InsaneJournal

Don’t suppose you’re armed?
Who: Tony and Asami
What: Business meeting turns into being ambushed in an alleyway
When: Early May
Where: An alley
Status: complete
Rating: PG-13 for unsafe use of a baby stroller



Asami decided that Tony Stark was about as eccentric as Varrick had been, but somewhat more trustworthy. They seemed to have similar ways of thinking outside the box and leaps of brilliance, but she also decided that Stark was a lot easier to work with.

He also had better taste in cuisine, even if she wasn’t so sure he should be carting around that car battery in a baby stroller.

But dinner had been productive and they’d done some brainstorming for their project (mostly throwing ideas at each other). Asami now had a stack of napkins with diagrams and sketches in her purse, as well as an appointment with Tony later that week to discuss a formal jointly owned company. As she walked down the street watching him push the stroller, she couldn’t help but joke, “I know women like babies, but will that actually work? I’m asking for a friend.”

"It would probably work if there was actually a baby in there. You don't get the real goods until you let them all hold the baby, you know. They gotta form that connection, bounce it in their arms a bit, maybe get a chance to tell you just how much like you it looks." Tony replied, sounding completely knowledgeable on the subject, despite the fact that he'd never actually tried the trick in question.

Look, batteries were heavy, and instead of building himself a fanny pack sturdy enough to carry the thing around, he'd stubbornly been carrying the thing around for the better part of two months. It was getting old, he was feeling old, and tired. So... baby stroller. Why fix what wasn't broken?

He shrugged a shoulder, "Not really in the market for that kind of attention right now anyway. I don't even want to think about what happens if this thing gets unnecessarily jostled."

The pity sex he’d have earned probably wouldn’t have been all that glorious anyway.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Asami quipped, grinning down at the battery-baby and fighting the urge to coo at it. She returned her attention to Tony, raising her eyebrows. That was probably a good point, and no telling what the increased heart rate could do to him. As they cut through an alleyway, she asked, “There are probably worse ways to die?”

She had fought valiantly to not make that joke, but she’d failed miserably.

What she didn’t fail was her perception check, and subtlety slipped her hand into her purse as two men blocked the far exit, and two more the side they’d come through. She lowered her voice, “Don’t suppose you’re armed?”

"Uh... with what, exactly? My rapier wit?" Tony asked, while glancing around. In the dreams, he had a bodyguard, and it was really kind of strange that he didn't have one here in the real world. He was, after all, Tony Stark. He noted that they were surrounded, and let out a low string of curses.

"I could hit them with the battery? It's pretty heavy. Plus two bludgeoning weapon?"

Why was her hand in her purse? Was she packing a gun? A taser? Tony kind of hoped it was something more effective than a can of pepper spray. If only because they were so outnumbered.

“The first part of that would be much more useful,” Asami said, glancing back and forth between each direction of oncoming bad guys. “But you don’t want to risk ripping out the wiring, right?”

She pulled her hand out of her purse, and it was now sporting a glove. The glove had a variety of diodes on it, and it sparked as she activated it. “Have I ever told you I’ve been taking self-defense classes since I was six -- in a universe where kung fu is the default?”

The first attackers reached them and Asami ducked a clumsy swing, hitting the second man with a high kick and spinning around, electrocuting the first.

So she had… a glove. That wasn’t a taser, or a gun, or- was it? Tony stared at Asami in action, trying to shrink into some unassuming position or get to the safety of some more covered location. His dream self was great at kicking ass, but this entire situation was bringing up… memories he’d rather not have.

Plus? It was kind of cool to watch her defend him like this. “You’re doing great. Right there, yeah- get him in the face. There’s another one coming up behind you.”

He did - very carefully - withdraw his battery from the stroller. Just in case he needed to use it to club someone.

The stroller, that was. Not the battery. The battery was placed carefully on the ground, and soon the stroller was collapsed and ready to be used like a baseball bat.

Another attacker got past Asami, coming at Tony with a baton in her hand. Asami tried to twirl around and catch him but someone grabbed her from behind. She kicked up off the ground, flipping around to behind her own attacker and jabbing him with her fist. The electric shock sent him careening into the wall.

"You know..." Tony said, while swinging the stroller straight at the head of the only guy that'd gotten past her so far, "In an alternate universe where I'm much younger and we aren't business rivals, I would be pretty turned on right now."

It was almost like playing golf, where his attacker's head was the golf ball. Tony's golf game was actually extremely rusty, but lucky for him, the brute's head was several times the size of a golf ball.

Which meant the strike landed well enough that the stroller bashed into the man's head and sent him sprawling on the ground. Tony glanced down at it, "These things are pretty hardcore. I’m seeing people with strollers in a whole new light today. A scary one."

Asami glanced around as the last of the attackers fled. She turned and gave Tony a coy smile. “In another reality I might almost consider that.”

But Tony wasn’t really her type when it came to guys; though maybe if he shaved. She couldn’t picture Tony clean-shaven though, and when she tried it was a very wrong image.

Her expression sobered as she came over. “You okay? Didn’t pull any wires out? We should get out of here before they come back with backup.”

And figure out who the hell they were and what they wanted as well as which of them was the primary target. Asami knew either of them could be one and she’d dealt with some shady people in the past too.

"We also probably want to avoid cops," Tony noted, observing the mess of guys that had been left behind, too injured to run away. He looked down at his chest and jiggled the wires a bit, then shook his head after a few seconds. "Everything's fine. I'd probably be in cardiac arrest by now if something was loose. Lets get somewhere safer and call these guys an ambulance."

He was of a like mind when it came to wondering who had sent them and for which one of them, but he kept silent on the matter. If anyone was stupid enough to keep coming after either of them, they'd deal with it.

He was pretty handy with a stroller, after all.