Freya's the witch in the woods (mothersacrifice) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-05-28 19:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, freya |
Who: Freya
What: A Dream in which there's a prophecy of her son's death. The Dream then drags up memories of her son's death in her waking life.
When: This morning
Where: Her home
Warnings: Talk of a prophecy of a Dream death, talk of the death of a child via car accident. Otherwise it's just emotions and pain.
Status: Narrative, complete
The Dreams returned. They had been few and far between it seemed, though Freya wasn't going to complain about that. After all, the few Dreams that she'd already had covered what seemed to be several centuries of existence, if not far longer. It was difficult to tell time as time passed differently for the gods than it did for mortals. Gods had time where mortals did not. A blink of an eye and a human was old and at the end of their life it seemed. Even so, Freya's life had taken an unexpected path in finding herself being married to Odin, but she'd found a place for herself in Asgard. She was Queen of Asgard and Queen of the Valkyries, both roles she took very seriously.
Eventually, she gave birth to a son, Baldur, and she loved him with every bit of her heart. He was her greatest joy, but the Dream she was currently having was not one she wanted. Nor was it one she'd expected, even if she should have possibly foreseen it considering her knowledge of Norse mythology. There was a prophecy that her son would suffer an unnecessary death, and in her fear of losing him, she pursued a way to prevent him from dying. Freya's fears were in total control of her, but she was determined to not lose her son. She refused to suffer that kind of pain, and thus she searched for something that would stop the prophecy from coming true. Freya found and cast a spell that granted Baldur invulnerability. As a result, Baldur couldn't physically feel anything, and he hated her for it. He even tried to kill her, but in the end couldn't bring himself to do so. Freya had claimed there was nothing that could reverse the spell, but she lied. Mistletoe was the one thing that could break the spell, so she viewed the plant as evil and sought to eradicate it whenever she came across it.
Upon waking, Freya jolted upright, her heart clenching in her chest as she felt the fear her dream self had, but after a moment there was a far more potent pain and anguish in her chest. In the waking world, she more than understood what it felt like to lose a child. She had lost her son six years earlier, and the pain had never faded. She still felt the loss as though it had just happened. Though part of that may have been due to the fact Freya blamed herself for the accident despite it not having been her fault at all. She still felt like there was something she could've done differently despite logically knowing there wasn't. However, logic had no place in dealing with the effects of death.
Freya leaned over and opened the drawer in her bedside table and pulled out a framed picture. She gazed at it, tears welling up in her eyes. It was a photograph of a young boy with dark blond hair and brown eyes, a big grin on his face as he was showing off the fish he'd clearly just caught. Of course, he'd had help in reeling it in, but still, the joy was evident in his expression. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and Freya held the framed picture against her chest. The pain still ran so deep within her, and she'd known for a long time that the pain would always be there. There would always be a hole in her heart no matter how long she lived or how much joy she found. Boden would always be missing from her life, and he would never have the chance to grow up and live his own life. There were times, such as now, when Freya ever wondered if her tears would ever diminish, or if she'd always cry like she had just been told her son was gone.
It had been a day like any other. Freya had been running errands with Boden, and were on their way home. The light was green for them, and the car in front of them moved, so she followed suit. Only to get t-boned by someone who had not been paying attention and blew the red light. Freya had come out of the experience with a concussion and other minor injuries. The other driver had more serious injuries, but had survived. Her son had been the only casualty, and she would never forget when the doctor gave her and her then-husband the news. Boden wouldn't be coming home. It had felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, and Freya hadn't been able to breathe. It had been a harsh truth that she'd never thought she'd ever hear, and she would never wish that pain on anyone else.
And now it seemed as though her dream self was facing the same possibility. Baldur may not be a seven year old boy, but he was still her son. Losing a child was still losing a child regardless of how old that child was. And yet, her dream self had found a spell that could protect him. Part of Freya wished that she'd been a goddess back then. Perhaps that spell could've saved Boden from dying when he'd had his entire life in front of him. But that was a moot point at the moment.
Not for the first time, Freya was glad that she didn't have an office job because she definitely couldn't bring herself to go out in public today, let alone pull herself out of bed. She couldn't hold it in any longer, so Freya laid back down and let herself cry out the pain she felt. It had been a while since she'd last cried like this, but it was definitely needed. Freya had been holding a lot of emotions in ever since she'd started to dream, and now they had broken the dam she'd built to keep them at bay. So all she could do was ride the swell of emotion until it exhausted itself and she could start picking up the pieces once again. But first, it was letting herself fall apart.