Ilia Amitola is color coded for your convenience (amitola) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2019-01-01 14:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, chloe price, ilia amitola |
Who: Rainbow Price
What: Having the “What are we” talk, plus learning some things about Ilia
When: 1 January 2019
Where: Their usual place
Warnings: References to sexual relations
Status: Log | Complete
The latest dream had...been something. Fighting Blake. Finally admitting that she didn’t know what else to do, the faltering. Nearly dying. Fennec dying, and finally making the decision to switch sides and stopping Corsac and breaking down after it all. Of uncertainly leaving the Manor… Ilia didn’t really know what to make of it. She just knew that her emotions were all over the place and while she probably could see about an emergency appointment with Russian Josh Groban, she wasn’t completely sold on that yet and so she ended up at the train tracks, just walking along them absently.
That day, she was in tight jeans, a mesh long sleeved shirt over a bra, and then a jacket and ankle boots, her hair up in the familiar ponytail of the dreams, whip at her hip. Pausing as she felt someone behind her, Ilia spun and was ready to fight before realizing it was Chloe and letting out a slow breath, tension immediately leaving her shoulders.
“Hey.”
Chloe’s dreams were stupidly mundane, and basically a mirror of her actual life. She wasn’t exactly sure she liked her dreams being that close of a mirror to her life, but she couldn’t do anything about it. She had a feeling she knew what would happen in her dreams. Eventually Rachel would leave, and she had to wonder just what would happen then. Would she leave Arcadia Bay and end up here and meet someone else? Either way, she’d find out sooner or later.
But for now, Chloe had needed to get out, so she’d been walking along the train tracks, contemplating various things and just generally letting her mind wander and let herself forget about her real world worries for a bit. She hadn’t completely been aware of much until she’d noticed movement up ahead. Chloe stopped long enough to see that it was Ilia. Smiling, she headed up to her, though was a little surprised when Ilia spun around like that. Still, she smiled at her.
“Hey. Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you there.”
Never sneak up on someone who had been kidnapped and trained to be an assassin, where it could have been a lot worse had she not been found when she had been. Even so, seeing that it was Chloe who had been behind her, Ilia had instantly relaxed. Or well, was as relaxed as she would ever be in the current situation. So she shook her head with a slight smile.
“It’s fine. I was lost in thought and not aware of my surroundings.”
Again, not something that happened all that much after the Red Room and everything that had happened. Ilia was always aware of her surroundings and always ready to fight if she had to. It was one of the things she was working on. One of many.
Of course, Chloe hadn’t thought she was sneaking up on anyone. She hadn’t been trying to be quiet. And most of the time, she was more like a herd of elephants when she walked. Chloe was hardly the stealthy type. But it was what it was.
And what Ilia actually said caught her attention more than anything else. She liked to think that she knew Ilia enough to know that she was always aware of her surroundings. It had been pushed to an extreme ever since she’d been kidnapped and brainwashed, but it had always been there.
“Is everything alright?” She asked. She gave Ilia an out with the question. If she didn’t want to talk about it, she wouldn’t force it out of her. But if she did, Chloe was more than willing to listen.
Normally Ilia would push the question aside because her issues were just that, hers. So it wasn’t like they mattered. But Chloe was one of the few people she felt comfortable actually opening up to. Especially with all the questions she had floating in her head. And given she had been lost in thought? It was a sign that something was definitely wrong.
“I don’t know….”
Sighing, Ilia tugged on her ponytail.
“That’s all I feel. Confusion. Like I don’t know who I am… or what I’m doing. Mostly from the dreams but the way they seem so familiar…”
She didn’t like it.
Chloe could definitely tell that something was off. So even if Ilia had deflected, she would’ve still known something was wrong. She may not have pushed the issue immediately, but it would’ve been something she’d have pushed at some point.
“Familiar as in how the dreams sometimes mirror things in this life?” She wanted clarification on that before she went about putting her foot in her mouth or something. “Sometimes the dreams are so real it’s hard to separate them from our waking life.”
Or as far as Chloe’s went, they were exactly the same as her waking life. Sometimes she didn’t actually know if she was having Dreams or just dreaming about things that had happened in Tillamook. Except for the fact in her Dreams, she lived in Arcadia Bay.
Ilia nodded some and sighed in frustration.
“No matter where I am, I’m just being used by someone for their own purposes. The gang back in Arkansas. The fucking Red Room or whatever they call themselves here. The White Fang in the Dreams. Always a foot soldier. I just….”
Shaking her head, Ilia clenched her fists. She hated it. She hated not knowing.
“I mean at least in the Dreams I finally said it, that I don’t know what else to do and now I don’t know anything and it’s just….ugh.” So articulate. But while Ilia was always blunt and told the truth, she tended to struggle with putting things into words sometimes. Especially in situations like this.
Putting things into words wasn’t always easy, so Chloe let Ilia take the time she needed to say what she needed to say. Chloe wanted to fight everyone that had ever used Ilia like that. Those people were the real assholes in the world. She hated people like that, especially when people did things like that to people she cared about.
“I’m glad that you got to say it in the Dreams. I know there’s a lot of shit you’re dealing with, but you aren’t alone. I’m here for you, and I may be shit at actually helping people, but you definitely deserve better people in your life than all of those assholes who only saw you as a tool and not as the amazing and badass person I see.”
It wasn’t a confession, but Chloe was honest in her opinion of people. And she had a high opinion of Ilia.
Ilia understood on some level what Chloe was saying. They had seemed to have that instant understanding from the moment they met and yet right now?
“And us? What are we? I mean….you make me feel….feel something more than anger and I think you do but I just...am I reading us wrong too? Is it just something fun for you because I don't think I can keep it like that….so if I'm wrong just tell me now.”
It had been fine before. But with all the confusion she felt about herself, she needed to know where she and Chloe stood. Officially.
And then Ilia cut to the chase. It may not have been the initial point of the conversation, but it was a topic that Chloe had been dancing around for a while. She’d long since realized that she liked Ilia, but she was afraid of saying as much. Given that the people she’d been closest to in her life, her dad, Max and Rachel, all abandoned her (well, her dad died but he still wasn’t there), she was afraid that if she got too close to Ilia that she’d leave too. Or something bad would happen and take Ilia from her.
But when confronted with the question, Chloe definitely wasn’t going to lie. She couldn’t lie, especially about something so important. And, well, given what Ilia said, Chloe was just going to jump in with both feet.
“I definitely like you. As more than a friend. This is definitely not just something that’s fun. I want to be more serious. Like. You know...being more than friends.” And now it was Chloe’s turn to be flustered and not have a complete hold on language. But this was how she got in these situations.
It might not have been the initial point of the conversation, but with everything going on in Ilia’s mind, the confusion and not knowing of anything and how that left her feeling, it was more logical a jump than might have been initially acknowledged. Because it was something for her to hold onto, something for her to know when everything else was in shambles.
Admittedly Ilia had put it together after she got back from Russia that there was more there for her than just friends or having fun. If that was all it was, the memory of Chloe wouldn’t have been strong enough to keep her from giving in before she finally had been worn down. She wouldn’t have been something for her to fight for.
So she nodded.
“I’d like that, too. I mean, I’ve never…done this. Being with someone….but I want it, I really do. I want it with you specifically.”
In the Dreams she had loved Blake but had never told her because she was in love with Adam and the most important thing to her had been having Blake in her life at all, so she had dealt with it, especially as she hadn’t known the truth of what the relationship with Adam had been. She had the cause after all. But here? Here there was none of that. And with knowing the Chloe was on the same page as her, some of the tension left her body and Ilia found herself relaxing more.
It was more than a little terrifying to say it outloud, that she wanted to be with Ilia, but Chloe wasn’t one to deny how she felt about someone when confronted with it. She was just deathly afraid that she’d end up losing Ilia. After all, she always lost the people she cared about. Her dad had died. Max had left and stopped talking to her. Rachel had also left without a word. Of course, she’d found Rachel again, but the damage had been done there.
But Chloe did desperately want to be happy, to have something good in her life. She may not always treasure it the way she should given her depression and suicidal tendencies, but if Ilia was still willing to be with her despite those drawbacks? That meant the world to her.
She couldn’t help a grin that spread across her face when Ilia echoed her sentiment. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I mean, I’m not exactly the best at being with someone either. My only other girlfriend left me without a word, so.” While she now knew it was because Mark was a controlling and manipulative asshole, it hadn’t stopped Chloe from wondering what she’d done to drive Rachel away.
Being happy seemed like such a foreign concept for Ilia. She could have fun, even relax. She had people she was beginning to open up to and trust. But actual happiness and being with someone? Actually being with someone that was instead of just having sex as distractions and hanging out but with meaning to it? That was all new and scary. But a good scary.
Enough so that she smiled. Shyly in a way, but it was one of those moments of vulnerability that Ilia really only seemed to let Chloe see. And it was much better than the confusion and questions swirling in her head from the Dreams and everything she’d been dealing with. Including her concern for Weiss of all people.
“Then we can figure this out together.” Which was fine by her. And Ilia was all too familiar with what it was like to have people just leave. True that was more Blake just leaving in the Dreams but there had been some in the gang in Arkansas who had done the same and it all left a mark. But right now she wasn’t thinking about that. Just that she and Chloe were on the same page and both wanted this to be official.
This was frightening territory for Chloe, but she didn’t want her fear of getting hurt stop her from pursuing something with Ilia. And it was refreshing that they both were on the same page and that Chloe wasn’t reading things wrong or getting too emotionally attached. Because if Ilia hadn’t wanted a relationship, it would’ve hurt. That realization alone was a little frightening, but that’s what it was like when you cared about someone.
The smile on Ilia’s face only made Chloe’s smile widen. She liked it when Ilia smiled. And she just hoped that she could make her smile more as time went on.
“I’m hella down for that.” Then she briefly wondered what to do next. But she knew that she really wanted to kiss Ilia, as a sort of sealing the official beginning of the relationship. It felt like the right thing to do, so Chloe closed the distance between them, lifting a hand to Ilia’s cheek and leaned down to give her a kiss.
Frightening territory was definitely one way of describing it. It was frightening in a completely different way from what Ilia was used to but she also couldn’t complain because it was a good type of frightening. They both had suffered so much already, didn’t they deserve a chance at being happy? Didn’t they get a chance to try? It was something she was supposed to be working on, not just guarding herself with anger. Besides, Ilia had already known that she was getting in too deep. That she was getting to a point where she couldn’t just keep it casual.
A sealing the deal type kiss was a good way to go and she tilted her head up and returned the kiss, pressing into Chloe as she did so. Both to seek warmth but also because, well, it was natural. There was more to this kiss though, a deepness and new meaning as they redefined what they were. A kiss with a promise and yearning for more. Of actually being happy despite everything going on.
The kiss was different, and Chloe pulled Ilia close to her. She put her own feelings into the kiss, wanting to show Ilia how she felt. Because words were just words. Chloe tended to respond better to actions considering she knew people lied. Not that she thought Ilia was lying because she obviously wasn’t, but Chloe put more stock in actions than words.
And it didn’t just stop at a kiss, either. While sex had been something they’d done before, it felt different this time. Chloe had noticed how cold Ilia felt, but she hadn’t really stopped to question it. After all, they were outside, though she’d long since stopped paying attention to the world around them. No one ever came out here, save for them, anyways so there wasn’t any danger of other people stumbling upon them.
Though it was perhaps with the fervor of wanting to warm Ilia up paired with her passion and emotions that drove her to push Ilia to an orgasm. She wanted to blow her mind, to use her own body heat and the heat generated between them to warm her girlfriend up.
It was true, sometimes words were only words and they meant nothing in the long run. Okay, most of the time. After all, actions speak louder than words. But it was something Ilia well understood and she understood what it was Chloe was conveying. What she herself was conveying back. There was no denying it though, this was a different kiss from before.
Weather and the world around them meant nothing to Ilia, not in that moment. No. She was far too caught up in the feelings and sensations that Chloe was causing her to feel. Not that Ilia was letting her girlfriend do all the work? Oh no, definitely not. She wanted Chloe to feel just how she did.
There were so many things at play, so many emotions both from before and her confusion and feeling of being lost as well as what Chloe was making her feel. Her breathing became shorter as she urged her girlfriend to continue before crying out and her back arching as she reached her orgasm.
But it wasn’t just that. No. While Ilia had begun to feel that the coldness was in fact because of her chameleon characteristics coming into play (it had been too long to be shock), another factor seemed to break. The ability to change color based on what she was feeling and oh was Ilia feeling a lot, though the colors seemed to settle with her skin changing to pink, freckles to red, and hair to purple. Love and tenderness and vulnerability. Passion and release. Not that Ilia was aware of that fact. At the moment she was gasping to catch her breath.
Everything that Ilia was doing to her was overwhelming, but Chloe loved it. Chloe seemed to thrive on emotion, and right now, right here with Ilia, she felt truly alive. And she wanted Ilia to feel that as well. Ilia crying out as she orgasmed was all it took for Chloe to hit her own orgasm, her voice rising in chorus with Ilia’s.
It took several moments as she was catching her breath and calming down before she thought she noticed something about Ilia. She blinked and looked at her girlfriend, initially wondering if she was seeing things, but when the colors were still there after Chloe had shaken her head a little and some of the initial buzz had left it, she could see that Ilia was different colors. Her skin, freckles and hair were all different colors. It was almost like she was a rainbow.
“You uh...you changed colors,” she commented. The tone of her voice and the look on her face weren’t judging or scared or anything of that sort. Quite the opposite. Chloe was fascinated. It was weird and unexpected, but it didn’t put her off. Her girlfriend changed colors. That was kind of awesome.
Emotion was a something Ilia often had to keep under wraps lest she be seen as aggressive and a threat for daring to show emotion that wasn't polite and deference. And Ilia wasn’t good at that. In the dreams she had even more need to keep her emotions under control given the fact she had been told to hide her faunus traits which meant control her emotions.
At first she didn’t quite hear what Chloe said as she was coming down from the high of her orgasm but as the words registered, Ilia missed the lack of disgust or fear in Chloe’s voice and sat up and looked at her girlfriend anxiously. She had known this was likely to happen, but why did it have to happen now and god what if Chloe decided it was too much and….
“Um. Yeah. Dream thing. Guess it decided to cross over….” Uncertain and afraid, the colors seemed to shift to variances of blue.
Flustered
When Ilia sat up, it was easy to see how anxious she was about it. Luckily for her, Chloe was definitely not the judging type. Not on something like this. She’d only judge when people were being assholes and so forth. But people having powers or being able to change colors? Totally fine in her book.
She sat up and looked at Ilia. “I think it’s kind of cool, actually.” The shift of colors to the variances of blue was interesting and she had to look them over. Chloe tentatively reached out and brushed her fingertips against Ilia’s shoulder, curious as to if the color change changed the texture of her skin at all.
“Are you a superhero or something?” She asked, genuinely curious as to how Ilia was able to change colors like this.
And that was an unexpected comment as Ilia was used to facing hatred and fear because of being a Faunus. At least when it was revealed. And then when she was in the White Fang because she had let her anger be manipulated and turned to terrorism in some idiotic attempt to gain justice.
“You do?”
Still, the freckles turned pink as she flushed again. As for being a superhero?
“Hardly. I’m a Faunus. It means I have animal traits. Mine are those of a chameleon. So unable to retain body heat or...changing colors depending on my emotions.”
Chloe could definitely be unexpected at times. Sure, Orange County had prepared her for there being people who weren’t human and weird things happened, but even with that, Chloe was pretty accepting of things. Especially where those she cared about were concerned.
“Yeah, I do.”
The freckles turning pink caught her attention and she trailed a finger over one of them. She couldn’t help but to smile as she looked back at Ilia.
“A chameleon? That’s definitely pretty cool. Can you change colors at will or is it just connected to your emotions?” She was curious and that definitely seemed like a useful trait to have if Ilia could control it.
Ilia let out a slow breath as Chloe verified that yes, she thought it was cool and that meant she wouldn’t run from there thinking her a freak or something. Her girlfriend might be pretty accepting of things but somethings could just be too much and while she tried to hide her fears behind her anger, Ilia had worried this would be one such thing whenever it crossed over.
“Not sure here. This is the first time it’s happened…. But in the dreams it seems I can change at will as needed but there’s always the risk of it happening if my emotions are too strong.” And given how deeply she felt things, the fact she could control it at all was impressive.
Chloe was surprising in many ways, really. She looked like a punk that gave no fucks and would sooner fuck someone up than be kind, but she really had a big heart. She just pretended like she was a huge bad ass, though she had her moments of being a bad ass. Even before coming to Orange County, she was extremely tolerant of people and accepting of most everything. She hated closed-minded people. And Orange County was definitely a place where one needed an open mind lest they be driven insane by all the goings-on in the area.
“I see. But hey, that’s a pretty cool ability to have. You’re like...the rainbow warrior or something.” Chloe said with a smile. She kept her fingers trailing along Ilia’s skin. She liked the contact, and she couldn’t help but like the colors.
Chloe was surprising in many ways and it was one of the things that had drawn Ilia to her. One of the reasons it seemed they’d had that instant connection that first time they met. It was why she’d been in her head while she’d been taken and able to be an anchor in all that chaos. There was so much about Chloe that drew Ilia to her and she was so used to being turned away for her different that she had worried when there was no real reason to.
So she just smiled some at the comment.
"A rainbow warrior, huh?"
Eyes amused, Ilia leaned in and kissed her girlfriend. Well this was certainly one way to start the new year.