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Ruby Rose | Team RWBY (eyesofsilver) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-04-05 07:51:00

Who: Qrow and Ruby
What: Dealing with Dream revelations
When: Morning of April 5th
Where: Qrow’s place
Warnings: Low - feels
Status: Log | Complete

It really was only a matter of time before the Dreams started up again. Ruby had known that they would. While she sort of just tuned out any conversation on things she hadn’t dreamt yet to avoid worrying about it for an undetermined amount of time until the Dream finally showed up and she could see it for herself, it didn’t mean that Ruby was unprepared. It was just she had a life to live here and so why worry about when something might happen that she had no control over?

But as was always the case, the lull in Dreams ended and now there was just so much more to take in. The Battle of Haven was over, the truth of it mostly covered up and they had a new mission. Get the Relic to Atlas since the Spring Maiden wasn’t there to seal it up again in the vault. So it was a train to the port at Argus.

Which of course went wrong as Grimm attacked. And the huntsmen for the train weren’t much to brag home about. They were bombastic and in over their head. But at least the two teams plus Qrow were there and could help. Only once she and Jaune convinced the injured huntsman to turn off the turrants (only after creating fear in the passengers, thus being more of a target for the Grimm) did more complications show up.

The Relic apparently also attracted Grimm, so the plan of having Jaune amplify Ren’s aura to mask the passengers wouldn’t work. Then the anger over Ozpin not telling them that before but this wasn’t the time to focus on that with the passengers on the train so a new plan was set into motion.

More fighting, then the train derailed…. So while she was picking up dust cartridges, and the Relic, answers were demanded about the continuation of lying or not revealing the whole truth. And honestly, Ruby didn’t know exactly what to think about it. She could make sense of why he felt telling them could add more anxiety and negativity if the attraction was so faint that it would have been otherwise masked because of all the people on the train. Did she like it? That Ruby couldn’t answer.

But there was so much more. The strange desperation for him to have the Relic back. But what really seemed to strike her was the fact that he didn’t have faith in humanity. This man (who okay, was currently in the body of a fourteen year old boy) had been such a mentor and strong influence for her while she’d been at Beacon. He had seemed to believe the same things she did, had the same goals and hopes for helping people…. For him not to even have faith in the people they were supposed to help?

And then Oscar gaining control and telling them Ozpin was hiding something else that he was afraid they would learn…. Someone who shared a body with Ozpin and must have felt it important… Of calling forth Jinn and learning again that Ozpin this time had straight up lied this time. Not withheld information but actively lied to them…. The confusion was strong and Ruby didn’t quite know what to make of any of it. Of the rest of her team pulling weapons on Qrow when he said her name. Of being told to do what she thought was right.

Did she know what that was? Honestly, Ruby wasn’t sure. But there was so much distrust in the air, questions would just make it worse. So she asked.

“What is Ozpin hiding from us?”

Of Ozpin lunging at her and the fear only to be alone. To see what had happened in the past. Of how Salem became the Salem they knew now, and how Ozma became Ozpin. There was so much pain and heartbreak. The hearts of men are easily swayed. But it was the end that seemed to truly answer the question.

“How do I defeat Salem?”

“You can’t.”

Waking up, Ruby winced. Again a headache, the one she seemed to get whenever she was feeling overwhelmed. Well overwhelmed was an understatement to how she currently felt. There was so much information from the Dream to try to process, the things she had seen - like Salem trying to kill herself…. Rubbing her eyes, Ruby blinked at Zwei who had come into her room. She didn’t know what to do or what to think.

But she had to do something, or try to make sense of it. So getting up and dressed, Ruby took Zwei out for his walk before taking him back home. Her head was still hurting but she ignored it. While she knew she could talk to Yang about the Dreams, she didn’t know what to say, especially since Yang had been the angriest about Ozpin in the Dreams. But then perhaps the answer was clear. Whenever she was confused or overwhelmed, when she needed help sorting and processing things, she went to her uncle.

And honestly, after what she had seen? Ruby just needed to see Qrow anyway to make sure he was okay. True, she didn’t know if he had gotten that far in the Dreams himself, but even if he hadn’t, maybe he could still make sense of it. So grabbing her bag, Ruby made her way to Qrow’s. Staring at the door, she bit her lower lip before pulling out her key and letting herself in. Which for Ruby was something as she almost always would knock and wait to be let in unless she knew he wasn’t there but she was wanting to stay there to decompress from being around people (she loved her home, but sometimes four people in one house was too much). But right now, Ruby just needed to see Qrow and make sure he was okay and try to make sense of everything, so it was letting herself in without knocking first.

“Uncle Qrow?”

Qrow was not okay. When the dreams had started he had been able to do a fairly decent job keeping the person he was there seperate from the person he was here, in Orange County. Mostly. There were a few parallels that were hard to ignore. The luck thing, for instance. Qrow had always been “unlucky”. His association with bad luck was, after all, how he got his name. So when his semblance became a thing he had to deal with while awake, he felt as though he could handle it. There was of course Summer’s death and Raven abandoning her family that mirrored reality a little too closely for comfort (though Summer turning up alive and with Raven in Nevada was a whole can of hurt left well enough alone). That all aside, Qrow had always been able to look at the dreams objectively and not let them add weight to the baggage he already carried around with him. ....Mostly.

This set of dreams were different. That morning he woke up with Ozpin’s sordid history still fresh in his mind and the feeling of confusion and betrayal crushing in on all sides. It wasn’t something he could shrug off with a shower, coffee and a cigarette as he’d always done before. No, this lingered, wrapping around him like a net.

He tried to shake it off. He tried to be objective and focus on the fact that Ozpin’s life -- lives -- was a kind of hell that should not be wished on anyone, that Oz had never asked for the task he’d been given by the Brother Gods. But he kept circling back to the fact that he had devoted his the better part of his life to Oz, to fighting Oz’s fight under the belief that he was finally doing good. But all he’d gotten in exchange for his efforts, for his devotion, for risking his life again and again, was the realization that he’d been lied to. He’d been used and worse, his nieces were being groomed to be the next in line. And for what?! What had it all been for?! To fight a fight they had no chance at winning?!

Qrow went round and round like this for hours fighting through the onslaught of hurt, anger, guilt and confusion. His hands shook. His mind felt as though it had literally been blown to pieces. He was falling and there was nothing around for him to grasp on to. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to feel. All he wanted was everything -- the dream, the knowledge, Oz, everything -- to go away.

He made his way down stairs like a man wandering through fog. Without thinking he went for his liquor cabinet, grabbing the first bottle his hand closed around. Forgoing the usual glass, he drank straight from said bottle. A couple of large gulps to get his thoughts back in order and get that feeling of crushing pain out of his chest. Bottle still in hand, he entered his kitchen, a vague idea of breakfast making itself known in the back of his mind.

He got as far as the counter when he heard his front door open and close. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping whoever it was, Yang or Tai, would go look for him upstairs. Give him a few minutes to pull himself back together. But no, it wasn’t either Yang or Tai stopping by. Ruby’s voice calling for him sliced through the fog like a scythe.

He didn’t have a few minutes. For all of his faults (of which Qrow knew there were many), he always did his best to put his nieces before everything else. With a shaky breath, Qrow pulled what he could of himself back into place. “Yeah, Ruby,” he called back to her, placing the bottle on the counter next to him and sliding it away. “I’m in here.”

Ruby didn’t really know what she had expected when she had called out for her uncle. Because again, she always knocked and waited unless she knew that he was out and wouldn’t be back until later. But with everything swirling in her mind, she had just...really needed to see Qrow and hope he could make sense of things. Because like him, she had always been fairly good at separating Dreams from her life here. Mostly. There was the guilt from the fall of Beacon and then him being poisoned. But other than that? Beyond seeing parallels and worrying about them, there was a life here that was important to live and whatever happened in the Dreams would happen.

Yet now she was confused and the revelations had nothing making sense. So when she heard her uncle say he was there and already awake (only now did Ruby realize how awkward it might have been had he been asleep when she just walked in), Ruby let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and headed to the kitchen.

It wasn’t hard at all for her to see that something was upsetting him and if Ruby had to guess, it was probably the same thing that brought her there unannounced so she just crossed the kitchen and hugged her uncle. If she was lost and confused by what she had seen, she couldn’t imagine what Qrow was feeling. So for now, it was just hugging him to let him know that no matter what, she loved him and that he still had her.

Qrow listened to Ruby’s footsteps as she made her way through the living room to the kitchen. He took another deep breath through his nose and turned around just as she got to the doorway. “Hey, Squirt,” he greeted her, trying to keep the thickness out of his voice. “I was -- ”

Before he was able to get out the words that he was about to start breakfast, Ruby had crossed the kitchen to hug him. Ruby was a hugger, but this wasn’t her usual greeting. It took a moment for Qrow to put the pieces together. They weren’t dreaming that far apart anymore. She must have seen Jin’s vision, too. Goddammit, Oz…

Whether she intended for it to or not, Ruby’s hug grounded Qrow back into reality a little. He let out a breath and gently squeezed her shoulders before pulling her back so he could look at her. “You alright, kiddo?”

All that had really been in the instinct to go and hug her uncle was that Ruby wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone and still had her even when everything was confusing. But as she hadn’t known just how unmoored he’d been even if she could guess, grounding wasn’t necessarily the aim. Though in a way, the hug had helped to ground her as well. It didn’t make sense of anything. Far from it. She was still confused and conflicted and all the other emotions she tried to keep buried beneath optimism and moving forward. But it at least gave her something solid to hold onto.

As Qrow pulled away, Ruby shifted some.

“Yes? No….? Maybe? I don’t know. Everything is just…”

And a shrug and vague ‘all of this’ motion because Ruby still couldn’t really find the words to even attempt to make sense of everything she had seen. What it all meant. Way back in those first Dreams, when she and Blake had talked about the stories, how stories didn’t always have happy endings and how Ruby had said she knew that and that was why they fought - to make things better…

Had even that been a lie? Because beneath the confusion and feeling lost, Ruby was still fueled by that desire. That need to be there and help people, no matter what. Absently she rubbed the spot between her eyes with her thumb to try and stave off headache. Or at least lessen it.

“Are you?”

He wasn’t, but he couldn’t exactly tell her that. It was neither right or fair to unload his baggage onto Ruby’s shoulders. Doing so would have been a gross violation of their relationship as niece and uncle. That, at least, needed to remain intact while everything else seemed to shift and crumble. But, he couldn’t lie to her either.

“I don’t know,” he said. An unconscious glance was sent towards the open bottle of whiskey on the counter. There was an impulse to grab it again and drink the whole thing down and simply sink into blissful dark oblivion. Qrow ignored it for the moment. Red eyes moved back to the girl and he tried to force something that resembled a reassuring smile, the same smile he always gave her when she needed it. He succeeded only in making a wan kind of grin. He wanted so much to tell her everything was going to be alright. He still couldn’t lie to her.

“You want some breakfast?” He asked instead.

There had been enough lies and half truths in the Dreams. There were the ones Ruby could make sense of, but then there were the ones that cut to the heart of what they were doing. Of making her question the very thing that had been propelling her forward after the Fall of Beacon. It was like the ground was shifting and she didn’t know what way was up. At least before there had been a clear path even in the guilt and heartbreak and the need to find answers. And Ruby had to believe she would find that again. That somehow, something would make sense.

But it was too soon for that.

Though as Qrow said he didn’t know if he was okay? She was relieved for the answer because she knew that sometimes he would hide things, bury them. After all, she did the same and she had picked it up from her uncle. Because at least if he admitted he didn’t know? That was acknowledging whatever was going on.

“So you saw Jinn’s answer too then…”

It wasn’t really a question. Unless he was ahead of her and if that were the case, that would be worrisome, just because it meant there was more bad and confusing to come. But even so, he’d have still at least gotten there. Right?

But then there was the question about breakfast and she nodded.

“Um, yeah, that might be good.”

Breakfast was important after all. That and it was something normal that still made sense and Ruby had a feeling they both needed that right now.

There was a sudden need to do something, because if Qrow stood there any longer trying to keep his hands from shaking, he wasn’t going to be able to fight that impulse to drink the whiskey bottle dry, and he really, really did not want to do that in front of Ruby. So breakfast it was going to be, then.

He motioned towards the coffee maker on the other side of the sink. “If you start the coffee, I’ll see what I’ve got for the two of us,” he said. While Ruby got the coffee and the filters, Qrow scrounged for something in his fridge he could turn into breakfast. It was several moments before he said anything.

“Yeah, I saw Jin’s answer,” he said, though from his current position it seemed as though he were talking to the jar of pickles on the fridge’s shelf. “Kind of a long winded answer,” he muttered as he reached towards the back where a carton of eggs had somehow managed to travel.

Doing something was good. It had been Ruby’s first inclination that morning before she had decided on going to Qrow’s. Of course it only did so much but right now if it could help in any sort of way? Then that was good enough for her. Like making coffee. Ruby tended to not drink it, preferring tea or hot chocolate. But it was something to do with her hands. That and wasn’t caffeine supposed to help with migraines? Ruby was pretty sure she had read that once the headaches had started to become a thing.

The silence was okay. There times when one of the reasons she would escape to her uncle’s was for that silence. Even now it wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t like she wanted to fill the void and confusion with chatter. It was just the comfort of being around her uncle to bring her some sort of peace. But knowing for sure that he had seen Jinn’s answer? That also helped.

She missed the part about it being a long winded answer. But there really had been a lot going on in it. And it reaffirmed her belief that relationships and all those things people kept talking about and striving for? They made things messy and complicated. The things that always went over her head when friendship and family were such important things for her…. But the answer Jinn had given hadn’t really cleared much up. Not really. Ruby could understand why Ozpin had kept it from them but he had still lied and it made her question everything he had told her in her time at Beacon. Because it wasn’t just that exact lie, or the omission of some of the things they had seen… But it cut to the heart of what they were doing on such a larger scale.

“....do you think he has any plan?” Because a plan she could work with. He had been a different Oz at that time, who knew how long it had been between the question and where they were. In that time some sort of plan could have been had. Something tangible. Right?

“Or that he actually believes in any of us, or humanity?”

Though perhaps that truly was the crux of the matter. Because it had been the comment on humanity that had finally made Ruby make a decision that something was wrong. That made her doubt when that had seemed a current between her and the former headmaster, a shared belief and why she wanted to be a huntress. Hell, the original Ozma was essentially the heroes in stories she had always wanted to be!

And then of course those old underlying insecurities. Had Ozpin been wrong in choosing her as a leader? Should she have been let into Beacons early? Did she even belong? Could she actually do any good and help people or was it really just a silly and naive dream after all?

Ruby’s question gave Qrow a moment of pause. The carton of eggs had been retrieved from the back of the fridge, feeling much too light to actually contain any eggs within. He stared at it, his eyes slowly narrowing as he thought for himself if Ozpin had a plan. If the man had ever had a plan.

Qrow used to think that the man did have a plan -- or an idea, at least -- of action. Qrow used to think that, used to believe that with all of his soul. He had gone on all those missions, put himself in danger countless of times, defended Oz agian and again in the face of those who had reason to doubt him. Ironwood had. So had Raven.
What a goddamn idiot he’d been.

“No, Ruby,” Qrow grunted. “I don’t think Ozpin does have a plan.” He knew that wasn’t what Ruby wanted or needed to hear, but it was the truth. She at least needed to know that.

His hands shook slightly as he opened the container of eggs and frowned harder seeing that there was only one sad lonely egg left. And it was cracked. Brilliant.

Ruby’s next question regarding Ozpin’s outlook on humanity pulled Qrow’s attention towards her. His first inclination was to say he didn’t think Oz had much of an opinion about humanity, but stopped before the words had a chance to form. The anger was back and along with it came the guilt as the Elder Brother God’s words to Oz echoed in Qrow’s mind. Humanity’s survival. What a fucking thing to place on the shoulders of one man. But it didn’t have to be that way. It never had to be that way! When, in the many lives Oz had lived, had he lost sight of that? When had people -- Glynda, Ironwood, Lionheart, Qrow himself -- become a means to stave off the inevitable.

Qrow’s eyes wandered over Ruby’s shoulder back towards the bottle of whiskey. He felt his body lurch towards it, but again stopped himself and willed the confusing bundle of thoughts and emotions out of his mind, shoving it all away to deal with never. Just get through breakfast.

“He chose us for a reason,” Qrow answered, his teeth grinding hard near the back of his mouth. “I can’t say what that reason is. Even if I did, I don’t know if I’d like it.” His gaze went back to the useless egg, and shut the lid of the container. “As for humanity. I don’t have a goddamn clue.” He tossed the container into the garbage and closed the door to the refrigerator.

Ruby didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Qrow wasn’t sure if Ozpin even had a plan. Upset? In a way. They had all lost so much because of what was happening. It wasn’t like they had any say in Beacon being attacked. Their lives. It suddenly seemed very haphazard and just reactionary. But she also felt almost...resigned. Like part of her had expected that answer even when she had grasped to the hope that there was something that they could hold onto.

“Oh.”

Because what was there really to say? When in doubt, they at least had believed they could look to Ozpin for guidance. They had as students. As headmaster, he’d been such a larger than life figure. I’ve made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child. She could remember that comment when she had doubted her position as leader of Team RWBY. It had seemed so improbable then. And now?

Like Qrow, Ruby felt that asking one person to shoulder such a burden was absurd. No one person could save all of humanity. Humanity was full of so many people. And while she had always been socially avoidant, one of the things she had learned in the Dreams really was that it was okay to lean on people, to have a team and friends and to not feel like she had to do all the things all on her own.

“I think he chose me because of my eyes…” Ruby still didn’t know what they meant and she had avoided asking about them because of what they currently seemed to represent to her. The loss or fear of losing someone. But it had also been the first thing he had said to her.

“I don’t know….” Then again, Yang had only agreed to come on the mission because of Ruby and it seemed Weiss had been similar. Then Blake had just shown up. And Team RNJR? They had just been trying to find answers on Cinder and Salem and the attack on Beacon. Had any of them actually been chosen? Or had they just stumbled on the mission? Did it matter? Not really, they were in it now.

“I just…..how can you truly fight for or unite humanity if you don’t believe in it? Believe that each person and being is worth protecting? It doesn’t make sense.”

Ruby was really asking the hard questions this morning and Qrow was getting tired of repeating the same “I don’t know” line to her. But he didn’t know. Hell, he didn’t even know if Ozpin really didn’t believe in humanity or if he did. He didn’t know what the fuck Oz was even thinking anymore.

Qrow was standing in front of the cupboard as Ruby spoke, his hand clutching the knob hard. He was tired, he was confused and he really didn’t want to be thinking about any of this right now, much less trying to figure any of it out. A smell of brewing coffee was starting to permeate the air. It was such a normal smell that juxtaposed to the conversation they were having made it feel absurd.

None of this should have even been an issue. These were dreams, for fucks sake! They weren’t really in Remnant fighting for their lives against grimm or an immortal witch and her henchmen. They weren’t actually a huntsman or a huntress!

But you are, a little voice piped up at the back of his mind. The same little voice that liked to sneer at him and relentlessly tear him down every time he thought things in his life were going right. You are a huntsman and Ruby is a huntress. Like it or not, that’s your lot life in now.

Qrow was half a second away from abandoning breakfast all together for that damn bottle of whiskey.

He let out a breath and opened the cupboard, and wouldn’t you know it, there was a box of cereal. It wasn’t exactly bacon and eggs, but it was better than nothing. Qrow got the box down and set it on the counter while he dug a couple of bowls out.

“I don’t know,” he said and there were those words again. “I don’t…” he paused trying to make some sense out of his own thoughts. “I don’t think it's a matter of Oz not believing people are worth the effort of being saved. If that were true, I doubt we’d have the schools. Hell, it’d be easier to just hide the relics and go about business, but…” he trailed as he set two bowls on the counter. “...maybe is more of an issue of trust. He just doesn’t trust us.”

As he spoke, Qrow came to the realization that was really what was at the core of everything, or at least why he himself was so pissed off about everything Jin had shown and told them. Another tired sigh and he poured cereal for them both, only to find that there was only enough in the box for a single bowl.

There were a lot of hard questions to deal with thanks to the latest revelations. Some of it was just getting it out so maybe she could answer them herself. Already she knew that even if they were unable to defeat Salem, that didn’t mean there wouldn’t be Grimm to still fight, people who still needed help and protection. The problem, at least for Ruby, was how much it seemed to undercut everything she had been holding onto. How it seemed to make those old concerns surface because if Ozpin was wrong about one thing, what about the other things?

Or maybe they weren’t supposed to know. But that didn’t seem right. There had to be some reason for it all. Yes, things just happened. People were hurt or died just because of a point being made, people not caring who got caught in the middle of it all. It was just a complete blur.

Still, her uncle had a point. If Ozpin didn’t care about humanity or protecting people, then why even set up the schools? Why train people to be hunters and huntresses for those who wouldn’t defend themselves…

With the coffee ready, Ruby poured her uncle a cup the way he liked it, and then poured her own cup, before putting in the obscene amount of sugar she required to make coffee drinkable for her.

“Maybe…..” Ozpin had said that Yang and really the rest of them weren’t the first to tell him that he could trust them only to betray him like Lionheart had. How they wouldn’t be the last either, “Still, if you don’t trust people then why would they trust you?”

Trust. That had been the crux of it all. The lack of trust, the broken promises making it worse. It was a vicious cycle that had led to asking Jinn what he was hiding and everything they had seen.

Too many of Ruby’s questions Qrow didn’t have the answer to. It was not a position he enjoyed being in. Not wanting to tell her a third time that he didn’t know, he just shook his head and shrugged wearily. Her guess was as good as his, really.

The fact of the matter was that they had trusted Ozpin, all of them. At least until it became too much of a habit for the old man to continuously tell them only the useful part of the truth, or in the case of the Relic of Knowledge, not even that much. If nothing else, Qrow could take a little solace in the fact that both Ruby and Yang had enough smarts about them to not eat every line that was fed to them without question.

He poured milk over the cereal and handed the bowl and a spoon to Ruby, motioning her to take a seat at the tiny kitchen table.

In a way, it had been more of a rhetorical question than anything. A question for a man who wasn't even there. Ruby didn't know, Qrow didn't. How could they when they had been so blindsided by the revelations?

So instead she just took the bowl quietly and went to sit at the question. It still didn't feel like there was much solid ground at the moment, but the questions at least had stopped swirling about for the time being.

For someone who was able to usually differentiate between the dreams and real life, this set of dreams had really shaken her. Though given it seemed to deal with the core of who people were, perhaps that was why. Either way, Ruby was worried even though there wasn't anything she could do.

Still, she did look to her uncle worried.

“Well, it might not mean much right now, but I trust you.”

Who knew what would happen in the dreams next, or how this would all play out with Ozpin. But Ruby at least knew she trusted Qrow. And it felt important to say that right now given everything they had just witnessed.

While Ruby took her seat at the table, Qrow picked up the mug of coffee she had poured for him. He leaned his long frame against the counter and watched the coffee swirl in the mug a moment. He mulled over the idea of trust and how the one person he thought he could trust hadn’t trusted him. He hoped that eventually he could disassociate himself from this new set of dreams as he had before.

He glanced up at Ruby as she spoke. Her words made him smile -- a much more genuine smile than he had been able to muster for her before. No, Oz hadn’t been the only person in the world he could trust. “I know you do, kiddo,” he said. “I trust you too.”