wanda maximoff (fears) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-08-05 11:40:00 |
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Being Director wasn’t easy, and Nat had gained new found respect for Fury (well beyond what she already felt) in the years of running the Agency.
With the Iris mess settled and her apartment hunt stalled, Nat turned her attention to other things to finish off her day.
Or she would have, except one of her sources called about a disturbance at a bar involving glowing lights and a woman.
A woman that Nat found alone on a bench at a park as the sun sank into the sea. She was dressed casually with her sidearm hidden so as not to spook Wanda, and she sat down next to her, leaning back against the seat and crossing her legs. “Nice view.”
Dealing with what happened at the bar was a work in progress. While Peter had been great at helping her come down from the panic right after it, Wanda was still coming to terms with the things she made people see, the fear she put back into their lives when they should’ve been carefree and having fun.
Being outside helped, and Wanda enjoyed the air and the open space. She wasn’t claustrophobic, but the dreams of years locked up, working on these exact powers, made her want to know she could spread out. The arrival of Natasha didn’t startle her, but did surprise her slightly.
“It is.” Not that it really should’ve, she didn’t know a lot about Natasha, but the redhead seemed to be well versed in knowing everything. “I like when it’s so open, and vast.”
Nat could speak to what it felt like to be locked away in a lab somewhere, even if she liked to bury the Red Room into the recesses of her memories.
“There’s freedom out there. Peace too, and just enough danger to be exciting.”
Nat leaned her elbows on the back of the bench, giving Wanda enough space to feel comfortable while offering a shoulder or arm if she needed it. Some people needed that human contact and she liked Wanda enough to offer it.
Or maybe Nat was the one that needed it, but she’d never actually admit it. Mutual breakups were mutual but didn’t hurt any less.
Exciting was hard at times, something to get worked up about, to look forward to. Sometimes that meant there was more to lose though. It didn’t seem like Natasha was worried about being too close, so Wanda tried not to focus on it.
“Do you come here often?” Because it felt oddly timed, Natasha showing up there, where Wanda found a place to sit and think, to ponder options. It was Natasha that directed her towards Dr Quinn, and it seemed Natasha knew enough about Wanda to have gotten to the point where Wanda might’ve interacted with her. And Wanda worried about that a little more.
What would happen when Tony dreamed about what she did? “Am I in your spot?”
Natasha had seen Wanda gain control, hold it. Even the worst event hadn’t been her fault, though certain people had capitalized on it. Wanda had saved more lives than had been lost, but … Nat would understand that guilt and try to be there for her when she dreamed it.
“Occasionally, and nope. I don’t really mind the company.”
“Sometimes, I am not the best company.” Since people who just happened to be around her sometimes, they didn’t exactly deserve what happened. Try as she might, the images were still floating in her head. She figured it might take a little while for them to dissipate, her own feelings probably making them linger.
“Then again, sometimes being alone is definitely not something I want.”
“Oh, that’s both of us.” Natasha turned her head, a light, teasing smile on her face that almost reached her eyes. There were few nightmares as bad as the ones she gave herself, but Wanda was capable of bringing those out and making them come alive.
She didn’t blame them for it, and had a compulsion about looking out for the other woman.
“On both counts. Even if it’s really easy to retreat away from the world. Like a self-defense mechanism!”
“Closing off seems easier, right? Because then there’s no one that can hurt us, or that we can hurt.” She didn’t know what Natasha’s circumstances were, but the redhead had shown up briefly in Wanda’s dreams. Brief enough that Wanda knew they weren’t on the same side there.
“I hurt some people, people I don’t know but they were still hurt.” It did mean Wanda couldn’t exactly apologise to them, but at the same time they weren’t going to see her and worry about it happening again. “I just want to keep in control, but I’m not sure how.”
There were truths to Wanda’s words. So many times in Natasha’s life had the people around her gotten hurt or killed. It had reached the point in her dreams she’d felt nervous just taking care of a cat! The odds of her not coming home were high, and even a cat could be used against her by the wrong sort of people.
And then there’d been the people Nat had betrayed. Usually to protect them or someone vulnerable, and yet it hurt no less.
“With power like yours, there’s always a danger. Even when you’re most in control, something can still cause you to lose it. A blow to the head, even. But the more control you have, the less likely that is to happen.” Natasha studied her, then pulled her sunglasses off and flicked them closed. “A friend runs a place where you won’t hurt anyone.”
Something messing with her concentration really seemed to be the factor that messed with her control. She got drunk without noticing and messed with so many people, possibly causing some serious trauma for them. But the mention of a place had Wanda envisioning the labs under Strucker’s castle.
“What kind of place?” She hoped Natasha wasn’t going to suggest something like what they did to build up her control with Hydra.
Natasha realized she should have foreseen Wanda’s concerns about places. She put a hand on her arm reassuringly. “A training facility, nothing more. With reinforced rooms for people with destructive power. It’s situated beneath an outreach center for troubled youth and a lot of dreamers go there to practice and train. You’re free to come and go as you please. It’s based on a school for people with powers from someone’s dreams.”
A training facility might be better, it wasn’t like Wanda’s control was coming to her the way Kara had indicated hers had, nothing was just bleeding through the same, and Wanda could only maintain complete concentration for a certain amount of time. “That doesn’t sound terrible.”
Not if she couldn’t hurt anyone, if it was meant for this, if people used it for this when the had powers. “Where abouts is this? Would I need to contact someone?” Natasha had put her in touch with Harley, Natasha had given her a semblance of comfort when she started dreaming, she felt like she could trust Natasha to steer her in the right direction at least.
“It’s out at Trabuco Canyon, at the Jean Grey Outreach Center,” Natasha said. “I can show you a map or drive you out if you’d like. I’ll call Logan, he’s the one that runs it. Not sure if you’ve talked to him much yet.”
And he damn well better take it well or she would put a bullet in him for a few hours.
The name rang a bell, and Wanda was sure she’d spoken to him, “On the network, I think we’ve talked. He knows about people with powers, he asked if I was born with mine.” It seemed like that made some kind of difference, so she thought that was probably how powered people worked for him. “I…” she could, feasibly, go out herself, with a map. But the notion left her uneasy.
“You wouldn’t mind? Taking me?” Maybe if Natasha was there it wouldn’t feel too much like going somewhere else that might turn bad, if Natasha knew the place and the people, it might feel easier. She wanted to get used to these powers, learn how to control them better, so that she stopped being so damn scared of them.
“I don’t mind at all.” Natasha gave Wanda an easy smile, though there were shadows in her eyes. “I may not have super powers the way you do, but I know what it’s like to feel out of control and alone. I’m not here just because it’s my job to keep people in this county safe. I’m here for you. As a person. Maybe as a friend, even.”
Wanda was finding that around here, friends weren’t that hard to come by, it was just people who could understand the nonsense that happened were a little thin. “I would… I appreciate that,” Wanda didn’t have many people who really knew what her powers did though. Padme was such a good friend, but she didn’t know that Wanda was a walking threat. “I think I could do with a friend like you.”
And not just because Natasha had those connections, but because Natasha seemed to understand so very well.
There were three Natashas. Two of them had tried hard to let people close and been burned by it, sometimes disastrously, but they were close enough in her mind, her waking life and that first set of dreams, that she saw that as a single part of herself. So there was the true second, the one Wanda would come to know from the dreams, who had also been burned and yet continued to try to keep her found family together.
The one who still had some hope for it.
Some days, Nat preferred to let that part of herself out, and it was that part of herself that gave Wanda a hug.
Honestly, it was much needed. Wanda wasn’t just as worried about wrapping her arms around Natasha somewhat, head leaning on Natasha’s shoulder for a moment while she soaked in the comfort from someone who really understood the effects.
“You’ve always been there when I needed, even just through a screen.” Finding Harley, just offering advice, giving hope that HYDRA wouldn’t always be her life.
“You needed someone, and I have the benefit of a window you haven’t looked through yet,” Natasha said. “And I…”
And Natasha had spilled too much blood, seen too much blood spilled, worried herself practically to an ulcer over things both in and out of her control, that if she could give a woman who was as broken as she was some peace of mind, she was going to do so.
But instead of finishing her sentence, she just shrugged one shoulder.
Wanda just nodded, as much as she didn’t know a lot about Natasha, she had a feeling that a lot of her advice and support came from a place of understanding because she’d been through it. “Well, I appreciate it, a lot. And even if I’m not always the best person, you know I’m here if you need too.” Maybe it was just something about the dreams that did bring people together.
“Thank you.” While Natasha wouldn’t likely take Wanda up on that offer without becoming a lot close to her, she did appreciate it. It was good to know there might be some kind of outlet, someone she could talk to, especially with Stahma out of her life.
Natasha tended to keep her secrets buried deep, which wasn’t always the most healthy outlook.