucky Barnes (itwasstillme) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-08-15 20:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, bucky barnes (winter soldier), clara oswald |
Who: Clara and Bucky
What: Bucky has another Dream, and then there’s a proposal.
When: This morning
Where: Their place
Warnings: Spoilers for Avengers: Endgame if you still haven’t seen it
As much as it had been traumatic to have Dreamt about dying and then temporarily died upon waking up, Bucky was relieved to be alive again in the Dreams. Of course, he didn’t know if he would be called to fight again as time went on. He’d been fighting for so long, spent decades being a tool of assassination for Hydra, that all he wanted was some peace in his life.
Thanos was dead, and everyone that had died when Thanos had snapped his fingers had come back. However, it did not come without its price. Natasha and Tony had died, sacrificing themselves for the greater good. Steve had gone back to live a life with Peggy. And oh, Bucky had known about Steve’s plans before he’d gone back to return the Infinity Stones to their proper places in time. He’d known that instead of reappearing when he should’ve as the young man, he’d be an old man waiting for the right time to come and pass the shield onto the next who would take up the mantle of Captain America.
Bucky most definitely approved of Steve passing the shield to Sam. He was an excellent choice to take up the mantle and continue fighting. It would at least let Bucky have some peace in his life and not need to be on the front lines so much. Would he continue to fight if he was needed? Of course he would, but he was old and the wolf was weary of fighting. Sam, however, was young and more than ready to take up the cause. A new world had been born, but there was never really an end to threats that the universe would throw at them.
He woke up with a lot on his mind in regards to the Dream, reflecting on it and the deeper meaning behind it. Two Avengers had fallen and another had passed on his legacy, it was clear that there was a changing of the guard, so-to-speak. He glanced at the clock. It was still a little early, but the sun was up at least. Bucky rolled onto his back and gazed up at the ceiling, not quite wanting to get out of bed as he replayed that Dream in his mind reflectively.
Sleep was a strange thing for Clara. It was mostly done as a means of something to remind herself of normal human things as she didn’t necessarily need it anymore. But there were nights she just couldn’t force herself to do the sleep thing and that was one such night. So while she worried about Bucky’s dreams, she also had been up reading in the other room until Cap had needed to go out.
Once back in their flat, Clara had decided to at least try to get some sleep. But then she noticed her boyfriend was awake.
“Everything okay?”
The question was asked as she moved to the bed to curl up next to him.
When Clara came into the room, he looked over at her. It was a question that had a slightly complex answer. “For the most part,” he responded as she curled up next to him. He slipped his arm around her and held her close. “I had another Dream, and I think it was a sort of conclusion. At least for now.”
It was hard to pinpoint that it was a definite end for him, personally, because he was clearly alive. But Steve’s story was clearly at an end, but perhaps Bucky could get some more time with him off of a battlefield before he passed away. I’m with you until the end of the line. But considering everything that he’d seen and experienced in his life, he knew some other evil would come sooner or later and threaten the Earth, or the universe at large, and the Avengers, or the new version of them, would need to stand up and fight.
Bucky wasn’t sure if he would be called to fight as well, but he did hope that he’d get another period of peace like he’d found in Wakanda.
“Mm.” Getting comfortable, Clara just let Bucky talk about what was going on in his mind. At least it didn’t seem to be something that had triggered is PTSD. That was always a good sign. But Dreams. That would certainly do it. Especially when it came to the Dreams seemingly ending.
“Oh?”
Shifting some, Clara looked up at her boyfriend to get a read on him and his feelings about the current end of his dreams.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Bucky gave a nod to her question. Luckily, it wasn’t anything traumatic, it was more just making him reflect on the Dreams, and on his life. He was actually glad that it didn’t set off his PTSD. He’d had enough of that not that long ago to last him for a while.
“It picked up after Tony’s funeral. Steve was going to return the Infinity Stones to where they’d gotten from in the time stream, but I knew he wasn’t going to be coming back. At least not as the young man. Bruce was having a fit when Steve didn’t reappear when he was supposed, but I knew he wasn’t going to be appearing where he’d disappeared, but instead be sitting somewhere to the side waiting to make his entrance.” He took a breath, kind of lamenting the time he’d lose with his friend, after having lost decades of being in his life.
“He’d put the Stones back where they’d gotten them from, then he went back to have a life with Peggy. A normal life. Steve as an old man came up to us, and he passed his shield on to the next Captain America.”
Nothing wrong with reflecting. Sometimes it was a necessary thing. And again, at least it wasn’t something traumatic and just more...thought provoking. Clara’d had her fair share of those Dreams and she would take the thought provoking Dreams over traumatic ones any day.
“Huh.”
Clearly the rules of time travel were different in Bucky’s dreams than they were in her own since that was definitely not a thing that would even be possible. But Clara had long since learned that trying to make sense of time travel in general was just a bad idea. It just led to more confusion and headaches.
“Guess I can’t say I’m surprised if he had that chance even if it shouldn’t be possible.” What? Even if she knew better than to question it didn’t mean she wouldn’t respond with her basic understanding of time travel from her own dreams.
“How are you coping with that?” She knew how close Bucky and Steve were, and Bucky now being alone as a man out of time in his Dreams.
Bucky didn’t mind Clara voicing her understanding of time travel. He’d had the same question himself, honestly. But even if he had been there when Bruce and Tony had built the thing, he doubted he would’ve understood it any better than he already did. Which was virtually not knowing how it worked, just that things had to be put back at the exact moment they’d been taken.
“I didn’t think it was possible either, but I wasn’t going to argue about it. If that’s what Steve wanted, a chance for a normal life, I wasn’t going to stand in his way.” Even though it meant he’d be alone in the sense of being out of time, he’d rather that Steve got the chance to be happy and have a life with the woman he loved.
“It’s hard to say. I didn’t have a lot of warning on the matter, and he was only supposed to be gone for like, five seconds for us. I spotted the older Steve before any of the others did, and I knew that it was time for the shield to be passed. So I told Sam to go talk to him.” Bucky took a breath. “It’s going to be tough not having him around, but at least I’m not a pawn for Hydra anymore and I can make my own life now.”
There was just so much that could be wrong, paradoxes and the light. What was a fixed point what wasn’t? Really, Clara could try to really map it out but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. What did matter was that Bucky was okay with whatever had happened in his Dreams.
“That makes sense…” And it did. Sometimes there were just changes you had to take - even if you had moved on with your life. That lingering ‘but what if’ would be there, the choice you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you didn’t try.
“Well from what you’ve told me, Sam will be an amazing Captain America.”
The comment on no longer being a pawn for Hydra was met with a nod.
“Which is the important part, making your own life now that you have that chance.” It was something to hold onto in the real world as well when everything was out of your hands in the Dreams. So being able to do that in the Dreams? Definitely a good thing. “After all, you never know what the next day might bring so just...yeah.”
While Bucky was smart, he didn’t claim to understand anything that Bruce and Tony had done in order to make time travel without the Time Stone possible. And he certainly wasn’t going to even start trying because that was outside of his capability of understanding science and math.
But it all came down to that age old question of if you could go back and change one pivotal moment in your life, would you? And Steve had taken that chance because he’d known what life had been like without Peggy. He’d fought the good fight, and in Bucky’s opinion, Steve deserved happiness after all the crap he’d gone through. Especially where Hydra and Thanos were concerned.
“Yeah, he is. I think he was surprised, but he’s what we need. Someone young and ready to fight.” Because Bucky was old despite still being physically young in his Dreams. And while he would continue to fight, he’d much prefer a quieter life than he’d had. Which only made him ponder the future here in this world, his future with Clara. He didn’t have someone like her in his Dreams, and he damn well wasn’t going to let her go in this life. Not for anything. He wanted one of his lives to be relatively normal and happy as compared to the other one. He looked at her for some moments in silence as he pondered marriage. It had been a thought that had crossed his mind before, but not to the point of actually asking her to marry him.
“Marry me,” he stated. Okay, so it wasn’t quite in question form, and it wasn’t formal with him down on one knee, but that also wasn’t completely his style.
Clara’s head hurt trying to make sense of the plan that had apparently been put into place in Bucky’s dreams and so she just decided to move past it. Different worlds, different rules. That was going to be the easiest way to wrap her mind around it.
There was certainly something to be said about moving on and doing so, but Steve had been through enough and if he wanted to go to the past and stay there? Who were they to judge? And she did hope that Bucky would get a chance to rest in the Dreams. Though that probably more had to do if there would be more for him or if this was truly the end. Given Veronica’s Dreams had started up again after three years? Just because it felt like the end didn’t mean it was.
“And that’s what’s important.”
Falling into a comfortable silence, Clara had let her mind drift when she heard Bucky’s comment. Because it wasn’t a question. And well, she’d be lying if she said she had never thought about it. But never seriously. But in some ways, it seemed perfectly natural. Both based on the conversation and how Bucky’s Dreams had currently ended and just in general. They’d been through a lot in their two years together. And life was fleeting.
“Okay.”
While the Dreams felt like an end, of a sort, Bucky just had a feeling that his story wasn’t done yet. Steve’s was done, and now it Bucky’s turn to hopefully find some semblance of a life. So much of his life had been stolen by Hydra, but Bucky was determined to make sure he controlled the rest of his life. He would do what he wanted to do, not what someone told him to do.
He didn’t know how long it would be before he had another Dream, but at least this one came with a non-violent and non-traumatic conclusion than some of his more recent Dreams had. He was seriously hoping that he didn’t go losing his metal arm yet again. Or losing some other limb in the future. He’d had enough of that, thank you.
At Clara’s response, he couldn’t help but to smile. “I love you,” he said as he held her close to him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He just wanted to savor this moment before they even attempted to discuss a wedding.
Non-violent and non-traumatic conclusions were always a good thing.
“I love you, too.”
Snuggling closer to Bucky, Clara closed her eyes content. She would worry about telling her dad (which would definitely be something) later. They had plenty of time to worry about details later, right now was just spending time together and this moment.