Peter Quill (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} betterthanhoff) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valarlogs,@ 2019-07-16 07:28:00 |
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When: Right after this log
Where: Wanda's place
What: Peter needs comfort and he finally does something he's been wanting to do for a while
Rating/Warnings: None
Status: Complete
By the time Peter had finally reached out to Wanda, he’d been walking around for a little bit, even though it was late, trying to clear his thoughts. The emotions were so palatable in the ship that the second they landed, Peter had taken off. He didn’t want to go back to Yondu’s, didn’t want to even see Yondu right now, lest he break down again.
How often do you see your dad die in front of you only to have him be right there? And not even know he was really the father figure you always wanted, even if some part of you always knew? It was more than he could handle, and like always, he reached out to Wanda first.
Without really knowing, he’d been walking in her general direction anyways. He’d been to Hayley’s before, usually to drop off an invoice, or chat to her about something if he’d missed her at the studio, but he’d never actually been there with Wanda. He hoped it wouldn’t be a problem, although in all honesty, he wasn’t really in a state where he could care.
He may have been your father, boy but he wasn’t your daddy.
Shit. He was going to cry again.
Swallowing thickly, he pushed the buzzer to the apartment and shifted on his feet, hands in his pocket while he bounced in place. Fuck. FUCK. His dad had been staring at him all this time. God, he was a worthless son.
---
Wanda worried. It was simply natural, but Peter had her worried just because of the general tone when he’d reached out. It wasn’t that she didn’t expect it, not entirely, everyone had their points to break at, but Peter had always been so upbeat and carefree. Naturally it had to be dream related -unless something had happened with one of his girl-companion-people, but she doubted it.
She’d already moved all her blankets onto her bed, quickly cleaned up a little and grabbed an assortment of comfort eating -living with another female meant keeping chocolate and nibbles around.
At the sound of the buzzer, Wanda knew it had to be Peter and instantly let him in and then unlocked the door in order to go meet him rather than leave him to come up. Seeing him didn’t make her worry less. “Hey,” she tried not to frown too much, but still, “Looks like you could use the hug this time?” Because if they helped him half as much at they helped her, maybe it would be a start.
---
“If you hug me, I’ll start crying again,” he said honestly, negating the fact that his eyes were brimming with tears anyways. He did reach out for her hand, clutching onto her like a life line and let her lead him to the apartment though, which he did with an uncharacteristic silence. For once, he didn’t have anything to say, nor did he even know what to say.
Although they’d discussed her dreams before, they hadn’t really gone into his other than the cliffnotes he liked people to know. It was badass to be a space pirate -- not so much the whole outlaw-Ravager-generally unknown person. And then there was the fact that everyone in his life had fucked him over at some point too….
When they got inside, he cleared his throat and looked around. “Hayley here?” Not that he minded, per se, but he didn’t know if he wanted to have her watching him fall apart.
---
Crying wasn’t going to be a problem, if that was what Peter needed, she would shoulder that just the same as he’d dealt with her troubles. But for now, she just took his hand, a squeeze of support and heading into the apartment. “She has a private client, but she’ll be home later.” Hayley did work so hard, but Wanda knew that she enjoyed her work.
Rubbing her hand over Peter’s arm, Wanda closed the door covertly using her telekinesis in order to stay by Peter’s side. “We can use the living room, or we can hide under the covers in my room. I have snacks and beer and lots of blankets to hide in.”
It wasn’t camping, but it was something to offer at least.
---
It took him another few moments to answer. “Your room is fine. I’m not the best company right now…” Plus had Hayley ever seen him so down before? Not many people had. Peter had worked hard to build up impenetrable walls and liked his carefree persona. Even if it was quickly crumbling at the moment.
It was the first time Peter had even really seen Wanda’s space. The few times he’d gone to her apartment, he’d been very aware that it was her own private space, and he’d never really looked around. Other than the bathroom and kitchen, he hadn’t ventured into it more. He would be lying if he wasn’t interested in what her room looked like. Maybe later he’d pay attention. Instead, he kicked his shoes off and buried himself under the very inviting mound of blankets.
“Oh my god, how do you even get out of this bed?,” he asked. “It’s so soft….”
---
Wanda wasn’t really expecting the usual witty commentary from him, it wasn’t like they were going to sit down and have a deep conversation about some television show, but if he didn’t want to be somewhere that might invite conversation, even if Hayley would likely understand.
Letting Peter get comfortable, Wanda put his shoes to the side of the bed, shuffling hers off and crawling under the covers too. “Sometimes it is a struggle.” It was a comfortable bed, she liked that it was somewhere between sink into it and being firm enough that she didn’t actually sink. “I’m glad I have time to laze around, I don’t need to get out if I don’t want to.” Although she was up in the morning most of the time to see Hayley off, have breakfast together, even just if she was working on some projects for going back to school.
Resting her arm under her head, Wanda just regarded Peter for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it?” Whatever it was.
---
It would be so easy not to think or say anything. Just lay there and let Wanda talk ...but there was a reason he was there and he didn’t want her to think this was just an excuse to get into her bed. He turned to his side and mimicked her pose.
“I had the last set of dreams, I think. I know ...everything. And Yondu has known everything too, and I can’t get mad him for not telling me, since I basically told him not to spoil my dreams but fuck. Fuck. Wanda … I watched him die….” Were the tears starting again? A little bit. And his voice was starting to hitch. “And the last thing he told me was how proud he was of me, of being my dad ….and …”
Yeah, no. He couldn’t get through the sentence without closing his eyes for a moment. “That’s it. All this fucking time. He raised me. Here, there...and I am the worst son ever. All I did was cause problems, and he just ...fucking loved me. And he told me he did. Does.”
That was all he was going to be able to choke out. He was trying hard not to dissolve into tears but it was really hard.
---
It started out convoluted, but Wanda caught on fairly quickly. Yondu died in the dreams, he knew that he would, but Peter had just caught up. She stretched out a hand, gripping at Peter’s hand for something to ground on. “I’m sorry you had to do that again,” losing another parent, even if it took that long for Peter to realise that Yondu was, for all the gruff words and their cheeky exchanges, a father for Peter.
She shuffled closer, pulling the covers up over their heads tighter, creating a cocoon so that if Peter needed to let loose a little, if he wanted to purge some emotions with some crying, then he could and feel somewhat safe in the isolation of the blanket fort.
“It’s good, right?” Obviously, not yet, “Not the dreams, those are terrible, and I’m so sorry,” she knew she was repeating herself, but the platitudes were hard either way, “But you have each other, here and now and you can work with that.” Hopefully it meant that Peter wouldn’t dream about things going worse from here out.
“But if you want to talk, you can tell me anything.”
---
Peter didn’t want to talk anymore. He didn’t. He wanted the crying to stop, the weird feelings of betrayal and guilt and shame and everything to stop.
He wanted to be a better person than he was. He wanted to call Yondu “Dad” and not feel bad for it, when really, why did he have to feel bad about it? But on top of all that, he just wanted to feel better. So Peter did what he always did in these situations: react without thinking.
With Wanda so close, and his emotions a maelstrom, he impulsively leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her as deeply and passionately as he’d been wanting to all these months. He’d watched her apply her watermelon lip balm how many times, wondering what it tasted like, what it would feel like. Would it be sticky? Would it be smooth? Whatever it was, it more than met his expectations.
His hands were on her shoulders, one on her side, and he pulled her closer, breathing in deeply but not wanting to break the kiss. There was something about Wanda that had always pulled him in, and he hoped that she had felt the same way.
Oh shit -- even with his mind as addled as it was, he realized he didn’t actually know if she was okay with this. “You can tell me to stop,” he whispered into her mouth as he nibbled lightly on her bottom lip. “I’ll stop…”
---
There was something emotionally draining about the dreams in general, throwing in how emotionally fraught it seemed Peter’s latest ones were, Wanda didn’t blame him from needing to talk or not talk or vent or cry. Wanda wasn’t about to pass any judgement.
But instead of talking, or just laying quietly, he kissed her and Wanda wasn’t sure what was happening for a moment. But she was leaning in, surprise not causing her to freeze or flinch or pull from Peter, her hand still holding his until his moved to her side and shoulder.
Her eyes had fallen shut, as Peter filled her senses; the heat from his body, his scent and the feel of his mouth against hers. Until he told her that he’d stop if she wanted. And Wanda had to figure out if that was what she wanted. She knew that Peter took comfort in physical action, and there was nothing wrong with that, and he had come to her for some kind of kinship in the shit that was the dreams and what they brought.
It wasn’t like Wanda didn’t want to kiss Peter.
Tilting a little closer, Wanda’s hand rested on Peter’s hip as she pressed back into the kiss, catching Peter’s top like between hers, briefly, “You don’t have to stop.” There wasn't any harm, she didn’t think, in getting a little of what she wanted. And just them, under the covers, it felt that little more detached.
---
That was really all the permission he needed. Without really stopping, he pulled her close and rolled her onto her back, holding himself up with his arms as he fully explored her mouth, her neck, her shoulders...any exposed skin, he was kissing while he tried his best not to let his hands wander.
Part of him knew that he had to go slow, he couldn’t do this like he would with anyone else but to be honest, it was already different. He actually cared and this wasn’t necessarily just about anything physical. He really did like Wanda, and that scared him. A lot. Was he fucking this up all up? He didn’t know, and honestly, right now, he couldn’t even think about that.
He was so over thinking.
Her shirt had hitched up, and he let a hand trail the bare skin peeking through. Her skin was hot -- HE was getting hot -- and he pulled the blankets down so that their heads were free but their bodies were covered.
He could kiss her all day.
---
Wanda had to focus on not overthinking things, on letting go of the ironclad control she’d built up to keep her powers in check, and just feel something for a while. Peter bracketing her in didn’t feel bad, letting her hands slide up over his biceps as he held himself over her, it gave her even more of a sense of the strength Peter carried.
The tug of the blankets let some of the light in the room spill in, but it caused something of a static charge, making Wanda’s loose hair flare out to reach upwards, like someone had just stroked a balloon over her head. It made her giggle lightly, shifting to press her face into Peter’s neck to hide the laugh.
Her heart was jumping a little wildly in her chest, uncertainty starting to push up, just as the blush hit her cheeks and Wanda could sense the questions she had building. “Blanket forts cause static electricity build up.” She wasn’t sure if she missed the hiding underneath, or if it was a better idea to let in a little light.
---
Peter was stunned a little bit by her laughter, but when he saw what she was talking about, he couldn’t help but laugh as well. He smoothed her hair down with a palm that was slightly shaky, and once again, shifted positions. Since she hadn’t really pushed him away, he slowed down a bit, still kissing her but softer now, and with less intensity. His hands, which had been roaming, were more caressing. “I could make a lame comment about how you’re electrifying, but then I think you’d laugh again, and I’d rather you be kissing me than talking,” he murmured, a smile dancing on his lips.
This had caught him off guard, even though he’d wanted it badly but because he wanted it, he knew he had to slow down. In any other situation, he would probably be naked already and that wasn’t what he wanted here. At all. Of course, other parts of his body were making themselves very (painfully) aware, and of course he wanted it. Wait, what did he want? Did he want another fuck buddy? He had always had company, no matter what. He was hot, and had zero qualms if he was dumped quickly. In fact, he always encouraged whoever he was sleeping with to do whatever they wanted, and if they found someone to date? More power to them.
“Or we can do both...I’m flexible.”
---
The softer kisses had Wanda shifting to chase them, one of her hands shifting to thread her fingers in the hair at the back of Peter’s neck, thumb just stroking at his skin, her rings somewhat cooler in counterpoint to her skin. She liked that there was still something a little comforting between them, the comments exchanged, that her laughter hadn’t broken any mood there was.
“You want to make out,” she had to stop talking for the exchange of a kiss, maybe a little more passionate than the soft exploratory ones before it, a slight groan caught in her throat, her body pushing into Peter’s, making her aware of a few consequences of the closeness and what they were doing, “but also make puns?”
She gasped it a little against his cheek, her body flushing a little as her heart pounded, her lips were tingling, a little bit from the burn of his bristle, but definitely not in a bad way. “I think one of those is counter productive to the other.”
---
“Is it?” He chuckled a bit, shifting so his traitorous body wasn’t so obvious to her...although really, it was probably hard to ignore at this point. “I don’t know that I can think right now,” he confessed, stopping a bit and looking down at her. Her cheeks had this adorable flush to them that he couldn’t look away from and her lips were red, and plump and bruised…
Leaning down, he buried his head into the crook of her neck, groaning against the soft skin there. Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts…. A mantra was going through his head, trying to quell his baser instincts. This was perfect. This was actually more perfect than he thought it would be. He felt no need to put on a show, no need to posture around and take complete control of the situation. In fact, he’d be fine doing whatever it was she told him to do. He’d meant it when he said all she had to do was say stop.
“You know you’re beautiful, right?”
---
It was a little overwhelming, she wasn’t surprised at her own response to their kissing, Peter’s closeness in general tended to do odd things to Wanda’s body, things she’d started to recognise as normal, at least around him. The fact that they were close enough that Peter’s scent was mostly what was filling her senses, that the heat from his chest was just bleeding into hers, she would probably think something was wrong if there weren’t reactions.
It was probably a compliment if he couldn’t really think right then.
And it didn’t feel like he was just using a line when he called her beautiful either, which brought a small smile to her kiss swollen lips, “I um… thank you. I,” she knew she was pretty. She was, conventionally speaking, she knew she was a pretty girl; nice hair, she had a fairly attractive face, her eyes were probably a little dark, but that was the middle European in her. “I’m probably a little messy just now.” Hair mussed up, flushed face, swollen lips.
It didn’t seem like a problem though. And Wanda ran her finger over the side of Peter’s face, following his cheekbone up until she stroked over his temple, “You are very attractive yourself.” Not surprising at all.
---
“I haven’t shaved today,” he blurted out, when obviously she could tell. He never did like shaving daily, his skin always broke out and really, he’d gotten used to a scruffier look when in prison.
Frick. Prison. That always popped into his head and like a slap in the face, it reminded him why he hadn’t done this with Wanda before.
Because he wasn’t good enough for her, and probably would never be.
Reluctantly, he gave her one last lingering kiss before moving to her side. He wasn’t willing to let go of her, so he curled up around her, his chin resting on her shoulder while he was on his side. But he knew he was getting dangerously close to making an offer that she’d probably accept...he just didn’t know if it would be for the right reasons. And for the first time in years, he actually cared about those reasons.
Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scent of her hair, familiar and comforting as always. “I mean, I could shave,” he added. “If you want. Or like..remember to do it more often…”
---
Finding herself chasing after Peter’s retreating kiss, Wanda took a moment or two before being able to process the offer, even as she felt Peter somewhat cuddle in.
It was probably better, taking a step back, pausing to just compartmentalise everything. When Peter had said he wanted to come over, that he needed some company, she’d thought it was to talk, that they’d get through his dream things the way they’d dealt with her power overload. She hadn’t expected the kissing, the closeness, she wasn’t exactly sure what it meant either.
“No,” it wasn’t like he had a full beard going on, a little stubble, and she thought it made him look a touch more masculine, rough but not unkempt. “You shouldn’t, it’s good.” Her fingers started to draw patterns on his arm, head tilting a little to offer something like a nudge of support to his head. “I sort of like the scratch, it’s… it’s not tickley, but… it’s nice.”
---
Peter chuckled. “It is scratchy, huh.” Grinning a bit, he leaned forward and lightly rubbed his chin on her cheek, before giving that spot a kiss and settling back to where he was before. He laid there for a bit in silence, which was out of character for him, but he really was trying to settle his thoughts and think about things.
“Thanks, Wanda,” he said finally. “I mean, not thanks for ...this, although yeah, I guess I should be thanking you. Never thought that would happen and yeah…. But thanks for being here for me. It’s going to take me awhile to get through this, I know it. Yondu wants me to call him Dad, I don’t know if I can even say that word...and it’s just a lot.” He sighed softly. “I guess I’ve always thought of him like that anyways… I mean, I sure as fuck rebelled against him pretty hard…”
---
It did seem like Peter needed some kind of distraction, and she didn’t think that in a bad way, but Peter tended to think with his heart more than his head. More often than maybe he’d realise he did it. Wanda was happy with letting the process play out, especially if it helped Peter get to a conclusion about it. He was still playful with her, even with the weight of the dreams looming on him, and Wanda was thankful for that.
Her cheek tingled a little, but she wasn’t sure if it was from the rub of his chin or the kiss planted there. “I don’t think you need to figure this all out tonight you know,” Yondu and Peter seemed to have a complicated relationship, nothing like what she’d had with her parents. Her parents had always been open and supportive and there. Yondu, while a huge part of Peter’s life, was never his legal or biological guardian. It didn’t mean the relationship didn’t sway that way, but they weren’t exactly the huggy, sweet and honest types.
“If you want to call him Dad, I think he’s just leaving you the option to do so, since you both recognise that he is that to you in many ways.” Blood didn’t have to be what made someone family after all.
“And, you don’t have to thank me for the… the other thing.” She didn’t want to wonder why he didn’t think it would happen, or that he’d thought about it happening, even if she was wondering if it was going to happen again, “I um, I don’t think it was just you who enjoyed that anyway.”
---
There was that tingly sensation in his body again, a fluttering in his stomach when she said that she had enjoyed it too. “Yeah,” he said, nuzzling in a bit. “I don’t have to figure this out tonight. I know that...and I know it’ll take some time. Everything’s changed but nothing’s changed at the same time.”
Kind of like with this, he thought to himself. He was going to say something like he was glad she enjoyed it, he had a lot of experience but he kept that to himself. He could sometimes censor his words. That was another thing that had always kept him at an arm’s reach from her. The age, the experience, his checkered past ...and to what avail? He still ended up in bed with her, even if they were fully clothed.
Peter really hoped she didn’t ask him to move anytime soon. He wasn’t entirely sure he could walk right now. Not until certain parts abated. He really shouldn’t have worn jeans. Idly, he wondered what she’d say if he asked to take them off … or was she even going to kick him out..he had no idea.
“Tell me when you want me to go.”
---
It wasn’t always obvious, that much she knew, how much people meant to you. The fact that Peter understood that nothing but his awareness of things had changed, that was important. Yondu dying in their dreams likely meant that it could bring them closer, maybe. But they were close, just with a different way of showing it.
“At least, you know, in the dreams you figured it out. What Yondu meant, to you I mean.” There wasn’t going to be that complexity of not getting it in one world but knowing in another. “You’ll both work it out.”
Wanda was just glad that Peter felt comfortable enough to be open and honest with her, that they could talk about these things and Peter didn’t try to hide it behind some exterior. Seeing some of his more sensitive moments, the fact that he didn’t hide his feelings and the hard emotions from her, Wanda was sure that they didn’t need to put any walls in the way of that.
“Or you could stay, if you wanted.” She wasn’t sure what it might entail, but she did know that she didn’t really want Peter to rush off at all. If he was comfortable there and she was happy, why not stay? “I mean, if you don’t have to go anywhere, I don’t mind.”
---
He was quiet for a moment again. He wasn’t going to read too much into this. They’d already had a few sleepovers, even if things hadn’t really gotten hot and heavy. It wasn’t going to be anything different than that, he told himself, even as he felt blood start to rush to a certain part.
Sometimes, it was really hard (ha ha) being a guy.
“Okay,” he said after a while. “As long as you’re okay with it...but babe, I gotta tell you -- I can’t stay in these jeans anymore. It’s ..kind of uncomfortable.” Like this sentence. “Is it okay if I take them off?”
—-
Considering any time they had slept together, expressly for the purpose of sleeping, there hadn’t really been anything behind it other than comfort or just resting, the request about his jeans caught her a little off guard until she put it together.
And then she needed to just snort a laugh, covering her face as she did so. “That’s fine, really.” She knew she was still blushing but at this point that wasn’t likely to change any time soon. “I don’t have anything else for you though, do you have… I mean, I’m hoping your wearing underwear.”
Otherwise he’d be sleeping in a pair of Hayley’s yoga pants and Wanda would just have to buy her roommate a new pair. “The alternative won’t be flattering.” Or maybe it would. In all the wrong ways, and Wanda hoped she wasn’t blushing brighter while thinking about Peter in yoga pants, least of all Hayley’s very tight ones.
—-
Peter was slightly offended by her laughing, but it was because he had no idea she was picturing him in Hayley’s pants. “I look amazing without pants on,” he grumbled. Reaching down, he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, kicking them to the end of the bed with his feet and since he was already half way naked, he just reached up and pulled off his t-shirt.
As annoying as Nine could be, the constant workouts were really showing. Even though Peter didn’t really watch what he ate, when you run daily and do a bazillion sit ups a day, you ended up getting pretty damn toned. On top of that, his job was pretty physical.
Long story short -- he looked good with no clothes on.
“You could grate cheese on my abs.” He quirked an eyebrow. “Or bounce a quarter off my ass….but no coke. It’s not a bubble butt, wouldn’t do well as a shelf.” He gave a toothy smile and pulled her back close to him. Now that he knew she didn’t mind the contact, he was taking advantage of that.
“Now yours on the other hand….I mean, I know where we can get cocaine…” Teasing. Kind of.
—-
Since Peter was already greatly aware of how attractive he was, Wanda didn’t really think she needed to inform him that yes, he did look rather great without pants, and a shirt.
There was a semi naked man in her bed. There was a very attractive, semi naked man in her bed and Wanda probably didn’t hide that she was checking him out when he stripped. “Sometimes I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why would someone put coke on your butt?”
She was picturing a can but she really didn’t know why it would be there. Unless it was one of those weird college experience things she just didn’t get.
“I think before I start snorting hard drugs I would try weed, and I haven’t done that so we’ll hold off on the cocaine.” She figured it was a tease, and since he was now nearly naked and cuddling her, Wanda wasn’t exactly paying that much attention. His chest was that much warmer and there was so much skin that pretty much anywhere she touched she just felt warm.
It was rather nice, but very distracting.
—-
Peter peeked over at his pants. He actually had a joint in his back pocket, but that was probably more than they needed right now. Plus, if he smoked, he’d pass right out ...which he might need...or not. He was pretty comfortable.
“Coke is another word for cocaine,” he explained, “and it’s a joke from the 80s that businessman would pick up hookers and snort cocaine off their bodies. I don’t know if people actually did it..it seems like a good way to get a disease but hey, to each their own… now weed. Anytime you wanna smoke, you let me know. I always have the good stuff.” He paused and a slight flush entered his face.
“But I can’t do it at my place. Last time Yondu caught me, he turned the hose on me … so I usually go for a walk with Kraglin to the park.”
Fuck, how the hell did Peter not pick up on the fatherly vibes sooner? It was ridiculous.
---
American culture was so strange, since coke was a drink, but apparently also a drug. Wanda just shook her head, “Rich people are strange.” Or at least she assumed it was rich people doing those things, and Peter was right, it didn’t sound very sanitary. But then, if they were engaging with sex workers it probably wasn’t one of their biggest concerns.
“Maybe when neither of us are overly emotional from dreams.” Because she knew it was meant to relax people, but Wanda was sure if she was emotional her powers wouldn’t react well with drugs of any kind. “I don’t think we should do it in Hayley’s apartment either,” just in case it negatively impacted Hayley or her business. “The park would probably be smartest.”
Open space and fresh air, maybe no one would know better. If Wanda took Peter up on the offer later.
---
“Mmhmm,” he responded. As much as he liked to talk, he was starting to feel talked out. Besides, he had a beautiful woman in his arms, one who with no hesitations was always there for him. It was a nice feeling, something he’d never really experienced before and he wasn’t quite ready to leave anyways.
Through half-lidded eyes, he started to kiss her neck again, trailing a path to her cheeks before giving her another lingering kiss on the lips. “If I fall asleep, wake me up or something. Or text Yondu… I don’t want him to worry.”
Ugh how things have changed.
---