Who: Michael Guerin & Alex Manes What: Catching up Part II When: April 2nd, evening Where: Michael's trailer Rating/Warnings: Low Status: Complete
It was a little later than three by the time Alex had talked himself into going over to Michael’s, rocking up like he wasn’t weirdly anxious about it because he really was. So far he’d been home - well, back in OC since he wasn’t really sure it was home - for four days and he had only seen Michael. He hadn’t run into anyone else, or even sought them out because there were elements of reacclimating to civilian life that he was struggling with. The lack of direction was one of them, and sitting waiting in limbo to know if he was going to be medically discharged was something else he was struggling with quite significantly. He hated just waiting, but he had to see what paperwork got filed and if he just had to wait out the last few months of his enlistment before leaving or if he would be discharged. Neither would please his father but he was beginning to understand that he’d never be able to do that, and perhaps it wasn’t worth the continued effort to win the approval of a man who would never be satisfied.
God, he didn’t even know. But by the time he’d swung by the liquor store and grabbed a sixer and driven over to the trailer park where Michael lived, it was closer to seven. So he’d also grabbed some Chinese take out and hoped that Michael’s tastes hadn’t changed all that much over the past few years. Staring at himself in the rearview mirror, Alex took a breath and pushed his hand through his hair - it was getting a little long and he should probably cut it (it’s unbecoming of an airman to have longer hair, Manes) - before he knocked the door open and carefully got out of the car, using the roof to balance himself as he adjusted the weight on his aching leg. He knew it would take time to heal, but he was impatient enough as it was. It didn’t matter that it was a miracle he hadn’t lost it, he couldn’t walk far on it and the crutch he was meant to be using to help ease the load was cumbersome and irritating. Still, he pulled it out of the back seat and tucked the beers under his arm, Chinese on the roof as he locked the car before grabbing it and heading up towards the trailer.
Lacking in hands to knock with, Alex lifted the crutch and gently tapped the door with it for attention, hoping he had the right one.
Michael rushed home as soon as he was done at the job. He had the early shift, one of his coworkers could close up. He wanted to make sure he was home when Alex got there. Part of him still couldn’t believe this was happening. Alex Manes was back after all this time.
It wasn’t like Michael hadn’t been with other people. There had been a lot since Alex left, both guys and girls. But none of them were Alex. Even after all this time the guy still held a special place in his heart. Seeing him again the other night had brought all that back. Now all Michael wanted to do was see him again. Have him back, at least as a friend. Michael didn’t need many people in his life, but Alex was one of the few that he needed.
As soon as Michael got home he tidied up his place. He wasn’t a complete slob or anything but he still wanted to make sure it looked nice for Alex. God, when did he turn into this guy?
By 4 o’clock his trailer was sufficiently cleaned and no Alex. Michael sat down at his table and waited. He tried to read a book but his mind couldn’t focus. 5 o’clock still now Alex. Around 6 he pulled out a beer and started to drink. Alex wasn’t going to show up. Why would he? Michael was just some broken down foster kid with a broken hand. Alex knew all that. He had seen Michael at his lowest, had been shooed out by Michael’s foster dad even. Even if they had kept in touch after all that, it was never the same. And then he disappeared for the air force. A choice Michael never thought was Alex’s, but the end result was still the same - Alex was out of his life.
By the time Alex knocked on the door Michael was three beers in already. Michael had built up his tolerance enough that it didn’t have too much of an affect. It barely even took the edge off.
“About time,” Michael said as he answered the door his curls falling in his eyes. He brushed them out of his face eyes fully taking in Alex, standing there with his crutch trying to balance all the food and the six pack. “Here,” Michael said grabbing the food for him. “I didn’t know you were buying me dinner.” He opened the door wider so Alex could come in, walking over to the table and setting it down. “Welcome to my humble abode.” Humble being the key word.
It took Alex a hot second to make it up the stairs, three days without giving his still-healing leg a break meant that stairs felt like quite the monumental effort. Knocking the door shut behind him, which closed with a soft click, Alex took in the small trailer with a nod. He could see the tension in Michael’s shoulders and though that had used to be a constant thing - for the both of them, always ready for whatever fell on them next - he wasn’t sure whether he was comfortable or not that the tension this time was probably because of him.
“Figured it was later in the evening,” he offered, chewing on the inside of his lower lip before he rested the crutch against the counter near the door and placed the six pack down as well, glasses clinking in a way that felt far too loud for the small space. “And I’d kind of assumed you hadn’t eaten anything yet. Was I wrong?” He tipped his head a little, looking at Michael with a tiny upward quirk of his lips.
He rubbed the side of his neck and then moved a little further in, resting his hips against the counter and reaching back to curl his hands around it. “It’s nice,” he offered, having a feeling that Michael would have wanted him to say something rather than just assuming because he said nothing that Alex didn’t think the place was awful. “Homey.”
Michael wondered if he should be helping Alex more. But he had a feel Alex’s pride didn’t want or need his help. Not to mention Michael didn’t exactly know how to help someone up the stairs. Again he felt himself wondering what had happened. As curious as he was he wasn’t going to press it. He knew how Alex liked to keep to himself. If he wanted to open up, he would. But there was no reason to think Alex would want to open up to him anyway. Maybe 10 years ago, but not now.
“Nah,” Michael said walking over to one of the drawers underneath his microwave, getting out some utensils. “I haven’t eaten yet.” ’I’ve been sitting here waiting for you,’ but Michael knew that was better left unsaid. He didn’t want to sound desperate or pathetic.
“It’s not much,” Michael said with a shrug. “But it’s mine.”
“Figured,” Alex replied, shrugging his shoulders and moving towards the table to sit down. It required him moving past Michael, which he did with a hand on Guerin’s back to steady himself, careful not to press against him but also finding that there wasn’t much room to squeeze past someone on the inside of an airstream. “Good thing I brought food then.”
He cleared his throat and eased himself down on one side of the table, noticing that Michael had already moved to get utensils so he didn’t need to do anything else. His eyes tracked the other as he moved, lips curled up into a small smile as he nodded. “That’s kind of what counts, Guerin,” he offered. “That it’s yours.” That stability, the privacy, the things he knew Michael hadn’t had as a kid. “And if you like it that’s really all that matters.”
“You get some orange chicken?” Michael questioned. It had been one of his favorites back in the day, still was. But he wasn’t sure Alex remembered. He sat back down at the table sliding a fork over to Alex. He figured they could just eat out of the container. Who needed plates? Michael certainly wasn’t that fancy.
“Yeah,” Michael agreed grabbing one of the beers Alex had brought over using the side of the table to pop off the cap. “It feels good, to have a place that’s mine.” He’d had it for a few years now. But the feeling hadn’t quite worn off. “Now we just have to find you a place that’s yours.” And not his dad’s. He needed to get far away from his dad. And yeah, Michael wanted Alex to find a place here. It meant that he would be staying. But he wouldn’t say that flat out. How could he tell Alex now that he was back Michael wasn’t sure he could bear for him to leave again?
Alex just lifted his chin, “See for yourself,” was the only response though it had loosened a sudden knot in Alex’s chest to hear the specific request. He’d gotten orange chicken for Michael, egg fried rice for them to share and he had chow mein for himself. He ducked his head, pulled the fork across the table and took a beer for himself so that he didn’t find himself watching Michael’s face as he rooted around in the bag.
He shifted, one hand dropping off the table to dig into the muscles above his knee, frustrated a little by the ache. They’d said it would go away but it was distracting and he wasn’t here for it. He’d forgotten his pain medicine too, left it in the car because he’d been focused on getting the other stuff in. He’d just have to take one when he got back to his dad’s.
“We?” The eyebrow lifted again and he flicked his eyes back up to look at Michael. “You offering to keep me company while I go apartment hunting?”
At Alex’s comment Michael began to look through the bag. The first container her opened was the chow mein, he knew immediately that was for Alex and slid that over to him. How could after ten years he still felt like he knew the guy so completely? Yeah, knowing his chinese food preference wasn’t exactly knowing him completely. But Michael still had the feeling he did. It was something he just couldn’t seem to shake.
The next container he opened was the orange chicken. A smile slowly formed on his face. Alex remembered. He wasn’t sure why that made him feel so good, but it did. He didn’t comment on it though. Instead he just grabbed the container and dug in.
As he took a bite, Michael looked back up at Alex. A frown began to form on his face. He couldn’t help but notice how Alex was rubbing his knee, the look of pain that crossed the soldier’s features. “You alright?” Michael asked after swallowing his bite.
“Yeah,” Michael replied taking a sip of his beer. “I guess I am. If you want the company at least.”
“Mm?” Alex lifted his head from where he’d been digging into the container and nodded, hand lifting back up to rest on the table. He had hoped Michael wouldn’t notice. He tapped his fingers against the carton and pulled it a little closer to himself. “Yeah- yeah I’m fine. My leg’s just aching.” He glanced up, shrugging off the echo of an explosion that crept up behind him. That wasn’t a conversation Michael wanted to have.
He reached out with his left leg under the table and knocked Michael’s foot gently. “I’m good. But- yeah, company would be nice. You can remind me to avoid places that have stairs and no working elevator.”
Only it was a conversation Michael wanted to have. He wanted to know what happened to Alex. What he had been through. But he had already told Alex he could tell him what happened if he wanted to, or not. He wasn’t going to force it. “You want like… ice or something?” Ice was supposed to be good for that sort of thing, right? Not that Michael was even sure he had ice. But he did have a freezer. There had to be something in here that could help Alex.
Michael took another bite of food to distract himself. Keep his mouth busy, stop him from asking Alex more questions. “I believe that’s in my realm of capabilities,” Michael replied knocking Alex’s foot right back. Man, he wished it was more than just their feet touching. But he’d take what he could get. “I’m not working this weekend.”
“Nah,” Alex tightened his grip on the fork for a moment, taking a breath and then shrugging his shoulder. “It’s- it’s just an ache. It’ll pass.” At least, that was what they told him. “Just gotta wait for the healing process to be completed.” Which could take months, even though it had already been months. Months to get back on his feet and be able to walk on it, rehab to get his muscles working again. He wet his lower lip. “It just- they don’t think it’s ever going to stop hurting.” His eyes drifted to Michael’s hand, he was sure Michael knew what it felt like, to have a part of himself that ached constantly. He was sure that Michael’s hand was still painful.
Guilt twisted in his stomach and he looked back up at Michael, pulled out of his thoughts with the knock to his foot. He didn’t move his away. “No? Think I should arrange some viewings? Just gotta remind me that I really can’t handle stairs right now.”
Michael couldn’t help but frown again. He didn’t like thinking about Alex in pain. Especially if it was a pain that was never going to completely go away. Michael was well aware of what that was like. Though with his hand is lessened over time. Now it only hurt when he over used it. Which tended to happen in his line of work.
Michael reached his hand out, almost grabbing onto Alex’s - in a way to reassure him it would be okay. Instead he reached for his beer taking another long sip. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. He wasn’t sure what else he could say about it. It wasn’t like he could fix Alex’s leg, no matter how much he wished he could. “Is this the part where you tell me what happened?” he couldn’t help but ask. His curiosity was getting the better of him. It wasn’t just curiosity though. He truly cared about Alex and what happened to him.
“You know,” Michael said pausing to take another bite of orange chicken. “I think I can remind you of that.” Though Michael had a feeling Alex’s the pain in leg would remind him enough.
“I’m not looking for you to apologise,” Alex reassured Michael, “It’s not like you’re the one that blew up my convoy.” The smile that followed was humourless. “Not much of a story to tell, Michael.” And he didn’t want to go into it, not right now. Not only would it bring the mood down but the more he thought about it the more he remembered and that was the worst part. He rubbed his hand over his face. “Long story short is we weren’t prepared, IED was missed during an initial sweep, we moved through, it detonated.” He waved a hand, “I-”
His brow furrowed, swallowing against a dry throat. “I- I can’t talk about it right now-” he cut himself off and drew his beer closer, taking a long pull from the bottle and then running his thumb over his lower lip. Michael looked concerned, and Alex felt a rush which had him lowering his eyes to the table, to breathe and remind himself that losing himself in Michael - though tempting - didn’t take away what he was trying to hide from. And Michael deserved more than that, he deserved the Alex from ten years ago, or maybe some fantasy Alex that was slightly better at handling emotional issues than viewing everything like a fight.
“Sorry,” he said after a moment, shifting his foot under the table so it was resting against Michael’s, the contact present and grounding and everything Alex needed to be except enough.
He could have died. That was the first thing that came to Michael’s mind. It scared him shitless. But Alex hadn’t died, he was right here in front of Michael, struggling to talk about what happened. Which Michael couldn’t blame him for. And he certainly wasn’t going to make Alex talk about it anymore. He just wanted to make Alex feel better. To take away that hurt.
That was when Michael couldn’t control his impulses anymore. Before he knew what he was doing his hand reached out for Alex’s. His bad hand, not that he consciously chose his left hand. It was just the one that didn’t have a beer in it. From across the table he took Alex’s free hand, his thumb running along the back of his hand, trying to soothe him.
“It’s okay,” Michael said letting his eyes lock onto Alex. “You don’t have to talk about it.” A pause. Michael briefly debated whether or not to say his next second. But fuck it, he was going to say what was on his mind. “I’m just glad you are here.”
Alex’s eyes cut up to Michael when the other grabbed his hand and his arm tensed slightly, like just for a fraction of a second he was going to pull away but he didn’t, instead he just looked at Michael’s hand and curled his fingers around Michael’s, squeezing gently and taking the comfort for what it was.
“I- It’s okay, just not the most fun of conversation topics,” he offered, trying to brush off the clawing panic he’d felt as something much lighter than it was. He didn’t move to let go of Michael’s hand though he knew they would need to part so they could keep eating.
He swallowed, nodding his head and gently squeezing Michael’s fingers again. “Me too,” he confessed. Since it had been touch and go for a while. “I- yeah, got an appointment next week to get the last of the stitches out or whatever, so I just gotta see how that goes.”
Michael gave a small nod. He understood where Alex was coming from completely. It wasn’t like he exactly like talking about his past either. Hell he had never told a soul how he broke his hand. Not even Max.
“Then we don’t have to talk about it,” Michael replied lips curling up into a small, what he hoped was reassuring smile. And he sure as hell didn’t removed his hand from Alex’s. He couldn’t. Not yet.
Of course he wanted to know what happened when Alex went to get the stitches out. But he had just said they didn’t have to talk about it. So he wasn’t going to ask. “So,” Michael said giving Alex’s hand a small squeeze as he tried to think of a new topic. “You still talk to anyone from high school?”
Alex lifted his shoulder, “Not really? I stayed in touch with Kyle,” he couldn’t help the way his expression shifted slightly, fondness crossing his features when he thought about Kyle. He’d seen him between his first and second tours when he’d swung home for a couple of weeks. He’d crashed on Kyle’s couch.
His lips twitched up and he squeezed Michael’s hand once more for good measure before he let go and picked up his beer, rolling it between his palms and blowing out a breath. “Cell service isn’t exactly great out there.” He chuckled, “You?”
Michael noticed Alex’s expression change. He couldn’t help but be relieved. He hated seeing Alex in so much pain. Clearly the subject he picked had been a good change.
There weren’t many people Michael remembered from high school, mostly because he was never at a school for long before he moved to the next one. All the faces blurred together. However, he had been at the same high school with Alex for over a year. So yeah, he remembered Kyle. Not that he had all that much interaction with the guy, but he knew he was important to Alex.
“Yeah?” Michael asked trying not to keep the frown off his face when Alex pulled away. He quickly made his hand busy picking up the container of orange chicken. “You guys have been close for a long time,” he commented picking up the fork that was already in the container and taking another bite.
“Which school?” Michael joked before truly answering Alex’s question. “Just Max and Isobel,” he replied putting down the orange chicken in favor for a sip of beer. Because thinking about them required a drink. Michael had somehow become the middle man between the two over the years and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“Well, we did grow up together,” Alex pointed out with a wry chuckle as he lifted his beer to his lips. “Haven’t seen him yet though.” Which wasn’t a lie; he hadn’t really made an effort to see anyone. He’d just sort of come back and retreated because that was safer. Kyle would kick his ass for it when they eventually ran into each other, but it was also weirdly fitting that the first person he ran into was Michael.
His eyebrow lifted, watching the play across Michael’s face and feeling like there was probably a story there but he didn’t push. If Michael wanted to talk, he would. “I don’t really think it’s uncommon to lose touch with your high school friends,” he offered, digging back into his food. “S’what’s it like where you work? Do you have good colleagues?”
Why did the fact that Alex hadn’t seen Kyle yet, but had seen him twice now make Michael’s stomach do a little flip? It probably didn’t mean anything. They had run into each other after all. But still Alex had wanted to come over tonight. It seemed like he wanted to see him. Michael was probably reading too much into it. He just hadn’t gotten around to seeing Kyle yet. That was all. It didn’t mean anything that he had made time to see Michael.
“He’s still around?” Michael asked instead. Orange County was a big place. Michael hadn’t seen Kyle since he left for Irvine High.
He was grateful Alex didn’t ask much more about Max and Isobel. Even if he wanted to talk about it, it wasn’t his place to share their business. “The guys I work with are alright,” Michael replied. “Jim doesn’t come around much anymore,” Michael paused figuring he should explain who Jim was. “He owns the shop. Taught me everything I know right out of high school.” A pause while he took another sip of beer. “Somehow I’ve become friendly with this girl who owns another shop.”
“Maybe? I don’t know, he was in med school last time I saw him.” Kyle could have gone anywhere, so Alex wasn’t sure if he was still around or if he’d even come home. He probably had done, Kyle was attached to his family and had always had a drive to do the Right Thing, so he was probably around being a paediatric doctor or something. He sighed heavily, that actually made him a really shitty friend.
He rubbed the back of his neck and focused on Michael, nodding his head and smiling a little. “Sounds like you’ve got a good set up.” Of course, a mock gasp followed when Michael said he had another friend. “Another friend? Guerin, I’m heartbroken.” He leaned his elbow on the counter, “What’s she like?”
“Med school, huh? That’s impressive.” He never pictured Kyle becoming a doctor back in high school. But then what did he know. He barely knew the guy. People grew up. Changed.
“I know,” Michael replied taking another bite of food. “Who would have thought I’d become so popular.” Clearly a joke. “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “She’s like anyone I guess. Likes cars. Likes to drink. We don’t exactly have deep heart to hearts.”
Alex chuckled, “Yeah, I’m gonna have to schedule any hang out time with you two weeks in advance huh,” he teased. “It’s good that you have friends, though, people to hang out with and stuff.” And it was. Alex needed to go back to that, see who was still around, see if there was anyone here that he knew from before, or elsewhere, since this place was kind of a melting pot for people.
He rubbed the side of his head again and finshed off his beer, levering himself to his feet to grab another for himself, and for Michael. “When’s your next free socialising slot?”
Michael grinned, his stomach doing another flip. “Already trying to see me again?” he joked accepting the beer, letting his fingers brush against Alex’s a little longer than necessary.
“For you?” he wanted to say tomorrow. But that was probably too soon. He didn’t want to smother Alex. Even though since he came back every minute without him felt like hours. And it had only been two days.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Guerin?
“I could make some time this weekend,” he finally finished, popping the top off his beer and taking a swig.
Alex eased himself back down onto the chair, “I mean, I could not but since we’re meant to be apartment hunting this weekend, I’m glad you can carve a little extra time to go grab a bite to eat afterwards.” He leaned back, stretched his left leg out under the table and tipped his beer towards Michael in a half-salute. “This weekend it is. We can go grab something to eat after trying not to murder realtors.”
Michael bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from saying ’Sounds like a date.’ “I’d say your treat. But you already bought tonight’s dinner. This weekend’s on me.”