Who: Elsa and Theo What: Elsa has a therapy session and notices something different about Theo. When: Recently Where: Theo's practice Warnings: Talk of the dragon and some of Elsa's traumas, otherwise fairly low
The last Dream Theo had had was a mixed bag. On the one hand, she’d had a talk with her mom about her ability, and yet even that was still vague. What exactly was her ability? She still didn’t know. All she knew was that she was ‘sensitive.’ Well, that’s how it was for her dreamself. In the waking world, Theo had since figured out that she had some form of psychometry. And she was also generally sensitive to the paranormal, such as always being cold. Or at least she was in the Dreams and ever since she’d started having said Dreams.
As it was, Theo had taken her mother’s words to her very seriously. She’d woken up from that Dream with the gloves that her mother had given to her. She’d put them on and had actually been relieved at being able to touch things without getting some sort of vision. So she’d gone and dug through one of her boxes that had her winter coats, hats and gloves in it and found a pair of black leather gloves to wear.
Today she had another appointment with Elsa, now that things had settled a bit after the earthquakes and fire dragon thing had ended. She was dressed in a black turtleneck, her hair pulled up into a bun with a pen stuck through it, and she wore the black leather gloves on her hands. She really didn’t want to make skin contact with anyone right now. After being told that Elsa was here, and she was ready, she got up and went to the door, opening it.
“Elsa, you can come in now,” she said with a friendly smile.
After the dragon and fire, Elsa had definitely needed to keep her appointment. Her home had been badly damaged, and while it was repairable it would take a bit of time to fix up.
She didn’t really mind, a nice flat would almost suit her better, since she didn’t exactly have a castle.
All that flew out the door when she got a good look at Theo. So instead of talking about herself, the first thing she said when she sat down was, “Are you all right?”
After the whole thing with the dragon, Theo wondered if she herself needed a shrink. After all, dragons being real hadn’t been something she’d ever thought would be a thing. Ghosts were far different from dragons. At least her apartment building hadn’t been damaged in the earthquakes or the fire that had raged. But everything she’d experienced during that had gotten pushed aside when she’d had the Dream about her ability with her mother.
To be honest, Theo had been a little distracted trying to figure it out. Her mother had both been helpful but also vague enough that Theo was frustrated. Of course, part of that was probably due to the fact Theo herself had been vague and not really talked about details of her ability with her mother. Perhaps she would in future Dreams, but for right now, she’d have to live with being frustrated.
Taking a seat, Theo was a little taken aback by Elsa’s question. She blinked, a little confused as wearing long sleeves had become normal to her, and she’d also forgotten she was wearing gloves. “Yeah, I am. Unless you’re asking about my reaction to the dragon, in which case that was pretty scary.” She didn’t actually mean to deflect to the dragon incident, it just seemed like the more logical origin of Elsa’s question than anything else did.
“Yes, the dragon was pretty terrifying,” Elsa agreed, folding her hands in her lap. She’d meant the gloves, but she didn’t know if she should pry or not; she knew what it was like to hide things, and Theo was her therapist, she was entitled to her own secrets.
But Elsa was also entitled to a therapist that was at least somewhat well, even if her concern was mostly because she was just that kind of person to worry about someone. “But I mean… are you still getting cold?”
“Yeah, it was.” Orange County was definitely proving to be something far more than she’d anticipated it being. Theo sometimes wondered if she actually should have moved out here or not.
Though at the question about getting cold, Theo looked down at her arms and hands, the gloves registering a bit. “Oh, yeah.” She took a moment before looking back up at Elsa. “After I started Dreaming, I’ve been constantly cold in this place. I still don’t completely understand why that is. Though I was a little warmer while the fires were raging,” she added in that dry sense of humor she had.
Orange County was a challenge, one that had pushed Elsa over the brink, but that was why she was here, to recover herself. Even she was more inclined today to look after Theo. Doctor heal thyself and all of that.
Elsa hesitated, then gestured at Theo’s hands. “And the gloves…?”
Again, Theo glanced at her hands, running her thumbs over her fingertips. She couldn’t quite wiggle her way out of explaining the gloves, could she? Not when Elsa knew she’d never worn them before so an excuse like being a germophobe wouldn’t fly. Her brow furrowed for a moment in concentration.
“In my Dreams, I have this ability. I don’t understand what it is in them. I’m only about ten years old in them. My parents were flippers, they’d buy a house and we’d live in it while they renovated them, so we moved fairly often. My mom was like you, actually. She was an architect. My dad was the handyman that would make her visions come to fruition.” Theo managed a little fond smile as she thought of both the Dreams and her life here, at least before her mother had died.
“Anyways, in my Dreams, my parents bought this big, old house that had been vacant for a long time. It was one of those mansions that had been built like, at the turn of the 20th Century. Maybe even earlier. One day, I was helping my dad clear out some of the cabinets in one of the rooms, we were sorting between things that we could sell and things that were trash. He picked up one box and said that it was trash as he handed it to me. So I started carrying it over to the pile we have of things to throw away, but I stopped because I sensed...something about it. Specifically, I saw a vision, I guess you could say, of the past. Someone had put a bottle of wine in it several decades before. I told my dad there was something in it, and after he opened the box, he found a really nice, old bottle of wine. But that wasn’t the only instance. I touched a pillow in one of the vacant bedrooms and had a vision of an old woman that had been in that bed.”
Theo paused, licking her lips. “There were other instances as well, but the most prominent thing in my Dreams is that as soon as we entered the house the first time, it was cold. It was summer, and I was always wearing sweaters because it was cold while no one else did. Not long after the dragon attacked here, I had a Dream about having a talk with my mom. She told me that she and my grandmother were sensitive. She gave me a pair of gloves to help with the cold, and also with my other ability.” She looked at Elsa. “In this world, I know my ability is most likely some form of psychometry. But it goes deeper than just touching an object and seeing something about it. When I touch people, I feel what they feel. Thus, the gloves. It helps with not inadvertently touching someone when I don’t want to touch them. Not to mention it’s also kind of an invasion of privacy on my part.”
Elsa appreciated the longwinded explanation. It was better to over explain than not, and she could quickly grok why the gloves were so important to Theo.
Even if the reasons were different, there was still a startling similarity between them, in being cut off from physical contact. Elsa had tried to protect others, Theo was trying to protect herself.
It was a lonely existence, and Elsa’s heart went out to her. “I suppose that would make good days better, and bad days worse, wouldn’t it.”
Either way, the sadness of someone else, or their elation, could be overwhelming.
It was probably a lonely existence, but Theo felt it was better than being bombarded by other people’s emotions just from the simple act of shaking their hand. Or getting an accompanied vision about them. Personally, she wished she didn’t have the ability in the first place. While it had its uses, especially if her patients couldn’t exactly put things into words, she wasn’t willing to open herself up to those sorts of things just yet.
“Yeah, it does. I think the house in my Dreams is haunted, and that’s why I’m always cold. Because I’m sensitive to paranormal. Which is not the greatest thing in the world, let me tell you.” She leaned back in her seat. “I was already sensitive to paranormal in this world before I even moved here, but it was more like I saw ghosts. Or, to make a joke that I tend to hate making, I see dead people.” She hated that joke the same way she hated The Sixth Sense movie. She was kind of the kid in that movie.
Elsa remembered Theo confessing that last time, so she nodded and again fought back questions about her parents. It seemed rude, and she wasn’t ready for that sort of thing anyway. She smiled wryly. “And so… conceal, don’t feel.”
It was honestly a lot for Theo to take in. Considering she’d already felt like a freak before her Dreams had started, she felt like even more of one now with this added ability. And yeah, questions about her parents would be met with a brick wall of so much absolutely not going there it wouldn’t even be funny. Her mother was an intense sore spot for her. And her father? Well, to say they were estranged to some extent was a really light and uncomplicated way of putting it.
“Yeah, you could definitely say that,” Theo responded with a little smile and a chuckle.
“I wonder if maybe you ought to take some of the advice you give me for yourself, although maybe the situation is a little different.” Elsa leaned back in her seat, crossing one elegant leg over the other; for some reason she felt a little more confident about herself now.
“Did your house survive the dragon?”
“Applying the ‘doctor, heal thyself’ logic, are you?” Theo asked, though she was obviously not upset about it. She knew she should apply some of that advice for herself, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to that point yet.
“It did, though I live in an apartment. I didn’t feel like living in a house by myself here. I lived with my older sister before I moved, so I wanted something smaller.” As much as she tended to fight with Shirley, she’d liked living with her, having family always close by. Not that her other siblings were flung to the winds, but living in the same place was easier. And not mention made going through grad school and interning and all of that a lot easier on her. Shirley had helped ensure that Theo didn’t completely run herself ragged while studying. “Did yours survive?”
“Maybe a little.” Elsa shrugged. She liked Theo, and it was her natural inclination to look after those she liked. “Mine took...a bit of damage, so I had to check into a hotel. There were a lot of knocked over furniture and the foundation has a crack.”
If she was honest with herself she was underselling the damage.
Theo wasn’t going to shutdown the suggestion. While it wasn’t exactly how her patients typically acted in sessions, Elsa was one who cared about others rather deeply, that had become very apparent to her in their sessions. Still, whether she actually took her own advice or not remained to be seen.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Though you at least weren’t hurt during it, right?” Just because Elsa appeared to not have been injured didn’t mean that she hadn’t been. There were magic users and so forth here, she could have been healed.
Elsa shook her head. “I’m fine. I’m mostly a little… conflicted. It’s my childhood home, and my parents. Anna moved out while I was still in London and it at empty until I came back. So there’s a lot of feelings I have towards it. Both good and bad.”
A lot of repressed anger, too.
Theo listened, more than being able to understand the mixed emotions. “It’s okay to be conflicted. Both good and bad emotions can be tied up in the same thing very often. You can be sad and angry at the same time. I know it may seem like you can’t be because society likes to simplify everything. But emotions are not simple, they are complex and often are conflicting with each other. The important thing is to let yourself feel both the good and bad feelings over this. If you need to talk through some of the good and some of the bad, go right ahead, I’m listening. If words won’t cut it, perhaps try something like drawing it out. Create a building that reflects each emotion you feel over this. Putting your emotions into art and all of that.”
“Kind of like...loving a family member but also being angry with them for how they reacted to things?” Elsa asked, thinking of her parents, and if she was honest with herself, sometimes Anna. She loved Anna, but Anna lived in her own little bubble and it felt like she didn’t always notice when Elsa needed her.
Though that was at least 50% Elsa’s fault.
“I’m kind of afraid to try that. What if I create something… awful? or Ugly. Or not… me?”
“Yes, a lot like that, actually.” Theo more than understood that sentiment. She had the very same love and anger for her dad and siblings. Sometimes her mom as well, but that was probably more than a little selfish on her part as opposed to having a legitimate reason to be angry with someone.
“Creating something awful ugly or not you is not the point. The point is trying to express your emotions in a healthy way. Draw what you feel, what the drawing ultimately looks like is irrelevant except that it helped you express some emotion. And that’s all that it needs to be.”
“What about creating something to smash it?” Elsa asked. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see what her negative emotions could produced, though, and hesitated. “But what if I lost control? I could hurt someone, I could hurt a lot of people!”
As far as she was concerned, exploring her emotions was too risky. She was too burned by the ice of her dreams to want to risk a potential extinction event.
Theo supposed she should’ve anticipated that reaction, but she readjusted quickly. “The take it one step at a time. No one can tackle their emotions head on and be able to control them. Anyone who claims as much is lying.” Just because Theo had a tight grip on her emotions didn’t mean she always had them under control. She’d just learned how to redirect herself when needed.
“Think of it like you’re trying to carve a statue out of marble. You have to take it slow and one chisel stroke at a time otherwise you might compromise the marble or ruin the statue. Start with something small, and when you feel you can handle doing small, then try something a little bigger.”
Elsa closed her eyes, trying to visualize that. The visualization seemed to help. It could be like making ice sculptures -- the principle was the same, anyway. “Start small… I think that could work, I think I could do that.”
“Good. The object here is not to overwhelm yourself while still trying to work through your emotions. And it’s okay to have set backs if you have them. Dealing with emotions is not black and white no matter how much we wish it would be.” And when emotions were a tangled knot? It was even worse to work through. But it certainly wasn’t impossible.
Making a face, Elsa opened her eyes to look at Theo. “I just wish that….” She waved her hand. “I wish it was easier. But maybe it is easier than it used to be, I guess? Since I have… memory and experience with it now.”
And maybe there was a point to what the trolls had tried to teach her a lifetime ago; even if all they’d done at the time was to terrify an eight year old with visions of killing everyone she loved.
“I know, but as the saying goes, anything worth doing isn’t easy. But the fact that it may be easier than it used to be is good. The more you try and work at it, the easier it will become. You will learn to recognize your limits and be able to stop before hitting them.” Theo stated. “There is no quick fix, but I think you are doing well.” Even in the relatively short time that Elsa had been her patient, Theo could see she was making some improvement.
Elsa squared her shoulders and nodded. She hadn’t realized it until now that she’d needed to hear that, like she’d needed to hear a lot of things. That she was doing well, that it wasn’t going to be a quick fix either, but that it would actually get better and get easier.
She also knew there would be nightmares from her captivity and that maybe they’d never entirely go away, but.. “Do you have any suggestions for … Ever since I was rescued, I still have nightmares, and I try to avoid going certain places alone. I can’t even drink water in public unless I’m with someone I trust who might catch someone trying to drug me.”
And she flinched, sometimes, when someone touched her unexpectedly, though that had always been an issue with her. Being with Weiss had helped with that but now…
Part of Theo’s job was to tell her patients when they were making improvements and reminding them that things would get better, but it would take time. But she always did like seeing improvements. Some people didn’t want to put the work in to actually get better, but most people that came to her wanted to put the work in. And she was glad to see Elsa was one of those people willing to work at it.
“Nightmares can be tricky, but if you wake up from one and can’t calm down, try calling someone you trust. Whether it’s a close friend, your sister, or me it doesn’t matter. Sometimes hearing a friendly voice can give you something to focus on to center yourself. You could also try listening to some music that you find calming or that always makes you feel good to help give you that grounding. Or drawing. Try out some different things and see what works best for you.” Everyone was different, and every nightmare could be different and require a different approach to dealing with it.
“As for the other things, I think for the moment avoiding going to certain places alone is best until you feel like you could attempt going there alone. Eventually I think you should try it, but not until you feel more comfortable with yourself. Going to those places with someone you trust is a good start, but definitely don’t try going somewhere alone yet. I think it’s too fresh for the moment. But you will get to the point where you can try going places alone.” Theo was honest, at least. She wasn’t going to lie to her patients on these kinds of topics. If they weren’t ready, they weren’t ready. And it was okay to not be ready.
No. Elsa wasn’t going to go into any club or bar alone ever again. That was a feeling of vulnerability she didn’t want to experience again and if she was honest with herself it wasn’t really her scene anyway. So it wasn’t the hugest loss. Though she didn’t mind the idea of a lesbian bar, she still didn’t want to go to one alone. “I’ll think about it for the future, but for now it’s definitely a no. And bottled water with secured lids from now on, too.”
“That’s perfectly fine. I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do. Unless I think it’ll ultimately be good for you. Because in my job, sometimes I have to push you beyond what you’re comfortable with in order to help you. But I never do that without trying other methods first. There is more than one way to handle things, after all.” Anyone who said otherwise was typically lying or just had tunnel vision on how they wanted to handle it. But generally, most problems had multiple ways you could approach it and solve it.
“That’s… fair,” Elsa agreed, before her eyes flashed a little bit and she smiled, once again on the heal thyself kick. Maybe it would make Theo smile. “As long as you’re willing to push yourself when it’s good for you.”
It did make her smile, and she gave a husky little chuckle. “I’ll try. Which is all any of us can promise to do.” And it was the truth, though Theo wasn’t always one for healthy means of pushing herself when it was good for her. Sometimes her siblings needed to push her, mostly her younger sister.
Oh. Apparently husky chuckles did things to her. Elsa swallowed and chose to ignore that, instead rubbing her palms over her knees and saying. “I hope you have someone you can talk to too.”
“Thank you. My younger sister tends to be able to get me to talk one way or another.” It was something, at least. Sure, Theo had a couple friends here, but it took a lot of trust for her to open up to people to any meaningful level. She was so protective of herself in that regard.
Elsa smiled again, nodding in understanding. She hoped that Theo might find someone who could help out too. In Elsa’s experience she’d learned that having more than one person to lean on made her stronger. She was sure that would apply to others, too. “I’m glad.”
It did apply to others, but Theo was a person who hated telling her life story. She didn’t want pity parties for having lost her mother to suicide when she was a kid. She didn’t want people to look at her weird because she saw ghosts or had psychometry. It was bad enough that some of her siblings looked at her oddly. She didn’t need others added to that list, she felt weird enough without that.
“Now, do you want to talk about anything else? It doesn’t need to be trauma-related or dragon-related.” Sometimes a patient just needed to talk about something else. And sometimes when that happened, it gave Theo more insight into how to better help them.