"I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Who: Helen and Varric What: Cuddling! When: A bit after she's released from the hospital. Where: Helen’s House Status: Complete! Rating: Low
It had been a long couple of weeks. Varric hadn’t slept much, but really who could blame him. He hadn’t tried to smother Helen - just be there enough so she didn’t feel alone. But that still meant he hadn’t slept much, even when he was alone and Dealing With Emotions.
He had a pencil stuck on his ear, and his fingers were tapping on a notebook. His other hand was stroking Helen’s hair.
Helen had her feet tucked into the opposite end of the sofa so she could lay with her head against his shoulder, quiet so as not to interrupt his thoughts. His presence was enough to comfort her, and she had more than a few thoughts of her own to work through. Even now, she was finding it difficult to believe she wasn’t dying, that barely a trace of the illness that had nearly killed her remained.
His tapping slowly made its way into her consciousness, and she gently reached for his hand, sliding her fingers through his.
"Sorry, Rabbit. They have a mind of their own,sometime." Varric chuckled at her, and squeezed her fingers with his own. He was less worried now, but barely. You don't watch someone you'd fallen in love with nearly die and not be a little shaken. It brought back uncomfortable memories - from both worlds.
Nor did you nearly die, twice, and come through it without at least a few emotional scars. But she was still trying to be strong.
“It’s all right,” she answered softly, closing her eyes, “What were you writing?”
"I had some ideas," He replied, waving one hand around, lightly. "I wanted to write them down before I forgot. One is a journey through a man's subconscious." While he was dying, but Helen didn't need to know about that just yet, "The other is a new Captain Sal story. The fans have been clamoring for her."
She opened her eyes again to study him, then she snuggled closer, clearly having no intentions of moving soon. “I’m certain they’ll be excellent.”
"I hope so. I'm deciding if I want to have her love interest gone already, or keep her in. One of the appeals of Sal is her love them and leave them attitude. She's getting into her 30s - old in those days - and thinking more long term now." Varric chuckled, "Or perhaps Captain Bela is now an Admiral, and still charged with seeing Sal hung. The intrigue, the action, the trysts in the Admiral's villa..."
"Which feels right?"
Varric scribbled in his note book, quoting aloud, "Admiral's Bela's indiscretions with the dread pirate Sally come to light, and it's up to our beloved Lady of the Sea to rescue the only woman to ever steal her heart."
"Then it seems your hero has a rescue to mount."
“That indeed she does!” Varric laughed, his mood considerably improved.
It was a lovely sound, his laugh, and she smiled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.
"How are you feeling, anyway? You seem a lot less pale, which is a relief."
"I'm all right." She pressed her lips to his shoulder again. "I didn't intend to worry you."
“We never intend such things, but it happens,” He replied, stroking her hair with his free hand. “It’s okay, I’ll just have to get you back some day.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t.”
He grinned, “I’ll worry you in other ways.”
“Good.”
After a moment, she reached for the notepad, setting it aside before moving to lay with her head in his lap, gently tangling her fingers with his over her stomach.
“You promised me forever.”
That wasn’t entirely accurate, perhaps, but she felt it made her point. She wasn’t prepared to lose him.
Varric laughed, "That you won't need to worry over, I promise."
She tightened her fingers around his. “That’s a promise I expect you to keep.”
“If I break it, it won’t be through my own choice.” He squeezed her fingers back, “And I’d haunt you, anyway.”
That earned him a faint smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I’d be one of those dashing, if mischievous ghosts, that like to play pranks.”
“Ah. Not so unlike your current state, then?” Her voice softened. “But I wouldn’t be able to touch you.”
"That would be a problem then," He replied, chuckling, and brushing her hair off of her face.
She hummed quietly in agreement.
“You really had us all freaked out,” He said, finally admitting it. Really admitting it, in a serious manner, without any jokes.
She brushed her thumb over his hand. “I know.”
“The doctors had all given up.”
“So had I.”
Varric's mouth parted, then it closed. How could he tell her that he'd given up, too?
“I knew I was dying.”
"We all did," He said after another moment's silence.
She nodded, tightening her hold on him again. This was something she could never hold against them.
“I’m sorry.” He would hold it against himself.
"You shouldn't be."
“I can’t help that. I’m not one to give up"
She brought his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles. "You did what you could."
“It wasn’t enough. I even went to alternate medicine and that didn’t really help.”
"There was nothing more you could have done."
Varric conceded the point, knowing that Helen could be more stubborn than him on some points, and this was probably one of them, “Okay. You win. This time.”
She studied him a moment, trying to decide if he was being sincere. Having any of them feeling guilty for expecting the worst was the last thing she wanted.
"You stayed. That means more than you realize."
“Why would I leave, especially at a time like that?”
"It can be difficult watching the decline of someone you love, being powerless to stop it."
She knew. She had gone through the same with Ashley.
"Yes," Varric replied, nodding his head slowly and minutely. He pulled her fingers up to his lips, "The helplessness."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that."
“We came out of it stronger.”
"We did."
Varric chuckled, leaning down and kissing her forehead, "I love you."
She closed her eyes with a softly contented hum. "I love you too."
She let the silence settle before looking up at him again.
"I want you to stay."
“Now? I didn’t have any intention of going anywhere, Helen.”
"I wasn't talking about tonight." Not only tonight, at least.
“I know,” He replied simply.
After another short silence, she nodded, holding tightly to his hand, not sure she ever wanted to let go.
Varric had no intention of ever doing so. Not when he had her, sound and mostly healthy, and certainly safe.
It had been such a long time since she had felt this way, so long since she'd been loved like this. And for the first time in more than a decade, she felt deserving of it. More importantly, that no longer frightened her.
"I could make space in my closet," she offered softly, eyes never leaving his face.
"Are you asking me to move in with you, or should I just keep some clothing in there?" Varric asked, unsure of how he actually felt about the idea of the former. His condo was his space.
“Yes,” she answered carefully, well aware that wasn’t actually an answer.
“That’s not an answer, rabbit.” Oh, he wasn’t letting her get away with that!
“I want you to stay,” she repeated, adding a quiet, “As often as you’re willing.”
“I suppose I can move in a few things,” Varric replied, smiling. “Just enough things.”
“I’d like that.”
“Just enough to prove I’m not going anywhere.”
She pressed her lips together, nodding her understanding, even as she drew his hand closer to her chest, holding it in both of hers.
Well. Varric certainly wasn’t going anywhere with her holding like that. He stroked her shoulder with his other hand, content to be near.
It was just as well. She wasn’t inclined to let him leave just yet, perfectly comfortable as they were.
“I like having you here.” Smiling up at him, she added in a lighter tone, “You’re warm.”
“I do make a good space heater.”
“Much better than a space heater.”
"I don't know. I creak and have leaks."
“The benefits more than outweigh the flaws.”
“And what benefits are those, Helen?” He shifted, turning towards her a bit and getting more comfortable.
She threaded her fingers through his. “Flexibility. Comfort. Conversation. Safety.”
“All the things you give me,” He replied.
“All the things we give each other,” she corrected gently, reaching up to cup his cheek.