Tyler Lockwood (lockwolf) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-06-12 19:10:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !complete, alice liddell, tyler lockwood |
Who: Tyler and Alice
What: Tyler meets with Alice to try and explain his attack on her
When: April
Where: A cafe
Ratings/Warnings: Conversations about attacks and threats against children
Status: Complete
Alice wasn’t entirely sure why she’d agreed to meet with Tyler, other than wanting to hear the explanation he said he had. It was for her own piece of mind, wanting to know why he’d done it, so that she could finally put it all behind her and move on with her life. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself as she parked the car and made her way into the busy diner she’d picked for their meeting. She asked for a booth and ordered a burger and shake while she waited for him, she might as well kill two birds with one stone with this and grab a late lunch. Or an early dinner depending on how things went with her mom after this.
***
For his part, Tyler was sitting in his BWM, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and wondering if this was such a great idea. It was pretty common that people turned off their humanity in the dreams, and normally people were generally quick to forgive them for the things they did while it was off. But that wasn’t his experience here. Even Caroline was hesitant to forgive him.
Tyler couldn’t say he could blame anyone for it, Alice least of all. What he’d done was unforgivable. He’d hurt so many people, killed so many people. At least someone had stopped him before he could kill Alice. He still wasn’t sure what to make of that Sailor Venus, but he was grateful for her nevertheless.
Finally, he took a breath, and headed in. It didn’t take him long to spot Alice, and he slid into the booth across from her. “I’m glad you were willing to meet up with me,” Tyler said, and he meant it.
***
Alice couldn’t quite bring herself to give Tyler the bright smile she always had in the past, too unsure about what all was going to come out of this meeting. But she could, and did, give him a small nod as the waitress brought her shake over and said her burger would be out soon. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to want anything so I didn’t wait to order.” She said quietly, stirring her shake with her straw.
“You said you had an explanation for why. That’s the only reason I agreed. Because I want to know why. I deserve that.”
***
Tyler wouldn’t have expected a smile anyway. If anything, he was just glad that Alice had been willing to meet up in person. “That’s fine,” he said. He did like to eat, but he didn’t need to. Coffee was nice, and he ordered one as the waitress came by, but he opted to not order anything that would take any preparation. If Alice wanted to end the meeting early, well, he didn’t want to sit around awkwardly waiting for his food.
“You do,” Tyler said. She deserved more than an explanation, but it wasn’t like Tyler could travel back in time and stop what had happened. “But first, how are you doing? I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?” Had he been himself at the time, he would have worried about how little Alice had been moving when he left. But by the time he’d come back to himself, it seemed like Alice was already out of the hospital.
***
Alice sipped at her milkshake as she tried to think of the best way to answer his questions. How much honesty did he really deserve, how much did she want to give him? No. It wasn’t about him. It was about her and if she didn’t tell him the truth she’d be mad at herself. As ridiculous as that would be. “Mina got me to a doctor before I lost too much blood. I don’t really remember how she got me there because I’d passed out. When I woke up I was laying in a bed with an IV. We’re trying to keep that from becoming public knowledge - my hospital stint. As far as anyone knows we just had a break-in. While she and I were both out.”
***
Tyler bit his lower lip, feeling guilty all over again. “Thank you,” he said after a moment. “For not calling the police.” He didn’t know how Alice would have explained to the police what had happened, but if they’d knocked on his door while his humanity was off, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have killed them.
***
“I didn’t do it for you. My daddy doesn’t need another reason to worry about me and the police would have had to talk to him. Plus it would have just brought up a lot of questions I don’t know the answer too. Like why I didn’t let them know when I was being threatened before it turned physical.” Alice said quietly. “I don’t know why the doctor didn’t call them. What Mina told her to keep them from reporting an assault. There’s a lot of things I don’t know about what happened that night. Why it happened.”
***
“They only have to report gunshot wounds,” Tyler said, but realized that that probably wasn’t the answer Alice was looking for. He took a sip of his coffee, and then a breath. “In my dreams, vampires have a… well, we call them the humanity switch. It’s like switch in the back of our heads that we can turn off and on whenever we want. And turning it off… well, it makes it so you don’t have to feel anything anymore. It stops you from hurting, but it also stops you from caring about anything. So when we turn it off… I don’t know, it’s just our base vampire instincts. I shouldn’t have done it, but…” Well, he had. There wasn’t any way he could take that back.
***
“And your base instincts told you to threaten my son? You realize that that is why I can’t...I can’t forgive that Tyler. Attacking me. Breaking into my house. I could probably get past all that because of our friendship.” Alice’s voice dropped as she noticed the waitress walking past. “Why did you turn it off instead of talking to someone Tyler. Your friends wanted to be there for you and instead you...did that.”
***
“A vampire’s base instincts are… a little different than what a normal human’s might be,” he said. They thrived on hurting other people, which was something that every vampire he knew of, at least the ones from his dreams, struggled with. “You’re right,” Tyler said. There was nothing else he could say, she was. “I wasn’t thinking. I was just thinking about how I couldn’t talk to the one person that I wanted to during all of that.” He wondered, too, if there was another part of him, a subconscious part of him, that hadn’t done it to break Klaus’s sire bond over him. A year ago, Klaus had told Tyler that he was never allowed to do it, so it hadn’t been a conscious thought, but maybe…
But that was just another excuse, one he was trying to use to justify his actions, and his actions were unjustifiable, so he kept his mouth shut.
***
“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?” Alice said, hating herself for the obvious concern for him that she still heard in her voice.
***
“Couldn’t,” Tyler said, and frowned. With that, he probably couldn’t get away with not explaining about Klaus. “I was sired to the vampire who turned me in the dreams. Anything he told me to do, I had to. And he told me that I was never allowed to talk to Caroline again.”
***
Alice was pushing her food around the plate as she listened to him explain. “Sounds like an ass.” She didn’t want to feel bad for Tyler. She really didn’t but...a part of her did.
***
“That’s a mild way of putting it,” Tyler said. He was more apt to use ‘homicidal maniac’ but ‘ass’ captured the spirit of Klaus pretty good, if he thought so. “But he won’t be a problem anymore. At least, not in that way.” Klaus was still perfectly capable of causing trouble even if he couldn’t make Tyler do exactly what he wanted him to.
***
Alice looked up at him. "Tyler...even knowing what happened. Why...it doesn't change anything." She told him softly.
***
“I know,” Tyler said, guilt creasing his bow. “I just thought… well, maybe you deserve an explanation.” Or, at least, Tyler thought he could assuage some of his guilt if he was able to explain things properly. “Thanks for hearing me out.”
***
Alice licked her lips, pushing her food around on her plate as she listened to him. “Thank you for explaining. And...it’s not because of me. You understand that don’t you? It’s...I have to do what’s best for Kurt. And even knowing why. I can’t forget that you threatened him.”
***
“I do understand,” Tyler said, standing up. “And I hope you know that it won’t ever happen again.” She could sleep easy with that knowledge, at least. “And if you ever need anything…” well, it wasn’t really worth finishing that thought. If Alice ever needed anything, she had other people, who she trusted more, to go to. He turned, and left the coffee shop.
***