Mieczyslaw "Stiles" Stilinski (sarcasticfriend) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-01-26 17:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, noah stilinski, stiles stilinski |
Who: Noah Stilinski and Stiles Stilinski
Where: Home sweet home
When: Saturday morning
What: Noah’s feeling a little maudlin after dreams
Status: Complete
Warnings: Language, talk of death
The photograph album had shown up a little before Christmas, but Noah had decided to keep it to himself until he knew more about the life it showed him, his son and his wife leading in Beacon Hills. It still hurt, even if it wasn’t a life he’d led, to know that Claudia had died - twice. Once in the car accident he remembered so vividly and again, in his dreams. Noah knew his son had been dreaming a lot lately, as had Cisco, but his own dreams seemed more slow and painful. He remembered, with horror, Stiles coming to the murder scene in the woods. Noah shouldn’t have allowed him anywhere near that… and yet a part of him knew his son could handle pretty much anything. When the door opened and he heard his son’s unmistakeable bustling he called out, “Stiles, can I have a moment of your time?” Noah wasn’t sure whether it had been the drunk driver the night before that had brought his emotions to the fore or just the dreams, either way he wanted to see how his kid was doing and the need to check in with him had become almost visceral. * Stiles had no idea the things that his dad had been holding back. He thought it was just himself and Cisco having all of the dreams because that’s how it seemed. Nobody else mentioned them, which, hey, no fair. Why did he and Cisco have to suffer? Since he didn’t have to go to school or anything this morning, he had decided to go out and stock up on his junk food. What he didn’t expect was to come home and have his dad want to talk to him. About what? He had no idea. He walked over the couch and sat down while setting the bag of snacks on the floor. “What’s up?” * It wasn’t Noah’s style to bother his kid with his problems, at least, not under normal circumstances. That he’d had dreams of his own didn’t compare to the stuff the kids seemed to be going through and the last thing they needed was to have to worry about this old fart. Still, Noah was concerned about Stiles’ state of mind, given that he likely as not knew about Claudia’s death too. “Figured you and me should have a talk, is all,” he said as he patted the seat beside him. “I got this,” Noah said as he looked down at the photo album on his lap, “thought you might want to see it too.” Or talk about what it said about the lives they were supposed to have led in this ‘other world’. * “Okay…” Stiles still had no idea what this was about until he followed his dad’s eyes right down to the photo album that he had in his lap. At first he didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t the first time he had seen his dad looking at old pictures. But this was different. He could already see that when he finally got a good look at the pictures. He hadn’t seen those before, which could only mean one thing. “You got this when you had a dream, didn’t you?” * When Stiles slid down into the seat, Noah put his arm around his shoulders. As much for his own emotional support as his kid’s. He watched as Stiles started to look more closely at the pictures and when the inevitable question came he nodded. “I’ve had it a while,” Noah told him, feeling as though he’d betrayed his son’s trust keeping it from him. “I didn’t know if I should share it with you but as you’ve been having dreams lately too, I figured you knew enough that we should at least have a conversation about it,” he said looking into Stiles’ eyes. * Okay, Stiles was seriously wondering what his dad dreamed because he was being way too…emotional? Fatherly? Something. “How long is a while?” he asked, glancing over at his dad. “I’ve been having dreams for months. But you already knew that since I haven’t exactly been keeping it a secret.” The minute he had one, he had jumped onto the network and mentioned it and it pretty much hadn’t stopped since. “What’s going on? You’re being…weird.” Why did it feel like it was more than just about the dreams? He hoped he was just reading his dad wrong right now because he really didn’t want to hear any kind of bad news. * “This showed up a little before Christmas,” Noah admitted, knowing Stiles would likely be a little pissed off that he’d kept it from him for quite this long. “I figured you kids had enough to deal with with your own dreams without dragging mine into it too,” he said looking down at the book in his hands. “Last night I got called to an accident,” Noah said with a look Stiles’ way. “Brought up a lotta memories and then I couldn’t ignore this any longer.” Was he really being that weird? Huh. Maybe he was, but then he and Stiles didn’t often talk about Claudia because it was too painful. “Starting to feel like I lost your mother twice,” he said feeling a little choked up, which was crazy because Noah had grieved enough already. * “Seriously?” It had been that long since his dad had gotten this thing? “Well, you’re in my dreams too. You don’t have to hold back just because we’re all dreaming.” He glanced down at the album again and then looked back up at his dad when he started talking again. “Oh…” And now he knew why he was dad was acting like this. “Because of the accident or because of the dream life?” He had to ask. It could be one or the other or both. He knew how he felt when the dreams started and when he started to get all of these new dream memories. It sucked. Because it brought up his mom even though dream him lost her in a whole different way. It still sucked either way. * “Cause I can’t keep a secret for more than a second?” he asked looking at his son with amusement. “I think you’ll find that’s you, son,” Noah told him with a grin. Still maybe he should have told Stiles about this album sooner. “You guys don’t need my troubles on top of everything else,” he said with a sigh and when he watched the reaction on Stiles’ face as he checked out the album he figured he’d made the right decision. “Maybe a little of both,” Noah admitted with a look down at the face of his gorgeous wife. “Drunk drivers always do it for me and then meeting your doppelganger at the scene, it was strange.” That he’d had a series of increasingly grizzly dreams really put the icing on the cake and though he knew Stiles would happily listen to any and all of his problems it just felt unfair to pile it on to him. “You’ve had dreams about your Mom to, huh?” Noah asked with a frown. * “I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.” When he needed to that was. Like, he definitely wasn’t going to tell his dad about the way Scott lost a bit of control during the super-blood-eclipse moon and how he was wearing the marks and bruises to show it. “You shouldn’t have to keep the weird dreams to yourself. I know I would crazy if I couldn’t tell anyone about them.” Okay, that was a little surprising. “You met Mitch?” Was he like the only one who hadn’t met this guy face to face yet? It seemed like it. “Well, yeah, I have. I also know dream her died differently and that dream me was there when it happened.” He left out the bit that his dream dad also drank a little too much because of it. He was pretty sure his dad would either get to dream all of that himself or he already knew. * “That isn’t nearly as reassuring as you think it is,” Noah answered as he looked at his son with a frown. He’d much rather believe his kid just let it all hang out and didn’t care who heard, that way he wouldn’t have to worry what was going on in Stiles’ life. “You and Cisco have been hit pretty hard by the dreams lately,” he said by way of explanation and as much as he hated to say it Noah felt he should be able to deal with this stuff alone. He was the grown-up, wasn’t he? “Heard about Mitch, huh?” well that shouldn’t surprise him given that Stiles seemed to live online! “He said he’d met Lydia,” Noah told his son, “so I’m sure you’ll meet him at some point. He seems like a good kid,” though maybe ‘kid’ wasn’t entirely appropriate given he seemed so much older than Stiles, even if in actuality he wasn’t more than a few years older. Noah looked away, unable to meet Stiles’ eyes as he talked about Claudia’s dream-death and everything that came from it. “Not the best side of me, huh?” he finally looked up at Stiles. “You know I keep turning it over and over in my mind, wondering which would have been the better way to lose your Mom if I had to - to know it was coming or for it to have been a shock,” he pulled his son close, “and I can’t decide because they’re both awful ways to go and I know leaving us behind would have torn her apart,” Noah said trying not to choke up. * “No? I thought it was. But we all know I’m mostly an open book.” He didn’t keep too many secrets since he really didn’t have too many to keep. “Yeah, we have. Cisco worse than me. But still, you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep your dream weirdness to yourself.” They were supposed to be taking care of each other. That’s how Stiles thought. Even his dream self thought the same way. “Yes, I did. His friend, Jaz, was spoke to me.” And then there was the whole Lydia thing too. “Yeah, they went for ice cream. I made her bring me some,” he said, smiling. “Probably. Especially if Lydia is going to keep hanging out with him.” Then he had no doubt that he would meet the guy at some point. The smile he had was gone and he shrugged a little. “It’s not really you.” This conversation sucked. It always sucked. But even more so now they had two versions of her death in their heads. One had been enough, now they got to suffer twice as much and it was why he avoided this topic whenever possible. “Both suck,” he said right before he was pulled close. “But the dream way seems like a slow torture for everyone. Quick is better.” He was trying to hold back the emotions, but he was never really good at it when it came to his mom. Holding back the tears was pretty much a losing battle. “I miss her.” * “It’s the ‘mostly’ that concerns me, son,” Noah told him with a smile. “A whole lotta mischief can get hidden in a ‘mostly’,” he knew, he’d spent most of his youth being ‘mostly’ good. Stiles might think he should talk about everything he was going through but really, was it entirely appropriate? “Maybe you’re right,” he said giving his son a squeeze of appreciation. “I think I’ll stick to waiting for the right time, though,” Noah told Stiles with a small smile. “Don’t want you guys having more than you can handle because of me.” Mitch had mentioned Jaz in the bar, “so you’re winning friends and influencing people all over town still?” he said with an affectionate smile, “and getting ice-cream too? How come I didn’t get ice-cream?” Noah asked with a small pout. “I think you’ll like Mitch, he seems like a good guy,” he said with a nod, “though it was a helluva shock showing up to the accident and seeming him there.” Was the guy in the dreams that much different to the man that sat here right now? What if he’d had to watch Claudia die the way she had in their dreams? Maybe Noah would have sunk even deeper than he had. “I’m here for you,” was the best he could come up with. Stiles was the only thing that had got him through Claudia’s death because Noah knew he couldn’t give up, even when he’d wanted to most. “Yeah, losing your Mom was the hardest thing we’ve ever been through,” he agreed as he pulled Stiles closer, watching as the tears formed in his eyes. “I miss her too, son,” he felt himself choking the words out and didn’t care that Stiles saw him cry. It was grief shared. “I think your Mom was lucky here,” he said looking down at the photographs of their family, “but we were lucky too because we got to spend so much time with her.” Not enough, but it would never be enough. * “Would you really want to know everything?” Stiles asked a small smirk crossing his lips. He knew his dad wouldn’t want to know. Especially after that night of him walking in on Stiles’ little threesome. Some things just did not need to be shared with his dad. “I’m pretty sure we can handle more than you think we can. Just don’t keep it all bottled up to yourself for long.” Stiles nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!” He should have known his dad would have been asking about the ice cream. “You weren’t here,” he told him. “So? Is he my one look-a-like in the world? Since, you know, everyone has one.” He knew that. He didn’t need to be told that. They were pretty much there for one another no matter what. Yep, he definitely couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “I wish she had been lucky enough to survive…” He wiped the tears with the sleeve of his hoodie and started to pull away. He was done staring down at that photo album. Mostly he just wanted to move on from this conversation. * Okay, from the way Stiles smile Noah knew, in that moment, that he could do without all the details in his kid’s life. “I think we probably share just about enough already,” he answered with a wry shake of his head. “Let’s be honest, what you don’t tell me I can mostly hear anyway,” Noah pointed out. “Really should soundproof your room…” he muttered under his breath. So Stiles was going to give him the talking to that he’d given his son countless times in the past, huh? “You turning the tables on me and being the adult in the room is freaking me out,” he told him, though he hugged him all the same. “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t have put it in the freezer for later,” Noah pointed out, “it’s a perfectly good freezer, just right for storing ice-cream for your old man to come home to.” Yeah, he was teasing Stiles, but it was just the way the were with one another. “As far as I know I’ve not run into any other yous,” Noah said, “and here I thought you were the one and only that broke the mould.” Guess again! “If you run into mine maybe tell him to go to the gym more, huh?” he said with a grin, “that way I can pretend I’m working out and you can get off my case.” There were no words Noah could say that would make what had happened better. There was always going to be this Claudia-shaped hole in their lives that would never be filled and somehow they’d bear it, because the alternative was too terrible to contemplate. “Me too, son,” he said as he closed the album and pulled his son into a tight hug. “She gave me you and it’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given,” Noah told him giving the top of his head a quick kiss and letting him go. “She’ll always be with us,” he pointed to Stiles’ heart, “right here, where it matters.” And now he had to change the subject before he broke down fully. “So, this feels like a pizza night, am I right?” * “Are you sure?” Stiles was smirking. “This is true. You could always do what Cisco does. Put on noise canceling headphones.” Yep, he still had no shame about any of that. “It always freaks you out when it happens. You should be used to it by now.” He hugged back when he was hugged. There seemed to be a lot of hugging today. “Yeah, but I didn’t go out and buy it. I honestly didn’t think Lydia was going to do it when I told her to bring me some.” So he was highly surprised when she had shown up with his ice cream of choice. “There’s still only one me.” He laughed. “I don’t think it works that way.” Just when he thought he was getting away, he was getting pulled in for another hug. Another thigh hug. He held his breath for a moment and then pulled away when the hug was over with. “Yeah, I know…” He glanced down and then back up again. “Yeah, sounds like it,” he said, glad that they were moving on. * “Never been more sure of anything in my life,” Noah answered with a small shudder as Stiles smirked at his discomfort. “Huh, always knew that kid was smart. Maybe I should get Cisco to hook me up with a pair of them too,” he said with a frown. The headphones sounded like a good step, until he could soundproof the damn room, anyway! “And yet I’m never going to get used to it,” Noah told his son affectionately. “I’m so used to feeling as though I need to protect you that I forget you’re a man in your own right,” and maybe he was doing Stiles a disservice there. “So you’ve found your own delivery service now, have you?” Noah gave him an amused look, “and yet you still didn’t cut your old man in on the deal. I have failed in my duty as your father,” he said with a dramatic sigh. “Got that right, Stiles,” he gave his hair a ruffle, mostly because he knew his kid hated it. “Damn, so you’ll still be nagging me to get healthy, even if my doppelganger’s all over the granola-bars?” Noah slipped his arm from Stiles’ shoulders and rummaged on the table beside the sofa for the pizza flyer. “Here. Knock yourself out,” he said with a smile. “Maybe get enough for the rest, too? Cause we wouldn’t want them complaining we left them out, would we? Damn ice-cream bandit,” Noah muttered under his breath as he took the precious album back to his room and slid it under the bed with the rest of his mementos. |